Man Toys

Remember that post I did a while back about how men don't have lingerie to wear unless it's bitch gear? Well.. here's another subject that is somewhat similar.

Well today, while I was at work, Master and I got into an interesting conversation about sex toys via text. He is a very visual creature, and loves it when I masturbate in front of Him. Honestly, the need or want doesn't really kick up in my tail all that often. Part of the reason was that it kind of killed it for me, being close to an orgasm that is for all intents and purposes self made.. only to have to hold off.. ask for permission, and then once permission was granted to cum, quickly get back to where I was in my head space.

See, for me masturbating isn't like when He's eating me out or we're fucking. It takes concentration. And disrupting that to ask for permission to cum, kind of upsets that concentration. Well, a whopping seven years later and I finally admitted this to Master a couple of days ago. And He said if He would have known that He would have allowed me to just cum at will while masturbating. *blinks*

For real?

I'm an idiot. I figured since I always need permission to cum that.. well.. would stay true I guess. And asking for permission to cum at will before hand kind of kills that whole spontaneity thing we were both going for. So yeah. I should have just opened my fat mouth a long time ago. But now that I know that... I don't have to worry about it. Now when the mood strikes, game on!

But I'm getting a bit off topic here.

So anyway...

There are all these toys that a chick can use to get themselves off, or to hand to their guy (or girl) to get them off with. And now, guys are having more and more toys available to them.

And no, I'm not talking about blow up dolls. I honestly don't know how the hell those things can turn anyone on. They are like a huge, sometimes expensive, practical joke item to me.

Sometimes I would search for these "man toys" and see what was out there, thinking that it would be interesting, and possibly a huge turn on, to use them on Master or to watch Him use them.

I can't find hot things for Him to wear.. so I looked into other options.

Keeping the spice in a marriage, or in any sex life, in my opinion is healthy and usually keeps everyone happy.

So instead of looking at yet another vibrator for myself (I only have two, but still..) I started looking at toys for Him. And I found some interesting ones online. I never really looked at our local porn shops. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I'm just lazy and prefer to look from the comfort of my own home.

Master and I were going back and forth and He admitted that He had never really thought of getting anything like what I was mentioning, but said that He would be up for it, especially if it got me going.

He's such a great Master/Husband. I mean yeah, it's about Him... but He still wants me to get as much out of it as possible. I love Him.

So, once we have some free money... we can purchase one or two for Him and see how it goes. I'm pretty excited about it actually. And having talked (texted, whatever) to Master about it already has got my mind working in ways that it hasn't in far to long.

I feel that spark coming back. I feel those hinges on the cage of the beast being bent and twisted. Soon, I think and hope, it will be ripped apart and I'll be back to my old self again.

Good News, Bad News Kind of Day

Today I got a piece of great news and also a piece of horrible news.

First the great news, since that's the one I got first. Master called me while I was at work today to tell me that He has a job interview tomorrow! *screams happily* That's awesome! The last place He interviewed for, and kept putting that carrot in front of His face still hasn't gotten back to Him and it's been over a month now. So this is wonderful! It'd be third shift, so the interview is actually happening during 3rd shift hours. I doubt I'll be able to sleep while He's gone!

It being 3rd shift actually kind of rocks. Master is already a night owl, so no big deal there. And that makes the only having one car thing so much easier since I work 1st shift. He's very excited about it, because He likes 3rd shift work. He'd much rather go into work at 10pm at night rather than at 6am.

So a metric fuck ton of luck to my Husband! We really need Him to get this job. It's close to home, it's good pay, and it's something He actually wants. So hopefully this one will work out.

I'm so excited for Him! I told Him He made my day when He called, cause He totally did.

Okay, now on to the horrible news. Our friend SS sent me a text today stating that she was going to have to cancel coming over on Friday. I was a bit disappointed until I learned why.

Apparently she had to have an emergency full hysterectomy done. She went in to have an out patient surgery to have a cyst removed from her ovary, and it turned into a hell of a lot more than that. As soon as the doctor got an actual look at everything she decided to take everything out. It was that bad.

She's only in her early 30's, and she seemed perfectly healthy except for some abdominal pain. So this was quite a shock to everyone. She is still in the hospital and is being released on Friday. She'll then have to take at least four weeks off of work, and she had to cancel her trip that she was taking in two weeks.

Thankfully she has a huge support system around her, including us, and is expected to make a quick recovery.

So lots of healing vibes to SS!

So that's my news for the day. I might post again later. I don't have a lot kink wise going on in my brain right now due to the news about Master's interview and SS's surgery. But maybe something will come to mind later.

Letting Go

Master has been wanting me to be more vocal, to let go a bit more during sex, and in general.

Well last night He made that pretty easy for me.

We retired to the bedroom, and I was laying on my stomach. He flipped my outfit up and out of the way so He could finger me. I spread my legs a bit more so He could have easier access.

As He fingered me I could feel His cock swelling against my side. It's always a huge turn on when I'm not even touching Him, and He's only touching me, yet He grows hard and I can feel it against me like that.

The sex was incredible. Instead of holding anything back I let every moan just pass through my lips. I talked a little here and there, but mainly I was just in the moment and just enjoying the whole experience.

He allowed me to cum several times, and I did everything I could do make sure He enjoyed it as well. I was on all fours and bowed down for most of it, so I would snake my arm underneath myself and stroke His balls as He continued to slide in and out of me.

And then I would alternate between rubbing my clit and then pushing my arm back as far as it could go, so I could place my fingers between the base of His cock and my pussy. It gives an added sensation for Him, just outside of me, and I also enjoy feeling Him pumping into me with my hand. It's erotic, and just adds a little something.

Eventually we came together and then Master allowed me to sleep on the couch afterward.

I don't know why I sometimes hold back form making all the noises I want to, or saying something that pops into my head during sex. I know sometimes it's only because of me, and my not wanting to sound stupid.. *laughs* And other times its because I'm focusing on the noises He is making, and I don't want to miss any of it, so I keep quiet for the most part.

But that then denies Him the sounds I make that He really enjoys.

So I think last night was a step in the right direction. He seemed very pleased, and I had a wonderful body buzz going on afterward, and I fell asleep with a smile on my lips because of it.

I'm not saying I'm 100% where He wants me to be, but I will say that I think He is pleased with the progress I made last night.

Uh... Yeah.

So. I didn't quit smoking. After talking with my Husband, as well as my mother (at different times) they both agree that going cold turkey is going to be a very bad idea for me.

And since I'm married to one, and the other raised me I decided to not let my pride get in the way and listened to them.

I suffer from depression, and a lovely little thing called panic attacks. Those are fun.

Right now my depression is doing okay. But after a good five or so hours without a cigarette I could feel a panic attack coming on. Not so much knowing that I would have to wait a while for a cig. That I can deal with. But the fact of knowing that I could not have one. My chest was tight, I had to control my breathing so I didn't start freaking out. Panic attacks suck. Panic attacks that happen at work where you don't want to embarrass the hell out of yourself or explain what the fuck is going on... suck even more.

Master picked me up from work and we talked more about it, and He agreed that I should just try to moderate my cigarettes for now, and then eventually wean myself off of it completely.

People can think what they want. I said I would quit, yes. But when it comes down to it, nothing in this blog is scripture. (Thankfully.) And my mood shifts rather rapidly lately. So one minute I can be all gung-ho about something, and the next I start to realize that yeah.. that's not such a hot idea.

Since I already have to ask if I may have a cigarette when I'm at home, Master is being more mindful of telling me whether or not I can have one.

For instance, I just asked Him if I could have one right now. He said I had to wait until after my bath was done. So I have to wait a while, and I know that if I were to rush through my bath just to have that cigarette that much quicker, He'd tell me no.

So that's a good thing.

I don't have much else on my mind right now. My right shoulder is giving me problems today, and it's starting to go up my neck a bit. So I think I'm going to go soak in the tub, and maybe I'll hop back online later for another post. I'm not sure yet.

Let Out the Beast

I want my sexual side to be more prominent once more.

I use to ooze sexuality. I use to breathe it, sleep it, live it.

But something happened, and that just isn't how it is anymore. What that something is I have no idea.

I still get horny. Obviously. Or I wouldn't have woken up my Husband how I did yesterday. And once I'm in the middle of fucking, I can feel it coming back to the surface and I start talking dirty, and really getting into it.

But I use to do that without even remotely being wet.

In fact last week (or maybe it was the week before that) I wrote Master a letter and handed it to Him explaining that I don't know why it's receded. And I still don't know why.

I really don't know how to let it out again. Sometimes when I try to jump start it, it just doesn't work. It feels like a shadow of what it use to be. Or I clam up even more. (No pun intended.)

I want to let it out. I want to blow the hinges clear off whatever cage it's been locked into. I miss it. I use to identify myself as a very sexual creature. Sex all the time, dirty talking, juices flowing, sexual tigress.

