Fuck You 2014

Today is the last day of 2014. What does this mean? It means that for the next two months I'll be writing the wrong year down until I finally get it through my head that I should be writing 15 instead of 14. And.... that's about it. I don't make new year resolutions. I see them as pointless. If I really want to do something I don't have to make myself a "promise" that this year I'm going to do it. *shrugs* I would, however, like to go on record and say that 2014 has been one of the worst years I've had in a long time. I've thought other years sucked but 2014 has thrown so much shit at me, all at one fucking time. It was literally... I lost my job in February and then about two or three weeks after that my grandfather was in the hospital and never went back home. Fuck. You. Very. Much.

Since that point things just keep hitting, and hitting, and hitting, and hitting some fucking more. Just as one thing started to calm down a little the other kicked up. It's been a very fucking up roller coaster.

The main points have been my losing my job, my grandfather's health that is forever declining, our dog being injured, an unexpected move, a huge fight between Master and His mother, family drama on my side of the family which centers around my grandfather.

*sigh*

But here we are, at the end of it. The very end of it.

Does that mean that absolutely nothing good happened this year? Well, nothing major. There wasn't a one defining moment or anything. But I've been making some money by making and selling paracord. So, I found a new hobby that I can make some pocket money from. I actually enjoy making the items themselves.

Master and I are still going strong, as we have been for damn near twelve years. That is always something to by thankful for. We have been through a metric fuck ton of bullshit this year. But our marriage is just as strong as it always has been.

Certain people in our families have been incredibly supportive and we are trying to be just as supportive to them. There has just been way too much going on. All I can hope for is that 2015 will be better.

Boring Yet Interesting

Sometimes that is how I think of myself. I'm boring but interesting at the same time. It really doesn't have to do with anything at all. Just small stuff that pops into my brain from time to time.

Boring: I have never been a heavy drinker. Ever. I was never a party girl. I was never a bar fly. Nope. None of that. Hell, now I can't even really have my own drink due to the medication I'm on. If I want some I have to basically either order my own and only drink up to half of it or I ask for a few sips from a drink Master is having. It kind of sucks. Like I said, I've never been a heavy drinker but I wouldn't mind a Mike's Hard Lemonade sometimes. I've only ever been drunk twice in my life. Both of those times were accidental.

Interesting: I have tattoos. I have twelve tattoos currently and you can be damn sure I'm not done yet. I've always said that I'll stop at thirteen. Why? I just thought it would be kind of funny. But now I see this tattoo that I want or that tattoo that I want. Yet, I also don't have a lot of room left where I am willing to put tattoos. *shrugs* We shall see. I started getting tattoos when I was 18. If I remember correctly it was shortly after my 18th birthday. And even though people have told me that since I started getting them so young, that I would regret them when I was older. Here I am only a few months shy of being 32 and I don't regret a single one of them.

Boring: I don't have any friends. Well, I kind of do. There is Bry, who is our friend that Master was the best man for his wedding. But I think we've seen him all of three or four times since his wedding, which was about two years ago. Then there is our friend that moved down to Florida and we only saw him once since then and it was because we had just gotten married and his sister had just had a baby. So he pretty much killed two birds with one stone. I don't blame him at all. It's expensive as hell to travel back and forth. I know Master and I can't afford it. And ya know what? I don't want a lot of friends. I am perfectly content as is.

Interesting: I'm a slave. Yep. But then again you knew that. Obviously. I mean here you are reading this post after all.

Boring: I love to read. I guess that's not really boring. But a lot of people think it is. "What do you mean you just sit there and read for fun?" As if reading is a chore or punishment. I don't think it is at all. Hell, I've recently found a new author I like. Oddly enough I found the first book that introduced me to this author at a grocery store of all places. The author is Gilliam Flynn. I devoured that book in no time flat. So I went out and bought another one. Devoured that one too. And so, yet again, I went out and bought another one. I'm reading that one currently. The sucky thing is that she has only written these three books. *sad face* And it's really shocking for me to pick up a book I know nothing about by an author I have never heard of. It worries me that I am shelling out money for something I might have to drag myself through to the end and then hate it. It's not like a movie. I mean, I don't want to waste money on those either, but to me it is different with a book.

Interesting: I have piercings. Three of them to be exact. Oddly enough none of them are in my ears. I used to have my ears pierced. Two on each lobe and one in the cartilage in my left year. I took the one in my cartilage out because my hair continuously got caught in it and that fucking hurts. The four, total, in my lobes I took out because I couldn't really find any earrings that I really loved that weren't gold or a metal I couldn't wear. I can wear gold. I just don't like it. Not even white gold. At least not on myself. So now I just have one piercing in each nipple and a VCH (vertical clit hood) piercing.

Boring: I don't really have a lot of hobbies. I read and just recently I started making paracord bracelets and key chains. I also code for my blog when I get bored with it. I guess you could consider writing in this blog as a hobby, but I don't really see it as one because it is mandatory.

Interesting: I have a fucked up sense of humor, I swear a lot, and I'm morbid. Yes, I guess that counts as three but I'm doing them all in one. So there. My fucked up sense of humor is both out there and dark, depending on my mood. I can normally get people to crack up, especially Master. I swear a lot because well, it's just how I talk. I obviously swear when I'm pissed off or in pain but I swear as it was a perfectly normal way of talking. "What the fuck ever.", "What the shit are you even fucking talking about dude?", "I'm bored as fucking hell. Damn it. Fuuuccckkk. I wanna fucking do something but there is nothing to fucking do." And I'm not even angry when I say those things. It's just how I talk. The only time I'm not talking like that is when I work. Somehow I am, thankfully, able to flip that switch. As far as my being morbid, I'm not what you would think. I'm not gothic. I'm not emo. Sometimes I wish I could look a little more out there. Especially my hair. I would absolutely love having either purple or dark blood red streaks in my hair. But with the line of work I normally have I can't. I wouldn't get hired. Not that I'm getting hired now, but ya know. Whatever. I've thought about doing it anyway. I truly have. Especially the red. I figure I could pass with the blood red streaks. People have red hair. Maybe not that shade but still. Purple? No way. That is so not a natural hair color. What really pisses me off though is that I see people with fucked up hair colors that are working and I'm sitting there thinking to myself, "Then what the fuck is stopping me?" *sigh*

So anyway, those are just a few things that run through my head from time to time.

Change of Scenery

There isn't a lot going on currently. The holidays are over and so at least part of the stress is relieved. The stress factor over the holidays really killed our sex life. *shrugs* Sometimes sex helps relieve stress but there are times, like the past week, where the stress just kills the mood to the point where you just don't want to even try. 

And sometimes you just need a change of surrounding for a little while. Not much of one, just a little bit. So, since my paracord sales have done pretty damn well this past month, we are considering getting a hotel room for a couple of days. It wouldn't be far from home, but that's not the point. The point is just to get out of this place for a little while. I think it would be nice, and I already have someone who said they would keep an eye on our dog and two rabbits for those two days.

I know it may sound silly that we want to go to a hotel room for two days but it would be a break. It would be something a little different. It would kind of be like a mini vacation without really spending a lot of money. We couldn't get like a posh hotel or anything, but I think we could afford something half way decent. And it's not like we would need a hotel with a fuck ton of perks. I just want a room with a comfy bed. 

I think it would be nice. Yes, it wouldn't last long. But still. 

I'll be looking into it to see how much rooms would cost. I have a feeling waiting until after New Year's Day would be our best bet. Mainly due to prices. New Year's Even is kind of crazy so I'm figuring that the hotel room prices would be hiked up at least a little bit.
 

We shall see. 

It's Over

Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. Well, at least not since I was young and even then it was only because I got a lot of presents. *laughs* Since I became a teenager though my favorite holiday has been Halloween. It still is today. But this Halloween didn't feel like Halloween. It felt like a normal day and it sucked. Today was Christmas and while there were some presents exchanged between family members it was short lived and after that it was back to feeling like any other day. The only part I was actually excited about was that the younger family members of mine really, truly appreciated and loved their presents. Other than that, like I said, it was just another day.

Master and I even tried to go out to eat for dinner tonight but only two restaurants anywhere near us were open. One we both hate and the other was packed to the point where we couldn't even fully get in the door. So, that fucking sucked. We were both pissy about it and simply stopped at a gas station, since the grocery stores are closed, and picked up some snacks in addition to what we were going to be eating when we got home.

We weren't mad at each other. It is just irritating when you go out expecting to eat at a restaurant and that is literally the only reason you left the house just to turn around and come home.

