Not Much Help

I am wondering… Looking at male subs, it’s nearly impossible to find any information on male subs that aren’t treated as little girls! (overstatement, but not by much.) Do you know of any sites/friends that are non-feminized male subs?

I am sorry that I am not of much help in this area. Male submission is not really something that I research, so I don't know of any sites that may be useful to you. Also, the only male subs that I have had interactions with have enjoyed being feminine, rather than not. So I am sorry, but I am not sure what to suggest. However, I'm hoping that if any of my readers out there know of any sites, that they will comment on this post for you. :-) I wish you luck in your search!

Small Rant

And no, it's not about Master.

Part of what pissed me off today was the fact that even though we have a phone in the bedroom, it doesn't mean it wakes us all the time. We have a phone in the bedroom in case of emergencies and things along those lines. Well that and besides the living room, it's where we spend most of our time. Sometimes we like to just lay in bed together, cuddle, and talk. It's nice ya know?

So anyway, when K just would not stop calling it was highly irritating. I know it was work related, but K and Master's mother do this all the time. It doesn't matter what the fuck it is for. It could be something as simple as "Hey do you guys want to come over sometime this week?" Like that couldn't wait until we called you back? There is a reason why we aren't answering the phone. Sometimes it is because we are sleeping, sometimes it is because we are not feeling well, sometimes we aren't home, and what do ya know... sometimes we're fucking gods damnit!

First, they try the house phone and then don't leave a voice mail. Then they'll call my cell, and not leave a voice mail. Then they'll try Master's cell and not leave a voice mail. And then, it's right back to calling the fucking house phone. And they repeat this cycle until we pick up one of the phones. And if we're not home and our cell phones aren't getting reception or something, when we do get a hold of them or they get a hold of us they get all pissy cause we didn't call them back. Well maybe that's because you didn't leave a voice mail message on ANY of the phones. Not one. And we don't check the house phone's caller ID, we check to see if there is a voice mail. If there isn't any, we don't worry about it and figure that if it was important they would have left a damn message.

So needless to say K doing it this morning just tripped that trigger and pissed both Master and I both off. Why? Because they do it so often, not in emergencies, but for every little thing. And if we call them? Well tough shit if they don't answer the phone and don't return our message. See, we're normal in that way. We call. We leave a message. And then, we wait for you to return our call. That's that.

So as I said in one of my comments in my previous post, one of these days when they do that (and it isn't an emergency) and we do answer the phone, and they ask me why we didn't answer their previous 10 calls, I'm just going to say, "We were fucking. What do you want?" Fuck it. I'm sick of it and so is Master. We're young, we're in love, and we're married. We fuck. Get over it.

So when Master did get to work, He did tell K he could have easily left a voice mail. Master also told me that next time unless it is my family calling (which we would know due to the caller ID and the fact that my family lives in a different area code) to not answer the phone until 9am. Anything before that? Well people are just shit out of luck.

And just so ya'll know, Master and I are fine. He was in a pissed off mood when He got home, but I apologized again and as I was kneeling at His feet He said it wasn't me that He was mad at. He was pissed off because of what happened at work.

See, Master originally had that assignment. Then a coworker bitched and whined about the fact that he (meaning the coworker) always does that particular job contract. So he ended up taking the assignment and Master was told that He would have Sunday off then.

Well I found out what happened, and I was pretty close to the mark. Apparently this particular coworker is getting sent out of town tomorrow (Monday) and so he basically changed his mind about doing the contract today. Now, this guy knew that he was going out of town as of yesterday (Saturday). So common sense would say, "Hey, maybe we should figure out who is going in his place and contact them so they know." Nope. They fucking waited until 6am this morning to call Master and say, "Oh yeah by the way." And all this when the contract started at 7am, but they were all supposed to meet up at 6am. So yeah, lets fucking wait until everyone is supposed to be there and then call. That makes sense.

In regards to anyone saying that Master would have been pissed off if I hadn't answered the phone and something had been wrong (like an emergency or something) that is incorrect. Unless it was my family calling and it was an emergency (cause they are normal people and that is the only reason they would call that fucking early) He literally does not care.