Why won't "she" come out to play like she use to? Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Healthy Marriage

This morning I woke up Master by stroking His cock. Thankfully He wasn't laying on His stomach, or that would have been impossible. I had fallen asleep last night in full lingerie, on the couch. And by the time we went to bed I was still just kind of a zombie and passed out again rather quickly. I had been battling a headache all day, which is why I think my body was like "Fuck this," and made me sleep.

So I woke up horny. He let me stroke Him for a while as He woke up more and rolled onto His back. His back was bothering Him a little, so He had me get on top and ride Him.

After we came together we went out into the living room and had coffee.

It's been a pretty good day. But one thing that's been on my mind lately is health. Mine in particular, but also His of course.

I mean I'm starting to make doctor appointments and all that to get that all taken care of, but that's just a part of being healthy.

Of course we both smoke. About a pack a day a piece. Now not only is that unhealthy, but it's also expensive as hell. It's a little over $6 per pack. So that's about $13 a day for both of us to smoke which equals out to $91 a week which equals out to $364 a month. That's a lot of money. Money we really don't have, but spend in the name of an addiction to nicotine.

We've talked about quitting before. I've stopped for maybe a day, and then I'm just like fuck it, I can't do this... I don't even really want to do this so why am I?

And it sucks. They are excuses, and excuses are a sign of weakness, which I really don't like. And neither does Master.

And I think another thing that keeps us on the cigarettes is the fact that well.... we get extremely cranky without them. Okay, more than cranky. I become a bitch and He becomes an asshole. In bad ways.

We start fighting and the fighting gets our blood up and getting the blood up makes us want a cigarette, which pisses us off even more.

It's really a nasty cycle. I started smoking on and off when I was 15. I didn't start smoking heavily until I was 19. But still, all told I've been smoking for 12 years.

Master started when He was 18 so He's been smoking for 17 years.

And at the ripe old age of 27 I can already feel the effects. I sometimes feel out of breath, or suddenly I'll start coughing for no reason. It's fucked up.

So.. do I try this again? Do I attempt to quit once more? I've looked into quitting aids, and holy shit they are more expensive then a week's worth of cigarettes! And when one of your goals is to save money, what the fuck is the point when it's cheaper to keep smoking than it is to buy the patches. And the gum is just fucking nasty. I had one once, when my dad was trying to quit. So that leaves doing it cold turkey.

But I need to be strong, and I need to get through the first part of it without going, "Well I'll just bum a cigarette.... and then I won't have another one."

And I need Master to not give in when I get bitchy. I need Him to just tell me to knock it off or force me to calm down some other way, and not allow me to have a cigarette. To not bum me one (if He has any) or hand me one out of pure frustration or to get me to calm down.

And I need Him to not let me break down and buy a pack.

Hell just this morning while I was riding Him, I suddenly felt out of breath and then it passed. It was weird. I didn't like that feeling at all. And He kind of gave me a worried look when I told Him about it.

It'll be rough. Very rough, because some of the physical side effects of quitting is depression and anxiety. Both of which I already battle. But it should be short lived. They say that it takes about three days to actually get it out of your system.

I think tomorrow I'm going to buy a huge thing of sugar free gum.

I really do want to do this. Not just so I have more money in my pocket, but also because the sudden shortness of breath every now and again is really starting to bother me. And the coughing. And I'm sick of standing outside when it's raining or I'm cold (like in the winter) to get those few puffs in. And now ya can't smoke inside a public place anymore, but the prices of cigarettes keep going up. It's like the price keeps getting jacked, and it's still legal, but you can't do it in all the places you use to.

And I know this is cheating, but I'm finishing this pack. I have nine left. And I'm not throwing money in the garbage. I'm not. Plus if I start quitting on a work day, I'm less likely to be an utter and complete bitch once the weekend hits. I think I can finish nine cigarettes by the time we go to bed.

One More Time

I wasn't able to do my blog post last night because Word Press was inaccessible as far as logging in and doing things. Weird.

Master read my last post and He said that He thought I was going to get my blog "back on track" meaning more about submission,sex, and whats on my mind and less about day to day stuff.

Well, that's true. But I don't want to stop posting that kind of stuff. I mean the day to day more mundane stuff is still a part of my life. I'm still going to be talking about our animals, my job, our "regular" lives, things I like, things I dislike. Why? Because it helps me to get all that stuff out of my head.

And sometimes I want to try and do more than one blog post in a day. Like if a subject later on in the day or night pops into my head, I don't want to think to myself, "Well I'll save that for tomorrow because I already did a post today." No. Cause then the subject leaves my mind almost entirely and I forget about it.

I know He's just trying to keep my on track. I know that. But I just wanted to explain to the readers (you guys) in case some of you were wondering the same thing.

Plus if all my posts started just focusing on submission, I'm going to eventually just run out of shit to say. I post every day. It's hard to think of something to write on only one part of my life every day.

Today though I've been thinking about fetish wear.

My personal favorite is leather. I love leather. I love the feel and smell of it. It's very comfortable and also keeps me warm in the middle of winter. But in summer? It sucks. Way too warm.

And it's expensive. I don't have any leather "typical" fetish wear. I have my leather jacket, one pair of leather chaps, and one leather vest. That's it.

Master has a leather trench coat, which I love on Him. And a regular leather jacket.

Again, that's it.It's just very expensive and I never have the money to afford more. Especially leather skirts, or corsets. I wouldn't mind a few of those. Maybe some more chaps. Those would of course be more for fall or winter though.

And I don't mean just for sex. I also want  to wear them out and about. That and leather is not very forgiving if you go beyond jackets and vests. It doesn't give much. So if you put on a little weight, or lose a little weight, you're kinda screwed because it's not going to fit right.

Then again that's another thing that's kind been on my mind. Chicks have tons of fetish gear or lingerie they can wear. Tons and tons.

Guys? Not unless they are the slave/sub/bottom. No, not really.

One time Master wore a leather skull cap while fucking me because I asked Him to. But even with me being a leather enthusiast if Master were to wear nothing but chaps He'd melt about 10 minutes into fucking me. He's naturally very warm and I use His body as a space heater in winter. So yeah, toss leather chaps onto that, plus the physical exertion of fucking... melted Yote.

But other than that, nope.

I'm not saying He wouldn't if we found something and I asked Him to. But, on all the sites I've seen and in all the porn shops I've been in it's all for bottoms. No Dom or Master type gear. Or at least nothing I see as such.

It's a lot of "bitch" gear. And I don't mean bitch as in female, I mean bitch as in the "bitch" of the relationship. The beta, the bottom, the slave, the sub.

I'm the bitch. So I wear bitch gear. Master is not the bitch. So it would look utterly ridiculous on Him and be a major turn off.

I've always kind of thought that the chicks in the relationship have more to do to entice their partner than the guys anyway. I mean, unless you're into seeing your guy in a thong... which I'm not... what is there for your guy to wear for you? Nothing that I've ever seen that I would actually want to see on my Man.

The guys have to rely on personal hygiene (which everyone should!) and their sexual talents. There isn't really anything they can do other wise.

Chicks have lingerie, fetish gear, make-up, etc to try and keep their partner interested.

I think the reason this may be is because typically speaking men are more visual creatures than women. So chicks have all these ways to be visually appealing to look at.

But still, it kind of sucks. I don't mind getting dolled up for Master. But sometimes I think it would be nice for Him to do stuff like that too. But what really is there that I would actually find appealing? Like I said, nothing I've found.

I mean there are sex toys, like cock rings and stuff like that.. but that's not really the same. And aside from the more romantic stuff... candles, rose petals, stuff like that... there isn't much a guy can do, again outside of His sexual talents, to turn the chick on even more. Well, there is bondage and giving pain and what not, if that trips their chick's trigger, but again nothing really outside of that realm. It's either romantic, or it's kinky.

Like I said there is nothing really that a guy can do (visually speaking) to alert their woman "Hey baby... I'm in the mood..." without having to say a word.

Weird thoughts. But interesting.

Radar Day

Today was one of what we call "Radar Days". Radar is our 18 month old Blue Tick Coonhound/Australian Cattle Dog mix. And at least once a month we decide (out of no where usually) that it's a Radar Day. It's a day where we focus pretty much the entire day around the pup.

Master and I are huge animal advocates and so when we have the opportunity to spoil our pup just a little bit more, we do. Today we took him to two different pet stores, so he got some car rides out of the mix as well. At one store he got a new chew bone. He had pretty much chewed the other one down to half it's size already, so it was starting to become unsafe. Time to replace it. We normally have to buy him a new bone about once every few months. Thankfully they are rather inexpensive, and for how much he enjoys them we can't really complain.

He got to meet a few dogs, and did a lot of barking. He's normally a very quiet dog, but when he sees other dogs he gets so excited and wants to play, so he barks his fool head off. We're still working on his manners, but he's come a long way. He had no training when we first got him except he knew "sit", kind of.

