Fire is Still Burning

When I was a teenager I would hear things that my mother and her sister would talk about regarding their marriages. Not to mention my mother's friends. Nothing graphic, obviously, but just things that stuck in my mind.

The top things I heard were the following:

1. "He just doesn't do (insert thing here) anymore!"


2. "He just gave up. He figured we were married, so he doesn't have to try anymore."


3. "The fire has just gone out of the marriage, it's all about comfort now."

Hearing stuff like that made me wonder why the hell they were married then. And I even thought that when my mother said it about my father. "If you're not happy, why the hell are you still married?"

Never mind the fact that I didn't know how much work went into relationships. Time, energy, love, pain, blood, sweat and tears. I had no clue. Although being a teenager I thought I knew everything. Duh. I was still dealing with what I now call "High School Bullshit". If you had one fight you just broke up and that was that. Fuck them, they sucked, you hate them... two weeks later everything was fine again. You know, teenage drama. The same shit I can't stand to hear about and/or see these days. You know, cause I'll all old and wise now at the ripe old age of 28.

No I don't know it all, and we've "only" been married for four years. But I have a hell of a lot more respect for how much work goes into a marriage.

Master and I fight. I sting Him with my words, He does the same to me. Sometimes we say things we wish we could take back the minute the words fall from our lips. Yes, these things happen in our marriage. What marriage doesn't have such things happen? I don't know of one. But there is so much joy and love in our marriage as well. It heavily out weighs the fights or any hurt that we have caused one another.

It's not always easy. It's not always smooth. But it is always worth it.

So lets get back to that list shall we?

1. "He just doesn't do (insert thing here) anymore!"

We did things when we were first dating that we don't always do now. But mainly because they are replaced by other things that are just as endearing. Other times those things still happen, they just don't happen as often. And then there are things we do now that are sweet and loving that we didn't do when we first started dating. So it's a really nice blend of all of the above.

2. He just gave up. He figured we were married, so he doesn't have to try anymore."

Yeah we're married. Yes we don't have to do all those things that you do when you're first trying to attract the other person. But we do still care that the other finds us attractive. We've both seen each other at their worst. Trust me. And we've seen each other at their best. And it goes without saying that we've seen everything in between. But He does things to still "try". He'll put on something He knows I love seeing Him in. He takes care of Himself. You know, things like that. Me? I try to take care of myself. I put on lingerie for Him. I put on make-up and heels. It's not all the time, I still love wearing my jeans and t-shirts. But every now and then (or when He orders it.. but I also take it into my own hands sometimes) I dress up for Him. As in a skirt or dress with heels and some make-up. Not when we're just going to the store. But sometimes I'll do it for no reason at all, or when we go out to dinner. So we're both still "trying".

3. "The fire has just gone out of the marriage, it's all about comfort now."

Neither of us are okay with just being comfortable. We've both had that in past relationships and it just gets so boring and it's when you know the relationship is slipping down that rocky road of failure. We want to keep the fire lit. Hell we want to keep tossing wood on the fire so it blazes hot and high. We flirt with one another, we sexually tease one another (okay I only do it when He allows it) and we both try new things in the bedroom to see if we enjoy it. A new toy, a variation on a position, different kinky stuff, new lingerie, new dirty talk, new things with our mouths. Basically anything that our perverted minds can come up with.

So I'm very happy to say that after eight years of being together, four of which we've been married, that our fire is still burning hot.