Random Thoughts

I have some things I could post about but rather than breaking it up over the next few days I want to do as much of it as I can in one post. So I'll be covering several topics. Please try to not get lost. ;-)

Last night we went out to dinner with my mother-in-law and her husband to celebrate Master's birthday. Honestly Master had gotten up to the point that if His mother started anything, like taking small digs and what not, which she is famous for, He was going to fire back. He wasn't going to just let it go without a comment basically. That being said, nothing happened. We all had a good time, His mother didn't take any digs at all. In fact she told us that we didn't have to come down on Sunday because they were going to paint the smaller rooms first and really only needed our help painting the living room. That honestly caught us off guard. In fact, the whole feel of the dinner caught us off guard. She was in a good mood, as was her husband, no digs, no back handed compliments. Nothing. She was pleasant and talkative. Everything she said was positive. It was.. weird. So while we had a good time we left going, "What the hell just happened?"

Odd, I know.

The rest of Master's birthday was spent with us at home talking and having a good time. He then said something very sweet. He said He was glad that I had taken the day off of work. Normally He doesn't want me to take off of work unless it's important. I had told Him that His birthday is important. But when I initially brought it up He hemmed and hawed about it. He eventually gave me permission to do so. He said He was glad that I had taken it off because He had such a good day with me and He was thankful for the extra time with me. He didn't say it, but I think what He was getting at was it meant a lot to Him that I had taken His birthday off even though we really didn't do much but sit at home. I didn't take it off for a party, or for a night out on the town. I had simply taken it off to be with Him on His birthday. While He doesn't really like His birthday I know it bothers Him when people don't remember it. So for me to take the day off to just be with Him, I think it meant a lot to Him. And that makes me very happy. That's all I really wanted. I wanted to be with Him on His birthday. It's as simple as that.

We are also glad that we don't have to go to His mother's on Sunday. We don't really have the gas money for it and my paycheck isn't until Friday. On top of that I really don't like doing a lot of Sundays. Especially if it's something where we aren't going to get home until 8pm. I may stay up on Sunday anyway, but it's at home and I can relax. I don't have to come home and unwind. Plus that means that Master and I can do our own thing.

Okay, now onto the subject of finances and relationships. Most of you probably already know that our finances aren't that great. We get by but we can't splurge often and even when we do it's not much. We do something simple, like go out to dinner. And even with that it's not an expensive restaurant. We simply have to keep a tight grip on our finances. One of the things I love about our bank is that we have the option of making our accounts where you literally can not go over. Which is the option we took. You can not go over whats in your account, which also means you can't get overdraft fees. Now where that would suck in an emergency situation it's great for day to day shit. For instance, if we happen to not realize we don't have that much money in the account when we go shopping, it'll simply deny the card rather than letting it go through and getting an additional $25 fee tacked onto it. That helps a lot.

They say that one of the most likely things to end a relationship or a marriage is financial stress. Now where we do get stressed and can get snippy with each other because of it, it will not end our marriage. We take our vows very seriously and one of them is for richer or poorer. Another one being in sickness or in health. Master has a blood disorder where if He gets a cold it can quickly become pneumonia which can quite literally kill Him if it is not caught in the very early stages. Then there is my chronic pain and bipolar disorder. So there are health problems on both sides of the coin.

Yeah, I know. Anyone who is married, or has been married, knows the vows. But still, pointing them out now and then helps keep our stress levels down.

HG, the fiance of BC, at one point asked how long we had waited until we got married. I told her that we got engaged at the 2 1/2 year mark but didn't get married until the 4 year mark. She asked if part of it had been because of finances. And admittedly that was part of the reason but even then we didn't spend a lot. The most expensive thing was our honeymoon and even then comparatively speaking to other honeymoons I've heard of, it was a rather modest honeymoon. We spent $200 on the actual wedding, including the marriage license and $500 on the reception including food and a bartender, but it was a cash bar. We didn't have a DJ or a band. We had a boombox and burned CDs. But we loved it. Everyone had a great time. We danced to our song and that was it. The rest of the music was just to have a good time. Our wedding rings, which are titanium, were only $400. I don't have an engagement ring because I proposed to Him and I hate diamonds anyway.

