Let The Fighting Begin!

The weather has been up and down lately. It's either really nice out or it's somewhat chilly out. Today it is chilly outside. We didn't want to do a lot today, so we mainly just relaxed. Eventually though Master decided He wanted to trade a couple of His video games in and so we headed out shortly there after.

Master has been making comments recently that He never sees me in heels when we leave the apartment anymore. Granted, the main reason we leave the apartment these days is to either go visit someone or to do a few errands. As a result I just found it easier to toss on a pair of sneakers and leave. But He's right. I haven't worn heels when we go out in a long time. So when I got dressed today I wore my jeans, a top, my jean jacket and my heeled boots. I had gotten dressed in the bedroom while Master was in the living room. He of course immediately noticed that I was in heels.

He kind of chuckled and said, "Feeling tall today babe?" That would be a short joke ladies and gentlemen. He is 6'4" and I'm 5'1". So yeah, there is just a tiny bit of a difference there. He calls me short, I call Him a sasquatch, it's all good.

But I simply said that I knew He wanted me to wear heels more, so I did. He said thank you and smiled at me. Now granted He could just order me to wear heels but He likes me to take the initiative when I know damn well that He likes me in heels.

Like I said, we were just making two stops but it made Him happy that I was in heels so I was happy to do so. Thankfully they were boots since it would be too cold out for regular heels. Unless the heels are boots, all my heels are open toe. I hate the standard heel. I don't know why, I just don't like the look of it.

So we stopped at the dollar store and picked up a few things before heading to the game store. He traded in His games and we had enough to get a fighting game we both enjoy. Since we've gotten home Master has been playing around with it. I'm sure later I'll start playing too.

I know this is a short post, but all I really can say is that it's been a really relaxing Saturday and that I have a feeling Master is going to kick my ass in that video game at some point tonight.

Mania Is Better Than Caffeine

You know how I was wondering how the fuck I wasn't worn the hell out? Well, that continued into the night. Eventually I just laid down on the couch with my throw blanket and drifted off to sleep while watching TV with Master. I don't know how long He allowed me to sleep there. I do remember that He eventually did wake me up and I drifted off to the bedroom and got comfortable, immediately falling asleep once my head hit the pillow.

This morning I got up at my normal week day time. But even with that when the alarm went off I wanted to just throw it across the room and pull the blanket over my head and keep sleeping. Unfortunately I knew I couldn't do that.

I was feeling pretty groggy when out of nowhere around 10am I got very fucking hyper. It was like going from 0 to 10 in the time it takes you to snap your fingers. I just had to keep moving somehow. I was sitting at a desk working so there wasn't a lot I could do. But I would just kind of move my head a little and tap my foot against the floor. Anything to just move. I couldn't sit still and for some really weird reason hard rock and heavy metal songs were going through my head so that made me want to move more. I actually started lightly humming the songs I was hearing in my head. Thankfully no one heard me.

I stayed that way for most of the afternoon. It wasn't until about 3pm that I was able to relax into more of a normal mood.

I'm not really used to that sudden feeling of mania anymore. I've only ever had one energy drink at a time but that feeling, I think, would be like having five energy drinks and drinking them like they are shots and feeling it all kick in at once.

Even though I couldn't sit still I was extremely focused and knocking my work out. It felt like I got more done today than I did yesterday when I worked damn near 11 hours.

Normally though after a fit of mania like that I feel incredibly drained afterward. But not today. When it started to wear off I felt normal. I didn't feel tired or drained. I'm still feeling pretty good and it's almost 8pm. So if I do crash I don't think it'll be until late tonight.

How Am I Not Exhausted?!

I know I said I hate blogging about work but this only touches on it a little bit. I had to get up really early this morning. Last night I was tired but I wasn't exhausted. But I made myself go to bed at 11pm rather than 11:30pm. It took me a while to fall asleep. I was doing that damn toss and turn and glance at the clock thinking a half hour has gone by and it's only been five minutes. I hate that. I hate it a lot. I think I finally nodded off around midnight. I got up this morning at 4:30am. I personally feel that it should be illegal to be up that damn early. Seriously. It's dark as hell out.

I always take the dog out before I go to work. He's used to going out around 6:30am as it's right before my carpool gets here. But I took him as soon as I got dressed. He was looking at me with that "just five more minutes" look.

It's bad when the dog is looking at you like it's too damn early to be awake.

I made it to work by 5:30am and starting knocking things out. I got out of work at 4:42pm and headed home. I thought I would be tired as hell by the time I walked in the door but I honestly don't feel tired at all. In fact I haven't felt tired all day. So I don't know if the second wind kicked in right before I felt exhausted or what, but I am wide the fuck awake right now.

For some reason I think that'll change by 10pm. I don't want to fall asleep then though. I want some time at home while being awake before I crash.

I'm glad that the week is almost over. On Friday, after I get out of work,  I'm going to visit my mom. Master is staying home as my mom wants to bum around and it's not something Master wants to be dragged around for. Plus I know He'd be bored as hell. Mom is taking me back to Goodwill to buy more work clothes! That's really sweet of her. And I just wanna say that shopping at Goodwill can take a while. There is just so much to look through! That's why I know He would be bored. He doesn't mind going clothes shopping with me but I've never taken Him clothes shopping with me where I have to try on a lot of things or have to really dig through stuff to find what I want.

Speaking of Goodwill work clothes I modeled some of the new stuff for Master. He loves them. He says I don't look like a yuppie at all. Bonus! I'm not saying looking like a yuppie is a bad thing it's just not who I am or how I dress. So being able to still look professional but still have my own look is wonderful. He especially loved the black pinstripe slacks with a nice tight top. He also loved how my ass looked in the pants. *smirks* I did ask Him if He would be okay with me wearing such things in a work enviroment. I've heard of husbands or boyfriends that get pissy if you look really good in work clothes. They go after that whole "Who are you dressing up for?!" thing. I asked Master this time because I've never worn professional looking clothing. The most I've had to dress up is in khakis.

But He was completely okay with it and I think in part it's because I'm not only representing myself but I am representing Him as well no matter where I am. Which is another reason why I want to start dressing better when Him and I go on errands or go bumming around. This also means I need new dresses and skirts with nice tops. Maybe I can find some of those at Goodwill too.

After that Mom and I are going grocery shopping. So it's a mother and daughter day. She loves those and so do I.

After Friday the weekend is clear.

Dragging On

I'm so glad I had that extended weekend with Master. This week is dragging ass and majorly sucking at the same time. Yes, it's work only. Nothing is wrong otherwise.

I just really do not want to blog about work. I have to deal with it enough without having to post about it here. I know, no one forces me to do those posts and yes they helped with stress but I'm sick of it. What sucks more is that I'm so brain dead today after work that I'm not sure what else to blog about. *sigh* So I'll just ramble for a bit.

Master was really sweet last night. I told Him that my lower back was bothering me. He had me lay on the floor while we watched Netflix and worked on my back for 45 minutes. I was jello afterward. As the night went on I cuddled up on the couch with my throw blanket and the pup curled up on the couch with me, leaning against my legs. I was so comfortable that I started to nod off. Master kind of chuckled and asked if I wanted to go to bed. I said I wanted to stay out in the living room with Him.

