Getting Back To Who I Was

Day 5 on the medication. Like I said in my previous post I can already feel a difference. Today Master and I were texting back and forth and were discussing such. Below is bits and pieces of said conversation and a bit of elaboration.

(Part of the reason that I'm posting this is so I don't lose it. Parts of the following conversation really meant a lot to me. If you don't want to read our conversation, you can skip towards the bottom of the post.)

Master: "So what kind of video do you want to make?"

Kitten: "Full blowjob maybe? Masturbation? I'm enjoying putting on shows for You."

Master: "Getting your exhibitionist streak back huh?..lol"

Kitten: "Yeah. I'm feeling more and more like my old self as this medication kicks in. Complaining? :-p"

Master: "Not at all."

Kitten: "My submissive wants and needs are coming back full swing as well."

Master: "Aww that's just too bad...smirks... I can rig something out of the existing pieces of rope we have to do a make shift wrist and ankle restraint without being attached to the bed. Can do all kinds of pics and vid tonight. Make my slut a camera whore :D"

Kitten: "In more ways than one apparently. You seem pleased with me lately."

Master: "Deff you are very pleasing lately."

Kitten: "Kitten is glad. I truly did miss us like this."

Master: "You're getting better every day in both the dynamic and overall in our relationship so I'm pretty damn happy with how all this is going it's like when we first got together you know?"

Kitten: "Yes Master. It means a lot to me that You said that. I feel the same way."

Master: "Well hon I always am honest with you and it feels like you are really back up to par or at least most of the way there it's like getting to know you all over again and falling in love all over again even though I already have you and own you."

As You can see through the conversation, if you read it, went from kink conversation to lovey-dovey/sappy conversation. I was grateful for both to be honest with you. Now that my rational side is kicking back in thanks to this medication, I can look back over the past year and see how much confusion and hurt emotions on both sides this was really causing. And it hurts me to think about it. But as Master told me we have to focus on the here and now. That's one thing I can always say about Him, once something is over He wipes the slate clean and moves forward. Honestly He only really does that with me, with our dynamic, and our marriage. Everyone else He holds grudges with, and it's hard to get off His "bad list". But with me, it's done, it's over, move forward.

First we'll start with the sappy stuff. I swear I almost cried when He said, "It's like getting to know you all over again and falling in love all over again even though I already have you and own you."

He put into words everything I've been feeling as my old self, the self both Master and I prefer, is coming back to the surface. I feel like we're falling in love all over again as well. And it's an amazing feeling after so many years of being together. One thing we try to do is focus on one another, and find things to do to keep things fresh, interesting, and intimate. And it seems to be working, obviously.

So my submissive side is also kicking back into full gear. While I was at work Master made two new restraints out of left over Japanese bondage rope that we had laying around. One for my wrists, and one for my ankles.

We have also recently discovered two things about the camera I bought Him two Christmases ago. First, it can do video. This is fucking awesome! We had made a short clip not that long ago of Him playing with my ass a little bit and then me sucking His cock for a little while. And since we did that we've been wanting to make more.

The second thing we found out is that while we are recording, or taking pictures, we can hook it up to the TV and watch it as we're doing whatever. Also fucking awesome.

So tonight after dinner Master hooked the camera up to the TV and put the new home made restraints on me. He then stripped down and hit record. We made a home porno of Him fucking my face, Him sitting down while I continue blowing Him, and then me sitting on His lap as He fucks me on the couch. The whole time we were doing this Master watched it on the TV as it was recording. I could have as well, but I had my eyes shut most of the time. I didn't want to get self conscious and so didn't look at the TV.

It's not that I think I look bad. But I think I need to tighten up my legs, butt and stomach. I've been doing exercises and that really is helping. Master says I look incredible, and that's wonderful. But I still think I have some work to do. Even after I get where I want to be I'm going to keep exercising just to make me feel better about myself, and keep myself looking good for my Husband.

So after He came, and I had as well, we turned off the camera and Master uploaded it to the computer.

We relaxed for a little while and I came over to Him and just put His cock in my mouth for a little while. He gave me pets as I did so, and it was so relaxing. How could I ever have forgotten how relaxing that was? To just submit in that small way, and get some affection. It was bliss.

Master wanted me to dress up for Him. I chose my assless mesh dress, and did my make-up as well. I really wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. I just want to spend the whole day with Him and keep feeling His touch, His Dominance. But unfortunately that isn't an option.

So I'll have to be a big girl, go to work, and then enjoy my submission in full force tomorrow night, like I am tonight. It's a little after 10pm now. It's time for some quality time with my Master.