Small Breakdown

Well, I wouldn't even really call it a breakdown. Just a minor slip of the gears in my head. I was at work today, obviously, and I was getting more and more frustrated with my job. The kinks have been worked out of the new process, now it's just convincing our clients that yes, we really do need all the information we are requesting. And no, I don't want a 20 page report to sift through in order to find said information. As if I am only working on that one case. Pfft.

It was towards the end of the day and I was sitting at my desk. I was trying to convince myself to not tear up papers on my desk. Thankfully, I was able to control that urge. But shortly there after I just started crying out of nowhere. I was able to get myself under enough control to stop crying and wipe my eyes until I made it to the bathroom. Once there, I immediately shut myself into one of the stalls and allowed the crying to take it's course.

I haven't cried like that in a long time. I think it was some kind of pressure release valve that had to be vented.

It was odd, but I did feel better afterwards.

I told Master about it immediately. He keeps a strict eye on such things, thankfully. About an hour after it started it was as if it hadn't happened at all. Weird.

One thing I did do today was e-mail HR. Due to privacy laws they cannot request information on any medical disorders you have or what medications you are on. With the two meds I am on, there can be severe side effects if mixed with certain other drugs. So I finally sent HR and e-mail and stated that I would like to voluntarily provide the medications I am on and what dosage. I did not provide the condition (bipolar disorder) that I am taking them for. I'm sure legally they wouldn't even be able to look up the meds to know what they are for.

No one at my job knows that I am bipolar and I want to keep it that way if at all possible. I am not so much embarrassed by it but concerned that it could somehow be seen as a condition that would hinder my job. But to be perfectly honest, with my work ethic and proof of my work being sound I don't see that happening, even if they did know. However, I do not want to take chances.

If they were to find out though and somehow I was "magically" found to be an unneeded asset, you bet your bottom dollar I would sue. I'm not above that.

Like I said though, I don't see the management at my company to be that petty, especially with a strong work ethic and having been moved from the title of clerk to analyst in less than a year, by my request no less.

Even with that though, I choose to be cautious.