As a compromise He told me that I could sleep on the couch until 11:30pm. It was about 10pm when I started to nod off, which is rare. Normally I'm awake until my bedtime which is 11:30pm and even then I have to force myself to sleep half the time.

So I must have been pretty damn tired. So I was allowed to sleep on the couch. Master woke me up at 11:30pm sharp and gave me a hug and a kiss before gently directing me to the direction the bedroom is. I was way out of it. I only remember waking up to get a hug and kiss and then my head hitting the pillow in the bedroom.

Tonight is rather relaxed. We watched some TV and then Master told me to go do my nightly routine. So I did my mood tracker and now I'm doing my blog post. All I have to do now is take my shower.

How He Sees Me

I don't know why this popped into my head today, but over the weekend I commented on how long my hair has gotten over the fall and winter. During the summer the heat had gotten to me as it had the year before and Master cut my hair short again. (He did it the year prior as well.) Master liked it short, but it also felt odd that He couldn't really use my hair as a handle. I mean yes, He could get me by the hair and it would actually hurt more because the hair was shorter, but He couldn't use it like a handle like He had been able to before He cut it.

It's not that He thought it looked bad, He enjoyed the look. So I asked Master if this summer He wanted me to keep it long or cut it short again. He told me that even though He liked the short look He prefers the long hair and wants me to keep it that way. I have no problem with that at all. I think I look good either way but since I've had long hair most of my life it just looks more familiar to me and there for looks better for some odd reason.

Plus, I know Master loves it when my hair is long, as He's stated. Right now it's just past the tips of my shoulder blades, so it's almost to the middle of my back. I will continue to grow it out and will just make sure to keep hair ties on me in case it gets too damn hot out.

The other thing with my hair is that I used to love putting hair dye in it. I had blonde streaks for quite some time (I'm a brunette) and Master seemed to enjoy those for a while as well. I had them when we first met. But I got tired of the blonde streaks so I just let them grow out and chopped off the ends once it was long enough.

Not that long ago Master allowed me to try and dye my hair again. It was supposed to be a dark auburn with red highlights. Honestly it didn't make that much of a change. It just kind of gave my hair a reddish tint to it. It didn't look horrible, it just wasn't the result I thought it would be. That was a while ago. I don't remember how long exactly. But now it's very, very faint and just looks more like natural reddish highlights that I get in the summer anyway. In other words, it's faded dramatically.

Master has told me that He prefers me more natural. Whether that be make-up, hair or nails. My make-up is pretty basic. Lipstick and eye liner. And I don't wear it every day and Master doesn't really want me to either. My nails? He doesn't mind at all when I paint them. But I had acrylic nails for a while and yes they looked good but Master prefers my natural nails, so I let those grow out a bit and took them off myself. That hurt. So the hair... no more hair dye unless He tells me to dye it, which is unlikely. I'll just let this faded look grow out and eventually trim the hair little by little until it's all gone.

I don't know why I liked dying my hair. I still kind of do. But it's not about me. Yes, I have to look at myself in the mirror every day but it's what He finds attractive that I am most concerned with.

Plus side to Master wanting me to stay more natural? Less maintenance. I don't have to worry about getting my nails "filled" every few weeks or making sure my roots aren't showing, etc.

I have some silver hairs showing. Not many, just a few. Apparently I'm not going gray, I'm going silver! Hell, who knows, once it starts showing up more it might grow into a really kick ass streak of silver.

I know I have fought Him with the hair dye a few times over, just because I wanted it done and thought it would look nice. But what He wants is more important and I'm finally getting that through my thick skull. I've always actually felt that way but sometimes I tried to convince Him what we should go with what I wanted and that's not a good thing at all.

Some people may think it's only because of our dynamic. While that does play a part in it it's also because we're married. He's my Husband and I want to look good for Him. What I may think would look better doesn't mean He would agree. And I'm always trying to please Him. I always want Him to be proud of me and to have me on His arm. And how do I make sure I look good on His arm? By going with what He wants.

I also want to start buying more skirts and dresses. He says I look really good in jeans, but He wants more skirts and dresses. And so I shall buy them. I'll have to do it piece by piece but that's okay. It's only March and I have all summer to find cute outfits that He'll love on me.

Fucked Into Submission

Master and I have been making the most of my extended weekend by fucking as often as possible. It's one of the best ways to spend a weekend, in my opinion.

Last night was no exception. Master did many wonderful and some painful things. He licked my ass for a while, He really enjoys doing that and then ate me out and brought me to a very strong orgasm. But rather than completely stopping once the orgasm was done He continued to lightly lick and suck on my clit while fingering me very slowly. That is when I started to hit my sub space. He then pulled my up by my neck and forced me to lay on my stomach so I could suck His cock. (Those are the times where I really notice that my collar isn't on as He used to constantly pull and tug on it to get me to move how He wanted me to.)

I suckled and slowly licked the underside of His cock and deep throated Him a few times but without moving so He could just enjoy that sensation in and of itself. He really seemed to enjoy it. He made me a promise as He pulled my head of His dick. He said that by the time He was done my pussy would be bruised. And Master always keeps His promises.

He had me lay on my back and allowed me to orgasm a few times before switching to a different position. He then stopped fucking me and told me to clean Him off early. So He knelt there with His cock in my face while I laid half on my side so I could comfortably suck His dick. As I did so He reached down and dipped His fingers inside me before rubbing my own cum up and down my pussy lips and gently circling my clit.

He then had me get on all fours so that He could push two pillows under my hips and pushed my upper body down. This way I was still propped up enough for Him to get very deep but while still laying down so He had an easier time pinning me to the bed.

I felt raw even though I was soaking wet. Every time He thrust into me it felt like He was hitting a bruise inside of me. When He came He made sure to  push one of His knees up by my ribs so that He slipped in even more as He bucked His hips against me, filling me with my reward.

I cleaned His cock off afterward and He had me scent myself. I was incredibly tender and sore. It hurt to touch myself. I whimpered as I dipped my fingers into me. I knew that if I just quickly did it and smeared it on my chest He would be disappointed and probably annoyed. So even though it hurt, I made sure to go slowly. After that we went into the living room for a little while. I was docile and had that wonderful floaty feeling that you get after really great sex.

Today I am still very docile. Master made a note of it and said, "I must have fucked you into submission last night." I immediately agreed with Him.

I think that I have been behaving well lately. Master has not said otherwise and seems very pleased with me. But even when you have been behaving yourself and being please to your Master there is always that other level that you can reach due to something that He does. In this case it was the way He's been fucking me. Other times it's the tone in His voice, which He also has been doing. His voice has had a very bass tone to it when He's been talking to me. When He uses that voice it immediately grabs my attention and makes me feel rather docile.

I have loved this long weekend. I wish it didn't have to end. But I only have a four and a half day work week this week. I know it'll kick my tail up one side and down the other, but I'm okay with that. We've really needed this extra time with one another since we've been doing a lot of bouncing around on the weekends lately and haven't really had a full weekend to ourselves in over a month.

Working Towards It

Last night Master and I were fucking and Master decided to work on my anal training just a little bit more.