He does not have a close relationship to His family. Does that sound cold? *shrugs* Oh well. It's the truth and one that I can't say I blame Him for. His mother thinks that everything can be fixed by material things. That's it. She doesn't apologize, she doesn't change anything, she just buys shit and gives it to you. But we try to stay corgial because His mother is the only family that He has anymore, besides His daughter.

So anyway, Master got home and we were fine. He apologized for snapping at me. We chilled, and then went and had dinner. From there we picked up our friends from the airport and took them home. We borrowed our friend's XBOX 360 since Master's is in the shop, and this particular friend has two of them. We get it home and start hooking it up, but guess what.. the power cable isn't interchangable between a regular XBOX 360 and an XBOX 360 Elite, which is the one we have. So we call around and the friend doesn't have a spare power cord, and it costs about $100 to buy a power cable for one. :-| So Master is still without an XBOX. Figures. Oh well, hopefully His will be back soon.

So there is my rant.

Ugh

I feel guilty as hell.

Last night Master and I didn't get to bed until almost 3am, simply because we stayed up to watch movies and talk. We were enjoying our time together and Master was venting about some things that had happened at His mother's.

So at 6am this morning, I remember the phone ringing and ringing. It would stop and the voice mail would pick it up, and I would look up and there wouldn't be a voice mail so I didn't worry about it. I was figuring that it was some drunk who had a wrong number and just kept trying the wrong number again and again, or something along those lines. So I would lay back down, if it was an emergency someone would have left a voice mail. Well it continued this cycle of ringing, going to voice mail, and then no voice mail message. Finally I got up out of the bed and looked at the caller ID. I didn't recognize the phone number on it, so I figured I would answer the phone, tell the person on the other line that they had the wrong number, and then go back to bed.

But it wasn't that simple. I should have just unplugged the damn thing. It was K, my mother-in-law's boyfriend/Master's coworker. I was about to ask what was so important that he had to keep calling, when He quickly asked, "Is (insert Master's real name here) awake? Can you wake Him up?"

Maybe it was because I was sleepy, but it sounded like there was a sense of urgency in his voice. I thought perhaps something was wrong with Master's mother. If I had been thinking I would have remembered that K was working today and that originally Master was going to go on the job with him, and told K that no, I can't wake Him up because He's sick.. or something like that. But I wasn't thinking so I handed Master the phone and told Him who it was.

Guess what. K wanted Master to come into work. I don't know the details. I don't know if one of the guys didn't show up like they were supposed to or what, but needless to say Master was not happy. He was pissed actually.

Master quickly got ready, came in to the bedroom where I was and kissed me and said goodbye. My poor Husband who only had a total of about three hours of sleep at this point, now had to go into work. We stayed up late because someone else had told Master that they were going on the job, and so K told Master He could stay home.

Master called me around 10am and told me next time not to answer the phone. I apologized, but that doesn't help. He is still stuck at work and I didn't think quick enough to realize who was calling and why they would be calling. At the time of Master calling me He said that supposedly they were about 90% done with the job. Well, it's now almost 1pm and Master is still not home. :-(

And I feel bad because now He's only had one actual day off all week, and He'll probably have to work tomorrow. On top of that we have to be at the airport this afternoon to pick up our friends who are coming back home from a trip. And I remember Master telling K about that at 6 this morning. He said, "I have to pick up my buddy from the airport today."

So depending on when Master actually gets out of work, He may have just enough time to hop in the shower and then head back out the door again.

And yes, I feel guilty about it. But I'm also pissed off at who ever didn't show up for work today. I have a feeling it was the guy who said he wanted to go on that damn job contract. Don't say "Oh but I always do that one!" and bitch about Master getting assigned to it, and then get it reassigned to you and then not fucking show up. Like I said, I don't know all the details but this is what is rolling around in my head. I have a feeling that is what happened.

If it would have just stayed assigned to Master, we wouldn't have stayed up so late and Master wouldn't be working on three hours of sleep right now.

Master told me when He called earlier to not expect Him to be in a good mood due to what happened, and I understood that. I knew He wasn't going to be a very happy Yote today. So me? I'm going to try and stay as docile as possible and not cause any waves. His day has been stressful enough without me adding to it.

More Smut

Yay! :-D I love writing smut. And ya know the best thing about writing smut? It's all true. It's not something I imagine and then write down. When I write about it, it's all true. And then later I can come back and read it and it still gets me all hot and bothered. I do that a lot. I go over my own blog archives and read some of the entries. *grins* It's great.

