Healthy Marriage

This morning I woke up Master by stroking His cock. Thankfully He wasn't laying on His stomach, or that would have been impossible. I had fallen asleep last night in full lingerie, on the couch. And by the time we went to bed I was still just kind of a zombie and passed out again rather quickly. I had been battling a headache all day, which is why I think my body was like "Fuck this," and made me sleep.

So I woke up horny. He let me stroke Him for a while as He woke up more and rolled onto His back. His back was bothering Him a little, so He had me get on top and ride Him.

After we came together we went out into the living room and had coffee.

It's been a pretty good day. But one thing that's been on my mind lately is health. Mine in particular, but also His of course.

I mean I'm starting to make doctor appointments and all that to get that all taken care of, but that's just a part of being healthy.

Of course we both smoke. About a pack a day a piece. Now not only is that unhealthy, but it's also expensive as hell. It's a little over $6 per pack. So that's about $13 a day for both of us to smoke which equals out to $91 a week which equals out to $364 a month. That's a lot of money. Money we really don't have, but spend in the name of an addiction to nicotine.

We've talked about quitting before. I've stopped for maybe a day, and then I'm just like fuck it, I can't do this... I don't even really want to do this so why am I?

And it sucks. They are excuses, and excuses are a sign of weakness, which I really don't like. And neither does Master.

And I think another thing that keeps us on the cigarettes is the fact that well.... we get extremely cranky without them. Okay, more than cranky. I become a bitch and He becomes an asshole. In bad ways.

We start fighting and the fighting gets our blood up and getting the blood up makes us want a cigarette, which pisses us off even more.

It's really a nasty cycle. I started smoking on and off when I was 15. I didn't start smoking heavily until I was 19. But still, all told I've been smoking for 12 years.

Master started when He was 18 so He's been smoking for 17 years.

And at the ripe old age of 27 I can already feel the effects. I sometimes feel out of breath, or suddenly I'll start coughing for no reason. It's fucked up.

So.. do I try this again? Do I attempt to quit once more? I've looked into quitting aids, and holy shit they are more expensive then a week's worth of cigarettes! And when one of your goals is to save money, what the fuck is the point when it's cheaper to keep smoking than it is to buy the patches. And the gum is just fucking nasty. I had one once, when my dad was trying to quit. So that leaves doing it cold turkey.

But I need to be strong, and I need to get through the first part of it without going, "Well I'll just bum a cigarette.... and then I won't have another one."

And I need Master to not give in when I get bitchy. I need Him to just tell me to knock it off or force me to calm down some other way, and not allow me to have a cigarette. To not bum me one (if He has any) or hand me one out of pure frustration or to get me to calm down.

And I need Him to not let me break down and buy a pack.

Hell just this morning while I was riding Him, I suddenly felt out of breath and then it passed. It was weird. I didn't like that feeling at all. And He kind of gave me a worried look when I told Him about it.

It'll be rough. Very rough, because some of the physical side effects of quitting is depression and anxiety. Both of which I already battle. But it should be short lived. They say that it takes about three days to actually get it out of your system.

I think tomorrow I'm going to buy a huge thing of sugar free gum.

I really do want to do this. Not just so I have more money in my pocket, but also because the sudden shortness of breath every now and again is really starting to bother me. And the coughing. And I'm sick of standing outside when it's raining or I'm cold (like in the winter) to get those few puffs in. And now ya can't smoke inside a public place anymore, but the prices of cigarettes keep going up. It's like the price keeps getting jacked, and it's still legal, but you can't do it in all the places you use to.

And I know this is cheating, but I'm finishing this pack. I have nine left. And I'm not throwing money in the garbage. I'm not. Plus if I start quitting on a work day, I'm less likely to be an utter and complete bitch once the weekend hits. I think I can finish nine cigarettes by the time we go to bed.