He didn't suddenly shove His cock up my ass, thankfully, although I'm sure He thought about it for a minute. He instead starting massaging my asshole with His thumb as I was on all fours and He was slowly fucking me. He then slowly pushed His thumb in. It burned a little bit at first and I think He noticed my slight discomfort. He pulled His thumb out and put some lube on it. The great thing about the new lube having a pump like a soap bottle? You don't have to actually grab the bottle itself. It's a lot more handy.

He then massaged my asshole for a little longer before slowly putting His thumb back into my ass. It still hurt a little bit but it was a lot more comfortable after the initial insertion. I didn't feel the immediate need to start playing with my clit in order to be able to "bare" the pain. Not that playing with my clit during sex is a bad thing, I just think that if I have to do it in order to get past a certain pain, not the fun pain, then it's not a good a sign.

He kept His thumb up my ass and sort of used that to push me back and forth so I would bounce off His cock. He praised me the entire time about how well I was handling it.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking to yourself, yeah.. you had a thumb up your ass.. so what? Why is He praising that?

Every little thing that involves anal play, Master praises me during it. It's like positive reinforcement basically. Again, I know that sounds dumb but I really do need it. I've gotten myself so worked up about it that I need the praise in order to relax and be able to accept it more easily.

Once we were done I laid down on my stomach and kind of hid my face in the crook of my arm. I wasn't in pain, I wasn't crying or anything I just got very, very docile and that felt like a submissive position to me in that moment.

Master laid His chest across my back, rested His head by mine and held my wrist. That is the best aftercare I could ever get. I need Him to basically surround me and apply pressure with His body. I needed the aftercare not due to the anal playing, as small as it may seem, but because I had reached a very deep level of sub space and He does that for me so I don't have sub drop afterward.

We went into the living room and Master at some point asked me if I was working on the anal training to shut Him up or if it was because I was actually interested. I was honest and told Him it was a little bit of both. It came out wrong though. I explained at length and He understood.

It wasn't really to shut Him up, I want to work on it because I know how much He enjoys it and I want to be able to do that to please Him. On the other hand, I also want to get to the point that I can enjoy it more as well. I want to enjoy it with Him.

Trust me, as sadistic as He can be, He does want me to enjoy it too. He doesn't just want to fuck my ass and get His rocks off. I mean yes that's part of it but He honestly wants me to enjoy it too. He has even told me that He doesn't want to do it if I'm not going to get anything out of it.

That made me do a double take. Not that I don't think He wants to make me feel good and enjoy it as much as He does, it was the "I don't want to if" part. Like I said He is a sadistic man but I am a masochist as well, so even when He's hurting me He knows I'm enjoying. Hell, He has commented on how wet I get afterward regardless of how much I cried and tried to pull away. My body responds to His sadistic needs. But this is one area He doesn't really want to be sadistic. He wants me to enjoy it fully and not have to be in pain for it to happen.

Feels Like Saturday

I woke up today thinking it was Saturday. Then again it's kind of weird having a Friday off, so I'm sure that plays a part in it. It's been a rather gloomy days weather wise. Lots of fog and rain. Although the rain goes from being actually rain and then into more of a mist. I enjoy this kind of weather though, even though I call it gloomy. I find it relaxing.

We haven't done much at all today. We've mainly been talking or watching TV. Every now and then I'll find my way to the computer for a little while and check some things. I've been doing some more job hunting. With gas prices the way they are going the thought of having a job closer to home seems even more appealing.

I just got off the phone with my dad. He has asked me to look into how much he could sell his collectables for. I was rather shocked when he brought that up. He's been building that collection since he was a teenager during the 70's. I had asked him why he wanted to sell it and he told me that he didn't really have the room to display it all anymore and he wants to sell it to buy a car that he's really interested from a guy that is coming up in June. My dad is a car nut but even taking that into consideration I never thought I would see the day where he would sell his collection in order to buy a car. Never.

But if that's what he wants to do that's what he wants to do. And the car he wants isn't even a car he's going to drive a lot. He has his main vehicle and the one he wants to buy would just be something to drive around on the weekends or when he just wants to go for a drive in it.

So my dad was asking if he could come up to us sometime in the near future so he can look up some of the stuff with me. My dad hates being on computers so basically he wants to tell me what to search for and then he'll take a peek at what comes up in the search.

He also wants us to drive down to him sometime in the near future and bring our digital camera so we can take pictures of the stuff he wants to sell.

I told him that would be fine. It's my way of trying to help him out other wise there would be no way for him to really sell the stuff. He doesn't know or like computers and he doesn't have a camera, let alone a digital one. Yes, he could ask my brother for help too but he knows that I used to really have a passion for his collection as well. I still do admire it, I'm just not all that into the collection anymore. I used to own some of it actually and gave it to him when I was kind of over it. So we'll see how well this turns out. I honestly hope he makes enough money to buy the car he wants. It would really fucking suck if he sold everything and still couldn't afford it. I honestly think that would break his heart.

Wash Away

Today was an extremely busy day at work. I put in nine hours today and yes, it was stressful. But honestly, the minute I started to feel stressed out I just let the feeling roll off me like water off a duck's back. I figured I'm not going to get any more or any less work done if I'm stressed out, so fuck it. I'll do what I can and that's that. I know for sure that Monday is going to kick my ass though. I have tomorrow off! Finally, an extra day off. But since I have tomorrow off that means the pile of work I left today will only grow and by the time I come back on Monday. Oh well, I don't give a fuck right now because I have a three day weekend! Ha! Some of my coworkers asked what I was doing with my long weekend. I told them that I just wanted some more down time with my Husband. We're not doing anything special at all. In fact we'll be doing some chores. But what matters is that I have a little bit of a break and some more quality time with Master.

So lets see... we plan on giving the dog a bath and we're going to do Master's laundry. Aside from that I have three whole days of doing absolutely nothing. I love doing nothing. I know a lot of people find it boring to just sit at home and dick around all day. Me? I love it. Mainly because I don't get to do it very often.

I still like going out and doing things but after a long stretch of stressful work I'm ready to just be brain dead for a while and not really have to think about much.

And we're starting tonight off that way. I got home, we ate dinner and then watched a movie (the movie sucked). Now I'm doing my post and at some point soon I'll take my bath. Shortly there after we'll take care of the animals and do whatever the hell entertains us at the moment. I'm just hoping I don't pass out really early. I know I've had a really rough couple of months at work and I'm probably going to crash and burn pretty soon but it's Thursday and I hardly ever get to stay up late on a Thursday. Knowing my luck though I won't be able to catch a second wind and my body will start to shut down around 11pm like it's used to doing on Thursdays. I can hope though.

And Many More To Come

Today is our anniversary! We've officially been together for nine years and married for five. Wow.

Oddly enough in a way it feels like we've been together longer, simply because of how we are with one another. On the other hand it's like, "Already?!" But I'm sure a lot of people feel that way about their relationships. Well, unless it's one of those why aren't you dead yet relationships.

It really sucked that I had to work today. But I just have to get through one more work day and then I get a three day weekend with my Hubby. I'm really happy about that.

Since it's our anniversary our wedding day has been replaying itself in my head. Over and over again. To be perfectly honest this morning, before I went to work I played our song quietly on the computer so I wouldn't wake Him.

So, I figured since the day keeps going through my head I figure I'll just post about the highlights of the day.

