30 Days of Truth - Day 2

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

I love the fact that I am obsessed with body modification. I know that's an odd thing to love about yourself, but I do. I know that some people who get a tattoo as soon as they hit 18 end up regretting some of the tattoos they get over the years. But not me. I love every single tattoo I have. All eleven of them. I think that on some level it makes me a more interesting person.

I find that it's a way to express myself. My tattoos don't tell a story but they do reflect on me and who I am. I love that my body seems to be geared to enjoying the tattoo process. Hell, Master will even tell you that I get turned on by it. Not like the tattoo artist does anything for me or anything. It's the adrenaline rush and all the endorphins being released.

As soon as I get home from getting a tattoo I'm on this endorphin high that makes me want to do nothing but get Master hard and get fucked.

And it's not just tattoos or the body modifications I get myself. It's other peoples too. I like to try and figure out why someone got a certain tattoo or piercing and see what it reflects about them, if anything.

So yeah, that's one thing I love about myself.

Head Desk

Today started like any other work day. I showed up, I clocked in, I did my thing. I went to lunch and when I got back there was an e-mail from my supervisor stating that we were having a meeting at 2pm. Joy.

Normally department meetings seem rather pointless and just a general overview of shit I already know with maybe some very minor changes. But not today. Oh no, not this meeting.

I can't get into a lot of detail about what I do exactly. Let's just say that it deals with extremely confidential information and there is a lot riding on it. So needless to say when things change you better fucking pay attention. With the smaller changes it's no big deal. I just make some notes, create a sticky note to post on my monitor and then once I'm used to the new smaller process I take it down. Easy as pie.

The meeting today, however, was about a major fucking change. Major as in holy fucking hell this is going to take forever to get used to. And of course the change is to the main thing I do day in and day out. And guess what? The change goes into effect next week and there is no way for me to try and get used to it before hand. There is no "Oh well I have some time to dip my toes in and slowly get used to it."

No I have to dive in head first. Once the change happens it goes into effect immediately.

I can't even play with the change until it actually goes into effect due to how our system is being updated. Needless to say I had a headache by the time the hour long meeting was over. Oh, get this. I asked a lot of questions. My supervisor only had the answer to maybe half of them. The rest was "I don't know." or "We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there."

I don't like doing that. I like having everything laid out so that I have something to reference if I get stuck. I don't want to have to go ask three different people and possibly get three different answers. I want to know now. This is my job after all. I still need to keep up with my case load and that's going to be difficult enough with this major change, let alone having to stop and hunt people down when I reach something we didn't have an answer to during the meeting. Oh, and not only do I have to stay on top of my case load... When this change goes into effect whatever wasn't already completed by the start date I have to then go back and update to the new way of doing things. So things I've been working on for the past two months, if they aren't completed by the middle of next week, I'll have to go over again and change everything. This means going over all the information I already had and possibly having to get new info so it is up to the new standards. Some things I'm working on currently have been in the works for, I shit you not, five months. And now I get to dig through all that and match it up to the new bullshit.

Fuck. Me. Running.

Needless to say the next month or so is going to be hectic while all this shit settles into place. Fun for me!

30 Days of Truth - Day 1

I was over reading Vixen when I saw that she had borrowed an idea from Impy. It's called 30 Days of Truth. I thought it was a really interesting idea, so I decided I would play along as well! I know that Master will not allow them to be my daily blog posts, so I figured I could just add them to the beginning or end of the post or maybe just do them separately. Either way.

There doesn't seem to be any time limit or anything, so I'll start it off today.

Here are the days:

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion- Or what do you think of politics-
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do-
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life- If so, when and why-
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now-
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do-
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

So.. Day 1:  Something you hate about yourself.

I hate that I feel the need to double to triple check things sometimes. I really, really do hate that about myself. It drives me up a wall.

It's not everything. I don't have to double or triple check every little thing I do. But I have a good example. It's when I leave for work in the morning. I'll be all ready to walk out the door when I find myself triple checking things even though I'm 99% sure I did it.

I'll be damn near to the door and then I think to myself, "Okay did I shut the fridge?" I'll walk over there and push on it to make sure it's shut. I walk to the door again and find myself quickly walking back to push on it again. I then find myself shaking my head and getting irritated. It's shut damnit!

Then I'll make sure the computer chair is pushed all the way up to the computer desk. We do this so the dog can't try and climb up into it or use it to reach things on the shelf of the desk, things of that nature. So I'll double check that. Again, annoying as hell.

