Permission

July 19th, 2011

Today I went to the submissive journal prompts site that someone had suggested to me. I have really wanted to get back into posting more about our dynamic rather than the day to day work stuff. I know of course sometimes I will have to post about such to vent, but I don't want it to take over my blog. I will still post about how I am handling being bipolar and about family as I feel these things are important. But today, I wanted to do a post about our dynamic. So I found a random prompt.

The question is: Do you have to ask permission to do basic needs like eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom? How does this enhance your submission?

I do have to ask permission to use the bathroom if Master is home. Obviously when I am at work or home by myself I do not have to ask. That would just be silly in my eyes. The only time I do not have to ask when Master is home is when I am not feeling well. If I am not feeling well I simply have to tell Him as much and request that I may use the bathroom when I need to for the night rather than having to request permission every time I need to go.

As far as drinking goes no, I do not. Sometimes when I go to reach for a soda He'll tell me to grab a glass of water instead. But that's really about it. When we go out to dinner and the restaurant serves alcohol and I would like one I do have to ask permission unless someone else is with us. Then I just kind of glance over at Him and He very slightly nods or He makes a quick "no" movement. But these days, due to my medication, I don't want to drink alcohol. If Master is having one I may take a few sips, but because my medication magnifies the effects of alcohol I know that I would get more tipsy than I had intended in a very short amount of time. When I do drink I prefer to just get a good buzz and then leave it there. So I figure rather than ordering my own (and wasting money) I will just take a swig or two off the drink Master ordered.

As far as eating, I do not have to ask permission. Although one thing that we do when we go out to eat by ourselves is that I will either wait for Him to start eating or I will wait for Him to tell me to "go ahead". We don't do this at home, but I enjoy it when we are out by ourselves having dinner or lunch. Another thing involving food that Master does on rare occasions is feed me. For example, if we order mozzarella sticks as an appetizer (one of our favorites) as I said before I will wait for Him to start eating. But what He does is He will pick one of them up, and hold it out in front of Him half way between Him and myself. I smile whenever He does this. I then lean forward and take a bite. He usually winks at me when I am done taking the bite and smiles as well. From that point we both just start eating them and continue as "normal". Also, if we go out to a movie, which is rare these days, I have to ask if I can get some nachos or a soda. I can't just walk up to the cashier and start telling them things I want. And I also have to ask Master what He wants. Normally I am the one going up to the cashier so I get His "order", I ask if I may get x, y or z, and then I go up to the cashier.

However when we do go out to eat with other people I have noticed that even though I don't have to I wait until He starts eating before I start. I usually busy myself with my napkin or something so it isn't obvious.

How do I feel it enhances my submission...

Well all of the above are things I need. I need to use the bathroom, I need to eat, etc. These are things that I can not without. So, since He controls such it is a constant reminder that He is in control of everything. He can tell me yes, I may use the bathroom or no I have to wait. He can tell me that yes I may eat when we are out or no, I have to wait until He tells me I can. (I know He wouldn't tell me know I can't eat when we go out because that's just throwing money out the window.) If we are at the movies, I don't "need" the munchie stuff but I do enjoy it and He knows that. So He could say yes I can get what I want, He could tell me what I may or may not get, or He can tell me no. Even if He were to tell me no I would still have to go up to the cashier and get Master what He wants.

So it's strictly a control issue and also a way of reminding me of how much I depend on Him not just on the kinky stuff but also for guidance and to take control of me. I need Him to have control and He needs to control me. It's simply how we are. I would not function well if He did not have control. I need that kind of structure not only because that's simply how I want it, but also because it honestly helps me deal with being bipolar. If I am having a really manic moment or I am really depressed He centers me as best He can with not only His love and His caring, but also with my knowing that He is in control even though I am in no way capable of controlling myself during one of those extreme and sudden moods.