I remember when the alarm went off and we were both about to get out of bed He rolled over, kissed me and said happy anniversary. That was so sweet and put an instant smile on my face, not that I needed that because I was already really excited the minute the alarm went off.

We got dressed and waited for some friends to come over. They were meeting us at our place and then we were going out to breakfast. So we ate and then went to another friends house to meet up with them and then drive to the courthouse downtown.

The whole getting the marriage license and all that seems like a blur. I remember waiting to be called into the room and Master was sitting on a bench and I was buzzing all over the place because I couldn't sit still.

We got married and the justice of the peace was fucking hilarious. He was a perfect fit for us and our mood that day. We made it through the vows and I didn't cry although I answered "I do" like two sentences early and then said it again when it was actually the right time. I could see the giant smile on His face and the sparkle in His eyes.

After that we all decided to meet up at a bar before heading down to the reception hall. We had made those plans a couple of days before so I knew exactly where it was and what store we would be passing on the way there. Master had a video game that He was extremely excited about pre-ordered and the release date was our wedding day. He didn't know that I had put the receipt that we needed to pick up the game in my purse. Like I said, I knew we were going to pass the store. He hadn't brought up the game at all and had actually made a point a week before to tell me that He wasn't picking it up until we got home from the honeymoon.

Well, as we came up on the store I told Him to stop at Game Stop. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. I pulled the receipt out and told Him we were going to pick up His game. He was very surprised and elated.

Since we had made that pit stop everyone else had gotten to the bar before us. When we arrived they asked what had taken so long and Master told them what I had done. The females in attendance looked at me like I was nuts and His best man said, "You have the coolest wife ever!"

A couple drinks later and we headed down to the reception hall. A lot went on and very quickly once people started showing up. Although I clearly remember my grandfather being the first to call me Mrs. (out last name). I couldn't stop smiling the entire night.

We had dinner and then put some mixed cds that we had made in a boombox for music. We danced to our song and then we sat around for a while mingling with people before we had our cake. Thankfully Master did not smash any in my face.

It was wonderful. That day is one of the brightest moments in my life. And here it is, five years later and so many more to look forward to.

First Day Of Spring

Today is the first day of Spring. It hit above 80° today. It's March for crying out loud. Not that I'm complaining all that much. I mean, our winter was really light compared to last year where we got a full on blizzard where military vehicles were getting stuck trying to rescue people who had tried to go to work from their cars. Hell, it was the lightest winter I can remember in a long time. That's really odd for around here. But with Spring comes certain annoyances. I'm not talking about the heat or bugs or anything along those lines. I'm talking about kids running around the sidewalk in between the apartment buildings screaming like they are being killed with no parents around or parents sitting around drinking and not caring. Thanks for that. I know kids need to have fun outside but you could at least make sure they aren't running around like that and annoying everyone. Take them to a park once and a while! It's not like we don't have any around here. Gods.

Then, there are the other dogs in the apartment complex. There are currently two dogs that Master and I can just not stand at all. One lives on the end of this building. All that fucker does is bark when his owners aren't home. He does not shut up. Ever.

Now there is another dog at the end of the other building. (There are two apartment complexes that face each other with only a sidewalk in between them.) This one not only barks constantly but the owner will just tie the dog up to the porch and go back inside. This wouldn't be a big deal if the dog knew how to behave. But this one will bum rush the sidewalk and the fucker can almost put his front paws on it. That's way too close. Master and I check to see if the dog is out there before we take our dog. If he is out when we take our pup he bum rushes us and our dog's first instinct is to get in between us and the other dog, being protective. Thankfully because we keep him close to us with his leash nothing has happened. Our dog is not aggressive but with this other dog's body language I'm not sure if he is or if he is just playing in a very forward manner.

Our dog isn't perfectly trained or anything like that. Trust me, I know. But he knows to listen for the most part. And we are responsible dog owners. We don't leave him unattended outside. We keep him on a leash at all times when we're outside. And we do everything we can to make sure he behaves. It's been a lot of work because when we first got him he would pull whenever he saw someone or try to pop up to say hello. He's better now. He still gets excited and what not but he's a lot better about it. He still has his moments but he's a good dog and we continue to work with him constantly.

The other thing about the dog that is kiddy corner from us is that even when he is inside his apartment if you walk by, especially with a dog, he will pop up on the sliding glass toy and pound on it with his front paws while barking so loud I'm surprised his owners aren't deaf. You almost think he's about to come through the glass if he keeps throwing himself at it like that.

The first dog we had barked a lot. I mean a mouse would fart and he would go off. (Doorbells were apparently his version of an alarm system because even if it was just on the TV he would bark like people were trying to break in.)

At one point we did get a letter from our landlord asking us to lock him up when we're not home because he would pop up on the glass. We didn't know this and so we immediately started putting him in our bedroom when we weren't home. After that no problems. If he started barking loudly while we were home we told him to be quiet and he would settle down. He got time outs and what not. We were being responsible.

Our current dog? Quietest dog ever. He hardly ever barks. It actually makes me jump when he does bark because I'm not used to hearing it and we've had him for two years now.

So, apparently when we had our first dog someone called and complained which led to the letter. Now it's time to talk to the landlord a little about this annoying fucking dog kiddy corner from our apartment.

I love animals as does Master. We realize that we live in a complex that allows dogs, obviously, and that every dog is different. But we don't really blame the dogs. We blame the owners. If you can't be a responsible pet owner you shouldn't have any.

Flying High

For a Monday today was not a bad day. Then again I was still flying high from the weekend. I had a very relaxing and fun weekend. And ya know what? We didn't even go anywhere unless it was an errand. We just sat around the apartment relaxing, talking, joking around, watching things on Netflix and fucking. That was the extent of our weekend and it was awesome. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy. Rest, relaxation, sex and quality time with my Husband and I'm good to go.

This week I only have a four day work week. Our anniversary is this Wednesday and I of course have to work. Well, to make up for that I took Friday off. After all, it's a milestone anniversary if you just go by the wedding. We got married on our "regular" anniversary to keep things simple and it made a lot of sense to us.

So, as of Wednesday we'll have been together for nine years and married for five of them. Like I said, if you go by the wedding anniversary it's a milestone anniversary.

I know a lot of people look at five years of marriage and go, "Pft. That ain't nothing."

Yes, yes it is. Especially in this day and age where so many people are getting married and then getting divorced in two years or less. Not to mention not only are we still married, we're still happily married, which is even better.

Tonight is going to be another night of just relaxing with the sliding glass door open a crack and the fans on to circulate the air. It's so nice to not have the heat on and to be able to let in fresh air.

I'm just in a really, really good mood.

I haven't felt this relaxed in quite some time. My muscles aren't as tense, my brain doesn't feel fried and I don't feel exhausted. *happy dance*

Now I just have three more days of work and then a three day weekend with my Master!

Let The Training Begin

I've been telling Master for quite some time now that I wanted to start my "anal training" back up again. I know how much He enjoys anal. He's rather thick so it takes some training.

I kept pushing it off though. In part it's because I knew the lube we have wasn't quite working. We were using Astroglide and when we first picked it up it was because we didn't like the old lube we were using. I forgot what the hell it was called but it didn't work at all. I had heard that Astroglide was one of the best at the time so I figured we should go with that. It worked, but only for a short time. We would use it, it would still be a little painful at first. I normally would have to ask Him to stop when He was halfway in and ask Him to apply more lube, and trust me we were already using quite a bit. So after a while I figured that once again we had to change lubes.