So he's doing quite well, and we're both very proud of him. Right now Master is teaching him "paw". It's "shake" just with a different trigger word. We want to teach him this because it'll give him something to do when he meets new people rather than just jumping on them. Yeah. He's a jumper. But we've been doing everything we can to make him sit before we allow other people to pet him. He's going with that pretty well, but I think learning "paw" will help him even more to learn that jumping on people is not acceptable behavior unless they ask for a hug.

When we got home he took a nap, and then he watched Rescue Ink on Netflix with us. We all love the show, including Radar. Then Master worked with him a bit on his training, and now he's back to napping.

I think he's a very happy boy.

Mother Nature

She can make up her mind any time now. The past four days it's been in the 60's one day and then in the 80's the next day. Today was one of those days where it was in the 80's. The suckiest part about it is that in the morning, when I'm leaving for work, I have no idea how to dress because it's actually chilly out. But then by mid day it's in the mid to high 80's.

Today I was smart and wore a short sleeved shirt with a zipper up sweater type thing over it. That seemed to work out pretty well actually.

Thankfully tomorrow it's supposed to be in the 60's and it's supposed to stay that way for a while. Which is great, because I love Fall and just want it to be here already. 80 degree weather is not Fall. Seriously.

Today has been a bit stressful, but thanks to my loving Husband I was able to keep my shit together and now I'm chilled out and relaxed. The details aren't important. Just that He was there, ever supportive, and talking to me in a nice calm voice telling me everything is going to be okay.

I don't think He really knows how much I appreciate that.

The poor guy had one hell of a pressure headache today though, while I was at work. He actually had to lay down and take a nap to get rid of it, and He never takes naps.

I am the nap taker in this relationship. Not Him. So when He says He took a nap I know He wasn't feeling well at all. :-( Poor Master.

I'm still battling a slight headache, but there isn't much to be done about it.

I am very glad that tomorrow is Friday. I am more than ready for the weekend to be here. It's just kind of been a sucky week, and I want to have two days where I can just center myself and focus on my Husband.

A lot of women (vanilla types mostly) that I know would find such a chore. I don't. I mean, it's not always a cake walk or anything.. there are stressful times in my submission to Him. Especially when I'm going through a rough patch mentally and emotionally. But my submission forces me to focus and it centers me, at least when the leash is tight. When the leash is loose I feel all kinds of off and not in a good way.

But Master has been keeping that leash tight lately, and it's helping me a lot. I have a better grip on my thoughts and emotions that I hope shine through, so that He notices it. I think it does. He has commented on it, so that makes me happy. Which is always a good thing. ;-)

I'm just feeling like we're back in our groove, rather than stuck in some kind of a rut. I much prefer the groove over the rut, obviously.

And I know He does as well. So I'm trying to do my part in keeping us in the groove rather than letting myself slip and slide down into that rut that we both hate but sometimes don't know how to get out of.

Pain is the Name of the Game

First.. I'll get my nerdness out of the way. With the help from the forums on wordpress.com I was able to get all the colors replaced that I wanted replaced. I'm loving the new theme. At least in Firefox. In IE it has a couple of extra dots in the tables.. but not much to be done there. I think that's more of a glitch since the theme is so new rather than a coding issue since it looks fine in Firefox.

So yay! I'm happy. :-)

Now.. on to the pain. Maybe it's because the subject matter has been on my mind since 6:30 this morning, but I've had Godsmack's song "Love. Hate. Sex. Pain." stuck in my head all fucking day.

So here is the song, and then I'll move onto the post itself.



I enjoy certain kinds of pain. I don't like all pain, obviously. Like if I were to break my leg or something, I wouldn't cream myself. (Although if I did that'd be pretty damn twisted.)

So anyway, I like spanking... normally. If it's with His hand I usually like it unless He hits that same damn spot over, and over, and over again. By the way how the hell do Masters have such accurate aim?! What the hell is with that?

With His belt? Well. No. I don't like that. But apparently my pussy gets soaked every time He does it. Like Niagara Falls type soaked. It's like this weird self defense mechanism. "If you stop hitting me with the belt long enough to fuck me, Your dick will get wet like it's never been wet before!"

He's only ever hit my ass, legs, and pussy with the belt. (Although the pussy belt licks hurt like a mother fucker.) He's never hit my tits, my stomach, or my back. My back I think I might enjoy, if He didn't wallop the hell out of me. But the tits and stomach? No way. I would hate it and wish I were curled up in a ball somewhere after the first hit.

I love being bit. Sometimes it hurts like hell, and sometimes I can just ride the wave of it. The ebb and flow of the pain and just reach this really zen like state while getting riled up all at the same time.

But one of the most interesting sensations isn't really pain related. It's when my chin is basically to my chest and I'm kind of hunched over and He runs His teeth over the part of my spine right below my neck line, in between my shoulder blades. It's like electricity flowing through me in small shock waves. It always causes me to shiver.

But I also like the mixture of pleasure and pain. You know, be mean and inflict pain for a while, and then switch to a short lived gentle massage, and then back to the pain, and then back to the gentle massage... it just really fucks with my nerve endings until it's really hard to tell where one ends and the other begins, but in the most wonderful way.

I like my hair pulled, I love being tossed around. I don't really consider myself a pain slut. But I do love to be man handled. And sometimes pain comes with the territory. I like being moved roughly, pinned down, choked, tossed onto the bed, etc.

Master and I have experimenting with slapping in the face, and punching. Although the punching was never in the face, it was always the chest or the middle of the back in case it left bruises. But neither of us got into the punching all that much. It was interesting for a little while, but other than that we pretty much left it alone.

We haven't done the face slapping for a while. As long as it's not full force I like it. I'd rather it come in small quick slaps, rather than full on bitch slapping. Why we haven't done it in a while I don't quite remember. It was literally years ago that we last did it.

Also on the subject of pain that isn't necessarily sexually related, for me.. its tattoos and piercings. Oh yeah. The beloved subject of body modification.

I am currently holding at 11 tattoos and three piercings (not including my ears and not including the ones I let close up in the past). But today I got the thought in my head to get my septum pierced. I've thought about it before. Like a lot. But I've never done it. My nipples and VCH no problem. Done deal. But Master isn't 100% sure He's going to like how it looks. So... that's kind of in limbo.

I did check into it today though so when I brought it up again I'd have all the facts ready. I called the place that I got my last three piercings done at because I loved the experience and the jewelry is really nice. I've had no problems with those three, so the fourth shouldn't cause any either.

I got the price, their hours of operation, and how long it should take to heal. My job doesn't allow facial piercings, but since I could flip it up while at work, and just flip it back down (I want the half moon not a full ring) when I'm not at work.. it'd work out perfectly.

In my mind I think it would look hot as hell on me. And just the thought of me having it turned me on. Like, a lot. It's rather inexpensive to do as well, so bonus there. I have no idea how much it would hurt, but I don't think it'd be as bad as the nipples, but it will defiantly hurt more than the VCH. That didn't hurt at all. It was a pinch and it was over.

I want it, but if Master ends up not liking it and having me take it out.. well that'd just be a waste. I knew He'd like the nipple piercings. And I was 90% sure that He'd like the VCH. I'm 100% on the septum, but He's not. So I wait for His decision. That, and the available funds.

Part of me wishes He would have said yes, and we would have gone tonight. But I don't know if we could really afford it right this second. Why the sudden want? Well, it was the same way with my other three. I wanted them, the thought turned me on to no end, He agreed, and we went. We didn't really have the money then either, but I hardly ever spend money on myself so I didn't feel bad about it.

Bitch Slap to Myself

This bitch slap is directed at no one but me. Last night when I was tweaking my blog, I chose a blog theme where you can actually see the subtext. Awesome. So I changed it, since it was rather lame since you couldn't see it before.

It now reads: "Kitten's journey through love, submission, and pain. Mature & graphic content."

It does not read: "Kitten's journey through work and other boring details."

So damnit self, start writing like you should! Tonight.. I think I'll write about pain.

On an unrelated note, I love this theme.. I just don't like some of the colors (like the orange) so I am slowly but surely fixing that to the best of my ability.

Errands in the Rain

Last night Master ended up ordering me to bed, but not for what you think. After I laid down He asked me what was hurting, and I told Him it was my hips. So He had me lay on my stomach and worked on my lower back and tail bone, which oddly enough made my hips feel a lot better.

I tried to crack the slab of concrete that He calls a back, but it didn't work. Then we just laid down next to each other and talked for a while. He told me I should get some sleep. He said my eyes were really dark, and that I looked pale.

I asked Him if I could sleep out on the couch until He was ready to go to bed, because I feel better being near Him. He said He would allow it. But before we went back into the living room He just ran His fingers through my hair, over and over again. I love it when He does that. It's very relaxing, calming, and centering in an odd but lovely way.

