Center Myself

Master told me today that I have seemed off and distant the past few days. He had mentioned it in passing yesterday and the day before but I just told Him I was sore. Honestly I hadn't even noticed that I was acting like that. But when He stops and brings it up fully I have to take notice to that. So I thought about it a little bit and stated that I have been sore lately and getting bad headaches on and off the past few days. I also realized that I am due for my period any day now so I told Him that as well. I promised Him I would try to keep a better eye on it. He told me to just keep Him updated.

Obviously even though I am medicated my moods can still fluctuate and yes, I don't always notice the differences or that I'm acting differently. So I rely on Him to bring these things to my attention so I can try to catch it earlier.

I just haven't had a lot of energy lately and the on and off headaches are driving me nuts. Another good indicator that shark week is about to begin. (Shark week... period... ha ha funny...)

I wish there was a cure for this shit. I hate having to keep all this in mind at one time. I know Master is helping as best He can, and trust me it's a huge help. It still sucks though.

All I could think about today was getting home, putting on one of Master's t-shirts and being lazy. And that's exactly what I'm doing.

I'm not depressed, I know that for sure. I am a lot worse when I'm depressed. I will barely talk, I don't even want to really look at anything. I gaze off into nothing a lot when I'm depressed and it's hard to get me to respond.

So, this isn't it.

When Master told me to start my nightly routine I went to do my blog post and popped in my ear buds. Listening to music with ear buds in really helps me kind of center myself. You would think that it would make my spaced out feeling worse, but music makes me focus. I know it sounds cliche but music has helped me a lot over the course of my lifetime.

It helps center me as I said. It doesn't matter what mood I'm in music will make me focus really quick. I don't really know how to explain it or why it has that effect on me. I crank the music up when I'm in a bad mood or just need to jump start myself. I crank the music if I'm upset. It's different songs and different bands depending on the mood I'm in.

But now, I'm sure how I act at concerts makes a lot more sense. I'm very alert and energetic. It's like a natural high.

Oh, I have found a song that I love at the moment. Master listened to it and thinks I'm nuts. We are both into really hard rock and heavy metal music. But there are some differences as to the bands/songs. This is one that I love a lot and He thinks sucks. *shrugs* This is why I listen to it when I have my ear buds in. *laughs*

It kind of reminds me of the dynamic and just being sick in the head. I don't meant that to sound negative at all.

I have listened to other songs by this band and eh.. not really into it. But this song? Love the hell out of it.

Appointment for the Pup

It's about that time of year again. Our dog recently turned four years old and we got his yearly check up reminder in the mail today. However, along with that reminder it informed us that the vet we have been taking him to has changed owners. Apparently one of the vets is still there but the other one has left. And we're not sure if the one that stayed is the one we really liked. Such things always make me a little leery. I don't like the idea of new doctors or new vets. After all, our dog is a part of our family and so his health is very important to me as is the way he is treated by his vet. I like a vet with a good bedside manner so to speak. I don't like cold doctors and I don't like cold vets. They may be just as good at their jobs but it their bedside manner comes off as uncaring. I don't like that at all.

And with that vet you can make an appointment but you can't dictate which vet you want. It's a very small vet office and so you take whichever vet is there and available. After all it's just the two.

I called down there today to check on prices. Since they changed owners I wanted to see if their prices had changed. And sure as shit they did. It went up.

I talked with Master about it and He said to call around to check on prices at other vets. After all it might as well be like if the vet were new anyway. With new owners in place, who knows what else they changed with their prices.

So I called around. And honestly it seems that the vet we are currently going to is the cheapest. I called Master back and told Him. He said to just go ahead and make the appointment then. So I did. It's for the middle of April. The pup isn't due for anything until April anyway.

I just really hope two things. I hope that the vet we liked stayed. And I hope whoever the new owner is they pretty much keep things how they were.

So in about a month the pup will be getting his distemper shot, a heart worm test, and a physical exam. Thankfully he doesn't need his rabies shot for another year. I made sure I had the day off of work for the vet appointment. I know Master can handle it but I prefer being there, especially since I want to know how the vet office works now and make sure it's still the kind of vet we want to go to.

I trust Master with those things completely. I don't need to be there. The pup's health is as important to Him as it is to me. But I just want to see it and experience it for myself. Also, since we'll both be there we can talk about it afterward without my having to as 101 questions.

Lucky And Then Some

I know that Master and are very lucky to have found one another. Anyone who is lucky enough to find a person that fits them and completes them should be thankful. I know I am. And I know Master is as well.