I just had no idea where the hell to start. Then I saw a post on Love and Chains about a different lube called Maximus. So I looked it up and there were quite a few reviews saying how it helps a lot with anal sex and lasts a long time. When I say lasts a long time I mean that it is supposed to last longer during anal sex. That's the other thing I noticed about Astroglide was that after a certain point it didn't really feel like we had used any lube at all or it felt like it was still there, but it wasn't helping anymore and just felt sticky. Ew.

So I bought some. We tried it last night. We didn't have anal sex but we are starting my training once again. One thing I love about this lube right off the bat? It comes in a pump bottle. It was a lot less messy than trying to just squeeze out what you want and ending up with it all over your hand. It feels a little thicker too, which is a good thing.

I did break out a towel just in case though.. *laughs*

So Master grabbed the lube and the toy we were going to use and set them aside. One thing that I know for sure about anal sex is that it's easier for me to take if He eats me out first. I don't want a really intense orgasm though because then I just get too damn sensitive.

He ate me out for a little while and got me really relaxed and I had a great body buzz going. Then He stopped, got the lube and toy, lubed both myself and the toy up and then slowly inserted it as He continued to eat me out. I still felt a small amount of discomfort upon initial insertion but I think it was partly because I was still a bit nervous about it. I'm sure that'll go away after a little while.

But after that it felt great. After I got off I asked Him to leave the toy in. I wanted to see how it would feel with it in while He fucked me. So I got on my hands and knees and He entered me. It felt a little surprising at first, that's really the only way I can think to describe it. But it felt good eventually. He commented on how hot it was to be able to look down and see a toy up my ass while He was fucking me. We tried several different positions (all of me either on all fours in different ways and me laying on my stomach) and the lube never seemed to go away. It stayed and it helped a lot. I never reached that point where I wanted to take it out just because it didn't feel like there was any lube left and it was starting to hurt.

He enjoyed not only the visual turn on but also the added sensation from the toy.

Afterward, it came time to take the toy out. It didn't hurt. I was amazed! The new lube had really, really helped. I didn't feel sticky or gross at all. It just felt slick and wet, that was it. We obviously haven't tested the new lube with actual anal sex yet but so far I'm loving this new lube. I'll be sure to update on how well it works when Master decides it's time to shove His thick cock up my ass.

At Last

Finally, Friday has arrived. The four hours at work went by rather quickly, thankfully. After the carpool dropped me off I went inside and sat with Master for a little while. I didn't bother getting undressed because I had to leave again in about an hour to go to my shrink appointment. Eventually we decided it would just make more sense for Him to come with me since we had to do errands anyway. That way I didn't drive all the way out to the doctor's only to come all the way home to pick Him up and head back out. So Master drove me there. He was nice enough to come into the waiting room with me. As much as I like my shrink he normally is running late for my appointments with him because he has so many patients. But like I said, I like him and he is a good doctor so I don't even get upset about it. It's just a fact. Today it was about a half hour late. When he called me back Master stayed in the waiting room. I talked to Dr. L for a while and then he gave me my a prescription for my refills. He wants to see me again in four months.

After that was all said and done Master and I got the errands knocked out. We didn't do everything but I was getting tired so we got a few of the important ones done before just heading home.

Once we got home I took care of the dog and He cleaned out the rabbit cages. Once all that was done we have done nothing but laze about. We sat around and talked. We watched a movie and a couple TV show episodes on Netflix. He was kind enough to work on my back, which feels a lot better now. It's amazing what a massage can do.

Now, while I'm getting my nightly routine out of the way Master is playing His video games. I hope that I don't crash at 11pm. I prefer staying up on the weekends but sometimes my body has a different idea on Fridays.

Come On Friday!

I'm so glad it's Thursday night! It'll be nice weather over the weekend if the weatherman can be believed. (Which is rare.) But hopefully this time that son of a bitch is right.

I just need a break from the stress. And since tomorrow is my half day I'm looking forward to it even more. I'm also hoping that over the weekend this damn pain right above my hip on the left side will go away. It's more like a dull ache now unless I move wrong and then it makes itself known. I hate it when that happens.

We don't really have any set plans for the weekend and I'm glad we don't. I don't really want to plan anything at all and just do whatever the hell we feel like at the moment. Minus my doctor appointment tomorrow of course. I have to go to that or I don't get my medications. That would be a very bad thing. I have no idea what it would be like to go off of those cold turkey and I'd prefer not to find out. So off to the shrink I go shortly after I get home from work.

I don't really have much on my mind tonight. Today wasn't a horrible day or anything, I'm just feeling kind of brain dead. I think I'll take off the nail polish I currently have on and pick a different color. I'm wearing my sandals now since it's so nice out and now that I can see my toenails I realize how badly they need to be repainted. So I think I'll do that tonight. I'm not much of a girly girl but I do like painting my nails.

Heating Up

Today was a beautiful day weather wise. It got a little over 70° today. It's still technically winter. It was a rather light winter for around here to be honest. This makes me think that we're in for an especially hot summer. Anything above 75° is too hot for me. This is why I don't want to ever move to one of those states that is known for 100° being the norm in the summer time. Master and I basically live in air conditioning when it gets over 80°. We just don't handle that much heat very well. As it is we have the sliding glass door open and the fan part of the air conditioner on.

But for now I'm not going to bitch about the heat. The funny thing is I can't handle the cold that well either. I can take it in short bursts but I don't have a lot of body fat so I get cold rather easily. As a result you would think I could take the heat better. Well, I can take it better than I can take the cold but still.

For whatever reason when I got home from work today it felt like tomorrow was going to be Friday. Stupid brain making me think a day ahead. I wish tomorrow was Friday. That way I would only have four hours of work to get through and then go see my shrink and fill my prescriptions. After that it would just be normal errands.

As it was today I wish I could have left work an hour early. No reason other than to get out of there because I knew the weather was nice and I would have enjoyed sitting out on the little slab of cement that we call a porch with Master and our pup. That's one thing that really sucks about sitting by a window at work, you can see what it's like out.

Maybe this weekend we can sit outside with the pup for a while. We'll be giving him a bath this weekend so we'll have to go out there for him to dry off and for us to brush him to get all the dead fur out. As long as it's not too hot I'm sure we'll sit out there for a while and just talk.

I look forward to the days where we have an actual porch of some kind.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

With how hectic and stressful things have been at work I had lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.

My vacation/personal time renews next Friday. In fact it renews two days after our anniversary. Unfortunately I have to work on our anniversary but to make up for that I took next Friday off. Then two weeks after that I am taking a Friday and the following Monday off. The last two aren't really because of anything special. But the carpool driver is taking four days off in that stretch of time and I just don't want to drop that much into the gas tank. So I said fuck it and took two of those days off.

After that I'm saving my vacation time and personal time for job interviews (should they arise... hopefully they do soon) and if I'm really sick.

Remember how I get half day Fridays every other week? Well, because of how everything lines up it goes like this:

1st week (this week): Half day Friday
2nd week: Friday off
3rd week: Half day Friday
4th week: Friday off
5th week: That Monday off and half day Friday.