But tomorrow already looks like it is going to be a better day. We have to hit the bank and I have to stop somewhere and buy bottled water, but aside from that we plan on catching a late lunch and going out to buy another book for myself. I'm already damn near finished with the one I bought Tuesday. I absolutely love reading. That is one thing that my grandmother got me addicted to before she passed away. It also doesn't help when I have all this damn spare time on my hands.

The only thing that may sour my mood tomorrow is the fact that Master, my brother, and I are all going over to my dad's house. That in and of itself isn't really a problem. It's that bitch that lives with him that I don't want to deal with.

It really, truly, sucks when you want to go spend time with someone, whether it be a family member or a friend, but you don't want to deal with their significant other.

Support System

We are both going through a lot of shit right now. A. Lot. Of. Shit. Both individually and collectively. I'm not talking about inside our marriage. We're not fighting. We're not on the brink of divorce. We're still very much in love and our marriage is strong. However, everything else that is going on is... rough. And that's an understatement. We are both doing the best we can with handling all of this shit. Again, both individually and collectively.

We do our best to be strong, not only for ourselves but for one another. Yesterday we were standing outside talking and I started to tear up a little bit about what we were discussing. I didn't break down. I didn't start weeping. It was a few tears that built up enough in my eyes to trickle down my face. As soon as Master saw that He walked over to me and gave me a big hug while kissing the top of my head.

Can I just say that I love it when He kisses the top of my head? I'm not sure why, but I find it very sweet and comforting. Especially since He is so much taller than me. (A full foot and three inches taller to be exact.) When He does that I am totally surrounded by Him and it calms me down.

I didn't cry much. A few more tears escaped and then I was fine. Well, not fine. But I wasn't crying anymore. When we got back inside He gave me another big hug.

I know that some of it will get at least a tiny bit better once the holidays are over. But it won't be fully over until some pretty major shit goes down. Such as when my grandfather is finally at peace. That poor old man is still here, suffering. Once he is at peace we will all have to hold our breathe to see if everything is going to go smoothly or if world ware three breaks out within my family. I can hope for the first but prepare myself for the latter.

The other parts are not so easily measured. The stuff with my family has a time frame, sort of. The other shit? Not so much. That is basically going to have to play itself out.

All I know is that we are both lucky to have one another. A lot of people are in relationships and a lot of people are in marriages, but not all of those relationships/marriages are healthy. Not all of them have two people that are willing to stand together regardless of what they are facing. We are lucky to have both of those things. We are our own support system.

While we are normally venting about the same thing to one another and are on the same side regarding that topic, it still helps to say things out loud and have someone there.

Handmade Collar Part 2 **UPDATED**

Not that long ago I had made myself a collar out of paracord. I loved it. I really did. But it started coming apart. I was still learning with such things and had actually been using a glue gun at the time because it looked better than when I melted the ends with a lighter. Mainly because I continuously burnt the ends to a crisp because I didn't know how to do it better.

But I had a hell of a time putting it on by myself. I think I had made it just a touch too small because
I didn't take the clip itself into consideration. *shrugs* It is a learning process. One I have gotten a hell of a lot better at.

Anyway... it was hard as hell to put on by myself and the ends of it were coming undone because the glue just wasn't a good method to go with. I've since gone back to burning the tips.

Honestly I stopped wearing it because I wasn't sure how to fix it. I thought about making a new one but I didn't know what colors I would like. I could make it exactly the same but I didn't really want to.

But then I found these skull charms and I absolutely had to buy them. No, I didn't put one on a collar. I made a bracelet for Master with it. So He has the black and purple bracelet with an infinity symbol on it and now a black and white bracelet with three skulls on it.

Well, I obviously wanted a bracelet with a skull on it. So I made a red and black one. I absolutely loved how the colors looked together. The red is very vibrant. Red has always been one of my favorite colors. To me it almost looked like a blood red ribbon going through the middle of the bracelet.

That's when I decided that is how I wanted my new collar to look. So I quickly cut out the infinity symbol on my "old" collar to put on my new one. I made it exactly the same as my new bracelet with the skull charm. Black with a blood red stripe going through the middle. The skull on my bracelet matches the one on Master's, except His bracelet has three and I have one. The infinity symbol on my collar matches the one on His other bracelet.

I am able to put this one on by myself without much trouble. It is still tight enough to feel like a collar but not overly tight, like the last one. I'm really glad I did this.

I received a comment on this post asking for a picture of my new collar.

Here you go! *smiles*

Ugh.

Neither Master or myself are Christians. We're heathens. *pft* But we have always celebrated the holidays with family. Both sides, His and mine, are Christian. And of course there are children involved as well. So we look at it more from the point of view that it's just that time of the year where you get together with family.

This year is harder. It isn't that far away at all. But this year is more.... difficult. A few years ago my grandfather had stopped hosting Christmas out at his house. But he still continued to come see everyone. So we would all gather at my mom's house. This year... well this year he won't be coming. He'll be sitting in a nursing home, probably not even realizing that it is Christmas. Probably not even thinking about any of us because nine times out of ten he doesn't remember that we even exist. Catch him on the right day and yes, he'll know he has grandchildren but not our names. Catch him on any other day and hell... he might even remember that he has two sons. As a result, how could he possibly have grandchildren?

It's hard. Really hard. And as much as we all want him to be at peace we are all also hopeful, selfishly, that he doesn't pass away on Christmas. Honestly that is more for the younger members of our family than for us.

As a result of my grandfather not coming to Christmas at her house my father won't be either. My mother and father have been divorced since I was 17 years old. But my mother and her current husband had my dad over for Christmas so that Grandpa wouldn't have to make another stop and her house is bigger than my dad's. But this year that isn't going to happen. So we'll be meeting up with my dad sometime early this upcoming week.

On the other side of this stress is my mother-in-law. Master and her haven't spoken since September. It was ugly. Master tried many times to basically tell her to back off and leave it alone. But she couldn't. That just isn't the kind of person she is. She has to have the last word. She is the one that is always right. And everyone has to treat her with kid gloves or she automatically climbs up on a cross. Anyway... since she wouldn't let it go and wouldn't stop escalating the matter by taking one low blow after another Master went off. And quite honestly He held a lot back. He went off, but not as much as He could have.

As a result, they haven't spoken. As Christmas is getting closer we were wondering if she was going to contact us. She hasn't. Master is holding His ground and I don't blame Him. If He were to contact her, in her mind she would have won. And she would hold it over both of us. And so we wait. And wait.

This Halloween passed by without seeming like Halloween, and that's my favorite holiday. And this Christmas is passing by more stressful than usual.

Nothing Much

This post will most likely be extremely boring for most people who come here. But I think it's great and therefore I am going to write about it. So there. *sticks tongue out*

I've been making paracord items for a while now. I started making them for friends and family at first. But then I got good enough at it that I started to make them to sell. It started off slow. I had bought quite a bit of paracord supplies as a first investment, so I was a bit worried when I started. Did I make the wrong decision? Did I go overboard? Seriously, I was freaking out a little bit about it. Master assured me that it would pick up and that it was better that I had overstock rather than not have it when I needed it.

I've been "pimping" out my paracord items all over the place and there were a few orders here and there which was cool. A few bucks here. A few bucks there. It isn't much but every little bit helps. Then all of a sudden this week it has blown up! It also helps that my mother has started making gift baskets to sell and has been putting a paracord item that I have made in them. So I get a little money there too! It's awesome.

I know it's mainly due to the holidays but what does it matter? Money is money regardless of when you get it. Also, I'm not going to complain about it. I will say that I had to make two trips to the place I buy my paracord supplies from today. And then tonight I received an order for someone and due to that I have to make another trip to that store tomorrow. Oh well.

I am waiting for the cashiers to know me by name at this rate. *sigh* The good thing is that the store is moving even closer to where I live so that's great.

I do have to say that my shoulders are killing me. Partially because I've been knocking out the bracelets back to back to back. I'd rather sit down for a long time doing them rather than do one here and then in a couple of hours I'll do another. Fuck that.

The other part is because my mother, my brother, and I went to a mall today. Normally it's no big deal but this mall is huge and since my shoulders were already bothering me it was only getting worse. It's not like I didn't have a good time, because I did. But I'm paying for it. Especially since I had to make another two bracelets when I got home.