Last night after we were done with the movies Master and I talked for a while, I did my blog post while He read a book. Once I was done with my blog post I asked Him if I should shut down the computer. He said yes, and then said one word... "Bed." That made me shiver.

So I shut down the computer and then we headed off to the bedroom. Master pulled me to Him and ran His fingers through my hair, giving me pets. I relaxed and enjoyed the sensations. Shortly after He started, He stopped and pulled me against Him and bit into my neck. (His mouth is healed. Yay!)

As He was biting my neck He does something that always causes a shiver to run down my spine. He loves taking the skin on my neck in between His teeth and then sliding His teeth up and down my neck, keeping the skin in between His teeth before releasing it and starting again in a new spot. His has very sharp teeth, and it always makes me wonder if this time He's going to break through the skin. But He never does, not on my neck. Safety first and all that. He'll leave hickeys from hell, but He won't break through the skin on my neck.

Although He will break through the skin on my shoulders. I still have bite marks on me from when we first started dating almost six years ago, on my shoulders. They look like freckles now, but I know what they are. Can you tell we have a biting fetish?

Then He very roughly started playing with my breasts. I was wearing a body suit, so Master had me lay on my back and unsnap the crotch portion of it. (It's always easier for me to do it.)

He then told me to slide up. I did as I was told and then He started licking my pussy. I love it when He sucks the lips of my pussy into His mouth and runs His tongue along the inside of them. Heaven. Pure bliss.

I normally have an easier time getting off if He eats me out and shoves His fingers inside me. I greatly enjoy having something to clamp down on. But not last night, He did not allow it. He wanted me to cum purely from the pleasure He was giving me from His mouth. And I got off, very hard.

From there He licked me a few more times, I'm sure just to hear me whimper. He knelt up on the bed and pulled me up by my collar. He held me against Him and ran His hands along my ass and back, while He sucked on my tits. He then shoved me down and had me suck His cock and massage His balls. At first I thought He was just going to shoot His load down my throat, but no. He had more plans for me.

He grabbed my hair, and twisted it so that it was wrapped around His hand. He then used it as a leash and turned me around so I was on all fours. I was already dripping wet, first because of Him getting me off the way He did, and secondly because I get really horny whenever I suck His cock.

He was rock hard and it hurt when He shoved Himself inside of me. He didn't let go of my hair until I came again. Then He pounded Himself into me over and over again. At this point it some what becomes a blur. My pussy hurt and yet I wanted more. He was calling me His bitch in heat, His slut, His whore. He called me depraved, and I knew that I was all of these things.

I bowed down before Him and after ripping two more orgasms out of me, He told me to lay down before I fell down. I was shaking from the mixture of pleasure and pain that I was receiving. So I laid down and He turned so that we were both on our sides. He squeezed me to Him and again had me cum for Him.

Then He put me on my stomach and as He settled on top of me I almost started crying. He gently told me to shush. And I did. I bit down on my lip and stopped myself. He pinned down my arms and hooked His legs under mine. As He forcefully pushed forward He leaned down and said, "Now you can cry." *shudders* How hot is that?

And I did. He used me for His pleasure and I cried. I was overwhelmed and I loved it. I love it when He pushes me to that point. I began to buck back against Him but eventually I just couldn't and I surrendered and just laid there crying as He had His way with me.

He filled me and then asked me if I wanted Him to pull out slowly or quickly. I said that it did not matter, so He simply rolled off of me and laid on His side of the bed. He held me to Him and kissed my forehead a few times. I then cleaned Him off and scented myself. As I wiped the mixture of our bodily fluids onto my chest He smiled and said, "That is the most lovely perfume." I smiled at Him as well, and then we curled up and fell asleep.

Happy Friday the 13th

The day a lot of people believe to be bad luck. Me? It's just another day. Although I do like to poke fun at it since it is considered a day of bad luck.

So anyway, last night after my blog post I still wasn't tired and I knew Master had to get up early the next morning, but I was horny.