Finally it comes time to walk out the fucking door. I'll stand there, with the door shut and turn my key to lock the top lock. I lock the bottom lock by turning it before I shut the door. I can see myself turning the damn key. I hear it lock. But as I walk to the outside door I find myself second guessing myself. Did I really lock it? So I'll walk back to the door and jiggle the door handle. Yep. It's locked alright. I walk away again. There have been times where I have gotten out the outside door to just walk right back in to check the lock once more.

It's frustrating and I don't know why I do it. But it's an every work day occurrence. When Master and I are leaving together I don't think about it. We are both doing our thing and normally Master will lock the door while I stand there. I feel no need to double check things when that happens. I only feel the need to when I'm leaving by myself. Yes, I know I'm weird.

Okay, so Day 1 down! Yay me!

A Day Of

This has been a day of blah. A day of I don't give a fuck. And a day of whatever.

I had no motivation today whatsoever. The gray sky didn't really help. Especially since my coworkers wanted the damn shades open for no reason. Yes, please, lets open all the shades so we can have nothing but gray skies to look at. I'd rather have the shades closed. The day went by slowly. It figures that since it's only a three day work week that it would go by slowly.

I just want to find the damn fast forward button and get the work week over with. It doesn't help that neither Master or myself have been in the greatest moods today. It is just one of those things.

I don't really know what to write about besides that today sucked. I mean, my mind is in kind of a funk right now. I'm not depressed or anything. I just feel like I'm in a funk. I'm just blah today. I'm definitely not in a happy go lucky place right now. I'm in more of a I don't give a fuck type place.

I'm not talking about a "don't get a fuck" head set where I just give up on everything and go curl up in a ball in the darkest corner I can find. I mean a "don't give a fuck" as in I'm just going to do what I have to do and be done with it for the day.

Tomorrow might be the same, or it could be better. The weather change isn't helping. I had a headache for most of the morning and early afternoon. I don't think that did anything positive for my mood either. So yeah. I'm not really sure how to describe my mindset at the moment.... it's unusual.

Porn Night

I had recently ordered and received some porn DVDs. They are ones that Master and I used to own that we both enjoyed. Over the years our porn collection has gone up and down. Right now, it's on a down swing. We don't watch it as often as we used to, etc. But last night we were both sitting around trying to figure out something to do. Well, those two "new" DVDs were just sitting there and so I suggested that we watch one of them. Sometimes we watch porn as foreplay, other times we just sit there, watch and comment on and off while joking around. That may sound somewhat odd, but it's what we do. So Master popped one of them in and we sat and relaxed. Master sat in His recliner while I sat on the couch. One of the things we comment on in porn is how the people look, what they are doing, how ridiculous some things seem to be; things of that nature. We made it through one whole DVD and then we decided to put in the other one. About half way into the 2nd I asked Master if He wanted to go fool around. Even though we make fun of porn sometimes and all that, it is normally still a turn on.

So He shut it off and off to the bedroom we went. He molested my tits for a good long time. I absolutely love the way He does it. My nipples are extremely sensitive normally and the piercings enhance that sensation. He'll dance His tongue across my nipple and move the piercings around. It feels wonderful. Last night He also would bite them and slide His teeth along the skin. He lifted my tits up, one at a time, and bit the underside, where the breast meets the rest of my skin. It felt incredible. Sometimes I'm too sensitive for that, or just not in the right mind set for it, but last night everything either of us did seemed to be perfect for each other's moods and mind sets.

He then had me slide up on the bed a bit so He could use that talented tongue on my pussy. I came in almost no time flat. I was sensitive to the point that just Him breathing on my clit caused me to flinch. He sat up and grabbed my hair, forcing me to blow Him. Once His cock was in my mouth though He let me take over and do what I wanted. I alternated between teasing just the head of His cock to having my lips all the way at the base of His cock. Thankfully I was able to control my gag reflex and deep throat Him on and off.

He then put me on all fours and we both talked dirty on and off.He allowed me to cum many times. He had me put my head on the mattress, with my ass in the air. While I was in that position I would creep my arm underneath me so I could play with His balls as He fucked me. After a few more orgasms He had me lay on my stomach. He hooked His feet under my legs and pinned my wrists down with His hands. Normally in this position two things happen. 1) I am not allowed to cum. 2) I am to lay still.

