Cluster Fuck

Today did not start off well at all. I use two old cell phones for alarm clocks. Well, finally the cell phone I've been using for about a week was out of a battery charge so I grabbed the other one and set it before I went to bed. No big deal right? Well this morning I'm sleeping soundly and the next thing I know I hear Master saying, "Babe?" I partially wake up and look over at Him. As I do that I see the clock. It says 7:20am. WHAT?!

I hop out of bed like the bed is on fire saying out loud, "That can't be right!" I had set the alarm clock after all. I run out to the living room and sure as shit it's 7:20am. I quickly brush my teeth and got dressed. I turned on my actual cell phone. There are two text messages from the passenger in my carpool and a voice mail. I call him back and apparently his wife had started to take him to work but they hadn't reached the interstate yet. So she dropped him off at a gas station so I could pick him up and she could rush off to work.

Master was up as well and as I'm rushing around He's telling me to calm down because it wouldn't do any good to be upset while driving and get in an accident. He took the dog out for me so I could get going. By the time He started walking back in with the dog I was walking out to the car and so He gave me a quick hug.

As soon as I hit the driveway I swore a lot, very loudly so I could get some of my frustration out before getting on the road itself.

I picked up the passenger in the carpool and apologized over and over again. He was pretty damn cool about it saying that shit happens.

Amazingly we only got to work five minutes late. But that didn't matter because if I'm late to work I feel rushed the rest of the day.

It was my half day and those four hours flew by. I dropped off the passenger in the carpool and then rushed home.

I was still somewhat anxious due to how the day had started. I picked up Master and we went out to lunch with His dad and two youngest sisters. That was a lot of fun and helped me relax and chill the hell out.

Since then I've been more calm and all that but I feel drained now. Sluggish. Tired. That adrenaline rush this morning took it's toll apparently.

But I don't want to take a nap because then I won't sleep at all tonight.

Although I did figure out why my alarm didn't go off. I had forgotten to change that particular clock when daylight savings kicked in. I felt like a fucking idiot. But since I had been using the other one I didn't even think about it when I set that one last night. You would think I would have noticed that the time display wasn't correct while I was setting it but apparently I wasn't paying attention at all. *sigh*

Goals

When Master and I first started dating I was still living in my home town. He was up here where we currently live. About two and a half years into our relationship I moved up here to live with Him.

We've been here ever since. For the past couple of years we've kind of gone back and forth as to where we want to officially settle down. By settle down I mean pick an area to live in permanently. I don't necessarily mean buying a house right away. We aren't ready for that yet financially. But we keep going back and forth. Do we want to stay in this general area? Do we want to move only a little outside of this area? Or do we want to move out of town?

When my current job first moved out to where it is now we briefly toyed with the idea of moving out to that area. It was quickly dismissed though. I don't like the idea of moving simply for a job. Especially since at that time I had only been with the company for a little under a year. The thing that scares me the most about moving out to an area just for a job is that if I ever decide to leave the job I'm stuck out there. And I didn't want to live out there to begin with and neither did Master.

So like I said that was quickly dismissed.

Since that time we've been talking about it here and there. My idea was to move back to His hometown. I like that place. He knows the area like the back of His hand and it's closer to our families. Honestly the family part is more for me than Him. He doesn't mind not living close to family. He's lived clear across country for crying out loud. (Before I met Him obviously.)

Me? I've always been close to home. This is the furthest I've been. His hometown is literally right between where we are now and my hometown.

He has fought my idea of moving back to His hometown since I mentioned it. Why? I guess it's because He worked hard to leave it and had such a wanderlust when He was younger.

But today... today He said something that surprised me. He said He wanted to seriously look into moving back to His hometown. It's like it's calling us down there, if that makes sense.

It obviously will not be an overnight thing. Since I'll be looking to hop jobs soon anyway, I'll be focusing more on finding a job down there. That will be a little bit more of an incentive to move there. And even though it'll be His hometown it's still going to be easier on the car than driving to where I work now. And easier on me.

That will be the first step I think. Finding a job down there. Second will be saving up some money for the expenses moving will rack up. First and last month. Still paying rent here for two months while we get a new place set up down there. Then the rental truck. I don't know anyone who owns a truck anymore so it's a must. Plus it'll be a lot easier doing everything in one go. So a nice rental box truck will be the easiest.

After that the hunt for a new place to live would start.

I have no idea how long this process is going to take. But it's a goal. And a goal is a good thing to have. Since we started talking about moving a few years ago we've kind of just been treading water. And the longer we are here the more eager we are to leave. It's coming to a head and so we're taking the thought more seriously and setting it as a goal.