I don't even remember Him waking me up to go back to the bedroom later on. I must have zombie walked my way down the hall.

After I got home from work Master and I almost immediately headed back out the door. We ended up having to make four stops all told. And it down poured for a while. There was thunder and lightning, which was nice. I was honestly surprised when we were home about a half hour later. I thought the errands would have taken longer.

And can I just say that Master looks sexy as hell with wet hair? I can? Good. Master looks sexy as hell with wet hair. *smirks*

In other (blog) news, WordPress.com has a new theme out. I'm thinking about trying it out since it's somewhat customizable. I don't know why I want to change my theme, but I do!

Wiped Out

Last night I went to bed around 11:30pm, but I wasn't able to sleep right away. I have no idea what time I actually fell asleep. I was purposefully not looking at the clock. That only seems to make it worse.

So finally I fell asleep. And it seemed like no more than an hour later the alarm was going off. I know that's not actually how much time had gone by, but that's what it felt like.

And I felt tired almost immediately. Today was just one of those days where I had zero energy, and that's with drinking an energy drink. No dice.

I got out of work. Master picked me up because MZ had school. We ran a few errands, including getting me a new pair of sneakers. I bought a pair not that long ago... at least 4 months ago. But I never really liked them to begin with. They were comfortable, but they were white and light blue. I hate white sneakers, but that seemed like the only thing I could find for the longest time, at least in my size. So I had broken down and bought a pair. Plus they were a cheap pair and so they were already wearing down rather quickly.

Well, while we were out running errands I decided to stop in at a Payless and found a really nice black pair of Champion sneakers that were on sale. So I bought them.

We came home and relaxed. I took my bath, and ended up asking Master if I could take a nap. He woke me up about an hour later. I just woke up about 20 minutes ago, and I still feel pretty wiped out. I don't know if it's the weather, or what.. but damn is this annoying.

Uneventful Weekend

This weekend has been pretty uneventful. Yesterday was mainly just running small errands, like putting gas in the car, getting a couple of things at Walgreens.. that sort of thing.

Today we went grocery shopping, I did the dishes, and went through a three drawer unit that is next to the computer desk. I also went through all the papers on the computer desk that have been piling up. I sorted everything into groups.

Throw away. Keep cause we might need it. Keep because it's very important.

The throw away pile was the largest. I couldn't believe how much crap had just been shoved into the drawers and onto the computer desk.

So yeah. Besides that and watching stuff on Netflix, that's been my weekend.

It hasn't been a waste, but it also hasn't had a lot accomplished. It's been some what lazy, and just kind of there.

Master is still hoping to hear back from that job He's been waiting three weeks on for a decision. But starting tomorrow He's going to start putting applications out there again. Just to be on the safe side. Also, we just can't wait around for them to get off their asses and get back to Him.

This hurry up and wait bullshit is incredibly frustrating, especially for Master.

Creative Block

I feel like being creative with my blog. I tried something for a little while and at first I thought it was pretty cool. But soon, as I started to stare at it, I started to not like it. So... I switched it back.

I have no idea what the hell I want to do with this damn blog. None what so fucking ever. And it sucks.

It really, really does.

It's just frustrating I guess. Wanting to do something, but having no idea exactly what or how.

I've been kind of up and down today, emotionally. I think part of it might be related to the weather though.

I'm trying to keep it level though.

But this blog thing is annoying. I mean my blog, as it is normally, is fine. But still, it's been this way for over a year, and I'm getting bored with it.

It's a good thing I didn't go into the web development field. I'd be fired for always wanting to change shit.. *laughs*

Also you know how I damn near got talked into buying a newer car? That idea has been stuck in my head since that day. Wanting a new car. Granted I honestly don't drive much since I carpool to work. But.. it would just be nice to have a newer car, for safety reasons and just... because it would be nice.

I admit I've been looking at cars online. I know we can't do it, but it's nice to dream. Plus, it's the only thing we own besides stuff that sits in the apartment. So it would be nice to have something newer.

At least we can not until Master gets a job. The only other way to do it would be for me to get a 2nd job, which I don't really want to do. Working a little over 8 hours a day, five days a week is enough for me. I'll do it if I have to (I've honestly never worked two jobs before).

But then part of me worries that if we don't do it sooner rather than later, then the car we currently have will continue to depreciate and we will have less available for trade-in value.

Round and round these concerns go.

"But if we don't do it now then our current car won't be worth as much.."

"But if we do it now... then we won't really be able to afford it..."

Blah.

Fuck you brain for tormenting me.

But there is no harm in looking. Sometimes I do that with newer computers too. Just to window shop and dream a little.

Thankfully we only have two more loan payments, for a loan that we took out shortly after we got married. Two more months and we'll be free of that. Yay! But then that money is basically set aside for something else. We have other things we need that money for, so it's not like there will be "spare" cash. It'll just be going somewhere else. But at least it won't be to that loan.

Fair Warning

I'm thinking about updating my blog layout. I'm getting a little bored with the current one. So if you see my blog in flux, you know why. And I'm not sure how much I'm going to change.

Damn

I was right. I wasn't able to go to the therapy appointment today. And it actually kind of pissed me off.

I've been nervous about it since I made the appointment two weeks ago. I called while I was at work. I figured the sooner I called, the better.

So I called and I got the receptionist. I told her who I was and that I needed to reschedule, per the voice mail I got yesterday. She was kind of snotty about it when I asked if there was any way I could still get in today. She said no, because I'm a new patient I would need to get in there while there was still a receptionist on the clock. Apparently after my first appointment the later ones won't be a problem.

So I asked her why then, when I made the appointment, was 7pm offered. The receptionist I had talked to knew I was a new patient. In fact she took down all of my information and sent me a new patient packet in the mail so I could have most of the paper work already done.

She said, "Well I don't know," and kind of sighed.

That annoyed me.

She then proceeded to tell me they didn't have any other available appointments today. She asked me if I could get there at 10am on Monday.

Um, no.. I have to work.

To which she kind of snottily replied, "Well can't you just take off work?"

No again. The whole reason I chose this office in the first place is because they offer evening and weekend appointments. I mean I know I just played hookey on Wednesday, but still.

So she said in that case I would have to make an appointment for a time before 5pm. Well the only time I can do that without having to leave work early would be two weeks from today. So that's when it is. Which sucks, because now I get to wait. Again.

It seems like it is more difficult to start this "getting help" process than it should be.

I am not so pissed that I'm going to try and look for a different one. Just because this particular receptionist was a bit of a bitch, doesn't mean that the whole staff is that way.

Plus I want to base my decision on the doctor, not the receptionist.

So I'm waiting. I've read good things about this psychiatrist. So I want to give it a fair shot before I look elsewhere.

It just sucks and has me a bit bummed.

Rescheduling

Yesterday was apparently a bad day to take off of work. I'm not saying that I regret it, because I don't.

But when I walked into work this morning I was shocked by how much work I had to do. However, in those situations, I bust my ass. I asked my supervisor if it would be okay if I cut my lunch short, and he said that would be fine.

So I did, and I got everything done, and done correctly no less. I told my trainer, so she was in the loop.. and she said she was impressed. That made me smile.

As I left work I realized I had a voice mail on my cell phone. Weird. So I listened and it was the therapist's office asking me if I could reschedule my appointment to an earlier time tomorrow. Great. My appointment was for 7pm, but they wanted me to reschedule because a receptionist wouldn't be there at that time. Um... why the hell did you schedule my appointment for that time then? Unless it's something like someone called in or whatever.. I have no idea.

I'm just frustrated by it. Not that I have to reschedule but because when I tried to call them back I got a message saying the reception area was already closed. Fuck.

So now I have to call tomorrow after I get out of work at noon, and hope like hell that they can fit me in earlier than 7pm at the last minute. I don't want to push it off. I'm nervous about it as is, I don't want to have to put it off any longer than I have to.

I was also kind of annoyed that they didn't bother calling the house phone. If they had Master could have gotten a hold of me at work and told me to call them. I didn't give my work number to them because my work phone is of course monitored, and I don't want anyone knowing I'm seeing a shrink. It's none of their business. That's why I asked my health insurance if my job would have a way of finding out, and they assured me that no.. they would not find out.

But hopefully they can get me in there at a reasonable time... not "Hey can you be here in 15 minutes?" cause I wouldn't be able to. I plan on just calling them as soon as I get out of work and going from there.

Maybe I'll break down and call on my work phone, as long as my trainer isn't sitting with me. I don't know.

Hookey

Today I played hookey from work. I had honestly stressed myself out quite a bit last night about that whole "Do we take the car or don't we?" thing. And the other stresses of life just kind of overwhelmed me. So I had decided last night, before I had calmed down completely that I was not going to work today.

I was stressed, I'm nervous about my first therapy appointment which is this Friday, and just... worn out.

So I decided that I could use an extra day off of work. Master agreed, so I took the day off.