Well I didn't cum, but He did allow me to buck His hips. He calls this "milking" Him. I know He really enjoys it but like I said normally in that position I am not allowed to move. So, I took a risk even attempting it. I knew that if He wanted me to stop He would tell me. However, it pleased Him and He even commented on it. "So My sex toy comes with a milking action now?"

He said it with a dark chuckle that made me buck even more. When He came I bucked more slowly but with more force, which felt like it heightened His pleasure.

When He rolled off of me and laid down next to me I was shaking a little bit because it had been so intense. He had me clean Him off, He scented me, and then we just laid there next to one another before deciding it was time to go back out to the living room.

I was still flying from it afterward, although I did hit a bit of sub drop. I haven't experienced that in a long time, so it caught me off guard. Thankfully it wasn't too severe.

What The Hell

I need to stop sleeping like this. I really, really do. It's actually starting to piss me off. Thursday night Master and I were having a good time just relaxing and watching TV. Well, later into the night I ended up feeling very ill. Master ended up giving me permission to use the bathroom when I needed to. Not to be utterly disgusting, but I'm glad He did. I was up and down about every 20 minutes until about 2am at which point I was finally able to fall asleep. Friday morning rolls around and my alarm wakes me. I had turned off my cell phone during the night and when I booted it up it told me that I had a text message from 3am. It was the driver of the carpool I'm in to get to and from work. It said something along the lines of: "I may go to work tomorrow, I'm still trying to figure out things with my grandfather." It then went on to say that she would let us know. (There is one other person in the carpool besides me.)

So rather than having a slow but sure wake up process, I was fully up and waiting for an update text. I get ready for work and I take the dog out. I wait a while and then send the driver a text. She doesn't respond. So I call the other person in our carpool to see if he had heard anything. He said no but was sure that she would let us know whether or not she was going. I told him that I didn't want to wait until like 7:20am to leave if she couldn't take us because we'd be late to work.

Well, while I'm on the phone with him the driver calls. So I click over. Apparently her grandfather had a stroke Thursday night and she had fallen asleep around 6am, forgetting to update us. She said she couldn't make it. I fully understood that. Family emergencies take a lot of you and it's family.. not much else needs to be said.

So I wake up Master just enough to tell Him that I have to take the car to work. I then go pick up the guy in the carpool, I put some gas in the car and we headed out to work. I'm actually amazed that we still made it to work on time.

The work day itself was slow as hell. Finally it's time to clock out. I drop the guy off and then come home. We ate dinner and relaxed for a while. Around 10pm I start to feel the lack of sleep hitting me. I ask Master if I can take a nap. He said yes and that He would wake me up around 11:45pm. Okay cool.

Well, I have this vauge memory of Him trying to wake me up. But I don't remember what all was said, what time it was, or anything. It's kind of foggy. All I do know is that I didn't wake up until 8:30am this morning.

That's just fucking ridiculous. I know that I shut down like that because I had been sick and had not gotten a lot of sleep but seriously?! I wanted more time with Master last night, but my body decided to shut down on me. This happened last weekend too. I'm bound and determined to stay up tonight!

I know that Master isn't mad at me. I know He wants me to be healthy and figures that if I shut down like that it's because I need to. And I understand that, but it's frustrating for me. I normally don't shut down for that long. I mean when I'm asleep I'm pretty much dead to the world but this is taking it to the next level.

Hopefully my body has it all out of it's system now and will allow me to enjoy the rest of my weekend, while being awake.

VBA

Well, it appears that I have won the Versatile Bloggers Award thanks to Serene, Master Dream's Precious Treasure and Vixen. There may be others that have mentioned me; and if you have, thank you.

Apparently there are rules to this award. (There's always a catch you know.. lol) So what are the rules?

1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along to 15 blogs you enjoy reading.

Well, number one is taken care of right off the bat. Awesome.

So onto the seven things about me portion.

1. I am obsessed with body modification, although there are certain forms of that art that I would never do in a million years.
2. I'm a nerd. I get excited about any kind of new piece of technology that ends up in my paws.
3. I've been blogging for almost five years now.
4. My favorite genre of movies is Horror. My favorite series is Hellraiser.
5. No matter how hot or cold it is outside I prefer having at least a sheet over me when I'm sleeping.
6. My favorite color keeps bouncing between blue and red. 
7. I'm short as hell. I'm 5ft1.

In regards to the 15 blogs.. it seems this award has gone viral.. *laughs* I'll just say that everyone listed in my "Blogs I Read" list wins this award. :-)