Outcast

Today at work the women in my department threw a baby shower. One of the women in my department is currently 8 months pregnant with her first child. Okay, I get it. Everyone is throwing her a baby shower. I didn't have the spare cash to get her a present, and honestly I wouldn't see the point of it anyway. I don't really know this woman. I have limited interaction with her at work. That's it. So.. why would I buy her a present for her baby shower? I wouldn't. And so I didn't.

My sister-in-law is pregnant. Master and I will be getting her a baby shower present. She's family. That makes sense to me.

But as soon as the baby shower was over, it felt different in the department. I didn't go to the baby shower obviously. I didn't have a present and I didn't really know her. After my lunch break I went back to working but everyone was talking and such. I said congrats to be polite and no one said anything. The woman didn't say thank you and everyone just kind of looked at me like I had a second head suddenly growing out of my shoulder.

It was rude and uncalled for. I had said congrats to this woman before the baby shower and she was polite about it. This time, because I didn't go to the damn thing she wasn't polite. Kind of a "Well you didn't get me a present so.."

Rude. As. Hell.

But the women in my department (honestly there is only one guy in the whole department besides my supervisor) have never really clicked with me nor made the attempt to. Then again I haven't really tried to with them either. But when I'm trying to be nice or joke around a bit because I'm bored they don't seem to want to interact with me very much. It's not like I'm cold or anything. I try to be nice and friendly. But if it's not about work then they don't really want to talk to me unless I'm the only one in the vicinity. It's not just my job though. It's happened most of my life as far as other girls are concerned. I sometimes wonder if that's why I became such a tom boy and why I'm more comfortable hanging out with guys.

Master's male friends I can chill with and joke around. Then there is His one female friend from high school and if her and I are left alone it becomes awkward because it's like we're not sure what to talk about. Same thing happened with Master's god-sister. (We don't talk to her anymore because she's an alcoholic and a very bitchy one at that.) It was fine as long as Master was there. As soon as He left to go to the bathroom or to do whatever all she wanted to do is man bash. I do not man bash. I can bitch and what not, but I don't generalize and I don't "bash". I don't understand man bashing. The women I know think it's fun and perfectly normal. But you flip to the other side of that coin and they get pissed when their husbands or boyfriends do it about them or about women in general. I prefer to be more specific. I bitch about specific people. I may say I don't understand or don't like certain things as a generalization but that doesn't mean I'm bashing it. It just means I don't understand, do not prefer, and/or am not interested in such things.

I don't know. I guess I've always just kind of felt like an outcast. I was never popular. I had my extremely small clique when I was in school and I had my family. That's it. It's just that people didn't seem to want to deal with me or make the effort to know me. As a result I didn't give a fuck.

I think that's one of the things I love about Master. He accepts me. For the good, the bad and the ugly. He understands me and takes me as I am, as fucked up as I am.

As the years have gone by honestly I don't have any friends. I have Master and I have our families. Master still has some friends hanging around but even He doesn't seem to want to deal with them as much. We joke around that slowly but surely we're becoming hermits. I'm not sure how much of a joke that is. Our circle of friends started off at a decent number when I first moved up here. But then for various reasons we no longer associated with certain people. It turned into a domino effect. We're down to I'd say four right now.

1. BC - He is still our friend but he is so wrapped up in his fiance and his job that we haven't seen him in about 6 months even though he only lives 30 minutes away. We have tried getting in touch with him to hang out with little to no response.
2. ST - He lives about an hour away and he is getting on our nerves more and more. He's a good guy. He's can just be annoying as hell. Also, he's not a very good house guest.
3. SS - We still talk to her every now and again. But as with BC she is so wrapped up in her fiance that we haven't seen her in quite some time. 
4. JO - He lives in Florida. We haven't seen him in years, but that's not because we don't want to. We don't have the money to go visit him and he doesn't have the money to come visit us. The last time he was up was shortly after our wedding. He came up to celebrate our marriage as he couldn't be at the wedding itself and to visit his sister to meet his newborn nephew. We both really wish he lived closer. 

 So yeah. That's about it. We're getting to know more of paternal side of Master's family which is awesome! We are talking to His dad, His brother, and two of His three sisters more and more. His mother? Well.. that's the same old story.

On my side my grandfather is pretty much lying to everyone about his health, telling us he's fine even though he still can't pass a stress test. My mother has been very sweet and we're seeing her more often. My father.. well he hasn't improved really. Although, much to my surprise, he called me two days ago to "see if we were alive". We hadn't seen him since.. I want to say February. It's not that we haven't been in town, because we have been. It's just that my dad isn't who he used to be and we hate his girlfriend. HATE.

But I did tell Master the next time we're in my hometown we should probably make an appearance at his house. We'll see how that goes.