Fuck yes!!!!!

Now, as a result I'll have to make sure that I bust my tail during the days I am at work, but the time off will be well worth it. Not only do I get some time to breathe (trust me I need it) but I also get a lot more time with Master. 

Master and I have been bouncing all over the place visiting family lately. While I enjoy doing that, most of the time, this means that we really don't have a lot of down time. Why? Well, one of the weekend days will be with family and then if that happens the next day will be making sure all the errands and shit are done. So it's not really a lot of down time.

So Master and I have already told people that the next two weekends are off the table. It's just for me and Him. This week because we've visited family every weekend for the past month. Next week because it's the weekend of our anniversary.

Now that I've allowed that to sink back into my head I'm a lot less stressed and just telling myself I just have to get through tomorrow and Thursday and then it'll be five weeks of no full work weeks and I'm only using three vacation days to do it. Rock the hell on.

Fuck You Very Much

Today has been a very fucking stressful day. It's a good thing that I know how to bite my tongue, that's for damn sure.

Work, work, work. Blah, blah, blah. More of the same but to a higher degree. It's just stressing me the fuck out and I hate being threatened when I'm busting my ass. Today I was told by one of my coworkers that she got a written warning for being 2 weeks behind. We are fucking swamped. It's ridiculous. I was a week and a half behind so I started to freak out, as I'm known to do. Yes, I'm looking for a new job but I have no idea how long that's going to take me so I need to make sure I stay in good standing where I am now.

 So guess what I did? I called Master and asked if He could please pick me up tonight. He asked why and I said that I needed to do some serious overtime today. I needed to stay until at least 8pm to give me a chance to catch up. Of course that meant that the carpool couldn't take me home.

It sucks not only because I had to stay until 8pm but also because gas prices are fucking nuts and I'm already paying the carpool and now putting extra gas in our car just so I can catch up at work. Yeah, overtime money is great... that is until taxes take a fucking chunk out.

So I pulled an 11 1/2 hour day. I'm not used to that. I know people do it all the time but I am just not used to it. And now of course cause I'm home, pissy and have had four cups of coffee to keep me alert at work I'm wired. I couldn't go to bed on time if I tried.

Master told me that I can stay up tonight. I am going into work early tomorrow, but not by very much. I can still get up at my normal time and be ready before the carpool rolls up.

I'm caught up on the important stuff. So now, tomorrow after all the normal stuff is taken care of I'm going to start taking a chunk out of the lower priority things.

When you pull an 11 1/2 hour day and you still aren't able to get caught up on everything at least to the point where you are only a week behind, that's some bullshit. Especially since I've normally been pulling 8 1/2 to 9 hour days. That's not including my lunch breaks. My lunch breaks lately have been about 5 to 10 minutes long and I don't get 15 minute breaks. That is the only time where I can actually breathe for a moment unless I'm going to the bathroom or grabbing something to drink. I don't take my time, I don't just stand around and talk. I'm 100% focused when I'm clocked in and we're busy like this.

I just feel so.... pissed off. That's really the only way I can explain it. I do my job. I do it to the best of my ability and still there are threats.

I walked into my supervisor's office today when he wasn't in there (he's been shutting his door when he's in there lately) to drop off a file and I noticed all these bright red folders on his desk. They were all spread out. And guess what? Each red folder had a name of one of us in that department, myself included.

I need out now.

Deeper

Last night Master had me dress up for Him. I haven't done it in a while. So much stress and one or both of us being stiff and sore... I allowed things to slack in that area and I shouldn't have. Yes, Master could have corrected me sooner but sometimes he just wants to see if I'll correct it myself. I had brought it up but I hadn't actually done it. So last night Master simply asked if I was ever going to actually put on lingerie. I perked up at that. I immediately said yes and asked if I could wait until after I took the dog out. (It was my turn.) He said yes.

So shortly after I took the pup out I came back inside and went into the bedroom. I chose one of Master's favorites. It's a mesh dress that ends just under my ass and it's backless/assless minus a couple of straps. He loves it. I also tossed on a silk short robe that doesn't close, it just hangs there. It's really comfortable and I feel sexy in it.

We made it through about one or two episodes on Netflix before Master ordered me to the bedroom. *laughs*

I laid down on my stomach. I think in an odd way it makes me feel more docile. I have no idea why. He straddled me and starting nipping and biting my shoulders. He slowly entered me. I was tighter than usual for some reason, so it took a little while for Him to get fully inside of me. He's very thick, so He basically has to force His way in sometimes if I'm tight like that.

He was rough and forceful after that. He pinned me with His weight and fucked me into a mind blowing orgasm rather quickly.

After a while He flipped me onto my back and continued to be rough with me. His sweat started to drip on me. I find it so fucking hot (as in a huge turn on) when I feel His sweat dripping on me. I love the way He smells when He's sweating.

He told me that I could cum one more time and then I was going to be used. The orgasm was incredible. When He tells me I'm only allowed one more He makes sure it's a strong one and last night He basically forced it out of me and it was like lightning shooting through me.

Then I was His masturbation toy. He knelt up and held my legs up close to Him, using them to bounce me off His cock.

When He came He leaned way back, pulling on my legs so my ass was off the bed. I know it wasn't possible as He was already balls deep in me, but when He did that it felt like He went even deeper. He growled as His orgasm peaked at which point I reached down and rubbed His balls which made Him growl even louder and caused Him to buck His hips a few times. Afterward He knelt there, still inside of me, gathering Himself a bit. We were both sweating and panting.

We laid down next to each other for a while.

Afterward we went back into the living room thinking we would stay up a while longer. I think we made it a half hour before the endorphins wore off and we felt ourselves starting to crash. It was a wonderful feeling to curl up to Him, still experiencing a wonderful body buzz and eventually drifting off to sleep in His arms.

Love, Marriage And Money?

I have a somewhat unpopular opinion when it comes to weddings. It's not that I don't think they are special events, because they are. It's not that I don't think you shouldn't do what you want, because you should. But I also think you should be reasonable about it.

Master and I had a courthouse wedding and a small reception at a banquet room in a restaurant. The wedding was $100 and the marriage license was $100. The reception was an even $500 and that included the room, the food and the use of a bartender. (It was a cash bar. I'm not going to pay for people to get drunk. Sorry.) Then of course there were our wedding rings and Master's suit. I already had the dress I wanted to wear, so we didn't have to spend money on that. I didn't want a traditional wedding dress. I wore a little sexy black dress that I love.

So after everything our wedding, all told, came up to $900. That's pretty cheap when you're talking a wedding, but it was exactly what we wanted, it was what we could afford and we had a great time.

I've heard of people who spend that much on a cake. You eat it. You shouldn't pay that much for something you are going to eat, in my opinion.

Where is all this coming from? Well, Master's friend who He's known since high school is getting married in November. The friend asked Master to meet him for lunch one day and told Master the news. Master is going to be one of two best men. Yes, two best men. Apparently his finance couldn't choose between two of her friends for the maiden of honor spot so she picked two, so he chose two best men.

This is all well and good. But then we found out that are spending quite a bit on money on this event. Again, regularly I wouldn't say a word because it's their day. They can spend it how they want it, ya know?

