Green Eyed Monster

Sometimes when things are tough within your own personal world it's hard to see other people doing so much more fun things than you are, especially when you can't understand how the hell they are pulling it off.

Master and I have been extremely tight on finances. It's no fun trust me. We can't go out a lot. When we do it's something very simple and it's few and far between. We can't do date night anymore. Every Friday we would go out to dinner, just the two of us. That was our date night. Sometimes we'd see a movie or go grab a drink after. Other wise we'd come home, cuddle and watch movies on NetFlix.

So really it wasn't a lot even when we did have the money. But even that is cut out of the budget for now.

Then we see our friends going off to Vegas, or planning on a trip to Florida right after they got back from their last vacation. We see them always buying new things, or replacing things they've had for a while.

On one hand I feel like maybe we should be happy for them. On the other hand I get aggravated, envious and just... frustrated.

The couple that just got back from Vegas and got engaged make less than I do per year. However, that is separately. But then I see how much they spend on frivolous things and I wonder how the hell they still manage to pull off a weekend in Vegas. I don't get it.

Master and I have hopes and dreams for things we can do together. And when finances are really tight we just figure it'll take a little bit longer. Then a little bit longer becomes quite some time. Then quite some time turns into "How in the fuck are we gonna pull that off?"

We're keeping our heads above water. But when that's all your doing and you've only been doing that for quite a while, it becomes more than frustrating and just starts to piss you the hell off.

I'm doing my best at my job so I can keep my job (which honestly I have no fear of losing it but hey, better safe than sorry) and get a good review so I can get a decent yearly raise. Master is busting His ass and knocking Himself out to try and find a job. But the market sucks. Either He's "over qualified" or they want a Bachelor's Degree. If it's not either of those then it's way out in butt fuck nowhere and the pay rate would barely cover the gas it would take to get out there and back five days a week.

But He keeps plugging away at it, and I do job searches for Him on the weekends. But we're just spinning our wheels in the mud while trying to get ahead.

I know eventually things will get better. Master will find a job, I'll get a pay raise and we'll start surfing the wave rather than treading water. It's just that sometimes it's really hard to remember that things will get better. I try very hard not to get sucked into that hole of "it's always going to be this way". But I refuse to believe it and I know things will happen, we'll catch a break, and we'll get where we want to be. It's just that the trip there is really kicking our ass.