But one thing that I have noticed on FetLife on some of the marriage group boards is that while they may have found the person who completes their heart, they haven't found the person who has the same sexual and/or kink tastes. So, in that regard I'm lucky and then some. Master and I love each other very much. I feel that He is my other half. I feel that we complete and compliment one another.

But add to that the fact that our kinks align almost perfectly. I say almost simply because nothing can be perfect. Our sexual and kink related tastes not only match up but we also talk very, very openly about them. We have always been able to do that. There are things that He has brought up to me, there are things that I have brought up to Him and there are things we kind of stumbled upon together.

And what is interesting is that even though I am younger than Him and the slave in this dynamic there are some things that I have brought up that He wasn't too interested in at first but found out that He actually really enjoyed after the fact. And of course, the same is in reverse.

Hell, I always knew that I liked the whole bondage and rough sex line of thought even though it had never happened before I met Him. I had honestly never thought about the whole power exchange relationship. But it wasn't long into our relationship before we both realized that we were interested in it. I had never had a Master and He had never had a slave. So this was a first for both of us. And damn has it paid off.

I'm grateful that I can speak freely with Him about sexual fantasies or ideas or something I just want to try. I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about being judged. I don't have to worry about Him finding my ideas disgusting or offensive.

And sometimes, my thoughts will cause His wheels to start turning and before you know it we've been talking about sex and the dynamic for two hours.

I know of couples that are in that "owned and operated by another" category. To my understanding it is where someone is in a happy and committed relationship but their significant other cannot or does not wish to fulfill a kink related desire or need that they have. As a result, a decision is made between the couple that the need/desire is taken care of outside of the relationship and everyone knows about everything.

I cannot say that I would be able to handle something like that. But I can say that as long as everyone is in the know, I can completely wrap my head around it. After all, everyone is being honest and obviously no one is having a problem with it. To me it's no different than a couple having an open marriage.

I would say those people are lucky and then some as well. They may not get everything in one package, but they have found someone they love that is open to the possibility that a desire may be taken care of outside of the relationship.

I personally grateful that I did find it all in one person. I am grateful that my Husband/Master and I found one another.

The Big Three Zero

Last night Master and I relaxed a bit more after my blog post. I dressed up for Him and He allowed me to stay up late. And of course, before I had to go to sleep I got some very wanted attention.

We headed off to the bedroom and I stroked His cock while He alternated between chewing on my neck and molesting my tits. He then slid on top of me before sliding down a little. He pinned my upper body with His arms and completely focused on my tits. The way He had His lower body though, the head of His cock was pushing at my pussy lips. I started to buck my hips every time I felt His cock throb. He chuckled and commented on how He had thought I would want to be eaten out. The only response I made was to buck my hips again. He moaned and then slowly entered me. He only kept the head of His dick inside of me for a while and slowly pushed it in and out before finally slamming into me.

The sex remained rough and I was forced to cum over and over again until Master decided that I would be His fuck toy and no longer allowed me to get off.

By the time we were done and both laying there panting it was 12:30am. He smiled and said "Happy birthday."

I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

When I woke up this morning I decided that I was going to stay in a good mood all day even though I had to work, simply because it is my birthday. I don't want to feel stressed or any of that bullshit. So I did. I remained in a good mood.

Everyone was asking me if I felt any different and I of course said no.

Trust me, being 30 feels no different than being 29 years old.

I got a bunch of happy birthday messages and a few phone calls saying happy birthday. Master has continuously called me birthday girl all day. It makes me smile and He knows it.

He also had left a really sweet message for me this morning.

Happy Birthday to my dear wife. You may have reached the big 3-0 love but remember, you'll always be younger than me and a hottie in my book. Besides you don't look any older than the day we met almost ten years ago. Happy birthday love.

How sweet is that? I love that Man of mine.  Minus having to work, which thankfully went by quickly, the day has been great. We aren't doing anything special or anything along those lines and I actually prefer that. I'm just hoping for birthday sex and maybe being allowed to stay up. *smirks*

Goodbye Twenties

I don't really have anything to blog about today. Which isn't a bad thing. The past few days have been pretty mellow. Today especially. I'm enjoying the hell out of it to be perfectly honest. This week is going to suck at work so I need all the relaxation I can get right now. The past two days we have been visiting my family. Friday was my mother's and yesterday was my dad's. But today we got the whole day to ourselves and have been lazy as fuck. I only left the apartment once today for a total of a half hour so I could run to the store. Thankfully it's not even 7pm right now. Nice and early. I'm hoping that Master will allow me to stay up past my bedtime tonight. I don't want the weekend to end.