But there is this little moral problem I have about it. If they could actually afford it, that would be one thing. But they had only spend 6 months in their own place before they said they couldn't afford it anymore and moved in with his parents. Guess where they are still living? Yep, his parents.

To me, if you can't afford to live on your own (there is nothing wrong with that, we all have hard times) you shouldn't be spending a lot of money on a wedding. And yes, they are the ones footing the bill for the wedding, no one else is helping.

So, you can afford to have this somewhat expensive wedding but you can't pay rent? I mean hell, we're not even talking about the honeymoon here... we're just talking ceremony and reception.

I'm not saying a word of this to them. It's not my place and it's not my money. I don't agree with it. It's not that I don't agree with them getting married. They say they love each other and want to be married. Congrats and good luck! My problem is that they aren't paying rent to his parents or bills, but they can have this somewhat expensive wedding? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

From the sounds of things they have already passed the $1,500 mark and it's only March. They haven't gotten the dress or the tux or anything like that. I don't know about the rings... but somehow I doubt they bought those yet either. Hell, her engagement ring isn't even paid off yet. He dropped about $3,000 on that.

I know, I know, it doesn't effect us really so why do I care what they do? Well, I like his dad for one thing and to me it feels like they are taking advantage of the fact that they don't have to pay rent and bills.

Reset

My fibromyalgia is still acting up. If anything it's a little worse today. But I took a nice hot bath while reading a book. That was rather relaxing and now I have two days to try and get my body to chill the hell out.

It's supposed to be a lot warmer tomorrow, which is great! The down side to this weekend? We have to set the clocks ahead an hour on Sunday. I hate daylight savings. I don't want to give up my hour damnit! It always takes forever and a day for me to get used to that, especially in the morning when my alarm goes off. It always seems like I set it incorrectly and no, it's not possibly time to get up. *sigh* Oh well.

This weekend is, for the most part, going to be relaxing. I'm not sure about how tomorrow evening is going to go.

My mother-in-law invited us over for dinner tomorrow to celebrate my birthday a little late and our anniversary a little early. At least it's a two in one deal so we don't have to worry about trying to make plans with her again in a couple of weeks.

Lately, it's been a 50/50 shot at how it's going to go. Either it's going to be kinda fun and not so bad or it's going to be drama central and we'll leave pissed off. Personally, I'm hoping for the first option.

But like Master said last night, at least it gets it out of the way and we don't have to worry about it for a while. It's kind of sad that that's how we have to look at it. But, that's how it is and probably always will be.

At least His father's side of the family is relaxed and fun to hang out with. We haven't seen them in a little while now. I'm hoping, as the weather gets nicer, that we can plan something with that side of the family that doesn't involve just sitting in a restaurant. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sitting down and eating and talking but that's all we've really done with that side of the family so far. Mainly because it's difficult to get everyone's schedules to line up. But maybe during the summer it'll be easier to get to see them since we don't necessarily have to go out to eat. We can just visit them at their place or meet up at a park or whatever. I can hope anyway. I enjoy spending time with His father's side of the family. I seem to fit right in with them, much like Master fits right in with my family.

Bloody Hell

I know I've been complaining about work a lot lately and how busy it's been. Well, it just got turned up a notch. Now everyone in the department is swamped. Before it was only a few select people, myself included. Now? It's everyone. And we're all bitching about it. Every single one of us. Especially since our supervisor has either not been in his office, has his office door closed or is in a meeting. I don't think he's really been available for about two weeks now. Yes, we can work without him, obviously, but there are some key things we could really use him for and he just isn't available.

For the past while I've only really had to cut my lunches a little short and clock in early. During the times I'm clocked in I'm busting my ass, but at least I got a small breather on my lunch break.

For the past three days I've taken a whopping 10 minute lunch break.

And as a result of me busting my ass continuously my fibromyalgia is acting up a lot. Thankfully, when I'm at home it slacks off and I can take a hot bath or shower and it helps. But while I'm actually at work everything is tense and I'm in pain.

I used to be on social security for it to be perfectly honest. Granted, that was when I was a teenager and it was mainly to help my parents out with medical bills.

But once I became 19 it all went away. Partially because I stopped going to most of my doctors. They weren't helping at all.

Well, we've been doing trigger point injections and they don't seem to be doing much, so lets do more of them. Into my shoulders. That shit fucking hurt. It was a lot of here take this drug, also take this one. Let's throw in an MRI for fun because we can't figure out what is causing your severe migraines. Nope everything is normal there. Still not sure, but here's a pain killer and we won't look into it any further.

 Never mind physical therapy was helping for a while due to the ultrasounds and massages. They cut that out eventually as it wasn't "helping" it was only "maintaining". What the fuck kind of logic is that? It's not making me better, but it is helping me keep to a lower pain level but that's not enough to warrant physical therapy. However, we can still pop you full of pills that are only masking pain or not touching it at all depending on which one.

They eventually took me off muscle relaxers as well and just gave me more pain pills. Why did they take me off muscle relaxers? Something about worrying about the long term effects. Ya know, cause shit tons of pain pills can't have any.

All of this is how I found out I'm allergic to codeine. That really sucks though because a lot of the pain killers that would probably help me have codeine in them.

I'm sure you can see why I stopped going.

So now I just do what I can and take over the counter pain pills when I just can't cope with it myself. Hot showers and baths help. Master is kind enough to give me shoulder rubs and back rubs. Sometimes I'm too sore for that though, which sucks because it really does help a lot.

Why haven't I sought more treatment since then? Because I know it'll be like it was before. Eventually, if it gets bad enough as I get older, I might go look into some more. But I have a couple of relatives who also have fibromyalgia and they are still going through what I used to before I turned 19. I've been coping without a doctor for 10 years. I'd say I'm doing pretty damn good, with Master's help of course.

On The Look Out

Last night I had a nightmare. It was very short but still scary. I was pulled into the HR office and told that they no longer needed me.

*blinks*

I know it was just a nightmare but it still fucked with me. I don't think that all nightmares or dreams have a deeper meaning. I'm almost positive that dream came about because of all the drama at work due to the audits, meetings and random bullshit. But like I said, it bothered me.

Work went fine although it had these weird feel to it. Probably because of that damn nightmare. I hate it when that shit happens. I really, really do.

So tonight when I got home I went online and started searching for jobs again. So far I have only put out two applications. I'm trying to be as picky as possible. I don't want to just hop jobs in a rush. I want to be able to find a job closer to home or at least on a bus line with pay that is extremely close to if not more than what I currently make. I won't take a temp job or even a temp to hire job. I did that once and while it did work out in my favor, and I was hired on permanently, it still made me really nervous until I was actually hired. I can't be stupid about this. It's like a damn chess game but with a lot more at stake. I hate chess.

If I get an interview I have to make sure I really do want the job. I can't just blow all my personal time/vacation time on interviews that probably won't amount to much or for a job I'm not really all that interested in.

This also means that I'll have to ask more thorough questions if and when I'm called for an interview. Two of the most important ones that come to mind are how much the job pays and what kind of benefits the job offers. I can't really afford to go without insurance again. Mainly because I need to be able to get my bipolar medications. I would hate to think of what I would be like without them after about two years on them. I think it would be worse than before I started taking any medication at all.

I am hoping that if I do get called in for an interview for a job I'm interested in and I ask those questions that they don't answer with "We can discuss all that at the interview."