So I turned off the computer and went to the bedroom. Master was already fast asleep facing my side of the bed. I laid down next to Him and for a few moments I just looked at Him. I like doing that while He's sleeping. Hell, I like looking at Him all the time *laughs* but there is something about looking at the one you love while they are sleeping. I don't know what it is.

I was debating with myself as to whether I should just try to get some sleep, or try to wake Him up and get laid. Decisions, decisions, decisions. On the one hand I knew He was tired. On the other hand, I was horny.

So I decided that I would try to wake Him for sex and the worst thing that would happen is that He would turn me down and tell me He wanted to sleep. Yes, I admit that sometimes when this happens I feel a small pain of rejection, but it was worth the shot anyway.

So as He was laying on His side I snaked my arm under the covers and started stroking His cock. His dick woke up before He did, but soon He was moaning and woke up a bit more and pulled me to Him. He asked if there was something I wanted, to which I giggled and said, "What do You think Master?"

So He fingered me while I continued to get Him fully erect. He then put me on my back and allowed me to guide Him into me. He allowed me to cum many times, to the point where it was starting to hurt. I don't know if it is just me, but after however many orgasms, they start to hurt. I don't know if it is because the mucles in there are like, "Hey. Listen, we're overworked in here!" But Master didn't care, He continued to force them out of me. He eventually bent me in half and I got off so hard that I actually caught Him off guard and He filled me with His cum.

*smirks to myself* I take a certain amount of pride in the fact that I can catch Him off guard and cause so much pleasure for Him that it overrides His will power. Master has an incredible amount of will power (read: He is a stubborn son of a bitch), so when I can override that and cause Him to cum when He is trying to hold back, a smirk appears on my face and a sense of satisfaction washes over me. I'm a smug bitch aren't I? Especially after all these years together. It'll be 6 years next Saturday, and apparently I still have some tricks up my sleeves, or is that in my pussy? *shrugs* Either way. ;-)

He collapsed on top of me, and I held Him to me, wrapping my legs and arms around Him and just enjoying that moment between us. Once He rolled onto His side of the bed, I cleaned Him off and scented myself before we curled up, and He locked His hand around my wrist before we both drifted off to sleep. I am so glad that I woke Him.

Today Master went into work and I woke up about an hour before He called me to let me know He was on His way home. He got out at 11am today. Yay!

Since He had gotten home so early we decided to just bum around. It has been quite some time since we have done that. Lately we have only gone out to stores when we needed something, not just to browse and kill time. I love bumming around with Him. We have a lot of fun doing it. So we went out to lunch and then went to a store. I was looking for a matching wrist rest and mouse pad for when I start my new job, but I couldn't find one that I liked. So instead we browsed the video games and movies. We ended up picking up the entire set of X-Men movies and a new set that neither of us even knew existed.

See, we love the Aliens movies. And we both love the first Predator movie (not so much the second). But this DVD box set has all of the Aliens movies, both of the Predator movies, and both of the AVP movies. Jackpot! So we picked that up as well.

When we got home we watched all of the X-Men movies back to back, with one break in between the second and third one so I could get myself clean and put on an outfit for Master. Things in regards to my submission to Him have been going rather smoothly as of late. This is a very good thing of course.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I'm not longer on pins and needles about my whole job situation. The last job I had, I was getting there about three hours early because of the time B had to drop me off, then it was a stressful day at work almost every day due to the type of work I was doing, and then I would come home and we'd barely have any time together, and the weekend would be over before we could blink.

I think with my new job, since I'm starting at 8am, and won't be dropped off until about 15 minutes before hand, that will cut the stress quite a bit. Along with the fact that I'll be getting out at a decent hour and we'll have more time together in the evenings. Add to that the fact that I'll have two days off in a row, my days off won't fly by like they did when I had one day off, work the next day, and then have my other day off. That always made it feel like I never had time to relax ya know?

So yeah. There isn't a lot I can complain about right now. And I'm grateful for that. Not even Master's mother is going to be able to totally ruin my mood tomorrow. That may sound harsh, but that woman constantly drags the happy out of people and smashes it against a rock, simply because she isn't happy with her lot in life (which I might add she has created all on her own).

Almost The End Of The Week

Master gave me a call while He was at work to wake me up and tell me to call around to places that may rent out XBOX 360s. His is broken. So we had to ship it off today, so He'll probably be without it for about two weeks.