I used some of the profits of my paracord sales to get Master an early Christmas gift. It's a Sons of Anarchy jacket. I gave it to Him right away. He loves it. He scolded me that I didn't buy anything for myself with my paracord sales money. I told Him that I was going to while I was at the mall because I found a Supernatural winter hat I really wanted. The only reason I didn't buy it for myself is because my brother bought it for me as an early Christmas gift. Can ya tell that the adults don't really wait? We're just like, "Here ya go."

In addition to the Supernatural winter hat my brother bought me a Supernatural wallet for my purse. I love both of the items!

Don't get me wrong, I really love Sons of Anarchy but I love Supernatural more. So Master has all the reaper gear going and I'm starting a little collection of Supernatural items. I found some kick ass necklaces and rings but my nickel allergy always prevents me from buying them. *sad face* I do plan on buying more Supernatural related items. T-shirts, Sweatshirts, etc...

Sore & Sensitive

I normally don't wear underwear. In fact I normally find it uncomfortable. But not that long ago I had purchased a couple of lacy thongs. I had worn one shortly after I purchased them but since I hardly ever wear underwear I hadn't worn the other pair yet. But last night after my shower I put them on. No particular reason. And I know it's not really lingerie but I thought it would please Him. And apparently it did.

Later on in the night He got undressed and we got in bed together. I cuddled up next to Him while He was laying on His side. I reached down and started stroking his cock. He started rubbing my pussy through the lace thong commenting on how nice it looked on me. He moved so that I had to let go of His dick and He started molesting my tits. I gripped at His arms and upper back as I grew more and more turned on. When He was done He knelt up on the bed and reached to take my thong off. I lifted up my hips to make it easier.

He had me slide up on the bed so that He could eat me out. After a certain point I asked Him to finger me while He did so. Shortly after He started doing that I came. He didn't give me any time to recover and I was already overly sensitive. Instead, He grabbed my hips, pulled me down the bed, and then motioned for me to get onto all fours. As soon as I did He pressed on my upper back to let me know that He wanted my ass up and my head down.  I immediately put myself in that position.

As I said I was already very sensitive so as He was fucking me deeply I was clawing at the bed and trying my best to stay still. It's not so much that He doesn't ever want me to move during sex but when He grips certain parts of my body, such as the way He was gripping my hips last night, I know better than to move. After almost twelve years of our being together I know these things.

He allowed me to cum several times before He told me to lay on my stomach. While I started to move and had my right leg down fully He pushed His knee against my left leg so that it was flat on the bed but bent at the knee.

Sometimes I'm still surprised at how deep He can get inside me. Just when I think He couldn't possibly get any deeper, He does. After that point I was just His fuck toy. I wasn't allowed to cum anymore and sometimes, to me, that's even hotter. Especially when I'm already worked up and have had several orgasms and now I have to keep my body from tipping over yet again into one. (Yay for being able to have multiple orgasms!)

I begged for His cum and after He filled me we stayed in the position we were in except He was also bent over me, propping Himself up on His hands. Once He moved He collapsed next to me and I scooted over to Him so I could rest my head on His chest. It is one of the most comfortable things in the world after sex.

I cleaned Him off and then we got ready for bed. As soon as we curled up we both drifted off.

I'm still sore today. I love it.

Squeeze

Last night Master and I were sitting on the bed. I had my head lowered and was nuzzling His neck on and off. I would stop and lightly kiss Him on the mouth before nuzzling Him again. Eventually He grabbed my throat and forced me to lay on my back. He then very aggressively started molesting my tits with His mouth. Normally He is rough when He does that but this time His teeth were used almost constantly, including when He would take my entire breast into my mouth. I don't mean to say that to make it sound like my tits are small. I'm a mid b-cup... but He has a big mouth. *laughs* He wouldn't remove His hand from my throat the entire time. He wasn't applying much pressure but He made sure that no matter what He did His hand was on my throat and both of my arms were pinned down by His body.

When He was done He sat up, while still gripping my throat, and forced my legs apart before slapping my pussy lips lightly. As He maneuvered Himself in between my legs He applied more pressure with His hand. As He forcibly entered me He squeezed my throat even more.

I felt myself getting light headed. He would ease up on the pressure on my throat long enough for me to gasp a few deep breaths and then He would apply more pressure than He did before. He is always very, very careful when He's choking me. He makes sure to balance Himself in such a way that there is never a risk of Him slipping and accidentally applying His full body weight to my throat. Although He does love getting me as close as possible to passing out before allowing me to breathe. And I have to admit that I love it too. I know that I can tap His arm at any time which is basically a "safety" thing where if I feel uncomfortable or unsafe He will completely let go. That has actually never happened.

After He was done He laid on top of me and alternated in positions He wanted me twisted into. While He had both of my legs on His shoulders He leaned forward, effectively bending me in half.  I reached down and started massaging His balls. He had already allowed me to cum several times but as He got closer to His orgasm He ordered me to cum once again. As soon as mine peaked His started.

We were both very tired afterward. It didn't take long before we started getting settled in to go to sleep.

Figure Out Something

Master and I have been kind of up and down lately. Well, not us as in a couple. But us as individuals. We're either just kind of there, a little down, or irritable. Yes, it is broken up by pockets where we are joking around and laughing with one another. But it is obviously getting to both of us. As a result Master told me today that we have to figure out something to do with just the two of us. Just leave the house and not come back for a little while. We have ran a couple of errands recently but it was only for about a half hour, tops. And that is including drive time.

It is like cabin fever is already setting in and it's only the middle of December. I honestly think that everything going on in our families is not helping. Both my side and His. Granted it's only one or two select people on each side, but it's enough to fuck with our zen.

What we're going to do I have no idea. We'll figure something out. But with our not having a lot of money it limits our options. *shrugs*

I feel kind of cuddly today. Cuddly and affectionate. Honestly that isn't unlike me. But it is kicked up a notch today. Not necessarily all day. It pretty much got kicked up to this level about two hours ago. But I'm also sore, so yeah.

Anyway....

There hasn't been a lot going on. In general. There isn't a lot going on here at home. There isn't a lot going on with anyone. And there isn't a lot going on in our dynamic. Not due to any reason in particular. Right now it's just the normal stuff. Nothing really of note. I'm not complaining, I'm just explaining why I haven't really written about it.

Not Sick.... But....

I haven't been doing all that great today. It's nothing in particular. I'm not sick. But earlier today my blood sugar crashed rather suddenly. That may have something to do with how I'm feeling now.

Master and I were out and about when all of a sudden my hand started to shake a little bit when I was holding something. Okay, I know that is a sign that I need to eat in order to get my blood sugar back up. No big deal. But within the matter of 15 minutes the shaking got worse. We weren't that far from home though, thankfully. So after we got into the door I had a cookie and then some chips.

I felt okay after that. But about a hour ago I started to feel worn the fuck out. Not only tired but exhausted for absolutely no reason. And everything just hurts. My joints and muscles don't like me right now.

As a result I pretty much immediately went and took my bath so I could get that out of the way. It's a lot earlier than I normally would take one. And after my bath I put on my most comfortable hoodie and a pair of sweat/yoga pants. I don't know really what to call them. It's not one or the other really... *shrugs* All I know is that they are comfortable.

Master told me to rest. So I figured I should get my post done for today too. I'm just kind of having a hard time actually concentrating enough to write out this post. I'm not completely out of it. I can pay attention to things and follow it... But writing? Not so much.

I'm also waiting to hear about my brother. He went to a walk-in clinic because he felt a pop in his chest and since then has been having a difficult breathing. He has quite a few health problems. He has asthma, seizures, and heart issues.

So they are running tests and took an x-ray and have given him a breathing treatment. That's all I know for sure right now. I'm not really getting myself worked up about it though. Not that I'm not worried about him... it's just that there is no need to get worked up until I know exactly what is going on so I am trying to push that to the back of my head for now.

I will say that Master has been babying me today because I don't feel well. He pretty much ordered me to get comfortable and relax as soon as my bath was done. Yes Sir! *smirks*

Under My Skin

I would like to go back to being a teenager please. Okay, only in certain things. I don't want to have to worry about money anymore and I want to not have to worry about the shit storm that is currently going on with my family. Everything is guessing and speculation.

"How much longer do you think Grandpa is going to be able to keep going on?" - I have no idea. Hopefully not much longer.

"Do you think your dad is going to keep his promise and actually have his body at the wake?" - He damn well better.

"Do you think your dad is going to keep his promise about putting a plaque next to Grandma's?" - Again, he damn well better.

"Do you think your dad is going to keep his promise about giving everyone the money they agreed to since he 'can't find the will'?" - Once more, he damn well better.

