Over It

I am so over this work week. I've noticed that whenever I know that I'm going to start looking for a new job two things happen.

One: I get nervous about searching for a new job because well, there is a lot of unknown variables.

Two: When things piss me off at work (such as today) I find myself looking forward to searching for a new job.

Yeah, it's a little weird. Like I've said previously, I don't hate my job. But the whole carpool situation is something I'm getting sick of fast. Especially lately. Last minute changes, trying to get the other person in the carpool to help out with rides as well... *sigh*

For instance, the driver of the carpool can't drive us home on March 15th. No big deal there. But since Master is almost always the one picking us up or me just taking the car I thought I would ask the other guy if his wife could pick us up for a change.

Since our job moved out to where it is now he has handled rides home three times. Three. That's it. Other than that it's Master picking us up or me taking the car when the driver of the carpool takes a day off or can't take us home from work. Yeah, he helps out a little with gas but it still gets frustrating. Especially when gas prices are high.

I had asked the guy yesterday if it would be possible and he said he would have an answer for me today. So I waited until almost the end of the day and figured I would ask him about it since he hadn't said anything yet. He said he had forgotten and would have an answer for me tomorrow. While I understand that you forget things, this is a very rare thing and so you would think it would stick in his head a bit better.

Eh. Maybe I'm just cranky about that whole situation. He is in the same situation we are in so far as they only have one car too.

Then add to the fact that the driver is taking the whole first week of April off to go to Vegas. I had brought that up to him as well and since it's not just a ride home, it's there and back he said his wife won't be able to help out. Never mind she could just drop us off early. I get it would be a hassle, but still. Your husband has to get to work somehow! I think it's more him not wanting to ask and "put her out" as it were more than her refusing.

Some of the times where I couldn't drive us to work and the driver of the carpool has taken off he just hopped a ride with his parents and didn't tell me about the possible ride there. So, I wasted a day off simply because I didn't think I had any other way to work as our car was in the shop or whatever. He is a nice guy, but when it comes to the carpool... he pisses me off sometimes.

In regards to April though I'm thinking I may just take one of those days where the carpool driver isn't there off. It would just be one of the days though. It would just be a break for me and save on gas a bit. I'm not sure yet though. I have to save most of my time off for job interviews.

Although now that I'm realizing that I will be changing jobs, I've found myself wondering if when I leave my current job if my vacation time will be paid out, or if it just drops off. I don't want to ask because um, that would be weird. Of course there is nothing in the employee handbook about it either. If it does, rock the fuck on. If not? Eh. Oh well.

My Head Hates Me

Last night a migraine started to hit me out of nowhere. It started off with random shooting pains on the right side of my head. That was fun. I would be fine and then a sudden sharp pain would shoot from behind my ear, along my skull and into my temple. That fucking hurts, let me tell ya. Master allowed me to stay up even as the migraine got worse. Sometimes it hits a point where I want to do nothing but lay in a dark room and hear and see nothing what so ever. Thankfully, last night it didn't get that bad. I just laid down on the couch cuddling a blanket with the couch pillows propping me up. I knew that if I tried to go to sleep right away I would just get more aggravated because I wouldn't be able to sleep. I don't know about you, but not being able to fall asleep because of pain pisses me off.

I popped some Advil and stayed on the couch until Master told me I had to go to bed. He had allowed me to stay up past my bedtime by a half hour so I knew I couldn't push it. Plus, He worries about my health and didn't want my migraine to get any worse. So He gave me a big hug, a kiss to my forehead and had me head off to the bedroom.

Lately I've taken to shutting the bedroom door when I go to bed. I used to leave it open all the time because really, why shut it? Well, I've discovered that if I shut the door I don't have that urge to just get up and go into the living room when I can't sleep.

I guess it's kind of like putting a cover on bird cage. It's dark. It's time to sleep. Fuck it.

I couldn't fall asleep right away unfortunately. But I just forced myself to stay in one position rather than tossing and turning and eventually I drifted off. I have no idea what time it was because I refused to look at the clock. Looking at the clock when I'm trying to fall asleep is another good way to irritate myself. What do you mean it's already 2:30am?! What the fuck?!

