I agree with Him and I knew this but for some reason I reverted to that old standby answer. And I shouldn't have. I know I shouldn't have. I did tell Him this morning, in a note, that the fact that my birthday is around the corner had me kind of down. Not because I'll be turning 29, but because I felt like there wasn't anything special I could do for it. The stupid thing is that normally I don't care about my birthday, but for some reason this year I want to do something or get myself something, etc. But the problem is I never really want anything (unless it's a tattoo) and I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do. So that was bothering me. Never mind my birthday is 6 weeks away.
It all sounds stupid I'm sure. When I got home from work today I told Master all this and He said that we would figure something out as far as what to do for my birthday. He told me to start thinking on it and reminded me that I have plenty of time to figure it out.
However, because I didn't tell Him what was going on inside my head, after three days of answering with that damn standby answer, He wasn't going to let it slide. He needs me to tell Him these things so He can gauge where I'm at inside my head and so He knows to keep a closer eye on me so I don't spiral out of control of sink down into a hole that will take me a long time to crawl out of, like I have in the past.
Because of this my Master came up with an interesting way of punishing me for it. To both punish me, and to make me look forward to my birthday, from now until my birthday I will be in "toy mode" when we have sex. This simply means that I will not be allowed to orgasm.
A fitting punishment and definitely a way to make me look forward to my birthday.
Hello kitten...
ReplyDeleteCommunicating with your Owner when they need to look out for you is very important. Especially if one is sometimes prone to depression or anxiety. I know that I suffer from those sometimes and that it is Paladin's job to be sure that I communicate with him. My pat word is 'fine' when he asks how I am. Now, that is a cue that I am NOT fine.. and he never lets it go at that. I'm trying to learn to be able to describe it too, although like you, sometimes I'm not sure what is bothering me.. or perhaps which aspect is bothering me most. *smiles*
So.. with six weeks to go before your birthday... I bet you'll be quite ready to blast off when it's time!
Safe paths and warm smiles,
Mystress
Mystress, I know that Master wants to keep a close eye on me and it honestly does drive Him nuts when I say "Nothing". I said it so often over the years before I was diagnosed as bipolar and put on medication. I normally do pretty well at keeping Him informed and trying to keep away from that answer. But for whatever reason this time I failed at that. And you're right! I'll be more than ready.. lol Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYeah kitten before she got diagnosed would use the nothing answer as a general blow off. Granted I am still getting used to her nuances while on meds so I will except nothing as an answer as long as it is truthful. But after three days of it..no way. Kitten just slipped is all it's bound to happen now and again, no one is perfect. I actually give her credit cause she has handled all of this way above and beyond what I expected. She's a hell of a strong woman I just think at times she sees this as a weakness. She doesn't like to admitting to weakness (or what to her is one) so she won't admit at times to me what is going on.
ReplyDeleteNever mind the fact I tell her this is nothing you can control. This is a chemical/biological deal. You can't fight your own body and win. So how the hell is that weak? She is starting to come around and see it. Just have to knock that vanity down a bit more here and there and get her to admit when something is up, rather than have me pry for three days..lol
kitten and Master Coyote...
ReplyDeleteKeeping track of health, and especially depression is very important Indeed. I can understand Master Coyote how she feels. The military PTSD I am dealing with sometimes makes me feel weak too, but like you said, certain things aren't weak, they just are and we both have to learn that I guess. *smiles*
You are both so very very lucky to have each other. The love and care you have each other is so obvious. Having such strong support means everything!
Best to you both all ways,
warmly,
Mystress