Fear of the Dentist

Yesterday Master allowed me to skip my blog post because we were relaxing and having a good time. Before we knew it, it was pretty late and Master said I could skip it. So now, some catch up.

Yesterday I had off of work. I had scheduled the day off quite some time ago, but it served a different purpose than intended. I had originally scheduled it off in order to relax for four days straight and not worry about anything. Well with how my toothache was getting worse and then calming back down I had scheduled a dentist appointment. I got up and was a bit nervous about it. Originally I had wanted Master to go with me just because of how nervous I get at the dentist. I knew He would have to stay in the waiting room but just knowing He was close helps me a great deal.

But Master's back has been bothering Him a lot. It bothers Him to the point that He has not been sleeping well at all. An hour here, an hour there. He's constantly getting up because the back pain won't allow Him to stay asleep or He tosses and turns. Thursday was one of those nights. The appointment was at 12:30pm. Master woke up not feeling well, still tired. I understood and there was no need for Him to actually go with me. So I went by myself.

I got there, filled out the new patient paperwork and gave them my insurance information. I had to sit in the waiting room for a while because I had gotten there about a half hour early. I just wanted to get it over with.

Finally they take me into the room and before I even sit down I explain that if I start shaking it's only because I'm nervous. I told them that I had a very bad experience with a dentist in the past when I was a teenager and that when I have tried going in to a dentist since then I have been somewhat judged whether it be because of my nervousness or the fact that my teeth are not in the best of shape. They aren't horrible. But there are quite a few cavities some of which are large. I know it has a lot to do with the fact that my fear of dentists and lack of insurance has kept me from going for routine dental care. It is embarrassing and that also adds to the fear of me going. But these people were so nice, understanding and did nothing but try to keep me calm and talked to me the whole time. They explained everything they were doing and just started chatting away like we were old friends. It was very comforting.

Nothing was really done to fix the toothache. This was a preliminary visit. They took a full mouth x-ray which took a while because they are done in sections and they wanted to get a few different angles of certain teeth. Then they did a cleaning and polished my teeth.

They set up a consultation on how to fix the main problem, the tooth that is causing the pain. Again at the consultation it's not going to be fixed, it's going to be used to talk about options and what I am comfortable with, what is realistic and what isn't going to ruin me financially. Even though I have dental insurance it's not the best in the world. My medical insurance rocks but the dental leaves something to be desired. So I'll take on a good portion of the bill. But at least the insurance will cover something.

Before I left they gave me a bag full of "oral care goodies". They gave me a new tooth brush, two different kinds of dental floss and mouth wash that doesn't contain alcohol. (This particular dentist does not like mouth wash that contains alcohol because it dries out your gums.)

After the dentist appointment I felt... relieved. I was worried that I would have similar experiences to the ones I've had in the past. This was... a pleasant surprised. I do believe I have found a dentist that I will have no anxiety over seeing. Of course I had to list the medications I'm on and the dentist did not recognize the one I had listed, so she asked what it was for. I explained that I was bipolar. I'm still getting used to the fact that I have to say this. There is a lot of misconceptions about the disorder and I was worried they were going to think I'm bonkers. But she just said okay, made a note and didn't treat me any differently.

She did ask me what my bad experience was though. She wanted to understand so she could take precautions that it wouldn't happen in their office. So I told her.

When I was about 14 my wisdom teeth were coming in, but they were coming in sideways and causing a great deal of pain. They hadn't broken through the gum line yet but the dentist insisted that they had to come out now. So my mother took me in. It was the only dentist in the area that would take our insurance which admittedly sucked ass. I know that she specifically asked me to be put completely under. She has also had bad experiences with dentists before which I think already had me nervous about them to begin with. This particular experience didn't help one bit.

The dentist did not put me under. He numbed my gums and gave me very little "laughing gas" and that was it. He was very rough about it. I remember more than once when he was pulling his fingers out of my mouth his dental equipment knocked my front teeth and a few times scraped my chin. That scared the hell of out me for some reason. He also didn't suction all that much. I swallowed a lot of blood. He had had to cut into the gums to remove them so yeah, there was a lot of damn blood. As soon as the stitches were in and he moved back I ran to the bathroom and was sick because of the blood that had gone down my throat. I was sobbing because it hurt so damn much. I was then on the couch for four days with ice packs wrapped around my cheeks. My cheeks were so puffed up I didn't even recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. And I was continuously throwing up because my stomach was still getting rid of what I had swallowed during the procedure.

To me it was very traumatic. It may not sound like it, but to me it was. The dentist said she was so sorry to hear that that had happened to me. She promised that nothing like that would happen to me in their office.

Like I said it was very comforting. I didn't shake at all. I was surprised. I'm a little disappointment that I am going to have to leave work early on Tuesday to go to this appointment. First, gas isn't cheap and Master is going to have to drive 45 minutes to come get me, drive 45 minutes back to get me to the dentist and then get us both home after. Thankfully the dentist is only 5 minutes from the house.

I have told Master that I am going to take better care of my teeth before the problem gets any worse. We are going to take care of the biggest problem first and then go from there. It's going to be a long process simply because of the expense. But we'll get there. I am also going to go in for routine cleanings from now on. Master said He is proud of me and happy that I'm taking these steps. He doesn't judge me at all because of my cavities. He has said that He just wants me to keep my health, dental or other wise, as first priority. My mental health has been and is continuing to be addressed. Now I just have to get the rest of it rolling. I'm glad that I've started it with my teeth. It's long overdue.