Fighting It Off

Normally during my period I suffer from depression.

Honestly, I used to be on medication for it when I was about 13 till about 15. I took myself off the medications because I was nothing more than a zombie on it. I was not an individual at all. And I hated it.

Since that time I have gotten better. Now it only really hits me when I'm on the rag. To offset that, among other things, I have started taking menstrual related OTC medications. And they help a lot.

But I stop taking them once I stop bleeding because I don't want my body to get used to them. But for some stupid reason, the depression is sticking with me a bit. It's not overwhelming. I'm still functional. It's mainly just a feeling of being down.

It comes and it goes. It sucks.

I'm of course use to fighting it back and pulling myself out of the funk, but sometimes it's harder than others. Practice makes perfect though. *smirks*

It's not dark thoughts, it's not anything alarming at all... it's just a funk. One of those things where you feel like you're just floating along with a "meh" mind set.

Work? Meh.

Sleep? Meh.

Relaxation? Meh.

But it's getting better. The funky moods are getting shorter. I'm getting faster at bitch slapping that mind set to the back of my head and going STFU and STFD.

Today it was only affecting me for maybe about an hour before I could pull myself out of it completely.

It actually pisses me off when I get in those kind of moods. It really does.

It makes me feel weak, and I hate that. It's my brain damnit.

And that's been my mind set about that whole thing, as well as my fibromyalgia. It's my brain and it's my body. So I can find ways to deal with it without a doctor's help. I tried doctor's help for years, and all they wanted to do was drug me and make me feel like my life was passing me by. Doctors gave up and just wanted to "maintain".

Well I don't want to maintain. I want to live. And that's what I've been doing. Sometimes these moods swing back, but they did that with the medications as well. I think my way is better.