Gut Feeling

I know. I've been absent for two days. There is a reason. You know Master doesn't normally allow me to skip two days in a row. But after what happened on Friday He understood why I just wanted to basically do as little as possible aside from relaxing and tossing out job applications.

So, Friday... Yeah. Not a good day at all. I go to work and as I walk in the door I had a feeling something was wrong. You know those gut feelings people get? It was one of those. But I figure maybe it's just me working myself up because of how the rest of the week had gone. Nope, as usual, my gut feeling was right on target. I started work early just so I could just try and catch up a little bit more than usual. But then a little before 10am HR calls my work phone and asks me to come to her office. Fuck.

I was very polite and said that I would be right there. As I open the door the HR lady was there, my brand spanking new supervisor was there, and so was the supervisor that is helping him learn the ropes of how management works there. See? He is still so green that he has another supervisor with him at all times unless he is in his office.

Again, my gut turned. I sat down and I saw a piece of paper in my supervisor's hand and a piece of paper turned upside down on HR's desk. I felt like I was going to be sick.

And then my supervisor just started going down a list of shit I have done wrong. I'll admit that some of it was valid. Others were just nitpicking, like he had been doing to me since he took over as supervisor. I'm not perfect. I'm not a robot. I make mistakes. Also, I've been so fucking slammed that I haven't been able to keep up like I normally do and they do not allow overtime right now. I also know for a fact that my case load is bigger than anyone's in the department.

They ask me why. I had already started to cry. I hate crying in front of people. I find it embarrassing and it pisses me off after the fact. They then brought up the fact that my previous supervisor had gone over this with me in my review. Um. No he didn't. Yes, he pointed out some things that I needed to work on but they were not overly specific. They were actually rather vague. Never mind my review was a little over four months late and I had no reminders or little, "Hey could you do it this way?" before my review. None.

And the ones they were bringing up now were not mentioned at all in my review. Also, their policy is to have a verbal warning and they have to tell you it's a verbal warning, then a written one, and then finally termination. With this they went straight to the written one.

Also, I'm fucking working on 160 files a day if not more. My list on Monday was over 200. And you want to bitch at me for 5? You don't want to praise me all on absolutely anything. You'd rather jump down my fucking throat about 5 files.

I signed their damn piece of paper and went back to work. And guess what happened after my lunch break which was only two hours after my written warning meeting happened? My supervisor sends me an e-mail about how to do something else, that again was not brought up in the review or the written warning, and was bitching. Meanwhile in the written warning he told me that he wants me to succeed and so did the HR lady. What the fuck?

The rest of the day I fucking busted tail. Nose to the fucking grind. And I still wasn't able to complete everything.

I did say, during the written warning meeting, that I have been having a lot of rush files both by management and from clients to the point that it takes me most of the day to get rush files done and as a result cannot work on anything else. They brushed it off like it was salt on their shoulder. Seriously.

When I came home I was still very upset. Master hugged me and just told me to just keep doing my job the best I can and toss out a fuck ton of job applications. And I have. I tossed out 23 yesterday alone. It may have been more than that actually but I know it was at least 23. And I did some more this morning.

It did dawn on me that they are trying to push me out and make me quit. Not going to happen. They are trying to make me quit so that I am less likely to get unemployment. Well fuck you very much. I won't quit unless I find a different job first.

As I was tossing out job applications yesterday (I've done it Friday, Saturday, and today.) I remembered how about four months ago we had seven people be fired back to back. They were all people who had worked there a long time and two of them were from my department alone. And that doesn't count how many people quit due to the bullshit going on. Hell the two girls in my department were fired on the same fucking day within 30 minutes of each other. So, now aside from the two trainers and the person who assigns the case load in our department I'm the only one who has been working there for more than 2 years. And it's been that way since April. I'm quickly coming up on 5 years. It'll be 5 years in March. I do think they just want to replace me with fresh blood so they can pay them less and don't have to give me an extra 5 days of vacation time, which I know takes money out of their pockets since that will give me 15 days that I will get paid for and not there working.

So, I'm worried as fuck that I may not find a job before I am "let go". I have never, ever been fired from a job. And I have never quit a job without having found a new one first. As a result, I have never collected unemployment.

I am, admittedly, being less picky about what I apply to. When I was just looking and not all that worried I was a lot more picky about where I applied figuring I could be. Well, now I can't afford to be. I mean I can't take a huge pay cut. But I took a $3.00 pay cut to leave my last job to come work for these guys and that was because my last job, at the time, was cutting a lot of people and I figured it was time to jump ship before it was too late. I'm there right now. I feel like a rat that needs to leave a sinking ship. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that. I'm just hoping and praying that I find a new job soon.