April 20, 2014


Well, today is Easter. Master and I are not Christians but most of my family and His mother are. So we are going to His mother's for dinner today. Mainly because we haven't seen here since Christmas I believe and she has been bugging us to come down. I sent texts to my family members to say Happy Easter. As I was sitting there doing that the thought crossed my mind that I should call Grandpa. I really wanted to at least say Happy Easter because... and this is hard to say and/or type... but this might be his last holiday. I at least wanted to talk to him. So I had to get the hospital phone number and his room number. I really had to build myself up just to dial the numbers. I kept my voice strong while I was on the phone with him. They were taking blood and he sounded really tired so I kept it very short. I said I just wanted to say Happy Easter and he asked how I was doing and how my Husband was doing. I said we were both okay. He wished us both a Happy Easter and said he was really glad I called. I damn near broke down crying right then and there. But I kept my voice from wavering and said, "Well Grandpa since they are taking blood right now and you sound kind of tired I'll let you go. I love you." He said, "I love you too sweetie." As soon as I hung up I lost it. I was bawling. I couldn't help it.

Master came over to comfort me and once I got myself under some semblance of control I went to blow my nose. Apparently my brother is thinking about visiting Grandpa on Tuesday and said I could tag along. But we are going to call first to see if he's up for company. My dad sent me a text just now saying Happy Easter and I sent him a text back. I also told him that my brother and I were thinking about visiting Grandpa on Tuesday. I am waiting on a reply. I'm not sure if he's going to say it's a good idea or if we should wait or what.. I have no idea what's going on in my dad's head right now. Hell, when Grandma died he wore sunglasses to her wake so no one could see him crying. Dad always feels like he has to be the strong one and so doesn't show a lot of vulnerability such as crying.

Okay, I just got a reply from Dad saying that he thinks it would cheer Grandpa up if we both went but to just make sure we call first to see if he's up for a visit. So now Tuesday is a go, as long as Grandpa is up to it that day. I'll be driving down to my home town and meeting my brother at his place. Then we'll both head over to the hospital. After that we'll go back to his place and he'll follow me up to my place to hang out with Master and myself for a while.

Before we went down to His mother's I cried on and off. Not a lot. A few tears here and there. But I got myself under control.

I started this post before we left because I wanted to get some of it down. Now we are back home from His mother's place and it went pretty well actually. It's always a 50/50 shot with her and her husband. But it went okay. We ate and joked a little bit here and there. We stayed about three hours and then headed home.

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was tossing and turning and just couldn't get comfortable. I also couldn't get my mind to shut down completely. I would get 15 minutes here and an hour there. It was just a constant in and out of sleep. As a result I'm pretty sluggish today.

Master still has me on the every other day posting requirement and I did a post yesterday but I wanted to write today since I talked to Grandpa and will be seeing him, hopefully, on Tuesday.

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