September 1, 2013

Part of Me

I am honestly one of the most anti social people I know. I cut out the last remaining friend I had from my home town right before I moved here. With good reason mind you. (Her heavy drug use.) Then I pretty much inherited Master's circle of friends. With most of them I was pretty open and accepting. And the same in reverse. There were of course some that I couldn't stand but it was due to the way they were treating Master.

Eventually Master cut those people off. It didn't take long honestly. He had been pretty fed up with them before I moved in with Him. Over the years more of those friends have fallen off the grid for various reasons. There are still a select few that we talk to. Unfortunately one of them no longer lives in state. We miss him.

Last summer we spent a lot of time outside with a group of our neighbors. As the summer went on I became closer to some of them. And I accepted them as friends. But as the summer wound down things happened. One of them got evicted. For a short while he stayed in touch and would still stop over or invite us to his place. Another one moved away and we have honestly only heard from her one time and it was only because we happened to be sitting outside when she came over to visit other people who live in the apartment complex.

The only ones left that I had any attachment to are still here but we don't really talk to them, or at least haven't over the fall, winter and spring. I will say it's due to a lack on each side, ours and theirs. We didn't try really hard and neither did they. I'm not faulting anyone on that one.

And this past summer has been blazing fucking hot 98% of the time so we have spent a lot of time inside in the air conditioning.

Well, today it was nice enough out that we finally used the grill for the first time all year. As Master was cooking, one of the neighbors that still live here was walking by and mentioned that they were having a fire tonight. Master said that He would make an appearance. No problem there. I was toying with the idea of going with Him. He didn't say I had to. So I thought about it. It wasn't until later anyway. So I had time.

Master and I ate dinner and watched a movie. I have been fighting a migraine all damn week and apparently today was no different. It was on again off again. At some point during the movie I passed out. I would say it was for no more than a hour. I could be wrong. But either way, I woke up just as Master was turning off the TV and all that. I sat up a little bit and He said He was going to go clean out the grill since it should be cool enough to do so. He also said He was going to sit out there for a little while.

So I got up and got dressed. It took me a little bit because I had to use the bathroom and close all the doors as well. I closed all the doors so the dog wouldn't get into anything while we sat outside, since he was staying in. He's never actually gotten into anything while we've been outside but it's something we do just to be safe rather than sorry.

I was sitting out there for about five minutes when the neighbor who had been evicted last year walked past. Master said hi so he stopped by and said he was going down to the fire. Master said, "Yeah we'll be down in a little bit."

I didn't say anything. Master didn't have any shoes on so He went back in. I gathered all my stuff and when in too. I wasn't angry or anything along those lines. He wanted to go be social for a while and get out of the apartment. I totally understand that. Just because I'm mainly anti-social doesn't mean I don't understand His wanting to be social.

But I had made up my mind that since my headache hadn't fully gone away, even with the nap, and the fact that I didn't really feel like being social. Work has been stressing me out and sometimes it just feels like I don't actually get to relax at home until the weekend and even then it's only if we don't have a shit ton of errands or other things going on.

I wanted to stay home. I said that and Master said, "Okay."

I thought that was the end of it. Like I said, I wasn't mad. I wasn't upset at all that He wanted to go down there. But His demeanor had changed. He seemed irritated. So I asked Him if He was mad at me. I asked that in particular because the moment I said I wasn't going down was exactly when His demeanor changed. He said He wasn't mad but, "It just figures."

I don't exactly remember what I said back, even though the conversation only took place about 20 minutes ago. But I do remember I didn't say it with a tone or anything. I think I asked Him what He meant. He said that it figures that I don't want to be social and that I had been last summer. I said it has been hot as fuck this summer and He said that it had been last year too.

He's right. It was hot as fuck last summer, but last summer at least the nights were a bit cooler and we were actually talking to all of these people on a very consistent basis. 

This summer up until tonight it hadn't been cooler at all. It had still been muggy as fuck. And we haven't talked to any of them but once or twice since last summer. But for as much as He said He's not mad I think He is still ticked a little bit. Just by the fact that I didn't want to go down there.

I guess I get that too. He wants to spend time with me. But I'm not going to be any fun if I don't want to be down there. And so I would rather not be a wet blanket. I don't want to ruin His good time.

Another reason why I didn't want to go down there is because if you get a couple of beers in any of those people, which they will be, they just tell the same stories over and over again. Most drunk people I know do that. And I find it incredibly annoying. Master I think is more used to it from His past friends.

I also think He's a little ticked because right before He walked out the door, He said, "Well if you need me I'll be down there." I guess it was more the way He said it.

I don't know. Maybe in a little while I will wander down there. But right now my head is still bothering me a bit and like I said I don't want to ruin His fun by being cranky. I just hope it doesn't ruin the rest of the night once I go out there, if I go out there, or He comes back in for the night. I'm still not angry or mad. He knows this about me and while it is something about me that can annoy Him at times, it's still part of who I am. When it comes to a social life I prefer Him and our families. Just like there are things about Him that annoy me but are part of who He is.

Like I said, I really hope that regardless of whether or not I go down there that it doesn't ruin the rest of the night once we're inside for the night. We've had a great weekend so far. A lot of laughing and goofing around and incredible sex. I don't want something stupid like this putting a damper on it. I don't know. Maybe I should just shut my mouth, go down there, and try to have fun because I know that's what He would prefer. After all, I'm His slave and that's what a good slave would do. I'm also His wife and that's what a good wife would do.

And now I've talked myself into it.

No comments:

Post a Comment