Center Myself

Master told me today that I have seemed off and distant the past few days. He had mentioned it in passing yesterday and the day before but I just told Him I was sore. Honestly I hadn't even noticed that I was acting like that. But when He stops and brings it up fully I have to take notice to that. So I thought about it a little bit and stated that I have been sore lately and getting bad headaches on and off the past few days. I also realized that I am due for my period any day now so I told Him that as well. I promised Him I would try to keep a better eye on it. He told me to just keep Him updated.

Obviously even though I am medicated my moods can still fluctuate and yes, I don't always notice the differences or that I'm acting differently. So I rely on Him to bring these things to my attention so I can try to catch it earlier.

I just haven't had a lot of energy lately and the on and off headaches are driving me nuts. Another good indicator that shark week is about to begin. (Shark week... period... ha ha funny...)

I wish there was a cure for this shit. I hate having to keep all this in mind at one time. I know Master is helping as best He can, and trust me it's a huge help. It still sucks though.

All I could think about today was getting home, putting on one of Master's t-shirts and being lazy. And that's exactly what I'm doing.

I'm not depressed, I know that for sure. I am a lot worse when I'm depressed. I will barely talk, I don't even want to really look at anything. I gaze off into nothing a lot when I'm depressed and it's hard to get me to respond.

So, this isn't it.

When Master told me to start my nightly routine I went to do my blog post and popped in my ear buds. Listening to music with ear buds in really helps me kind of center myself. You would think that it would make my spaced out feeling worse, but music makes me focus. I know it sounds cliche but music has helped me a lot over the course of my lifetime.

It helps center me as I said. It doesn't matter what mood I'm in music will make me focus really quick. I don't really know how to explain it or why it has that effect on me. I crank the music up when I'm in a bad mood or just need to jump start myself. I crank the music if I'm upset. It's different songs and different bands depending on the mood I'm in.

But now, I'm sure how I act at concerts makes a lot more sense. I'm very alert and energetic. It's like a natural high.

Oh, I have found a song that I love at the moment. Master listened to it and thinks I'm nuts. We are both into really hard rock and heavy metal music. But there are some differences as to the bands/songs. This is one that I love a lot and He thinks sucks. *shrugs* This is why I listen to it when I have my ear buds in. *laughs*

It kind of reminds me of the dynamic and just being sick in the head. I don't meant that to sound negative at all.

I have listened to other songs by this band and eh.. not really into it. But this song? Love the hell out of it.