It's honestly just getting more and more on our nerves living here. Mainly due to the neighbors and the fact that our rent goes up every year but nothing is getting done. It's all staying the same and we're paying more money for more of the same.

Yes, I know that can happen anywhere. But that's not the point. We're getting anxious about it.

The goal is set. Now it's just working towards it. It'll be a long road but I'm ready for the challenge.

Goofing Around

It's always the small things that make me smile. I had a rather long day at work. I was dragging a bit when I first walked in the door. Master was standing in the living room and said hi. I walked over to Him to get a hug. I love that first hug, first kiss, when I get home.

He started off with the normal hug, my head resting on His chest. Before I knew what was going on He put me in a bear hug and lifted me off the floor. I quickly wrapped my arms around His neck and my legs around His waist. He smiled at me and gave me a kiss. He held me like that for a little bit. I absolutely loved it.

I honestly love our height difference. He's 6ft4 and I'm 5ft1. I love it because of things like that. He can swing me around like a rag doll. He can pick me up with little to no effort at all. It feeds my whole man handling fetish. I greatly enjoy the fact that He can move me around or pin me down and there is nothing I can do about it.

After a little while He set me back down and gave me another big hug before He started making dinner.

We relaxed after dinner and just watched Netflix. He was hyper and I commented on it. He had been making me laugh since I walked in the door. He told me that He had three cups of coffee in a short period of time. Hello sugar rush! He then said He was going to have another cup.

This is rather "un-slave like" moment. I hopped up off the couch and He was goofing around slowly creeping into the kitchen with a funny look on His face. I was "telling" Him no more coffee and He was saying that He couldn't help Himself. The coffee was calling Him!

I ran up behind Him and grabbed His arms and started to pull Him back. He played along because as I said above He can make me move so little ole me trying to hold Him back is hilarious. So He played along for a moment and then grabbed the coffee pot and a coffee cup and starting pouring it. I continued to tell Him to not have another cup and He continued to goof around with me.

I jokingly went to grab the coffee pot and He blocked me with His arm. I gave up after that and walked back to the couch laughing. I could hear Him still laughing in the kitchen.

It was great.

Just because we're in this dynamic doesn't mean we have to be serious all the time. I can joke around with Him in that way without Him getting pissed off because I'm not being submissive at that moment. I'm trying to stop Him from doing something He wants to do. But it's all light hearted and good fun. I'm grateful that we don't always take our dynamic so serious. It is important. It is serious but it doesn't mean we can't throw those roles out the window every now and then and just goof off.

Kicked Into Gear

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel more submissive than others? (Obviously the Masters/Mistresses haven't. That would be weird.) Now, when I get that way in response to something Master has said or done, that makes perfect sense to me. Sometimes that feeling sticks with me after said action. But then there are the days where it happens for absolutely no reason at all.

Today was a good example actually. Master and I were both tired and sore last night. It was not a special night in any way, shape, or form. We sat in the living room watching Netflix until Master told me to go to bed. That was basically it aside from my nightly routine.

This morning I woke up and my mood was normal. But then something happened. For whatever unknown reason that gear shift in my head knocked itself back into docile mode and got stuck there. If I had tried to change it I have a feeling the gears would have been grinding. (Yes, I'm using car analogies.. it's the only thing that makes sense to me when trying to describe such things.)

Never mind the fact that I hadn't even talked to Master yet. I had absolutely no interaction with Him aside from waking up next to Him. That was it. So like I said there was absolutely no reason why that happened.

After a while I gave up on trying to figure it out and just embraced it. As the day went by Master messaged me and I told Him about it. He said, "So it feels like you're on a tight leash basically?"

My response: "Yes! Tight like you're stepping on the leash to the point that my face is on the floor."

He said that visual was hot. And honestly, yeah it is. *laughs*

I would like to know why this happens. I don't know why I want to know. I mean, it is what it is. And it's not like I want to do anything about it. I just found it odd that the gear was kicked into place while I was at work. 

I'm still docile. Even more so now that I'm writing about it. In fact right now I feel more like I did when it first happened. Sometimes these feelings go up and down a little. It is always there once it kicks in like that but sometimes it becomes a stronger sensation than others. Right now it's pretty damn overwhelming. Not in a bad way either.

I'm quite enjoying it actually.

Give Me My Hour Back

I hate daylight savings. I really, really do. It seems so pointless. Just leave it the hell alone. It fucks with me. Especially when we have to spring forward. Last night when my normal bedtime hit (11pm) I was even remotely tired. After all my body was telling me it was only 10pm. Thankfully Master allowed me to stay up until midnight, which of course felt like my normal bedtime.

