More Tweaking

Not that long ago I posted about how I had called Dr. L and the result of the conversation was having me taking 1 1/2 pills to get me through until our next appointment where we could discuss everything at length.

Today was my appointment with Dr. L. When I got out of work I was hyper, actually a bit more than hyper. I was on the low end of a manic phase. Master picked me up from work. He immediately noticed that I was really active physically and mentally. I was commenting on everything, I couldn't sit still for long. I was talking His ear off.

He took me home and I had about an hour to relax before I had to head back out. I made it to my appointment barely on time. I was taking my normal route when I noticed that traffic was really backed up. I just figured it was busy since it's almost rush hour. But as I inched closed I realized that the street was closed due to an accident. Fuck.

So I make a quick decision to turn left on a road I am not familiar with at all. But I knew that if I just kept going I would eventually hit a road I am familiar with. Eventually I did and turned right. I took that down to another road I knew well and ended up where I needed to be in order to get to me appointment. The appointment was at 3:15pm and I got there at 3:13pm. Not bad for needing to figure out an alternate route at the last minute.

Dr. L called me back and I told him about my very sudden melt down last Sunday night. I told him how it had scared me and it had scared my Husband. I also told him how I was feeling this morning/early afternoon. He asked how I felt right there and then. I told him I felt fidgety. He nodded his head and told me that he is upping my meds to 300 milligrams a day. So I am to take two 150 milligram pills a night. The pills taste nasty as hell, but I don't get any side effects from it what so ever and I like that. And I trust Dr. L a lot. He is the first shrink in my life that I have trusted. I saw a few of them when I was a teen. They never listened to me and only wanted to over medicate me to the point of zombie mode. Dr. L doesn't want to do that.

He did say that I should come back in early August for a check-in. I made the appointment before I left. I also asked him if there was anything my Husband could do to help me through those sudden drops. He said that Master sending me to the bedroom was actually a good idea. (He doesn't know of our dynamic but I told him that Master didn't know what else to do and He was trying to help.) He said that is one way of dealing with the sudden down shift because I feel "safe" in our bed and it was dark. He said the other thing Master could try to do is to hold me tightly and talk softly to try and calm me down.

That may sound odd, but when I get like that if I'm sitting down I pull my knees up to my chest, hold my legs and alternate between rubbing my head or laying my forehead on my knees. So Dr. L said that it may work better if Master is the one holding me tight and either rocking me a little or rub my back or hair. He said that since Master and I have a strong bond and I feel safer when He is around (information I have freely admitted to him because I felt it was important) maybe I'll be able to come out of it quicker if I am basically wrapped up tightly to Him and try to breathe slowly.

I haven't told that part to Master yet because as soon as I got home from the pharmacist I had to run back out, we ate dinner, and then I crashed out on the couch. I'll be telling Him when He gets back. He's currently running to the gas station.

I'm glad that Dr. L told me that. And I'm also glad that he doesn't find it weird that I am so "dependent" on Master. He said it is important that Master is so supportive. He said not all marriages are like that and he's glad I have someone to lean on. Dr. L is awesome.

As far as my meds go if the 300 milligrams don't do the trick he will need to see me a bit more often to see if he should just up the dosage or add another medication in addition to what I am already taking. I'm hoping the 300 is enough. He did say to give it at least a week since it is something that has to build in my system.