I got up to take the dog out early in the morning, and then went back to bed for a while.

Master woke me up around 11am and we started our day.

We took Radar for a car ride down to the pet store to get him some dog food, and then came back home. That was the extent of our adventures today. And it's felt wonderful. My stress levels went way, way down and I feel pretty relaxed today.

Master and I watched movies, we both dicked around online and I read quite a bit. Master has allowed me to be lazy, and I greatly appreciate that.

My brain is starting to think of plans though.. plans that are long term and are going to take effort.

As I said in last night's post, I want a lot for us. Not for me, but for us. I am not the selfish type, and I think saving up for or spending money on things that would benefit us both is more important than anything I could possible want.

Such as a newer vehicle. I figure in about 6 months to a year, we'll be able to do that. Not a second vehicle, although that would be nice, just.. a newer one.

The other things are more just to replace things around the apartment that need replacing. Not anything really big, just small things. The computer being one of them. A new TV as well. And to go with the new TV, a new entertainment center. Why? Cause the type of TV that Master wants is not going to be able to fit on the entertainment center we currently have.

You know, things like that.

And then the other thought that popped into my head today was cleaning out the storage bin we have. It's mainly empty boxes, from way back when Master first moved in here, which was almost 7 years ago. Part of what sparked that was watching a couple of episodes of Hoarders today on Netflix. Trust me, we are no where near that level. In fact we don't hoard anything. We routinely go through our closets and cupboards and throw things away. In fact just this past week I went through our bedroom closet and my drawers in our dresser and threw clothes away that I never wear. Believe it or not it was a trash bag and a box worth of clothing. I don't really buy clothes often, but I get a lot of hand me down stuff from my mother, because we're close to the same size. And then it just piles up after a while. So about once every few months I go through all my clothes and start tossing stuff. Last winter we went through the hall way closet and tossed stuff as well.

But that damn storage bin in the basement of the apartment complex has not been touched. There is no direct way outside from the basement. So you have to lug whatever it is to the stair case, take a very sharp turn, go up the stairs, take two more sharp turns and then finally reach the main door. From there you have to drag it down the walk way to the dumpster. So we've just left it. Out of sight, out of mind, kind of thing. But I talked to Master and He said we could clean it out this weekend, which oddly enough makes me very happy.

Then I also started thinking about how I don't really have a schedule for cleaning, and I think I need one. I mean yeah, I'm tired when I get home from work and I just want to relax. But if I make a schedule it won't seem like such a huge undertaking. Cause I could do it a room at a time, or a section of a room at a time.. or something. Instead of, "Great, it's the weekend.. now I have to clean the whole apartment! Fuck!" ... or ... "Oh shit people are coming over, hurry up and get this place spotless!"

Our apartment is not dirty. Not in the least. But my domestic diva side is um... well... non-existent. And I think I need to work on that. Not only with the routine cleaning and what not.. but, dare I say it? Cooking. Holy shit I said it... er... typed it.

I don't know how to cook. Master cooks, always. And He's a great cook. (I almost typed great cock... which is true.. He has a great cock...) But then I started thinking to myself, if He gets this job, He'll be gone before I get home.. and won't be back until long before I'm supposed to be asleep. And frozen pizza or waffles every night He works is not a good diet. Plus, I'm sure He wouldn't mind if I tried to cook for Him every once and a while. So... maybe I could learn some things from Him.. or look into simple receipes on my own that are inexpensive...

Basically what it boils down to is that I want to become more domestic instead of not-so-jokingly calling myself "domestically challenged". I don't know if it's because I'm getting closer to 30 or what.. (I'll be 28 in about 6 months.) And part of it, I'm sure is because I'm always looking for ways to become a better wife. And this I think is a way to do that. Plus since Master put His foot down not that long ago about how I was to just simply do what He said and that was that.. I've been craving structure like you wouldn't believe. Structure is apparently very good for me, and keeps the depression at bay for the most part.. or at least doesn't allow it to get as bad.

Okay yeah. I'm earning a paycheck, and that's great and everything.. but what about the other stuff? Ya know?

I wonder how close to a heart attack Master is going to get when He reads this... *laughs*

Sigh

Last night I went to bed before Master did, but He had me keep on my lingerie. When He came to bed He woke me just enough to have me roll onto my stomach so He could use me. I love half-asleep sex. It's incredible.

This morning I woke up and I was drenched. I had to wipe between my legs more than once before I could put my work clothes on.

Work was slow today, but I think part of the reason it dragged was because I got to work an hour early and couldn't do any work till my normal time since I can't do overtime right now.

When I got home from work, Master and I ran a couple of errands and then we went out to a car dealership. Master had got something in the mail saying He had a chance to win one of however many prizes, including a brand new beautiful car. Well we both know our luck isn't that damn good. But we figured what the hell, why not go.

Well of course, it's a car dealership, so they are going to try and sell you a car no matter what. And me? I'm damn good at not only resisting temptation, but I'm good at haggling.

Master didn't win the car. He won a $5 gift card. Yay or something. But hey, it was something to do. The problem came when basically we had to hear the pitch in order to find out what the prize He won actually was. So we heard the pitch. I figured whatever, we'll be out of there soon.

But we weren't. No matter what I tossed at this guy about what we could and could not afford, he kept saying he could take care of it. I was shocked honestly. Normally once you take a car salesman so far, he backs the hell off. Not this one. He was not giving up.

So Master and I said fuck it we'll see where this goes. It started off as just fun and games, and a chance to just dream a little..

So we test drove a 2009 car. It was beautiful. And part of me was saying "You know.. your car is almost 10 years old... and it's the only one you have.. maybe it's time to trade up.. you'd still only have one car.. but it'd be a car with a warranty.. and you could really use something newer... " but the logical side kept saying, "You can't afford it.. no way in hell.."

So I went ahead with the test drive thinking it would just be fun and something to keep in mind for the future.

This sales man is a pro though. After more than 2 1/2 hours he had wheeled and dealed it from a monthly payment of $385, in which I quickly said, "No way in hell.." to... "Your monthly payment will be $185, no money down, no payments for 45 days, and we'll give you $300 cash to help start up the full coverage car insurance."

My jaw fucking dropped. This is a one year old car I can own for $185 a month? With our credit and no cosigner?! Are you fucking kidding me?!

We were both sorely tempted. Our current car would have been traded in, and we'd still have only one vehicle, but it'd be so much newer.. etc and so on.

But at the last minute I looked at my supportive Husband and said, "We can't.."

The logical side kicked in and basically said "You don't know how long you'll be able to afford these payments, even though they are so low.. and if it gets repossessed then you have no car at all.."

I literally cried when we left the lot. It's not that I don't love our car, because I do. But I want so many things for my Husband and I. I want a newer car, I want to own our own place instead of renting.. etc and so on.

But we just can't right now. I mean I could probably keep up the payments... but for how long? How long would it be before something came along and bitch slapped us?

I told Master that if He for sure had that job He's waiting to hear back on, I probably would have said yes.. but even then it probably wouldn't have been a smart move.

He comforted me on the way home, and told me that even though He was leaning towards yes as well, I had made the right decision in the end. I played it safe, and I decided to cover our asses.

And He smiled when I said, "That's true Sir. Plus we have the rest of our lives together, and we can get those nicer things later. Right now we just need to get by."

Plus, now that I'm thinking about it.. maybe we could wheel and deal an even lower payment once He has a job under His belt and has been working there a while. I'm not kicking myself about it anymore. The more my logical/safe-playing side of the brain kicked in, the happier I was that we didn't sign the papers.

I know if we had said yes, and gotten the newer car, I would be stressed out even more. And as Master told me as we were trying to decide what to do, "If it's going to stress you out, we shouldn't do it."

I love my Husband. He was calm, cool, and collected the entire time. Most husbands would have been pissed after 3 hours of being at a car dealership and walking away with the same car you drove in with. But not Him. He is so supportive, and He loves me so much. It's a very wonderful feeling.

He let me fantasize about getting a newer car, and when I literally backed out at the last minute, He was fine with it.

He's the best Husband ever.

The Early Bird...

.. gets extremely cranky, and says "Fuck the worm."

For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I not a morning person. Not even a little bit.

As long as I've been at my current job I've been getting up somewhere between 6am and 6:10am. It sucks, but I can do it and be okay.

Well last week MZ, the driver in my carpool to and from work, said that her department is on mandatory overtime starting this week. So this week she was just going to go in on Saturday and call it done. Next week she wouldn't be able to do that because she is going out of town for the weekend, and so wanted to either stay late, or start early that week. Eventually we all decided that starting early would be easier, because who the hell wants to stay past the time you know you normally clock out at. So okay, I knew next week was going to suck ass.

Today she sent us an e-mail stating that she had changed her mind. She didn't want to come in this weekend either. Instead she wants to come to work early this week as well. Fuck.