"How ugly do you think it's going to get if he doesn't?" - Pretty fucking ugly.

"How are you going to react to your dad if he doesn't?" - I'm not sure and I'm not looking forward to finding out.

"Do you think your dad's 'girlfriend' is going to say anything?" - If she does she is going to be lucky if all I do is verbally assault her.

You get the idea. And, as you may have noticed, it all revolves around my father. And it's not just one person asking me these things. It's my mom, it's my brother, and it's my mother's husband. Sometimes it's Master too but that's mainly when I start talking about it and we both start bouncing things off of one another.

I understand that my brother looks to me for these things because I'm his big sister and if he talks to mom about it he doesn't feel like he really got an answer because my mom is trying to walk that fine line of "he's still your dad" and "your dad is a complete bastard right now". I think it's a bit harder on her because it is her ex-husband and we are both of their children. So while my mom is constantly trying to do right by us my father is pretty much like, "Hey you wanna come hang out?"

And he's not even doing that anymore! I have to be the one to contact him. Yesterday Master and I went over there and it was just.... weird. My dad seemed kind of distant. He wasn't really all that talkative. After the first half hour of our being there that bitch that is now living with him actually fell asleep in her chair. That is just fucking rude. If you are tired and you have company over you excuse yourself and go lay down. You don't just crash out in your chair. Dumb whore.

And it was shortly after that where my dad pretty much became quiet. We had been joking a bit back and forth until then. Master and I stayed a while longer and tried engaging him in conversation the whole time but we'd get a few words out of him and that would be it. So we left.

And I know it's not anyone's fault that these questions are floating around. They are on everyone's mind. But today all the speculation was just getting under my skin. And so I remained calm and just nodded and smiled and gave the same answer I've been giving. There's not much else I can do.

Normally it doesn't bother me this much. But today they all seemed to wiggle under my skin and irritate me. Especially since it was first my brother and then my mom. Like I said, I'm not mad at anyone. It's just how it is today.

Move Along

I've been pretty bummed lately. Not depressed. Not even close to being depressed. But just down and bummed. I try to joke around as much as possible because I feel better when I do. But then things settle down and I go back to being bummed. I don't know how else to describe it except for bummed. I also feel spread out and scattered.

It's nothing that anyone is doing. It's nothing that I'm doing. It's all circumstantial. The weather also isn't helping. Due to the weather I either wake up with my sinuses killing me or a pounding headache. If I'm lucky it's both. Today was just the headache.

The whole situation with my Grandpa is really getting to me. I just want it all to be done. I want him to be at peace and for us to be able to grieve and figure out all the other shit that will occur after the fact. Which, quite honestly, sounds like it is going to be ugly.

Not working is not helping either. Income would be nice. I'm making all the paracord items and yes I have sold some, which is nice, but I want something reliable. And it's not like I'm getting rich off the paracord. Trust me, I'm not. But I enjoy doing it and I have made a little money. It's better than nothing.

I know the whole bummed and scattered feeling is showing on my face. Several people have told me that I look tired and pale. Well, I'm naturally pale so when someone tells me I look pale, that's pretty bad.

I'm not sick. Aside from the headaches and sinus pressure in the morning I feel fine. *shrugs*

Tomorrow Master and I are going to go see my dad for a little while. I'm not totally looking forward to it but it gets me out of the house. We'll also be stopping at the craft store I go to because I asked Master today if it would be okay to make our dog a collar out of the paracord. I made one for a customer and I like the look of it. Master said it would be fine so we'll be picking up the things I need there before we go to my dad's. Then later on tomorrow night or maybe Sunday I'll make the dog collar. I hope it turns out nicely. If it doesn't I'll have to take it all apart and start over.

Master has been trying to keep me laughing. It's not like my life is all woe is me. It's not. But right now I can't shake that bummed and scattered feeling.

Why Won't It End?

My grandfather is breathing. I don't know why. I don't know how. I don't understand it at all. That poor man has been through more hell these past months than I can imagine. He went from having bad and good days to having more bad days than good. For a very long time after that it was bad and good moments to more bad moments than good. But for the past two to three months it has been so much worse. The hallucinations are back in full force. Sometimes the only person he remembers is his deceased wife. At times he says he never had kids and therefore doesn't have any grandchildren. He can't walk anymore at all, assisted or not. He can't even maneuver his wheelchair around anymore except for a little bit around his room and that wears him out quickly. The nurses and doctors are stating that they may have to leave him in bed more and more because of his inability to sit up under his own will at times. Also, he has the habit of blocking the door to his room with the wheelchair while he sits in it so no one can get in.

Not that long ago he had fallen and cracked his head open. He has a nice scar on the back of his head now. Honestly I'm surprised that alone didn't kill him. He hardly eats at all and his body is eating away at itself. It has been for some time now.

Not to be disgusting but he is going through at least eight sets of clothing each day. He loses control of his bodily functions in a rather violent way and even though he is diapers it is not.... containing it.

The doctors have said time and time again that he wouldn't be alive still. In May he wasn't supposed to last through July. In July he wasn't supposed to last to his birthday, in September. In September he wasn't supposed to make it to Halloween. And yet here we are in December and he's still here. And now the doctors are using the phrase, "All we can do now is make him comfortable."

They have put leggings on him to help with the water retention which has been pretty damn bad this past week. They have him on some pretty strong pain killers as of yesterday.

Where are the angels of mercy when you need them? That may offend some people but in this case I truly think it would be a mercy. I would want that for me if that is how I had been living, or existing anyway, for this long with absolutely no hope of getting any better and 100% likelihood of it getting worse.

Blah

Today has been one of those I'm tired for no reason type of days. I ran a few errands today but it wasn't really a lot. It was two stores. Each store took longer than it really should have but still. I think it's mainly the weather. It wasn't that bad out two days ago. Yesterday was gray and rainy. Today is just.. cold. It wouldn't be so bad if the wind wasn't blowing but it is. Oh well.

I feel like I want to sleep. All. Day. Long. I have no reason to be tired and it annoys me. I know that I got some sleep last night. It was broken up but it was still sleep.

I also feel sluggish. *sigh*

I wish someone would get back to me about a damn job. I am going guano. When I was working I would have loved a full two weeks off of work just to collect myself and relax for more than a day and a half each week.

But now? Now I've been unemployed since late February. It sucks. It sucks a lot. It's like I've said before though.. I don't really miss work I miss the paycheck. While working would alleviate some of my boredom I don't really miss it.

I guess I'm just kind of down today. I wouldn't call it depressed. Just blah. I've been trying to keep myself in a good mood. It works for the most part. I'm smiling and laughing and joking around. I'm not faking it or anything. I am just seeking it out a bit more today. But now? Now I'm just blah. I'm just kind of here.

The weird thing is that I wouldn't even really say I'm bored. I mean the only things that are going on is that I'm doing my blog post and Master is playing a video game right now. But stating that I'm bored would imply that I want to do something else. However, I can't think of anything to do nor do I really want to do anything.

Nothing is wrong. Just feel tired and worn out. Yippee.

Shut Up

Master and I were trying to figure out what the hell to do today. It's not even fully winter and we're already a bit stir crazy. I couldn't really figure anything out and neither could He. Well, until we found out that His direct deposit came early and we didn't really have it ear marked for anything this month. As a result we decided to go to dinner. The only thing was that I had to meet up with a lady who had ordered four of my paracord bracelets and wanted to meet this afternoon. No biggie. It doesn't really matter how late we eat. The woman sent me a message around 4:30pm or so saying she could meet right then but asked if I could meet her somewhere aside from the original spot we had discussed. Thankfully it was only a little ways down the road. No problem. Master came with me so that when I was done with that we could just head to dinner rather than me doing that, turning around, and then coming home to pick up Master to go out to dinner.

The woman was super nice and seemed really happy with the bracelets. Awesome.

After that Master mentioned that maybe we should go to Walmart and see if they had any movies on sale. We'll be going there Tuesday to buy the new Apes movie but hey.. why the hell not. It's not as if the store is all that far away.

It's a good thing we did. They were having a huge clearance sale on their DVDs. We ended up getting three movies. One of them were only $1.96! Awesome sauce.

After that we headed to dinner. Master said that He was taking me to Applebees. I grinned. He then told me that He was taking me there to shut me up about that damn strawberry lemonade. *laughs* Yes, I got another one and yes it was still yummy as hell.

We had a really good time and even though the place was packed the food was amazing and the service was actually highly surprising given the fact that it was so busy. Very polite and fast.

