Playing Big Sister

I am not feeling the greatest today. My sinuses are still kicking my ass (or maybe it's a head cold). But today my brother called me and he was stressed out and needed to talk to his big sister. So even though my head is stuffed up and my throat is scratchy I listened and talked to him about it.

He has been dating this girl for about 5 months now. He is 26 and she is 22. He had a really bad relationship before this one and he had spent about a year and a half being single. To be honest I think when this girl showed an interest in him he just kinda jumped on the chance of another relationship. I'm not trying to talk bad about my baby brother or anything, I just think that's what happened.

At first their relationship was fine according to my brother. My mom and my dad had already met her, which to be honest I'm surprised he had her meet our dad. But that's just me.

He had told me that he wants Master and myself to meet her soon as well. He said that some time last month. Well, apparently the honeymoon part of their relationship is over. My brother was extremely upset. He said that she had recently told him some things that makes him very uncomfortable. He had no knowledge of this until this past week.

Apparently, she has been going into  a bar since the age of 17. (The legal drinking age here is 21.) She got into the bar because she was friends with the owner's daughter. She would get smashed all the time and at that very young age ended up being a bar slut, for lack of a better term. This bothers my brother. However, it bothers him more that she admitted she didn't always use protection. That is scary. Thankfully my brother does use protection but still.. it's bothersome.

Also he is starting to realize how much she drinks, as in alcohol. Apparently she has been going out at least five days a week and getting trashed the entire time they have been together, he just didn't know it until today. Why she chose today to tell him this I have no idea. They live 45 minutes apart and so they only see each other here and there.

He asked her why she went out to get trashed rather than just having a few to relax. See, we have had a lot of alcoholics in our family, so my brother and I are both cautious around someone who drinks heavily.

She said that she drinks because of all the stress she has. This is where I went on a tangent.

My exact wording: "Wait a damn minute. She's stressed? How the fuck is she stressed? She is unemployed and isn't looking for a job. She lives with a friend of her's who pays all the bills and the rent and doesn't expect anything in return. So lets see here, if she has no bills, doesn't have to pay rent, and isn't looking for a job because she doesn't have to where the hell is her stress? If she's stressed out I should be wearing a straight jacket due to my stress levels."

He agreed with me. I then asked the obvious question. If she doesn't have a job, how the hell is she going to the bar that often to get drunk off her ass? He said that all of her friends take her out and foot the bar tab. So basically her friends are enabling her. And when she isn't drinking and isn't with my brother she sits at the computer all day playing games.

This whole situation, now that I know about it, is raising a lot of red flags in my head. My brother and I are pretty close and I try damn hard not to pry into his life. I just sit around and wait for him to come to me with such things.

Apparently when he confronted her about her drinking and telling her that it makes him uncomfortable she went off. (This was on the phone.) She started spouting off shit such as: "I'm 22 fucking years old and you can't tell me what to do. I'll do whatever the hell I want to and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it."

Another red flag. Big time. I told him that it sounds like she is or is becoming an alcoholic. She got defensive way too fast in my opinion. In fact that was beyond defensive.

My brother also talked to Master. They get a long great and Master has always told my brother that he's here if he wants to talk. I mean I'm always here too, but sometimes a guy has to talk to a guy, end of story.

Both of us advised him to try to talk to her calmly about this and tell her how much and why it bothers him. I told him that if she is going to act that way then he needs to cut his ties. If you can't have a serious discussion as adults then there is a problem. Plus he doesn't need a drunk around my nephews. She hasn't met his boys yet, and that's probably a good thing. He didn't want to introduce her to his boys as he wanted to make sure it would be a long term relationship so his young sons (6 and 3) didn't get confused.

My brother agreed that if she can not have a serious adult conversation than she wasn't mature enough for him. I'm not saying she's too young, just too immature. Those are two entirely different things.

We were on the phone for at least an hour about this. He told me he would try talking to her about this again and let me know how it goes.

I feel for him. My brother has flat out told me that he wants to get married some day. I know that's his ultimate goal, I just hope he marries the right person rather than attaching himself to someone who isn't good for him and end up getting a divorce inside of a year.

My brother flat out knows that if anyone fucks with him (I'm not sure if this girl would get physical but she sounds like she has anger issues) then they deal with Master and myself. He may be 26 years old but I'm still very protective of my baby brother.