Twice As Crazy

First off, before I get into the meat of my post, I just wanted to bitch that the Recent Comments widget I have is currently not working. It's annoying me but it has to do with the comments feed so there isn't anything I can do about it. Hopefully it'll be fixed soon.

Okay, now that that's taken care of onto the post.

As most of you who have been reading my blog for a while now probably already know, I'm bipolar.

I was diagnosed September of 2010. I wish I would have sought out help sooner, but I didn't. Not much to be done about that. Anyway, I have been on one particular medication for the full year. That medication is Lamictal. It is used to treat both people who are bipolar as well as people who suffer from seizures. I started off at 100 milligrams and was slowly but surely upped to 300 milligrams. Well, at the 300 milligrams mark I had some pretty fucked up side effects. I was slurring my speech, I was walking like I was drunk and I had double vision. Needless to say I called my shrink the next day. He told me to cut one of the pills in half, so I would be taking 225 milligrams. Magically, no more side effects. So that was great and that's where that medication is staying.

However, that is not enough. At first I felt fine, I didn't notice any sudden mood swings or anything like that. Well, not up until the past two weeks. Out of no where I would go into one of my more aggressive mood swings. I would want to suddenly just want to start throwing shit and wanting to scream just to let some of it out. Needless to say I couldn't do either. At work I'd be fired. At home I don't want to break our things and I don't need the cops called because I screamed at the top of my lungs, causing the neighbors to think someone was being tortured.

After that swing ended I would either slip into "normal" mode of I would become extremely hyper to the point that I felt like I was about to jump out of my skin. After talking with Master I decided to call my shrink.

He agreed that I shouldn't be cycling that badly while on my medication. He said that my current medication is not enough by itself. He's been thinking that for the past two appointments now but didn't want to mess with anything because I wasn't that bad. With this little update he decided to add another medication.

He added Seroquel. He wants me to start at 50 milligrams for two nights, then 100 milligrams for four nights and then finally reaching 150 milligrams and staying there. This will be the second night of the 50 milligrams. I've looked into the side effects and one of them is cotton mouth. I woke up with that this morning. Other than that? Nothing. Hopefully it stays that way.

I really am hoping that this does it. I'm hoping this is the magical mix of medications that helps me. So, within a week I'll be on a total of 375 milligrams worth of meds. Awesome.

It was one thing being on only one medication, but when I realized that it wasn't enough and I needed a second medication as well, it kind of made me feel... crazy as hell I guess is the way to put it. I know I'm not completely out of my mind, just a little left of center.