Now we are just settling in for the night and we'll be watching one or two of the movies we picked up before dinner.

Handmade Collar

As some of you may know, I haven't been able to wear a collar since January 3rd, 2012. Not because of any punishment but because of my metal allergy. I've had several collars over the years until I "graduated" to the eternity collar that I had for a very long time. Somewhere along the lines, while I was still wearing the eternity collar, Master also bought me an eternity cuff. As of the date previously mentioned though something happened to where I was getting that all too familiar rash from my nickel allergy. I was highly upset. To this day, however, I am still wearing the cuff. Weird. But after I took off the eternity collar Master and I both agreed that buying another one didn't make much sense. Some jobs wouldn't want me to wear it, I'm sure, and with it being an allen screw I wouldn't be able to really take it off by myself. Well, that and it would be a real pain in the ass process every morning before I went to work and every night when I got home.

Anyway... that was the reasoning. Not to mention the price.

Since I started making paracord bracelets and key chains I've getting pretty damn good about it. I made myself a bracelet and Master two of them, one of them with a charm of the infinity symbol.

Shortly there after, a couple of nights ago if my memory is correct, Master had mentioned how since I could make bracelets and key chains out of paracord I might be able to make myself a collar out of one. After all there is absolutely no metal, so there is nothing to irritate my skin.

Last night while I was taking my bath I was sitting there trying to figure out how to pull it off. I already knew that the length I would need would be longer than the jig I have for making the bracelets. But I knew I could pull it off. I also wanted to put the same infinity symbol that I put on His bracelet on the collar. Well, it's more of a choker but at this point there really isn't a difference.

After I got out of the bath I asked Master to help me measure the size I would need on my neck. He was smiling when I told Him that I wanted to make myself one. He suggested that I put the infinity symbol on it which made me laugh because that thought had already crossed my mind and I hadn't mentioned it to Him yet.

Once I had the measurements I got all of the supplies together and started making it. I used the same colored cord that I did for my bracelet. It is a red and black weave, which are my two favorite colors. (Yes, I know that black is not technically a color.)

The bracelet that I made for Master with the infinity symbol is black and purple but He said it was okay if I made the choker/collar out of the red and black weave so it would match my bracelet.

I am not kidding you when I say that I had to make this thing three times. At first I made it too small, so I had to take it all apart and start over again. Thankfully I hadn't cut it yet and had plenty of cord so I didn't have to cut off new pieces. The second time I made it that it fit but it was more like a regular necklace rather than a choker. So once again I took it apart and finally I got it right! *sigh* That took forever. But it is done and I absolutely love it. Master does too.

It has been far too long since I've had something around my neck. Thankfully the charm, which is metal, doesn't touch my skin at all because it is weaved into the front of the paracord. The buckle is plastic.

So while I finally have something around my neck again it isn't something that Master can pull me around by. The plastic buckle would just open or even worse, break. But I am still happy as is He.

Happy... Kinda

Well, it looks like my brother will be getting married. Not any time soon mind you. He has been with this chick for about two years. They aren't living together yet. But a couple of days ago he went to a jewelry store and picked out a ring that was on a huge discount. Yesterday he asked me to cut his hair for him. I don't really cut hair. But I know how to use clippers that have a guard on them. And that's what he wanted so that's what I did. I found it kind of odd that he wanted it cut though because he had told me that he wants to try and grow it out long. *shrugs* I guess because it was in that scraggly stage he wanted it cut so he could look nice for the "big question". He popped the question today and she said yes. He is very happy. I am happy for him... in a way.

I am happy for him because I want him to be happy. I say in a way because I don't like this girl. It's not really anything she has done to my brother. It's just that her and I clash on certain levels. She comes off as a snob to me. Like she is better than I am. I'm petite, I have tattoos, I swear a lot... you get the idea. Then there she is. Large girl, no tattoos, doesn't swear.

And I absolutely cannot stand her daughter. That child is a fucking demon spawn... She is four years old, isn't even remotely potty trained, doesn't listen to anyone including her own mother, screams as if you are literally beating the living hell out of her if you tell her she can't do something or have something, doesn't pick up after herself... and the thing that gets me the most is the fact that this little bitch is put on a pedestal while my two nephews, my brother's sons, are to clean up after her and give up any toys they are playing with so that she can play with them. I've brought it up to my brother before and he says he is correcting it. I'm really not sure if he is or not though since the nephews and that demon kid are hardly ever together these days. On the weekends my brother has his sons his now fiance is nowhere to be found which means that demon kid isn't here.

Oh well. His problem. But as my brother knows, and I have shown, I will not allow that kid to walk all over my nephews and if she wants to scream bloody murder I'll let her. I'm not going to give  into what she wants to get her to shut the fuck up. Nope. I've actually let her scream to the point where she can't scream anymore. And you know what happens? She fucking listens. I don't let my two nephews get away with that shit so there is no way in hell I'm going to let her get away with any of it.

So I'm happy for my brother because he is happy. However, I am not happy that this chick and her demon spawn will be joining the family.

Will I play nice? Yep. Will I show up to the wedding? Yep. Will I be part of the bridal party? I already told my brother that I won't be. I have declined in advance as far as that goes. Will I act all girlfriendish with her? Nope. Will I show more love and care to her kid? Nope.

That pretty much covers it.

Payment

I had made Master a paracord bracelet a while ago and He loves it. But yesterday I bought some charms to weave into the bracelets. He saw one He really wanted on a bracelet for Him. I was joking around and told Him I was going to charge Him. He laughed and acted all butt hurt about it. Then He smirked at me and said, "I'll pay you by eating your pussy." How can I turn that down?! Never mind I knew it was a joke from the very beginning of the conversation. He then asked me if He had to pay up front or after the bracelet was done. I giggled and said up front. Again He joked around acting all butt hurt about it. *smiles* It was pretty damn funny.

Later on that night though, after my bath, I dressed up for Him. I put on a see through mini dress that leaves my tits exposed. He seemed very pleased by it.

As the night went on He got undressed and climbed into bed with me. He had me lay on my back before pulling me towards Him so He could lay on top of me and molest my tits with His teeth and tongue until I was whimpering. He stopped and told me to slide up. I love it when He eats me out. After I got off He continued to gently flick His tongue against my clit until I finally lifted my hips and moved up even more trying to get away since I was so damn sensitive.

He then knelt up and before He had to say anything at all I turned around and laid in between His legs so I could orally worship His cock. After a while I stopped and looked up at Him. I asked if He wanted me to continue. I wasn't sure if He wanted me to continue with a blow job or if He wanted to fuck me. He told me to lay on my back. He entered me and fucked me hard. He alternated positions quite a bit before eventually asking me where He should finish. This threw me off a little bit as normally He doesn't ask. He either just gets off or He stops and tells me to finish Him off with my mouth.

I asked if He would finish in my mouth. I haven't had a load of cum shot down my throat in a while. He smirked and pulled out. He sat down on the bed with His back against the headboard. I got comfortable in between His legs and waited for Him to gather up my hair. Since it is so long it always seems to get in the way. He gathered it all up in one hand and as soon as He did so I started sucking His cock.

When He got off I swallowed every single drop, just like I always do, and kept His dick in my mouth for a little while, feeling the last few throbs and twitches.

Originally we had planned on staying up a little bit afterward but by the time we were done we were both tired. But a good tired. The kind where you know the sex is damn good and now you just want to curl up and go to sleep. So that is exactly what we did.

It was kind of funny today though. Shortly after we woke up and He had His morning coffee He reminded me that He had already paid for the bracelet. I couldn't help but laugh and I promised to make it for Him today, which I did. He loves it. *smiles*

On A Date

I asked Master if I could do tomorrow's post early. It's only 11pm here right now. I could just wait to do it tomorrow but I wanted to do it now. I'm glad that He is allowing me to do so.

Today Master and I had some fun. It has honestly been quite some time since we went on anything that could really be considered a date. But we got some Christmas money early from one of my family members. When it comes to things like that we spend it as if we don't need it for anything else. It's what I call "fun money". It's just something to use to splurge. And this time we splurged by going on a date and buying a few things.

First we went to the store and looked at DVDs because we wanted a movie to watch for tonight. Our original thought was to go to the actual movies but decided against it. There isn't anything we absolutely positively had to see. So why waste it when we can spend just as much, if not less, by buying a DVD and watch it whenever we want.