So HG then asked why we hadn't gone all out on it. I told her that we didn't need that. All we wanted was to be married. I wanted to be Mrs. Coyote. He wanted me as His wife. All we needed were the rings, an official that could marry us and the piece of paper that made it official. Everything else was trimmings. Although honestly we did want to have some kind of celebration afterward with our family and friends. But $500 on the whole reception isn't that much at all.

She then asked what happened after the wedding. I told her that as soon as we got back from the honeymoon we were tight on finances. And slowly but surely we became broke. She asked why we had bothered then. I got insulted by that question. What do you mean why did we bother? Fuck you very much. We bothered because we wanted to be married and it was important to us that we be married on our four year anniversary. She thought it was weird that we got married on a Wednesday. I simply explained that that was our anniversary and it didn't matter at all to us what day of the week it was on.

So now lets go into the situation... I don't know if I would call it ironic.. but it's makes me feel a little good inside. That may sound horrible when I explain the situation but the way she sounded like she was talking down to us for how our wedding was handled.. it makes me smirk a bit. Kind of a karma thing. Her words came to bite her right in the ass.

HG and BC got engaged on their 2 year anniversary. BC had spent over $3,000 on just the engagement ring. To me that sounds like way too much money to spend on a piece of jewelry. Way, way too much. In fact he bought it on their year mark and hadn't paid it off until their second anniversary.

Okay.. they had moved in together at about the year and a half mark. They had bought lots of appliances that were not cheap at all. A washer and dryer, things that came from Bed Bath & Beyond.. basically anything that comes from Walmart, Alids, or K-mart is beneath her. Now where I understand that a lot of people may not shop at such places if they don't have to. But if you don't have the money to buy the more expensive shit then it's not beneath a lot of people (in my opinion) to shop at such places. You do what you have to do. But not her. Oh no.

So back to the engagement part. BC took her out to Vegas at one of the ritzy hotels right on the strip. He spent a lot of money on wining and dining her. Then he purposed and she had said yes. Since they got back they have been going on mini vacations every other week. And not cheap ones. It's not like they went camping or anything.

They were planning a big expensive wedding. She wanted to spend about $5,000 on her dress alone. And now? Oh now they had to break their lease at the duplex they were renting and move in with his parents. They lived way outside their means and BC dropped a salary job, guaranteed money, to work a commission only job because she pushed him to saying that he could make a lot more money. Never mind it was further away from home. Never mind there is no base pay and is strictly commission. She thought there would be a lot more money in it. She was wrong. Her job makes decent money but not enough to support both of them, a $500 a month car payment, bills, rather high rent and their standard of living.

So rather than lowering her taste for expensive things (they could easily have afforded at least the rent and car payment if they had stopped buying such expensive shit and not going three hours away and staying in nice hotels every other weekend) they decided that they would break their lease and move in with his parents so she could still do the things she wanted to do. Plus, they won't pay his parents rent and they get the entire upstairs to themselves. They aren't even going to help pay bills. That is very disrespectful of both of them to his parents.

Now us? During the times that Master was not working or we both had low paying jobs it got scary. In fact at one point we were so behind on our bills that we had to sell Master's car to get caught up. It sucked. But we did it. Right now I make decent money and Master is not working. He is sending out applications like a mad man and I've been tossing out ones online for Him from time to time. We are busting our asses basically. But you know what? As tight as our finances have been we have never once even remotely considered moving in with family. We have always kept a roof over our heads, the bills paid, food in the house (although sometimes rather cheap food), food for the animals and at least some gas in the car. It's tight and it's frustrating but we do what we have to to keep our independence, not have to rely on anyone and not put anybody out. We have sometimes had to borrow money, but we pay it back every time as quickly as possible. It's normally about $50. There was one time that we borrowed $350, but that was in order to get the brakes and rotors replaced on our car as it was getting to the point that it was no longer safe to wait any longer. Even with that we are paying it back as much as we can each and every month.

But we don't live outside of our means. If we don't have the money then we don't have the fucking money. In fact we worry more about getting the animals their food before we worry about our own. If that means cutting down on our grocery money so be eat. We don't starve. We eat every day. It's just not steak that week.

And because of that, we get by and we have what we need. We may not be able to get things we want, things that aren't necessities, but we know that eventually we will. We know we can live with out and everything else is much more important.

I just can't understand people who must have the finer things even if that means having to move back in with mommy and daddy.