 Master has been picking on me though. Tomorrow is my birthday. In fact, tomorrow is my 30th birthday.

So as a result Master has been picking on me. (Never mind He is 8 years older than me. I think that's why He picks on me.)

A good example is that earlier before I left for the store I was trying to figure out what I wanted for dinner. I was stuck on two options and couldn't decide which one I wanted more. Sometimes when that happens Master will toss a coin, I call it and bam... there is the decision.

So He pulled out His coin and was about to flip it. He stopped and handed it to me and said, "You're almost an adult.. you go ahead and flip it."

Smart ass. I love Him for it though, usually.

He has been really sweet today. He has been having me pick out what I want to watch on Netflix. I got an extra long back rub even though I just got one yesterday.

It really does suck that my birthday is on a Monday this year though. It's bad enough I have to go to work, but then add the fact that it's my birthday. Ugh.

Oh well. At least towards the end of this month I'll get a four day weekend. I'm really looking forward to that.

Well, like I said it's still early in the evening. So I'm gonna nerd out for a bit before taking my shower. I might as well enjoy my last night in my twenties. *laughs*

My Head Hates Me

I really hate it when I'm having a pretty good day and have been in a good mood all day and then suddenly a migraine sets in for absolutely no reason and I become irritable because of it.

We had slept in, which was nice, and headed down to my dad's this afternoon. We spent a couple of hours there and headed home to have dinner. About half way through the drive home a migraine came out of no where and bitch slapped me. It's not the kind of migraine I usually get though. Normally, if I have one my eyes become very sensitive to light and my eyes can't stand to look at a TV let alone a computer screen.

But this one, for whatever reason, has simply set itself up in my temples and hurts no matter what I do. Nothing seems to make it feel better and nothing is making it worse. It's just there.

I just took a couple of advil not that long ago, so I'm hoping those kick in really soon. I don't want to be cranky. And that's exactly what migraines/really bad headaches do. They make me cranky.

I just don't want it to ruin the rest of the evening. It's been with me for about an hour and a half now.

Later on tonight after the animals are taken care of we'll be exchanging back rubs. I know it sounds silly but sometimes that will help with the headache. I have no idea why. That won't be until after 9pm though. That's when we take the dog out and take care of the rabbits. They are all on a pretty tight schedule and we try our best to keep it that way, especially the nightly routine.

Well, until this fucking headache goes away I'll just try to concentrate on not being too cranky. I don't want to throw the night off.

Nerd Fest

Okay, my nerdness has caught up with me yet again. I was browsing the web and came across this really kick ass font that I absolutely love. So I did a shit ton of digging and found out what font it actually is. I then found it, downloaded it, and applied it to the computer. Now, I want to use it for the blog title and things of that nature. You know, some tweaking. But, since it's not a font that is on every computer (obviously) it won't show up correctly on the website and I'm not good enough at coding to get it to work correctly. Fuck. So then I came up with the brilliant idea of using images to get the look I was going for.

That didn't work out. I made the image for the blog title but then I couldn't get the fucking thing to sit where I wanted it to. I dicked with it for at least an hour and a half before scrapping the whole idea.

So then I decided, okay I'll just use a normal font that is on every computer. So I started playing with that and while yes, I can make it work, I cannot seem to find the font I want to change it to. Most likely because I have that other font that I can't get to work stuck in my head. Damn you brain!

I just get so damn obsessive about stupid shit like that sometimes that it drives me crazy. (More so than usual.)

Master allowed me to nerd the hell out until about midnight last night at which point He told me it was time to go to bed. I think I had been at it for about a good three hours or so and got absolutely no where with it.

Now, the crazy solution would be to find a blog template that I could more easily manipulate. But that takes finding a new layout that I love as much as I do this one. I've been there, done that. And while yes, I toyed with the idea of it, I ended up keeping this one.

I don't know. I guess I just haven't had a really good, long nerd fest in a long time and so it's biting me in the ass now and not letting go.

I would ask Master His opinion but typically when it comes to the blog it's all up to me. If He really doesn't like something, that's one thing. But other wise it's all in my lap. Sometimes when that happens and I can't make up my mind on it I feel a momentary "oh shit" moment.

So, let the nerd fest begin. Sorry if shit doesn't look quite right or completely different from time to time when you bounce onto here to read. Try to stick it out... Knowing me it'll most likely just stay how it is.