We found Sin City 2. We loved the first movie and had wanted to see the sequel. We just never saw it at a good price. Now we did. We snatched that up in a heart beat. We had walked around the store a bit before picking out the movie to see if I could find a new winter hat and to see if we could find Master new winter gloves. But I didn't find any hats I liked and Master didn't find any gloves He liked for a price He was willing to pay. *shrugs* Oh well.

After that we went out to Applebees. Master and I love that restaurant although we hadn't been to the one down here yet. Normally we only went to one in order to meet up with family. But not this time. This time it was just the two of us. A date. We've gone to a Denny's by ourselves not all that long ago but Applebees is so much better.

I had such a good time. It was wonderful. We joked around and laughed a lot. Whenever we go to an Applebees I always get a strawberry lemonade. It is so yummy. But this time it was even better. Apparently they make different down here. Rather than just making a lemonade and then putting some strawberry syrup type stuff in it they made a lemonade and then put real sliced up strawberries in it. It was so good. Everything just seemed wonderful. The mozzarella sticks and our burgers were perfect. They didn't water down Master's Jack & Coke. In fact it was pretty strong. (It was a double.) Our server was extremely fast and very friendly. We tipped her a lot more than we usually tip a server, even if they are good. Like I said everything just seemed so wonderful in that little pocket of time. No worries. We didn't talk about anything stressful. We just focused on us and having a good time.

After that Master and I went to a game store. He picked out a video game set that He wanted. Then we went home.

The weather outside sucked. It was cold. But I was in such a good mood that I didn't care. I'm still in a really good mood. I had taken a short nap when we got home but after I woke up we watched Sin City 2 and it was actually pretty damn good. I personally don't think it was as good as the first one but it was still a kick ass movie.

Now we are just sitting here relaxing. Each of us on our own computers while still talking to one another. *smiles*

Used

Last night I dressed up for Master. It is rather cold outside and the heat isn't that great here. So after my shower I put on a body stocking that leaves my tits exposed and then put on sweatpants and a hoodie. I know that sounds super sexy. But hey, it kept me warm. Once we were ready to turn everything off and settle in for the night I took off the hoodie and sweatpants, leaving only the body stocking on.

I was sitting on the bed with Master in front of me. He asked me if I had a mood for the night. I said that I would prefer to be used. He smiled and said He could handle that.

He pushed me onto my back, gripped my legs, and pulled me further down the bed. He laid on top of me and molested my tits for a little while. He then knelt up with my legs spread and Him kneeling in between them.

He moved my pussy lips around with His fingers and fingered me a little bit before finally guiding His cock inside me. He kept me on my back and I lifted my legs up so that they were wrapped around Him.

After a while He knelt up and without pulling out flipped me onto my side while He remained kneeling on the bed. He pinned my neck down with one of His hands and used the other to hold my hips while He fucked me, sometimes moving my hips so that I was basically bounging off of His cock.

After He filled me He just knelt there for a little while I felt His cock twitch inside of me. Once His dick became limp enough to just slip out of me He laid on His back and told me to clean Him off. After I cleaned Him off I got changed into my sleep clothes and took my pills.

I know that some people may think it's a little weird that sometimes I prefer to not get off during sex. It's not that I don't enjoy having orgasms. Just the opposite. But sometimes knowing that it isn't an option without permission and then knowing for a fact, from the start, that I won't be able to cum at all is a turn on.

Early Winter Weather

Apparently winter is starting early this year. For the past week they had been saying it would snow. But nothing. It all seemed to be going up North where my aunt lives. She might as well be in Canada for fucks sake. But yesterday it finally hit. We didn't get a lot. Just two or three inches of snow all told. It did stick though. We had/have snow on the ground. However it was slick enough on the roads for them to send out the snow plows already. But it is never the snow that gets me. I mean, if my car fishtails yeah it scares the hell out of me. But honestly I would rather deal with snow rather than the bitter cold. Last winter we had both. We had quite a few days that were below zero and too many days where it was 40° below zero with the windchill. Honestly there were days where I was driving and I thought I would get frostbite while in my car. It was horrible.

About three or four years ago we had a blizzard. A full on can't get out my front door and there are snow drifts taller than my Husband blizzard. I would rather deal with that than 40° below zero wind chills.

I'm hoping that this winter is more mild than last winter. I really, really am.

However what I find amusing is that there are two people on a social media site that are already whining about the cold. Do we like the cold? No. Do we bitch about it? Yes. Do we whine about it? No.

Ya know why? Because we fucking live here. I have lived in Wisconsin my entire life. I'm petite and skinny. Cold really fucking sucks but I deal. I've been dealing with it for 31 years.

The two people bitching were born and raised here. Their problem is that they moved out of state for so long that I think they forgot what winter here is like. And to thing it's not even really winter yet. This is a taste.

One of them is my cousin. She was born and raised here but about seven years ago she moved to Oklahoma. She came back because her husband found a better paying job here.

The other one is the bitch my dad is living with/dating/whatever. She was born and raised here but thirty-five years ago she moved to Arizona. That is a long time to be in 100°+ weather. Welcome back to Wisconsin bitch. Master and I are both not so secretly hoping that the cold and/or snow becomes to much for her and she goes back. Hell, maybe she'll take my dad with her. I also think that my dad will remember how bad his back really is in the winter and possibly regret not moving out of state.

Who knows!

And yes, I'm feeling a bit bitchy. Thanks for noticing.

Sold!

Yesterday Master and I went to visit with my father for a little while. And of course that bitch from Arizona was there since now she is apparently living with my father for good. Yay. Not.

It honestly kind of seemed like a waste of gas. All we really did was watch TV and I showed Dad how to use his new tablet. We joked around a bit here and there but that was about it. Master did mention to my dad that I am now making paracord bracelets and key chains. So my dad asked to see the ones I made for Master and myself. We showed him and my dad thought it was pretty cool. The bitch from Arizona really liked the one I made for myself which is a black and red weave. She wanted to try mine on. I so badly wanted to say no but I was trying to be nice since a) my dad is "dating" her and b) we were in my dad's house. So I let her try it on. It was too small for her which doesn't really surprise me because my wrists are pretty tiny. But she told me she wants that exact same one in her size. My dad looked at her and said, "Well when you have the money for it you can buy one."

I don't know if he expected me to chime in saying that I would make it for free but I didn't. *shrugs* I'll make one for her if she'll pay for it. I may not like the bitch but that doesn't mean I won't take her money. That would be rather stupid of me. We shall see. If she brings it up the next time I see her and she doesn't try to pay me I'll simply say I forgot or I need to buy more of that color.. I don't know. I'll think of something.

Anyway..

I made my first sale today! A woman contacted me asking me to make her two key chains and one bracelet. She didn't know what size she would need so I just made three identical ones of different sizes. I figured that after she picks out the one that fits her I'll just sell the other two. No biggie. So we met up today and she loves them. Rock on. This may sound stupid as hell but I was rather giddy about it.

Afterward Master and I went to splurge a little bit. It's the first bit of money that we hadn't planned on in a very long time. And every now and then you have to splurge at least a little bit. Nothing major. As a result Master and I went to a store and I ended up picking up all of the Saw movies in one collection for $10. Sweet. Master really doesn't like those movies but I do. I asked Him if it was okay if I bought it. He said yes. Normally when He doesn't like a movie and I know damn well He doesn't like it I don't even bother asking. But this time I really wanted it. I still asked and if He had said no I would have just bought something else but He was nice and said yes.

Something odd happened today though...

Yesterday I made a little page about my paracord bracelets and key chains so that if people ask I can just send them over there. It includes pictures of ones I have already made, a list of the colors I have "in stock", and instructions on how to size your wrist for a bracelet.

Somehow or another my mother-in-law saw it and actually started commenting on one of the pictures asking me questions. At first I wasn't sure if she knew it was me or not. After all she hasn't spoken to us since before we moved, which was the very first week of September. That verbal battle her and Master got into was pretty nasty. I had stayed out of it as I always do but since she doesn't want to talk to Him she doesn't talk to me either. She used to try and get me to plead her case when Master and I were first married but I don't play that shit and she quickly realized that. As a result when Master and her are not talking, by default her and I are not talking. Fine by me.

Anyway, in one of the comments on the pictures she asked if I could private message her a picture of the clasps. I thought that was a bit odd but okay. The thing of it is though is that I didn't message her from the page I made for my paracord. I messaged her from my private account. I sent her the picture and gave her the little bit of information she wanted. That way if she didn't know before that it was me, she did as soon as she received the message.