You get the point.

This morning I woke up and I still had a small headache but nothing that couldn't be fixed with a couple more Advil and coffee. I feel fine now. It's been quite some time since I've had a migraine. I've had some bad headaches, but trust me there is a huge difference between a bad headache and a migraine.

Not Much Longer

Well, it's almost March. March is a busy month. My birthday, our anniversary and my work anniversary. And to add to that list, I'll be looking for a new job in about three weeks.

Master and I have been talking about this for a while. And now that it's so close it's kind of irritating. I want to look but I can't because if I find something and want to apply for it, I won't have the time to take off of work if I get called in for an interview. I'm not saying all that would happen right away, but I'd rather play it safe and wait for my time to renew at work before I go ahead and start tossing out applications.

And when I saw gas prices on the way home from work today I am even more convinced that I need a job closer to home and preferably on a bus route. I know damn well that if the driver of the carpool leaves and gas prices stay where they are or go up, it's not going to make sense to drive out to that job. Basically the gas money would cut too much into other things not to mention more wear and tear on the car.

Fuck that noise.

Not to mention the fact that the driver of the carpool will most likely be upping how much she wants a month for gas. But then, when she takes off and I don't I'll have to put money in our gas tank as well. That's not a good thing.

Master, thankfully, agrees with me on this whole new job thing and is encouraging me to do so when the time comes. It's not that I hate my job or anything. It's annoying as hell lately, but I don't hate it.

If they would have stayed where they were when I first started with them I wouldn't even be thinking about leaving. They were on a bus line at that time. Now? Nope. No buses. *sigh*

I'm glad Master has my back on this. Then again, He always does.

Had To Share

I almost forgot I wanted to share something. I found it on a website and immediately thought of Master. Unfortunately it's censored, but I'm sure you'll get the message.

Swollen Shut

Last night before we went to sleep Master ate me out in such a way that it took almost no time at all before I got off. Normally I like to hold back a little bit because it feels so damn good, but it was like a firecracker went off. It was amazing. He then made sure to make me cum as often as possible. He was relentless. It was like He was trying to make me cum until I couldn't see straight. He got pretty damn close too. As it was as soon as we were done and we had cuddled up to one another I passed the fuck out.

Today has been extremely relaxing. All we've done is watch Netflix, talk and fuck. It's been pretty damn awesome. I am/was still sore from last night. So when He ordered me to the bedroom early in the afternoon it didn't take long for it to hurt, in good ways. There were more than a few times where I wanted to back up a little bit, but I knew I couldn't. Plus, the man was pinning me down or grabbing my hips so I couldn't get away. It's like He's a damn mind reader sometimes. But when it hurts and feels good all at the same time it leaves me with this wonderful floaty feeling afterward. Plus, before He fucked me that time He made sure to bite my neck to the point that I got so docile I was floating already and felt like a rag doll. All before even entering me.

We watched more Netflix afterward and about an hour and a half ago Master ordered me to the bedroom again. I was horny, but I knew this was going to hurt.

He planned on using me this time. That's what I wanted. When I'm feeling that docile, sexually, I don't want to cum. I just want to be used and abused. And so I was.

I was laying on my stomach and He started to enter me. He was taking His time though. Mainly because I was so swollen that it was like my body was saying, "No more!"

But Master wasn't having it. He asked if He should get it over with. I didn't really want to answer that question. But eventually I said yes. So He just slammed into me and I did move up that time from pure shock and the sudden pain. As a result He made sure to pin my arms down. I was whimpering and "squeaking" as He calls it. Basically they are small noises I make when it hurts but feels so damn good at the same time. He loves it when He can make me do that repeatedly. He's an evil, evil man and I love Him for it.

It hurt. But it was ssooo worth it.

Although now that I've been off my period for a few days, I know I have to start bringing up anal training again. I don't know why, maybe it's because of the lower back pain I get when I'm on the rag, but anal sex or anal training is not a good idea during that time of the month.

