I was at work but Master and I were messaging back and forth when it happened. So I told Him about it and asked Him some questions. He walked me through it and I was okay after about 15 minutes or so. I know that doesn't sound like a long time or that it was a big deal but trust me, at the time it felt like a big deal.
You know what helped the most? Master telling me basically that it's up to Him whether or not I'm "good enough" or that I'm a good wife or a good slave. It's His measuring stick we're going by not mine. That knocked me out of it. That's what made me snap back.
See, I told you this dynamic helps with my bipolar disorder.
I don't know what caused it. I really don't. And I think that's the most frustrating part of it. I don't know why. But what is most important is that I'm snapping out of it almost as quickly as it hits me as long as I am able to talk to Master about it. I feel that it would have taken longer had I been made to wait until I got home to talk to Him about it. But it's also not something that I can really talk about over the phone at work either. So I'm glad that Master and I were messaging back and forth at the time.
So when I got home my mood was just fine. Master has been giving me a little more affection and what not. He always does when I have a sudden turn like that. He does it to help reassure me and to comfort me. But He also tightens the grip. It's the structure that I need along with the affection. It's a hell of a balancing act at time but Master knows how to handle it and how to handle me.
I'm so grateful that I have Him and that I am His and His alone. I was lucky enough to have found Him when I was so young, to have Him stand by my side before my diagnosis when my symptoms were at their worst and to still have Him now, almost 10 years later.
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