With little to no warning, that really sucks.

So starting tomorrow I'll be getting up at 5:30am for the rest of this week, and all of next week. Blah.

It doesn't sound like much of a difference, I mean it is only a half hour. But that's a half hour of sleep I could really use. So blah blah blah, and blah some more.

I wouldn't care as much if I could clock in when we got there and get some overtime as well. But nope. I'm still in my probationary period in my new position, so I can't do overtime without approval. And guess what? My supervisor is out of the office. On top of that, I don't think he's going to approve it for an hour each day. I know, that whole getting up only a half hour early shouldn't equal getting to work an hour sooner, but it does because of the lack of traffic. The traffic is kind of nasty on the way to work at the hour we normally leave. You take that away and it's like we get to work in no time flat.

I mean yes my department is busy right now, but not 5+ hours extra for the newbie type busy.

So that sucks.

Plus I'm going to be tired as hell by the time I get home from work, which means I'll probably be passing out on the couch sooner each night, which means less time with my Husband, which also sucks.

I can't just take our car because that means two things: 1) More gas out of our gas tank, which doesn't make any sense just so I can sleep an extra half hour. and 2) Master is hoping to hear back about His potential job this week and He'll need the car.

I like my carpool. I do. It makes my life easier most of the time. But this sucks. I don't really think it's the loss of sleep that's really bothering me. It's the whole being at work longer and not being able to pad the paycheck a little that is ticking me off.

Good Friends, Good Times

Today Master and I actually left the apartment and didn't spend money. *gasp*

We had made plans with Master's best friend, BC, to go down and visit him and his girlfriend. These plans were made about 3 weeks in advance. Both BC and HG (BC's girl) have crazy busy schedules, so when you want to make plans with them you have to write that shit down on the calendar and make it well in advance.

So we left here a little late, because we were running behind, but we got there within 15 minutes of 2pm, which was when we were supposed to be there.

Master and BC spent most of the time by themselves. So that left me with HG.

Normally, I fucking hate it when that sort of thing happens. Not necessarily with HG, but any of our friends' wives or girlfriends. It's just... awkward. I'm a different sort of gal and I find talking openly about sex lives to be perfectly acceptable. Most other women do not, at least not until they know you really well.

But honestly, I haven't really had much of a chance to get to know HG, even though they have been dating for over a year now. Normally the men folk are around and the conversations are pretty much all over the place. So I didn't mind this time.

And it turns out I like her. She's a sweet gal and really loves BC. She brought up sex before I did. I know! I was just as shocked as you are! No, not like that though. She's straight. I meant that she brought up sex in general, not sex with me... *laughs*

But there were no awkward moments, or anything. The conversation just flowed. And then she showed me their porn collection. She also didn't get all weirded out when I told her that I'm bi and actually looking for a female friend with benefits. It's not that I want in her pants, she's not my type, but we were talking about sex and some other stuff (midget hermaphrodite porn to be exact... don't ask), and I brought that up. She was like, "That's cool.... so yeah... then we saw this one porn.."

It was awesome.

I think it's great that her and I get along so well. Master and BC have been best friend for 20 years. And BC plans on marrying this woman, and BC and I are pretty close too. So this just makes everything easier. I even told Master that I want to ask HG out to coffee or something one day, when she has some free time. Just me and her.

I have literally never done that before, with any female one of our friends have been with. So this is a pretty big deal.

And apparently HG thinks I'm awesome, according to BC. *smiles*

I think I may actually have a female friend guys! Holy hell.

Now I just have to have a female friend that I can be intimate with, and I'll be good to go. Any volunteers? *giggles*

I've Got a Headache

Okay, so I know any male readers (if I have any) know that line. I'm sure you've heard it before.

However, this time it's not being used as an excuse to escape sex... *laughs*

In fact I find sex helps get rid of headaches. Not migraines. Migraines are evil and sex will only make them worse, at least for me.

But last night at around 8:30pm I got one hell of a headache. It was sinus related and apparently only felt like torturing the left side of my head. I told Master about it and He promptly ordered me to take sinus medication. So I chose the non-drowsy variety and took two of them.

It seems that non-drowsy or not, sinus meds make me tired as hell. Plus, when I'm not feeling well (such as last night) my body wants to shut down and just sleep through it. And that's exactly what happened.

It wasn't just the headache. I felt a little dizzy and just all around not good at all. I was standing in front of Master and I must have looked wobbly or something, because He told me to lay down before I fell down.

I did as I was told, eagerly. I curled up on the couch and was out like a light before 9:30pm.

Master woke me up a little after 10pm and told me to take care of the rabbits, as it was my turn with them. So I did, and then laid back down on the couch and fell asleep again.

Master let me sleep until 3:30am at which time He had me move to the bedroom where He curled up tight to me and I drifted back off to sleep. There is nothing better than cuddling when I'm not feeling well.

This morning when I woke up I felt better. I was still a bit tired, although I don't see how with as much sleep as I had. But I took some sinus meds to work with me just in case. Thankfully I didn't have to take them. And I've felt okay all day.

I have a headache again, but so does Master. I think it's because it's supposed to rain tomorrow. But it's nothing like it was last night. It's just an irritating headache rather than a "Please someone rip out my sinuses and burn them" kind of headache.

Well Used Slut

Last night after I was done with my blog post I went over to Master's chair and knelt next to it. I kissed Him, and continued trying to kiss Him and explained that I was horny.

So He ordered me to the bedroom and we knelt on the bed together and groped and kissed to our heart's content. Then He had me lay down on the bed, as He laid down next to me.

It was incredibly sexy the way He took the outfit off of me. It wasn't crotchless and was to tight to just move to the side to fuck, so He rolled me onto my side and unbuttoned it, and then unzipped it. He then slid one sleeve off, exposing my right breast. He teased that for a little while before taking the other sleeve off.

He took His time molesting my tits for a little while. As He was doing all of this, I removed the snaps from the thigh high stockings I had on that was attaching them to the rest of the outfit. I figured that if I couldn't wear the entire outfit, I could at least wear the stockings. He loves me in thigh highs. I need more of them.

Eventually He slipped the rest of the outfit off, leaving only the stockings behind. He then slipped His arms under my legs and licked and fingered me until I came. I was rolling my hips suggestively as He knelt up and He entered me shortly there after.

We changed positions more times than I can remember, with some dick sucking in between. I came quite a few times, under His orders before I begged to be His toy.

The sex seemed to go on forever, in a very, very good way.

Eventually I felt His orgasm start and I clamped down on it, trying to increase His pleasure. It seemed to work. ;-)

He then had me clean Him off and we went out into the living room and watched a movie.

I kept the stockings on, but the rest of the outfit stayed off.

Then, right before bed, He grabbed the back of my neck and forced me down the hallway to the bedroom again. He walked us to the foot of the bed where He promptly threw me onto it, so that I landed on my stomach. I was to be His toy once more.

It hurt, deliciously.

My pussy was swollen, and every thrust He made made me whimper.

Once again He filled me and I was exhausted afterward. He allowed me to sleep on the couch while He stayed up for a while. I enjoy sleeping on the couch when He stays awake. The bed is more comfortable, but that small sacrifice is worth being near Him while I sleep.

Walking today has been interesting. It still feels like I'm swollen a bit. He was not gentle with me at all either time last night, not that I'm complaining. ;-)

All Dressed Up And No Where To Go

.... well, besides the bedroom anyway. ;-)

A lot of women I know don't understand the point of getting all dressed up in lingerie just to fuck.

And honestly I never wore lingerie before I met Master. Then again, I was only 20 when I met Him.. so, ya know.

I had lost sight of it for a while, only putting on things that were easy to toss on and take off. Thinking to myself, "Well... it's lingerie. And it's easy to put on. Let's go.."

I do have to admit that when you're only in said lingerie for like 20 minutes, that kind of sucks. But then again if I put it on early enough in the evening well then there are all those other mundane things you have to do. Like take the dog outside. So putting on something that is easy to take on and off, it's just.. easier.

But it's not just about it being easy to get in and out of. It's about how I look for Master.

These thoughts were rambling around in my brain today. So tonight, shortly after dinner, I took my bath. Then once I got out of the bath I closed the bathroom door. I didn't want Master to just walk in and see me, cause I was trying to put on something special for Him.

It's this one piece outfit that is somewhat hard to get into, with attached stockings. And Master loves stockings. I can only remember wearing this thing once before. And I had forgotten what a bitch it is to put on. So there I am, standing in the bathroom, trying to get all the buttons on the back done up, as well as get the full length zipper all the way up to the top. The zipper is also located on the back. Son of a bitch.

I tried, and tried, and tried. Nope. Not happening. I had two of the buttons done, and the zipper about half way up.

It's an extremely tight outfit, so you have to pull on the fabric just below the zipper, and then yank the zipper up. That's hard to do when you're at about the middle of your back. Arms are apparently not made to bend that way. Stupid arms.

