As soon as that kicked in, about a half hour after taking them, I went to bed. Which sucked because I had another 45 minutes before my bedtime! (Yes, I have a bedtime.) I never want to go to bed early unless I'm not feeling well. Never.
So last night I took them literally right before I went off to bed. I didn't want to experience that again. And I'll do the same thing tonight.
But the reason why I'm nervous about it is because I'm worried that he'll want to switch the medication I'm on. I don't like that idea. Although, I'd rather completely switch medications rather than being put on two medications. But, if it's something he thinks is best I would have to go with. It's not like I'd have a choice. I mean, I can't put a gun to the guy's head and make him write out a prescription.
Don't get me wrong. I trust my shrink. But the idea of switching to a completely different medication makes me feel anxious. I don't know what that medication is going to do to me. I don't know how I'm going to feel on them. I don't know if they will work. I don't know what kind of side effects it'll cause. Hell, on a medication I was on in addition to my current pills, my sex drive was completely dead.
I'm all for being sane(ish) but I'd like to keep my sex drive thank you very much. I'm only 30 years old for fuck's sake. (No pun intended.) I also don't want to be on something that is going to make me a zombie. I don't want to be on something that will make me Little Miss Sunshine 24/7 either. I'd like to be able to react and actually feel things. The ups and the downs. As long as I don't go completely manic, or into a state of illogical rage, or into that deep pit of depression, I'm happy. Basically I just want to be balanced out, which is what my current medication does.
I'm not about to lie to the man and tell him I've experienced no effects what so ever. He can't help me if I lie. At least I realize I need the help though.
I fought it for a long, long time. I didn't want to admit that I needed medication. But when I did it was like a light bulb went off. And then I was all for it. I started callings places covered by my insurance the very next day. And I'm very glad I did. That was about three years ago now. Close to it anyway. And I must say I feel like a completely different person. I feel like me.
It's your body and mind. It's worth having a conversation with the doctor about your concerns if he wants you to switch or add a medication. A good doctor will try to make recommendations keeping the patients' concerns in mind. He may tell you that he really thinks x is a better way to go, but if you absolutely didn't want to switch, he should give you the option of staying as you are. Any doctor who would point blank refuse any options other than "new med" or "nothing" when you've had something that was working for ages, isn't worth their license and is worth ditching for a new doctor. This is especially true when it comes to psychiatrists prescribing meds to treat mental illness because most of those meds need to be gradually reduced and not stopped cold turkey.
ReplyDeleteAlyson, I'm still very new to the whole shrink thing. Well, I am and I'm not. I think I was getting myself more worked about it than I needed to. He kept me on the same medication and the same dosage. I'll do a full post about it soon. :)
ReplyDelete