I had a hard time falling asleep. I just stayed still. I wanted to toss and turn but I knew that if I did that I would only aggravate myself and look at the clock and get even more annoyed. Not good. So I was on my side, facing the wall and refused to turn my head. This way I didn't see that damn clock.

Eventually I drifted off the sleep. When I got up this morning it was dark out. For the past week or two it's been light out when I get out of bed. I had gotten use to that. As a result since it was still dark out I thought my alarm had gone off too early.

But nope. It was time to get up.

I was dragging tail all damn day. I thought that I would be tired when I got home and that it would be easier to fall asleep tonight as a result, but as soon as I got out of work I felt energized. Go figure. I'm wide the hell awake and it's almost 9pm. That means my normal bedtime is only two hours away. Son of a bitch.

It normally takes my body a good two or three weeks to get use to this bullshit.

Hold

This weekend has been very lazy and very relaxing. I didn't do a blog post yesterday because Master gave me an option. I could either do a blog post or make that picture page I've been talking about for a while.

I wasn't really feeling like a blog post right then and I knew that if I didn't knock out the picture page then, I would continue to put it off. Master had also commented that I'll tweak the blog's look here and there but I was still putting off the picture page. That was another thing that made me just go, "Okay. I should do this picture page or it's never going to get done." And that's exactly what I did.

Now that's up and running. As you may have already noticed I also move the pages arrangement as I feel it makes more sense that way. It's still taking me a moment to remember that yes, I did in fact move the link arrangement around. So, that will take a little getting used to.

Aside from that Master and I pretty much relaxed all day. At one point He did order me into the bedroom and molested the hell out of me, which was wonderful. He was pretty damn rough with me which I needed. I think He needed it too. We were both a lot more relaxed afterward. It wasn't that we were extremely tense or anything along those lines to begin with but there was still a noticeable difference.

I'm honestly surprised that I don't have bruises on my neck from Him biting me. I do have sore spots though, which are always a nice reminder.

We didn't go to bed until 4am. I really love the nights that I can stay up as late as Master will allow. Last night the only reason we went to bed is because He was finally starting to wind down. We both fell asleep rather quickly.

Due to us going to sleep so late and the fact that we had to switch the clocks an hour ahead we got up really late. Even for a Sunday.

Master did something to me today that He hasn't done in a long time. He had called me over to Him for a hug and a kiss. I was kneeling at His feet while He sat on His recliner. He was naked and suddenly grabbed my hair and simply said the word, "Hold."

I know what that word means. I immediately lowered my head and slid His cock into my mouth. It was soft at first. I only moved my lips and tongue long enough to get comfortable. After that I didn't move. I just held perfectly still.

Normally my immediate reaction to having His cock in my mouth is to run my tongue along the underside of His cock. But that's not what "hold" means. "Hold" means to do simply that. Hold still with His cock in my mouth. No movement. No further stimulus. It didn't take long for His cock to start growing inside my mouth until the head of His cock was pressing against the back of my throat. I continued to hold still.

I really enjoy that sensation honestly. I'll admit it's difficult for me to not move my tongue. Not because it's uncomfortable but because I want to increase His pleasure from it. (My oral fixation does not help matters.)

After a little while He gently pulled on my hair so that I knew it was time for me to let His cock slip out of my mouth. He was rock hard at that moment but He wanted me to get a few things done so He simply walked over to the computer and checked His e-mail and everything while He "calmed down".

Since then we have been very lazy. I'm really glad that even though we got up so late the day is going by relatively slowly.

Good News!

I got some good news today. It's nothing overly major but it's still good news. Remember not that long ago when I stated I would have to start hunting for a new shrink? Well, I had already set up an appointment with my current shrink for June by the time I got that letter in the mail. I had been putting off calling and cancelling the appointment. But today was a somewhat slow day at work so I finally called. I was placed on hold for a little while and when they came back to the phone they asked me why I was cancelling the appointment.

I started describing the letter my health insurance had sent me and she cut me off. I thought that was rather rude at first but whatever. She asked me if it was for "x" insurance company. I confirmed that it was and she said that she didn't mean to cut me off like that but they had been receiving quite a few calls regarding this and apparently that letter was sent in error.

My shrink is still taking my insurance and I was told I can disregard that letter. Hooray! I can keep seeing my shrink!

That took a load off my mind actually. I was not looking forward to that process at all.

I mean I have a really good relationship with my shrink. He is a very nice guy. I'm on the medication we all feel works best for me. (We as in my shrink, Master, and myself.) I'm on a schedule with him now that I only have to see him twice a year unless I feel the need to have an appointment with him before the next one. So far that hasn't been necessary.

I like the staff there too. The only drawback to that place is the fact that I hate their parking lot. *laughs*