I've been dodging that subject for a while now. And it's not fair to Him because I know He loves fucking my ass. I used to really enjoy it as well. I don't know what changed but all of a sudden I couldn't relax all the way, which made it hurt more. So now, back to anal training 101. He is an ass man. He loves my ass and wants to fuck it. Repeatedly. So we have to start working to that again. I don't want to deny Him anything. And I've been getting more and more in touch with my sub space recently. It's not that I ever lost sight of being owned by Him. But for some reason it's like I'm connecting to that part of myself in a deeper and different way than usual. This could prove to be interesting.

Visit At My Dad's

Master and I went down to visit my father today. Thankfully, for 90% of the visit, his girlfriend wasn't there. And when she was, she said hi and then went into a different room. Fine by us.

When my dad told me he needed back surgery I wasn't really surprised because he's had a bad back for over 15 years. But I didn't really realize how bad it had gotten. While we were down there he was having problems walking up right. He has to hunch over and kind of slouch. He's lost even more weight. My dad used to be a pretty.. heavy guy. He's not extremely tall. I think he's about 5 foot 10. But he used to weigh quite a bit. He says that his back hurts so much sometimes that he doesn't really want to eat, or if he does it's not very much.

He doesn't have health insurance so he applied for disability, in the hopes of getting insurance. Hell, when I called him to let him know we were on our way down he asked if I could get a case of soda out of his car on my way in because he can't carry it. A case of soda. This is the guy who used to pick both my brother and I up at the same time and rough house. He would have each of us grab on his upper arms and lift his arms so we would dangle from them. He was not a weak man.

But now he can't carry a case of soda into the house. He's only 50.

So I grabbed the case of soda out of his car and brought it in for him. While we were there he would tell us about things and want to show us it. He would get up to go get whatever it was. I would ask him if he wanted me to get it and he would say no, that he wasn't that far gone yet. He said it in such a way that I know he's just being stubborn. But at least he's following the doctor's orders as far as the 5lbs weight limit. He said he doesn't have much of a choice. He can't really sleep because he can't lay down flat.

It was sad to see him like that. My father is not the greatest father in the world. But he loves me and I love him. So when I see him like that it's sad. I'm hoping that he gets disability insurance so he can have his back surgery. He has to wait 120 days for a decision and he only applied two weeks ago.

The visit went well though. I mean we did watch TV but at least my dad would talk during it. And when he walked us out to our car to say goodbye he used a cane to walk. I gave him a big hug and told him I'd come down again soon.

Music To My Ears

I just got home from work. Shortly after I got home Master and I started talking and I realized that I had completely forgotten about an errand that needed to be done. Master was kind enough to go run out instead of me. It's not exactly a short errand as the place is a good half hour away. Blah.

There is some music that I enjoy that Master does not. It's not a big deal. It's just I know the songs I like that He doesn't. As a result, I try not to listen to them when He's around. I don't own the CD or anything. I just sometimes look them up on You Tube. If they come on the radio when I'm alone in the car I'll turn the volume up. It's not like Master has forbidden me from looking them up or listening to them when He's home/in the car. I just don't do it.

There have been a few times where I have asked Him if He'd mind, simply because it's stuck in my head. He always tells me I don't have to ask. I'm not sure why, but I feel the need to ask. I have no idea where this came from. As I said, it's not something He's ever commented on except stating at some point that He doesn't like that band or that song. For some reason I log that away in my head and just don't listen to it when He's around unless I ask permission. Weird huh? Anyone else got something like that?

So since Master is not home right now I decided to play some music on You Tube in the background while I type out this post. There is one song though that Master found that I absolutely love. It reminds Him of me and reminds me of Him. But it's in a weird way. It's not exactly a love song.

We both love Alice Cooper. He came out with an album not that long ago and there is a song on there called "I Am Made Of You".

Master and I have both had extremely rough times in our almost nine years of being together. They were independent. Meaning that we each had our demons to deal with where we had to lean rather heavily on the other.

This song makes us think of those times, but not in a bad way. To me, it reminds me of the strength He lent me and how He helped me drag myself up off the floor and eventually get back on my feet, all the while holding on to Him because I couldn't hold myself up just yet. In case any of you want to listen to it, here it is.