So I got up, got ready for the day and basically called every game store and every movie rental place I knew of. Guess what. No one rents out systems anymore. I swear I remember a time where basically everyone did it. Apparently people were ripping them off and never returning them. Go figure.

He called again on His lunch break and we talked for a few minutes. He basically just wanted to check in and see how things were going. I told Him about the game systems not being available for rent anymore. And He told me that He doesn't have to work Sunday. Apparently another guy wanted to go on that particular contract, so Master doesn't have to anymore.

Master got out of work an hour earlier than anticipated, so that was nice. He came home and I was kneeling on my slave mat. He got undressed and went directly to the shower. I knelt outside of the shower after I unplugged everything from the XBOX 360.

Once He was done with His shower, He packed it up and put the shipping label on it. Then we both got dressed and headed out. We went to drop off the XBOX 360 first so it could be shipped out. Hopefully it'll be back soon. From there we went to a movie rental store and picked up three movies. We got "Madagascar 2", "Hancock", and "Open Season 2". We made one last quick stop at the gas station and then went home.

We watched all three movies back to back, and some where in there had dinner. He worked on my shoulders a little while, but His rib is still bothering Him. It's better than what it was, but not 100% yet.

Once 11pm rolled around Master wanted to go to bed, but I wasn't tired yet. So I set the alarms for Him, tucked Him in, and now I'm here making this post. It's nearly Friday.

It sounds like He will have a pretty easy day at work tomorrow. Who knows, maybe He'll get out early again.

Love Thy Self

So here’s a question for you… you said that when you first met your M you were very shy and insecure. (my words) I’m the opposite, I am a bit of an exhibitionist but I dislike my body. (go figure) Yet, as I posted the first pix of myself on my blog tonight I found myself enjoying the look of them, enjoying what I see in that round-a-bout sense that I know it’s what my Sir likes. Not sure where the question is in all this, but any comments or whatever on that particular journey? Of learning to love ones physical self?

You are correct, I was extremely shy when I first met Master. I basically didn't think I was attractive at all and I was wondering why the fuck He would be interested in me. Why? Because He is sexy and handsome.

Here is a good example. The first time we had sex was in a hotel room. I asked Him to turn off all the lights except for the one in the bathroom, which would provide some illumination in the main room. Never mind that at the time I didn't know how well He could see in the dark. *giggles* And apparently He really liked what He saw. Who knew?

Another good example is that the first time He had me dress up in lingerie, it was a body stocking and I got under the covers and basically tried to hide myself from Him. I was embarrassed. Again, He liked what He saw.

Over time He helped me build up my self esteem. He still does. He would give me compliments and touch me all the time, and things of that nature.

Now look at me. I post pictures of me getting fucked, giving head, being totally naked, being in various states of undress, etc. And I love it. Hell I even used to be a stripper.

Learning to love yourself. *ponders this* The only thing I can say is that you are in the skin you are in, so you might as well learn how to love it. It seems that no matter what you do, there is always going to be something you don't like about yourself. It seems to just be human nature. Me? I hate my feet. Hate them! And I personally am not one who is for cosmetic surgery. Corrective surgery? Sure. Not a problem, I understand that. But cosmetic? *shudders* No thank you.

Over time I became more and more comfortable with my looks. I'm not a super model. I'm not someone who could make millions soely on my looks, and ya know what? I'm okay with that.

How did I become comfortable with my looks, as far as being an exhibitionist? Well, first I had to become comfortable with my looks as far as Master goes. When that happened, which took quite some time I do have to admit, the rest of it came easy.

It was one of those things.. "Oh? You don't like the way I look? Then stop looking at me. No one is making you. And my Master finds me sexy as hell, and His opinion is the only one that matters."

And it is. Does that mean I don't appreciate compliments from others? I do. As long as they aren't creepy. *laughs* But at the end of the day, Master is the only one who has to see my naked and look at me every day. He loves the way I look, and so I love the way I look. I can look at myself as Master would and go, "Yeah. I'd fuck me." (Which is by the way, something Master would love to see. Unfortunatley cloning is still not a very safe procedure and so He's stuck with just one of me. Pity Him.)

I hope that this answered your question. If not, let me know with some clarifying questions and I'll do my best to answer those as well.