Why Won't It End?

My grandfather is breathing. I don't know why. I don't know how. I don't understand it at all. That poor man has been through more hell these past months than I can imagine. He went from having bad and good days to having more bad days than good. For a very long time after that it was bad and good moments to more bad moments than good. But for the past two to three months it has been so much worse. The hallucinations are back in full force. Sometimes the only person he remembers is his deceased wife. At times he says he never had kids and therefore doesn't have any grandchildren. He can't walk anymore at all, assisted or not. He can't even maneuver his wheelchair around anymore except for a little bit around his room and that wears him out quickly. The nurses and doctors are stating that they may have to leave him in bed more and more because of his inability to sit up under his own will at times. Also, he has the habit of blocking the door to his room with the wheelchair while he sits in it so no one can get in.

Not that long ago he had fallen and cracked his head open. He has a nice scar on the back of his head now. Honestly I'm surprised that alone didn't kill him. He hardly eats at all and his body is eating away at itself. It has been for some time now.

Not to be disgusting but he is going through at least eight sets of clothing each day. He loses control of his bodily functions in a rather violent way and even though he is diapers it is not.... containing it.

The doctors have said time and time again that he wouldn't be alive still. In May he wasn't supposed to last through July. In July he wasn't supposed to last to his birthday, in September. In September he wasn't supposed to make it to Halloween. And yet here we are in December and he's still here. And now the doctors are using the phrase, "All we can do now is make him comfortable."

They have put leggings on him to help with the water retention which has been pretty damn bad this past week. They have him on some pretty strong pain killers as of yesterday.

Where are the angels of mercy when you need them? That may offend some people but in this case I truly think it would be a mercy. I would want that for me if that is how I had been living, or existing anyway, for this long with absolutely no hope of getting any better and 100% likelihood of it getting worse.