That was all last night. Today I finally got a response from her and it was very business like. No "hi how are you" or anything. Just business. So I responded in kind. Now she wants me to make two bracelets. She told me what colors she wanted and what sizes she needed. She then asked me if she sent me a check for "x" amount if that would cover the price of the two bracelets as well as shipping costs.

*blinks*

Honestly it was the shipping costs that kind of floored me. You can tell that woman is still royally pissed if she doesn't even want to meet up for the bracelets. She only lives 20 minutes away now that we moved. But nope. She wants to mail me a check and then for me to mail her the two bracelets. Fine by me.

I told her in the private messaging that I would wait for the check to come in the mail and then I would mail her the bracelets.

Master is rather upset with her right now. Well, in addition to everything else it comes across as her "punishing" me by not speaking to me except for about the bracelets. I understand what He is saying. Honestly though it doesn't bother me. Do I think it's rude? Fuck yes. Do I think it's fucking retarded? Oh yeah. But honestly I would rather that than for her to try and manipulate me into giving her information about her son, my Husband, while they aren't talking. Fuck that noise.

Hooray!

I got laid last night! *Hooray!*
Master's ribs are still bothering Him. Thankfully they are slowly but surely healing. We both wish they were healing faster obviously. But He is just now being able to lay on His side without pain. He isn't wincing whenever He moves. But they still bother Him quite a bit. As a result, our sex life has been on hold.

I completely understand. Trust me I do. I've been in really bad to horrible pain before and I know I wouldn't want to fuck either. Well, I would want to but I would know it would be a really bad idea.

But last night Master said He was up to it and that even if He wasn't He would just pay for it in the morning. *laughs*

He got me really really revved up. He sucked and licked my tits for a good long time before sliding down in between my legs and eating me out. It didn't take long before I got off. Afterward He knelt up and I laid down in between His legs and sucked His cock. I alternated between just holding His dick in my mouth and only moving my tongue to fully bobbing my head up and down.

When I pulled my head back and His cock was completely out of my mouth I kissed the tip of it before kneeling up in front of Him. He had me get on all fours and quickly entered me. It was intense to say the least. We were both pretty pent up.

We were both pretty damn tired afterward. Tired in a very good way and in great moods. I know that I passed out pretty quickly. I believe He did. 

It doesn't seem that His ribs are fucking with Him too badly today. I know that they are still sore but He doesn't seem to be favoring them or anything. That's a good sign.

Hopefully that means that they are closer to being fully healed. Not only because of our sex life obviously. I don't like seeing Master in pain, especially when it is that much pain. I think that as long as He doesn't do anything overly physically challenging He should stay on track as far as the healing process goes.

Family Shit

Master has been reminding me that we should go see my father. None of us are really all that happy with him but given the fact that he has 75% control of what is going on with my grandfather and his finances we are all kind of just playing nice right now. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth. I love my dad. I really do. But what really gets me about it is that he's doing all of these things that no one else agrees with or is screwing people over and either a) doesn't give a damn, b) doesn't even realize it, c) a little bit of both depending on the topic. Anyway, I had been pushing it off and pushing it off but finally I just bit the bullet and sent him a text. About two hours later he responded. He said that we could visit this week but that it would have to be after Thursday because he's busy.

Keep in mind that before this bitch came up from Arizona he had always told us that whenever we want to come over is fine. And he wasn't kidding. We could pick basically any time of any day and he'd be cool with it. He may push it back a hour due to a doctor appointment or errands but that was it. Ever since this bitch came up though it takes him forever to get back to someone and/or make plans with. But when you talk to him or see him all he wants to do is talk about and/or show you all the things he just bought.... with Grandpa's money. Well, to be more specific the money that he got from selling Grandpa's house. The money that was supposed to be used to pay for Grandpa's care but instead my dad cashed out one of Grandpa's retirement accounts to pay for that and kept all of the house money.

And while he may not see it this way, to me it's pretty fucking rude to start talking about all these things you just bought when you know the person or people you are talking to are struggling. Example #1: I'm currently unemployed. I have no extra spending money of any kind. Example #2: My brother works a minimum wage job.

In both cases my father does not seem to notice and/or care that he is talking about all of this and showing us thing after thing after thing. And none of it is even necessities. Nope. It's all junk that he wanted. I get it. You have money. But not only are you not offering to lend a helping hand to either of your children but you are also rubbing our flat ass broke faces all of this shit your recently purchased.

*deep breath*

Anyway....

We're going to see him Friday. And I know I have to play nice.

Aside from that not a lot is going on. My grandfather is no longer have good and bad days. He doesn't have good days anymore. They are all bad. Either he is sleeping the entire time someone goes to visit or he has no idea who you are. Then there are the times where he is just flat out hallucinating. And there are also the times where he doesn't know what things are... such as a napkin. He'll ask you what it is. Or he'll ask you what the silverware is and why the fuck it is in his room. He has also told my mom that the little praying teddy bear in his room talks to him at night and that no one believes him.

I would rather be dead than be the way he is now. I just wish his body would give up the ghost. This isn't life. This is existing. And it's not even a quality existence.

Birthday Party

Yesterday Master and I got out of the house for a little while. It was His nephew's birthday party. The sad fact is that we hardly ever see His side of the family, in regards to His father's side. We don't really care that we hardly see His mother. In fact, currently, we prefer it. But we get along really well with His dad these days. But since His father's schedule is so erratic we don't see him very often. And really we only see Master's brother and eldest sister about three times a year. Once for each of the brother's three kids. This time it was His eldest nephew's third birthday. We got there a little late only because, given experience, we know that they are never running on time with such things and we were normally the first ones there. As a result we decided to be "fashionably late".

There is one weird thing about the birthday parties for the kids though. It seems kind of segregated. Everyone has these little pockets of people that they go to and that's it. The only ones who ever move around are Master's brother and his wife. They are hosting the party so of course we expect them to be everywhere but other than that everyone kind of keeps to their little cliques and that's it. Master and I don't really fit in with any of their friends so we are always around either my father-in-law or my eldest sister-in-law. Yesterday it was both. Master's two youngest sisters weren't there.

It was really nice catching up with them though. We only got to speak with Master's brother for a short period of time. On top of him hosting he also wasn't feeling that great. Poor guy. The brother's wife we talked to for about fifteen minutes all told. But like I said they are both hosting so they have to mingle with everyone, cut cake, open presents, run after the kids, etc.

Hopefully we'll get to see them again soon rather than waiting until His niece's birthday which if I remember correctly isn't until January.

We stayed for the mingling part and the cake part but we left before the presents were opened. We had stayed for about two and a half hours all told. And it was about that point where the groups started to break up even more so Master and I decided to bow out.

In other news I have been practicing my paracord bracelet skills and I'm getting better at it. I'm only doing the cobra weave right now because that seems to be the easiest. I've only been making practice ones. I haven't made any to sell just yet. I only had a limited amount of cord and clips anyway because I had bought a kit that only provided enough for eight bracelets. Tomorrow though I am going to buy more. I'm also going to see if they sell key chain rings so I can make a paracord key chain. I'm hoping to find some pretty cool colors too. I didn't really bother looking the last time because I knew what I went in there for and left right away. Same thing when I bought the kit. I knew that's what I wanted so I got it and left. Tomorrow I'll browse a bit and try and figure out what color(s) I think will sell best. Given it's Wisconsin I should probably buy some green and gold. I'm  not a fan of the Packers. Hell, I hate football. But I'm not making these for me. I'm trying to sell them and this state is nuts over green and gold. Aside from that I'll just see what they have and hope it turns out cool.

*Sigh*

I got some really sucky news yesterday. I had literally just gotten home and checked the mail. I saw an envelope addressed to me from the place I had applied to. I figured it was a confirmation of the background check. I was mistaken. It was a letter basically telling me that while they were "very impressed" by my work history and skill set they have decided to go with someone else.

I was honestly pretty damn upset. I know it probably sounds dumb because it's one of those "don't count your chickens before they hatch" situations but I truly thought I had this job locked down. I'm not joking when I say that I thought that I would receive a phone call any day now telling me that I have the job. I have never been that sure about having a job locked in prior to being told I have it. Never.

Master told me to just keep doing my best to find a job. I will. And I have been applying and applied to two more yesterday. Devastated is too strong of a word but it hit me kind of hard.

