Plain As Day

I know that most people who know me in my day to day living, such as coworkers, family members, friends who aren't in the know, etc. wouldn't think of me as someone who would submit to anyone.

I have no problem voicing my opinion or cussing someone out or just having an attitude in general. I can be queen bitch if I really want to. I'm kind of out there in general. I'm odd. It suits me. I can blend in and fade into the background like I'm wearing camouflage or I can be right there in your face. It all depends on the situation and how I'm feeling at the time.

But none of that really matters. No matter how you know me, who you know me through or how we met, I feel safe in saying that 98% of people wouldn't believe it if I told them that I submit to my Husband.

If you know what to look for you'll see that I am constantly submitting to Him and His will. I'll fetch, I'll ask Him randomly if there is something I can do for Him. If He asks/tells me to do something I do it automatically without question. It's the way I move around Him, the way I talk to Him, the eye contact. It's all right there, plain as day.

Most people don't look for it or don't know what to look for. There have been times where people have commented on how good of a wife I am. Always making sure my Man has what He needs, things like that. But it goes beyond that and to me it's fairly obvious. Then again, it would be. Yes, I'm trying my best to be as good of a wife as I can be, but there is a deeper level that people just see right through.

It's not a bad thing. And I do tone it down a bit when we're around people. Sometimes I slip up. Other times I don't even realize I'm doing it until someone looks at me kind of funny.

Here's a good example. If it's at all possible I walk on His left side a step of two behind Him. If I am forced to walk on His right side I feel weird, uncomfortable and just generally feel like I am in trouble. Walking on His right side is actually a punishment.

It's not if it's something where traffic or whatever forces me to do so, but if I am actually in trouble He will tell me to walk on His right side. I hate it. I feel antsy and I actually look down a little bit more even when I know I am not in trouble and I'm only doing it because I absolutely have to.

So why is this a good example? His mother made a comment on it. We went out to dinner for something. I think it was my birthday. We were walking out of the restaurant and to our car, they were parked right next to us. I automatically fell into place even though I would have to go to the right side of the car to get in. I forgot what she said exactly but she brought up the fact that she noticed I do that a lot. At first I didn't even realize what she was referring to. When it clicked I was quick to brush it off and say something along the lines of I didn't even realize it. I didn't elaborate any further and she just kind of raised her eyebrow and then let it go.

Even though all of the normal things I do to show my submission to Him in daily life has literally become second nature, it still effects me. If I am unable to do something that I would normally do for Him I get twitchy. The walking on His left side thing is a good example of that. If He pulls me up to Him or wants to hold my hand or put His arm around me I feel great. I smile and all that. When that happens it doesn't make me feel any different. If anything it makes me feel like I'm being a very good girl and He is recognizing that. But you put me on His right side a pace or two behind Him and I feel anxious. Weird isn't it?