Getting It Back

For some time now Master and I have both commented on how we have been drifting slowly but surely apart. Stress is the main factor. Isn't it always? And where does our stress always come from? Money. Finances are still tight. Master is still looking for a job.

He was withdrawing because of it and so was I. We were retreating into ourselves and that is not healthy for our marriage or our dynamic. The conversations to get us back to where we should be started a couple of weeks ago. However after that talk nothing had really changed. We got a little heated yesterday via texts and when I got home we were still on edge because of it.

Thankfully my happy pills are working. I haven't totally flipped out since upping the dosage. So I was able to calmly begin a conversation with Master about how we both have been acting. It was brief, but the bridge across the gap was made.

Then today when I got home we talked a bit more and suddenly it seemed that the gap was gone completely. We were joking around, being affectionate, Master was giving orders and I was obeying. Everything synched up and we were acting like we normally do. It felt really good. It feels really good.

Another part of the problem was that one or both of us have not been feeling well over the past two weeks. And again as a result things were being misunderstood or simply just not being said at all. Thankfully we are both feeling better, although not 100%. So that also opened up our window of setting things right.

I hate it when it feels like we're drifting apart. It feels... lonely, confusing and it hurts. I know it hurts Him as well. But we're both stubborn as hell and sometimes it takes a while for us to actually talk about what the base of the problem is and get out shit together so to speak.

I know we both need to find better ways to deal with the stress of our financial situation. It's not healthy or fair that we end up taking it out on each other, sometimes without even realizing it. We are so much stronger together. Sometimes we lose sight of that for some reason.