I've gotten that answer before. And it annoys the hell out of me. But, if the job sounds like something I actually want I would most likely go to the interview anyway, just in case it would work out. In those cases I feel it would be better to at least go and make sure rather than wondering later if I had passed up a really great opportunity.

Blank Out

Going back to work after two days off is always hard. But I really had a great weekend this past weekend and I wasn't ready for it to end yet. But of course, it had to.

I slept great last night after Master gave me my birthday fucking. *smirks* Didn't have much of a choice but to sleep well after that.

The work day just sucked though. It's more of the same and then some. It's just irritating the living hell out of me sometimes. So, what I do in those situations is I just kind of blank out and just do my work. I don't think about anything but what I'm doing that exact moment.

Sometimes I think that's how I hang onto what little sanity I have left. Being able to just blank out and get through it. It's not easy, ya know. I have to be in a certain mindset to be able to do it at all.

But I did and it got me through the last four hours of work.

Work is about the only thing I can do that with though. I wish I could do it during doctor or dentist visits. That would be awesome. I think I'm better at it now than I used to be. Master taught me some breathing techniques to help me with my stress and chronic pain. And since I stress at work, I've just been trying to use those techniques but use them to a point where not only I am not stressed, but I'm just.... there.

Well... I'm 29 Now.

Today is my birthday. I'm 29 years old now. Everyone has been asking if I feel older yet or not. I just laughed and told them to ask me again in 24 hours so it can settle in.

Just for the record, no I don't think I'm old. And I'm also not going to be one of those women who lie about being 29 for the next decade. I've earned my years damnit! Today we didn't do a damn thing. I've just been lazing about the apartment and enjoying it. Last night I was a bit upset though because I ended up starting to crash around midnight. I had wanted to stay up later. But Master assured me that it was okay for me to go to sleep. So I did. When He came to bed He woke me up by playing with my nipples and fingering me. He then got on top of me and forced His way in. As He did so He nipped my ear and said, "Hello birthday girl."

It was about 3am so it was a wonderful way to start my birthday. It was rough, it was wonderful and we were both exhausted after. So we cuddled up and went back to sleep.

I woke up later than I had intended. But thankfully the day has been going by slowly regardless of that fact.

I got a lot of texts and phone calls wishing me a happy birthday. No offense to my dad but I'm honestly surprised he called. My father's memory is horrible. But he remembered. As soon as I said hello he started singing the happy birthday song to me. It made me giggle.

Master has been just letting me do what I want pretty much. He's been allowing me to pick what we watch and all that. It's been really nice. 

I also got myself a couple things from Eden Fantasys for my birthday. I ordered a bottle of Maximus lube. I originally read about it on Love and Chains. I've been looking for a different lube. Hopefully one that will make it easier, on me, during anal sex. We have been using Astroglide and what I had heard at the time was it was one of the best. And yeah, it's better than ones we've bought before and it does help, but it's not really enough in my opinion. Regardless of how much we use.

I also ordered a new book! I had recently bought Carrie's Story. I ate that book up and I loved it! The way it ended though it sounded like there was going to be a sequel but I wasn't sure. You know how some stories end in such a way that it may seem like there is going to be a sequel and it just ends up being a permanent cliff hanger? Yeah, it was that kind of ending to me. So I searched the author name on Eden Fantasys, and ta-da! There is a sequel! So I ordered that and can't wait to read it.

(By the way this is a sponsored post or anything, I'm just really excited about the next book and hoping that the new lube will be what we need.)

Visit With Mom

Today was a great day. We went down to my mother's and visited for a while. Part of the reason we went down there is because tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 29. And of course a mom wants to see her kid close to his or her birthday. Plus, we like spending time with her.

We sat and shot the shit for a while with her and her husband. They were both really excited because they just bought a car yesterday. I was excited for them too. And of course, since it's my birthday tomorrow Mom wanted to give me something. Never mind she already bought me work clothes at Goodwill not that all long ago. But it's not like she went and bought me anything elaborate. Rather than that she told me she wanted to take us grocery shopping. Hell yes! Saving money on groceries is awesome!

But before we went to the grocery store she had us pull into the gas station and put $20 in our gas tank. Again, fucking awesome!

Trust me, groceries and gas in the car are rocking birthday presents. I'm not being sarcastic in any way, shape or form. I love how practical my mother is. I'll be 29 and she buys me work clothes, groceries and gas. I love her.

I think Master sees why I hardly ever want anything for presents. I prefer practical shit. *laughs* Don't get me wrong I enjoy receiving a gift that isn't practical every now and then but I'm always happy with stuff like I just described above.

Shit Just Got Real

I know I've posted about my job quite a bit lately. And I'm afraid I'm going to be doing so again, but now with the magic twist of my bipolar disorder brought to you by my chemical imbalance!

My medications work wonderfully, believe me. It's like I'm a new person. I'm so glad that I got the help I did. I just wish I would have done so sooner. However, there are things that sometimes "override" my medication. What do I mean by that? What I mean is that sometimes I get those old familiar feelings as I did before the medication. It has to be something big though. Or at least it has to seem big to me. They are few and far between but they do happen.

Today, it happened. Now keep in mind that I said it has to seem big to me.

Lately at my job we have been having audits and things of that nature from our clients. I can't go into all the details but apparently our clients are finding things they don't like. Never mind most of it is through their own design... clients can't be blamed you know. So for the past couple of months every now and then departments will have meetings to give that whole doom's day speech. We have to do better or else.

Now I've never been a fan of using fear to motivate. To me, it just makes people more jumpy or more nervous or they just don't give a fuck.

Today one of those meetings happened and it was heavy. Now, I'm not in fear that the place I work for is going under. Trust me, it's not. But they have to blame someone and so they turn to us, the employees. It can't be a supervisor's fault ya know.

I'm personally getting sick and tired of it. I'm doing my fucking job and I don't appreciate us all being lumped together. I also don't like how some of my coworkers pretty much laugh it off once the meetings are done.

But with the frequency of the audits and doom's day speeches it really is starting to piss me the hell off. Like I said, I know for a fact that the place I work for isn't going under. I can't explain why as that would give way too much away.

When I got home I explained my mood to Master. It wasn't a normal level of pissed off. This was one of those times where I was so pissed off I could feel it in every part of me. I felt hot because I was so pissed. It felt like my eyes were dark as hell and that my skin was too tight. It was that level of pissed off. It was bad.

He completely understood and seemed thankful that I went into it as soon as I got home. He stated that He doesn't like the ever increasing frequency either. He told me that if they do have to start cutting people He highly doubts, as do I, they aren't going to take the time to go through everyone's case loads and see who the actual fuck ups are. They'll pick out the people they know for sure are fucking up at face value. Then it'll go to seniority and how much certain people are making. You know, cutting corners and what not. Now, while I've only been there for about three years and am not one of the fuck ups... I don't like taking chances.

So Master and I agreed that I should start looking for a new job this weekend rather than waiting three weeks to start. It's basically just a little ahead of schedule. At least I was planning on it already and I'm only starting about a month prior to what I was originally going to.

Thankfully I calmed down about an hour after I got home. I'm still annoyed as hell but I'm not at the level of pissed off that I was.