So eventually I gave up, tossed on the heels I wanted to wear and went into the living room. I said, "It seems I'm going to need Your help."

He looked me up and down and said, "With what?" So I turned around and showed Him the zipper and two remaining buttons.

He did the buttons first, and was able to get the zipper up the rest of the way. He told me that I looked great. *smiles*

So I feel better knowing that I had put more effort into looking nice for Him, rather than just tossing on a nightie.

I'm in a skin tight bodysuit made out of a wet look type material, with attached stockings, and high heels. Yep. I put in more effort. Normally I don't have to bother with zippers and buttons. In fact I do believe this is my most difficult piece of lingerie. The rest of it is usually just put on and go, or at the most a few snaps in the front or at the crotch.

And... it's my night to take the pup outside before bed. So I will be taking the heels off, tossing on some clothes over this outfit, and then once I get back inside, taking the top layer of clothes on and possibly putting the heels back on depending on His mood.

So.... That Was Tuesday

Today went by really quickly. Like insanely fast.

I got up on time, which kind of surprised me. But the alarm went off and I was awake. Then about 10 minutes before MZ would normally be leaving her place to come pick me up she sent me a text stating that she had just gotten out of bed and it would be 20 - 30 minutes before she would be at my door.

Fuck.

Well, there wasn't much to be done about it. I could have taken our car, but that would have left Master without the car, and in case He got the call regarding that job prospect, I didn't want to leave Him hanging.

So I waited. I was surprised that I remained calm. I hate being late to work. It actually bothers me quite a bit. But I figured maybe we could still make it on time.

So as soon as she sent me the text saying she was leaving her place, I went outside and waited for her instead of waiting another 10 minutes.

We got to work at 7:58. But because I had to wait for my work computer to boot up before I could clock in, I was technically one minute late to work. Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Oh well. One whole minute. No big deal.

However, I did have a lot of work to get done today. Most of it got done, but there didn't seem to be enough hours in the work day. So some of it is waiting for me on my desk. Oh the joy.

But I've had a nice relaxing evening with my Master. *smiles*

He didn't hear anything today about that job prospect where BC works, but it is the first day back for that guy who was gone a week, so he's probably pretty damn swamped.

So we wait. Master shot him an e-mail. So hopefully He'll hear something soon.

We went grocery shopping, ate dinner, watched a movie, and now we're just relaxing. He's been somewhat forcefully affectionate though, which I'm enjoying, and I've been groping at Him whenever I get a chance. So, no complaints there! *giggles*

We are trying to figure out what is going on Saturday, as our friend BC and his girlfriend (soon to be fiance!) want to get together.

Other than that, there doesn't seem to be any set in stone plans just yet.

Lazy Labor Day

Today has turned out to be a very lazy Labor Day indeed. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Master and I had a pretty full weekend, so it's been nice just relaxing at home.

It started off with us sleeping in until damn near 1pm. Crazy huh? We each got up at least once to take the dog out, but immediately went back to sleep. Apparently the dog agrees that it's a lazy day because he's been sleeping most of it away as well.

I talked to my mom for a little while, Master watched some tv shows on Netflix, and I read for a while.

I got my bath out of the way already. I normally don't take it until shortly before bed, but I decided that I might as well do it now since we didn't have anything else going on.

My mother-in-law also called because apparently her husband's son's fiance had changed her screen resolution and not told her, and she didn't know how to get it back. So I walked her through that, got it set back to normal, and that was the end of that.

Other than that? ... Nothing is going on. Master is playing a video game, and I'm doing this blog post. Not a very interesting blog post, but it's there.

One there is one tid bit of information I haven't blogged about yet. My health insurance gave me authorization to see a psychiatrist regarding my depression. So I have an appointment next week to go see one. Hopefully I end up liking her, and she can help me. It's not that far from home, and has evening and weekend appointments available, which is great since I don't want to leave work early for that if I don't have to. It's not that I don't think it's important.. it's just that I would prefer not to have to cut into my paycheck if I don't have to.

I was also assured by my health insurance that my job won't know anything about me seeing a psychiatrist. Call me paranoid, but I was worried that since the health insurance is through my employer, they might have access to such information. Thankfully, they do not. It is some what embarrassing to admit to, and I don't really think it's any of their business since it does not effect my work.

Tomorrow is the day that the guy Master had interviewed with gets back into town. I'm hoping He has news tomorrow, but there really is no way of telling since this man has been out of the office for almost a week, and so I'm sure he'll have a lot to catch up on. Much luck to my Husband!

Today Went By Quickly

Master and I slept in a bit today. Well, more than we intended to anyway. No big deal though. We got up, got ready for the day and then went and got the rabbits food and litter for their cages. We also ran a couple other errands while we were out and about.

Shortly after we got back my dad called to say he and his girlfriend were on their way. Master and I tidied up a bit and it seemed to take forever from them to actually get here. You can tell my dad doesn't come up much though, because he didn't remember what apartment we live in, so he called on his girlfriend's cell phone and had me meet him outside.

It felt awkward. I miss my dad's last girlfriend. He was with her for 10 years. And we all liked her a lot. But this new girlfriend of his? Yeah. Not so much.

We tried to go out to the mall, not realizing that it closed early on Sundays. Master and I don't spend a lot of time at the mall, so we had no idea what so ever. So we came back, picked up some pizza for dinner, and sat around, talked and ate.

While talking though I learned something interesting. My dad and this new girlfriend have apparently been together for a year. Why is that interesting? Oh, because him and his last girlfriend only broke up earlier this year. So yeah. Apparently he was cheating on her for a while. But that's my dad's way of doing things it would seem. He cheated on my mom for about a year before asking her for a divorce, and then cheated on that girlfriend for about 6 months before breaking up with her. Why this new woman thinks she'll be immune from that when he decides it's over I don't know.

But whatever.

They stayed until about 9pm. After they left I took my bath and am now in some lingerie for Master. It seems like this day was over in the blink of an eye though. Hopefully tomorrow goes much slower, before a new work week begins.

Verily

A while back my mother had scored some free tickets to the local Renaissance Fair. She couldn't decide if she wanted to use them or not. Well this is the last weekend that you could use them so she asked if we did. I said sure. Why the hell not, I've never been there before. Plus, it's free.

So Master and I went down there, and visited for a little while. I warned my mom that my brother (who is currently living with her) may not be too happy with me.

He had sent me a text on our way there, and continued texting back and forth with me for a little while. No big deal right? Well it wouldn't have been, except for the fact that he was at a god damn job orientation. So I texted him one last time, after I realized he was actually still there, and told him that he shouldn't be texting while at a job orientation unless he's on a break.

He hadn't texted me back. So I'm sure he was none too happy with me.

We visited for a little while, got the tickets, said goodbye and headed out.

Just so y'all know, we weren't in costume of any kind. Unless you count jeans and a t-shirt a costume.

We walked around, and saw all the shops. We also saw a really cool predatory bird show.

We must have walked that place a good three or four times, just looking around. We were looking for some good walking sticks, but we weren't about to pay $60 for one.

I was honestly surprised by how many people broke character. Like one of the vendors started talking about an Alice Cooper concert with Master, cause Sir was wearing an Alice Cooper t-shirt. I was like, "Seriously?" But then there were others that were die hards about it, and they were some what interesting.

On the way out we stopped at one more shop. One that sold quartz. Master and I both love quartz, and find it very beautiful.

Well they had these small clear quartz skulls. Master pointed them out to me. He knows I like that sort of thing. I'm not a goth, or emo, or anything of that nature... I just like skulls. Yeah. I'm a bit odd.

So anyway, we looked around the store and I kept coming back to the box these quartz skulls were in. Eventually I decided, screw it, I'm getting one!

I asked Master to help me pick one out. Eventually we settled on one I should get, paid for it, and left the fair.

I have no idea where to put it. But I love it.

Here is a picture of one similar to the one I have:



That's not the exact one I have, just a picture of one that is similar which I found online. I'm glad I searched online though, because I found a website that sells these! And other types of quartz skulls! Master said that I may start my own collection of them, and that He'll help me build them up over the years.

He's been wanting me to start a collection for the longest damn time. Like, since we started dating.. *giggles* He has Boba Fett memorabilia and blades. So I always have choices when it comes to "What should I get Him for insert occassion here?"

Where as He has always had to sit and wonder, and I normally don't have a clear thing that I actually want.

Now I do. I love quartz. And I think that the quartz skulls are fucking awesome. So it seems that I unknowingly started a collection today. And I'm actually pretty excited about it. Now I have something to keep an eye out for. I have something to build on. And I have something to save up for that won't end up with me going, "Well I have it.... now what?"

So I'm very excited, and Master seems very pleased by this. He enjoys my happiness. And I love that about Him.

Now I just have to decide where to put it. And what kind to buy next! There are so many possibilities.

