Lets see here... why on Earth would someone tell me I'm a sick bitch. *ponders this*
Well, there is that whole romance in death thing. Ya know, that whole morbid thing I have going on. But no, Master is totally accepting of that part of me. Thankfully. A lot of people think that is weird, fucked up, etc. But not Master. He actually likes some of my quirks regarding that.
Nope. What Master is referring to is the fact that I mentally get off from fear. I like it when He scares me a bit. And I don't mean when He walks up on me, quiet as can be, while I'm in the bathroom or kitchen. As much of a brick wall as that man of mine is, He can be basically silent when He's walking. He has made me jump by seemingly appearing out of nowhere more times than I can count. You would think I would be used to it by now. He always laughs at me when it happens.
The fear I'm talking about though has nothing to do with that. No I mean the sexual kind of fear. Basically, think of something fucked up that is sexual in nature and induces fear and that is what I mentally get off on.
I thought of Him when I saw this:
Now, spanking isn't scary. Well... unless a belt is involved because that shit fucking hurts. It hurts where I don't think I'm getting any sexual pleasure out of it at all but then Master will dip His fingers in between my legs and it's like Niagara Falls down there. That's normally a good time for Him to call me a sick bitch. *nods*
Sometimes He'll be describing something that horrifies me to a point but also turns me on beyond belief. There was a time where He would hold a knife and run the tip along my skin or hold it close to my throat. (Not close enough that if I twitched it would end horribly, but close enough to scare the ever living hell out of me, in a good way.) That hasn't happened in years. That is not a complaint by the way. There are quite a few things that we did a lot that we just don't do anymore. Edge play. Wax play. Things of that nature.
Choking is a huge turn on for me. I've never passed out from it. I've gotten very close to it though. One particular instance comes to mind.
I was on all fours and He was fucking me. He reached forward and wrapped His hand around my neck. He must of squeezed just right and while I didn't pass out, my upper body collapsed on the bed. He let my neck slip out of His hand. My sight was gone for a few seconds but I was still aware of what was going on. It was like a mini black out I guess. It scared me but I also got a hell of a lot wetter. As soon as I fully came out of it I went back to propping myself up on my hands. He asked if I was okay and I nodded my head and we continued.
What I find interesting now, looking back on it, is that I didn't allow my hips to fall at all. That would have fucked up Master's rhythm and made Him slip out.
I do have this standing thing where if it gets to be too scary for me, I can tap His hand or arm, or basically whatever I can reach and He'll ease up. He is always careful and pays very close attention. I do love it when He's choking me and fucking me really hard and He tells me to either cum or pass out. *swoons*
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