I had applied to the job via e-mail with a copy of my resume. I do a forty-five minute first interview. I then get a call about a week later asking me to come in for a second interview. They send me an e-mail with the paperwork I had to fill out for them. It was asking for all of my job history, which is on my resume, as well as my prior salaries for each job, my social security number, and two pieces of paper giving them my permission to do whatever checks they needed with my former employers as well as a background check. I filled that out and sent them an electronic copy via e-mail. I have the second forty-five minute interview and hand them a hand signed copy of the document I had sent to them via e-mail. A week after that I receive an e-mail about the background check and have to fill out an electronic form online in addition to what I had already given them. I wait on pins and needles just to find out I don't have the job.

At this point I'm just bummed the hell out. I'm not giving up. I can't give up. But I never in my life thought I would be unemployed this long. Especially with my job history and skills.

I am applying to jobs and will continue to do so until I land a job. I don't care if it's full time or part time. I truly don't. I just feel so useless. I do what I can around the house. I have found little things to do to keep myself busy and at least partially entertained.

And then yesterday I had a thought. I think paracord bracelets are pretty awesome. People can actually sell them for a half way decent price. I had always thought they were expensive to make. But I looked into it and honestly it's not all that expensive. The thought occurred to me that if I could learn how to make them maybe I could do it as a hobby and sell what I make. People do those kind of things all the time. One of my cousin knits and sells the things she makes online.

Today I went to a local hobby store and bought a kit so I can learn how to make them. I bought a kit that includes enough to make eight bracelets. I've made two. The first one I made was kind of eh. But hey, it was my first one... What do you expect? But now that I know I can do it, at least in the one weave, I plan on moving forward with it. I'm going back to that store tomorrow because I have a coupon for 40% off one item and they had something I wanted at the store for the paracord bracelets. I also would like to make key chains but one step at a time. I also want to learn how to do them with more than just one color. Baby steps I guess. For now I'm just practicing by making some for people I know. Once I get decent at it I'll start cranking out ones to sell. Hopefully it'll work out.

I'm going to continue looking for a real job but this would be at least a chance to make a little bit of money, hopefully.

Disrespectful

This post isn't really about anything in particular. It's just random things that have happened in the past couple of days.

It has been a full week since that place I applied to started the background check on me. They had told me that it can take anywhere from seven to fourteen days. So I'm sitting on pins and needles about it, keeping my phone on me at all times. I'm really hoping to hear from them soon. And obviously I'm hoping to hear that I got the job. I'll know when I know and I won't be contacting them about it any time soon. I figure that it will come across as bothering them. *shrugs* So that's all I can do. Sit. Wait. Repeat.

Yesterday my brother contacted me asking if we were bored. Yep. We were. So he asked me if we would want to go to see a movie. Sure, which one? He wanted to see Annabelle. I had no problem with it but I thought Master wouldn't want to go because He hates porcelain dolls. They creep Him out. Surprisingly He said He would go. I think it was more out of boredom than anything. We got there super early like we always do but we got awesome seats. Thankfully, because the movie has been out for a while now, there were only a few other people there. I always prefer it that way. It is a lot less likely to be annoyed by other people there if it isn't jam packed.

I can't say that the movie was great. But there were a lot of jump scares. I mean old time horror movie type jump scares. You know the ones where it does a very sudden loud noise along with something visual that is very sudden? Yeah. That kind. And they were cheap jump scares at that. However, we all had a lot of fun because we were laughing at each other and ourselves. It has been a very long time since any of us have literally jumped during a scene like that in a movie. The first jump scare they had we all jumped pretty badly. *laughs*

It's always fun to go see a movie with Master and my brother. We've done it several times over the years. 

After that was done we had dinner. My brother went home and Master and I chilled the rest of the night. It was nice to get out of the house and to have some fun.

Today however was annoying. I had got a new cell phone earlier this year. At the time I bought it I also bought a new cell phone case. I hate having a cell phone without a case on it. Especially with how thin smart phones are these days, I just feel better with having a case on it. Well about a month and a half ago the phone just popped out of the case while I was using it. What the fuck? The phone dropped but thankfully didn't break. I figured it was a fluke so I just popped it back into the case and thought nothing of it. Since then it has happened a couple more times. This last time I finally had enough and I called the store where I bought the phone and case at. I asked if I could exchange it. They said I could trade it for the same one. I asked if I could just get a store credit towards a different one instead because I didn't want the same one due to the problems I've had with this one. They said it wouldn't be a problem.

So I got a hold of my mom to see if she would come with because her name is the one on the account. It's a family plan so that everyone saves money. She had no problem with that. We get over there and I very nicely talk to an associate there. He told me that they can't give me store credit. I informed him of what I had been told on the phone and he said he would be back in a moment and that he would check on it for me.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I wait, and wait, and wait some more.

He comes back over and tells me that since my phone is last years model they no longer carry accessories for it, but their website does. Okay, that's great. Did you talk to someone about the store credit? No...

Seriously? That was the whole reason you walked away in the first place. If you weren't checking on it what the fuck were you doing for so long? I immediately asked for a store manager. I was pissed but I remained calm.

The store manager comes over and the employee I had been dealing with stands right behind him. I start to explain the situation. As soon as I bring up the fact that the employee had told me he was going to check on it for me and came back and hadn't I was cut off by the other employee. He starts cutting me off and talking over me. I had enough. I started swearing and telling him to allow me to finish talking and that he was basically calling me a liar when I'm not. Meanwhile the store manager is just standing there allowing this employee to be disrespectful to me. I then turn my attention to the store manager and ask him basically what he is going to do about it.

Long story short they told me that all they could do was ship me a free phone case that was the exact one I have now. I explained I didn't want it. They basically told me I was lying about what the person told me on the phone and that I was lying about what the employee had said. I was getting so pissed off that my voice was literally shaking. I had my last word and walked out. My mom stayed behind because it is her name on the account and she wasn't going to allow them to treat me that way. About ten minutes later she walks out and told me that she didn't get any further than I did and that she would be calling corporate. She has all the cell phones, her cable TV, and her internet through this company so for two of their employees to act that way towards either of us is unacceptable.

When I got home and had calmed down a bit I looked online and found a case I wanted. I ordered it as soon as I found it and will now wait for it to come in the mail. For now I'll just have to be extra careful when handling my phone.

Apparently my mom called corporate and corporate is pissed at the two employees and told my mom that they would be calling that store and that they would get back to my mother within the next 24 to 48 hours with a resolution.

When I vented to Master about all of this He said He was sorry I had to get that pissed off. And I know it sounds stupid because it was over a cell phone case but for two employees to be so disrespectful, regardless of the subject at hand, is unacceptable. We'll see how that goes.

But at least I have a new one on the way.

Dry Spell

Master's ribs have still been really bothering Him. As a result our sex life has been in a bit of a lull. It's not that neither of us want to, it's just that His ribs hurt. I'm not mad or upset about it. Hell, when I'm in a lot of pain I know I don't want to fuck. Well, I do but I know damn well it wouldn't be a good idea at all. So I completely understand. His ribs are still bothering Him, but apparently last night He didn't care.

I asked Him earlier than usual if I should go ahead and take my meds. I originally asked because I didn't know what time He wanted to go to bed. He told me that I shouldn't so I assumed that meant we were staying up for a while. I was wrong.

He started to get undressed and as a result so did I. He had me kneel on the bed with my back to Him. He reached around and cupped my tits in His hands while He chewed my shoulders, neck, and parts of my back. And when He wasn't chewing on my flesh He was grazing His teeth across it.

Once He was done doing that He had me get on all fours. He placed one hand firmly on the back of my neck and His other hand firmly on my right hip. He fucked me pretty roughly at first. Not overly hard but rough as in forceful. I greatly enjoyed it.

He had me put my upper body to the mattress with my ass in the air and at first it was fine. Hell it was great. But then, I don't know what happened but a few times when He pushed forward something happened with my clit hood piercing. It didn't rip or anything. And honestly I'm not sure what the hell happened. All I know is that it hurt in a not good way. Something moved against something and owie.

It happened three or four times in a row. It wasn't the kind of pain that warranted me screaming or anything. But it did hurt, that's for sure. It was enough to make me dry up a bit. I reached down and adjusted the piercing a couple of times which made it feel better. But it did take a little while to "recover" from the dryness. I hate it when that happens.

Master then had me lay on my stomach. He allowed me to cum one more time before filling me with His cum. After He was done He laid on top of me for a while, totally comfortable and relaxed. After He moved I cleaned Him off and we went to bed.

The last thing He said before we curled up to go to sleep was that He had a feeling His ribs would pay Him back for all that tomorrow morning. *laughs*