I've wanted a collection of skulls for the longest time. But I didn't want the hokey Halloween ones. I didn't want the Celtic design ones either. I mean, they look interesting, but .... eh. Then the last thing I could think of were Day of the Dead skulls. Which are also interesting, but again... I couldn't really see myself having a collection of them.

But quartz skulls? Awesome! And they don't necessarily have to be quartz. I mean, any crystal would be interesting, and unique. So I guess I should clarify that I will be collecting crystal skulls. Human shaped skulls that is. Not the animal ones.

And now that I've rambled on for about 700 words or so about crystal skulls, I'm sure some of you are staring at your screens wondering why the hell you read this blog. *laughs*

Well Fuck It, We'll Go Ourselves

Today was my half day at work, so I was out of work at noon. Shortly after I got home Master sent me out on a few errands. He wasn't feeling the greatest, so He stayed at home. I dropped off the rent check (yay or something), picked up Radar's heart worm meds, and then stopped at the gas station.

Once I got back home Master and I relaxed for a little while. We had plans to meet up with His mother, her husband, her husband's son, and the son's fiance.

So I put on a little bit of make-up, tossed on my favorite pair of jeans, a nice top, and some heels. We took the scenic route, which was nice.

Dinner started off well enough. We were all talking and it seemed like we were all having a good time. But then Master and I started feeling.. well.. left out. They all started talking about people on KB's side of the family, which of course they all know but we don't. (KB is my mother-in-law's husband.) So as the conversations started leaning more and more towards that, it was like Master and I weren't even sitting at the damn table anymore. No one was making eye contact with us, or even acknowledging our presence.

Rude.

So eventually, when His mother all of a sudden realized that yeah, we're still at the table bitch, she steered the conversation to more general talk. So I then asked if maybe everyone wouldn't mind getting a drink after dinner. They only had beer at the restaurant, and I don't like beer, and neither does Master.

At first His mom and KB seemed all about it, and so did KB's son. They started asking where we might go, trying to figure that out. And it seemed set. The son's fiance hadn't said a word and looked kind of annoyed.

So about 15 minutes go by, and the check is getting paid. And the son's fiance said, "You know I think Baskin Robins is calling my name." (For those of you who don't know.. Baskin Robins is an ice cream place.)

That perked my mother-in-law right up, and said that sounded really good. As we were waiting for the waitress to come back with bags for the food my mother-in-law turned specifically to Master and I and said, "You know, I'm kind of tired. I think we're going to skip the bar."

Okay, so 15 minutes ago it was a great idea, and now... coincidentally after the son's fiance mentions Baskin Robins, you don't want to go anymore?

So we all go outside and I heard the fiance say something again about the fucking ice cream parlor, and no one thinks to invite us.. and Master and I are not the types to invite ourselves. In fact my mother-in-law started hugging us right away after the fiance mentioned it again, doing the good-bye hug. So I was like, "Whatever." So we said goodbye and left.

Master and I said fuck it, and we went to a bar anyway. Master had one Jack and Coke to Himself, and then we split mine. After that we went home.

I'm still kind of pissed about it though. I mean this bitch isn't even part of your family yet, and even when she is it's through your husband's son. Here is your one and only child and His wife, and you're gonna shove us off to go do something she wants to do... and not even ask if we would like to come along? What. The. Fuck.

Never mind the fact that we made a special trip down to see you. Never mind I've helped you with your POS computer, your husband's laptop, and your fucking internet connection more times than I care to count..Never mind my Husband, your son, has dropped plans we had to help you out time after time, after time. Never mind we picked you up and dusted your fat ass off when your last husband cheated on you. Nope. Forget all that.

Fuck you lady.

But of course I can't say that to her face. Have to keep the peace and all that. And I know Master feels the sting too. A lot more than I do. And I feel for the guy.

It's hard when it's your parent. I go through similar shit with my father.

I mean I get the son and his fiance are down here from another state, for the weekend. So okay, you're going to pander to them a bit. But why can't we be included? Or how about this one.. how come you never pander to what we want? Including on our own birthdays or anniversary? With us it's all about her and what she wants to do. I mean she's helped us out from time to time, but we've always paid her back in some way, shape or form.

Gah.

I don't think that the son's fiance likes me. She commented on how much I swear. She said to my Husband, "Wow. She swears like a sailor!" And she said it in kind of an "Oh my God!" tone. As if to say it bothered her or something.

You're damn right I do you fucking Miss Piggy looking cunt, and if you push me you'll find out that it's not just my tongue that's sharp.

Bracing Myself for the Weekend

It seems that when things actually happen, they all happen at once.

Tomorrow is my half day at work, which is awesome. So I will be home before 1pm, and be able to spend some extra time with my Hubby. Then, in the evening, we are having dinner with His mother, her husband, her husband's son, and his son's fiance. My mother-in-law's husband is originally from a different state, and only moved down here to be with her. So all of his family is of course, still in his home state.

They are coming down for the weekend, and for one reason or another want to see us. So that's how dinner came about. I am honestly not sure how the night is going to go, but I'm going to do my best to have a good time.

Then Saturday we have free tickets to go to a local fair, and I'm hoping to have  little spare cash, but I'm not sure how likely that is since we have to pay rent tomorrow.

Yesterday, I had called my father. I haven't talked to him since Father's Day. So... June? But yesterday was his birthday, and even though he doesn't always call me on mine, I like to be the better person and remind him that I remember his. I actually caught him at home which some what surprised me. We caught up a bit. He lost his job, but has another one.. although it's part time, it's still something. I told him about my transfer at work, and he sounded surprised.

I don't think he ever thought I'd ever make much of myself. But to me, my job is pretty damn good and more than I even thought I'd do job wise. So needless to say, I'm proud of myself. So while he sounded surprised, he also sounded happy for me. Although it's hard to tell. I do love my dad, I just don't agree with a lot of the things he does, or doesn't do. I think that sometimes it pisses him off a bit that I have done more with myself than he ever did with himself. I could be wrong on that, but it feels that way sometimes.

Anyway, while we were talking he asked when he could come visit us. That took me for a loop because he never wants to come up here. He always wants us to come to him. So I asked him to hold on for a minute and talked to Master about it. We decided that this Sunday would be best, in case Master does get that job he's going to hear about next week. So I told my dad that, and he said he would call me tomorrow or Saturday night to let me know if he would be able to or not.

So out of my 3 1/2 day weekend, it sounds like the only day we don't have anything planned is Monday. On the one hand that's a very good thing, because it will hopefully help with Master's restlessness. And on the other hand it feels like everything is happening at once, which kind of sucks.

The only thing I don't like about the possibility of my dad coming up on Sunday, is that he'll be bringing his girlfriend... who I can't fucking stand. But since she'll be in our house instead of us being in her's... it should be more tolerable.

Whoa.

Since I started in my new department, since I am obviously still learning a lot, most days I'm sitting there and finish with most of my work by my lunch break. I then spend the rest of the afternoon scrapping for work, or basically just doing small stuff to kill time.

Today was my first busy day. And apparently I'm learning more than I thought, because my trainer (who was thankfully back in the office) didn't have to say much. I was doing most of it on my own.

I think I just like knowing she's there in case there is a question, because unlike my last position at this company, there are a lot of variables.

But she says I'm doing well, so that's a good thing.

Today it was one thing after another. I'd get one thing off my desk and there were three things there to replace it. Yeah. It was one of those kind of days. But it was nice. I wasn't so busy that I couldn't breathe, but I was busy enough to actually feel it, ya know? It sure made the work day go by fast.

I got home and Master and I decided to use the money His mom paid me to set-up her computer (again) last night, to go out to dinner. Money well spent. :-) I figured it wasn't money we were counting on, so hell.. why not use it for something nice.

I'm sore though. Stupid fibromyalgia making my shoulders hurt. *shakes fist*

In other news Master is still having me grow out my pubic hair. It's the longest it's been since I was in my late teens. So.. about a decade? He said that He will let me know when I can shave it. He also said that if I'm good enough, He'll shave me instead of having me do it myself. *smiles* So I haven't brought it up at all. I know that's a quick way to annoy Him. And I'm trying to be good, I really am.

Since He had that "come to Jesus" type talk with me, I've been feeling a lot more relaxed actually. No more bullshit apparently leads to less stress. Who knew.

Okay, so yeah I did. But now that the leash is tight (like wrapped around His fist tight) I feel more relaxed, more docile, and more.... well... I just want to be near Him as much as possible. Like even though the leash is tight when I'm at work, or we're not in the same room, I want to feel it more. And the closer I am to Him, the tighter it feels.

I've taken to sleeping on the couch again, when He's not ready for bed. Just so I can be near Him, instead of down the lonely hall way in the lonely bedroom, in the empty bed.

It's just... well hell. I don't really know how to explain it, but I'm sure some of you are nodding a long anyway... *giggles*