That Girl

There is a part of me that I down play a lot. And I do mean a lot. Just what the hell am I talking about, right? I mean I'm open and all that about mostly everything else. I'm loud. I swear a lot. Generally I have an attitude to me.

But there is something that I down play only because I don't want to be known as that girl. And no I'm not talking about our dynamic, my being submissive or my sexuality in general. The only thing I can really think to do to explain it is to delve into it instead of just hinting at it in length.

I do not consider myself a goth. I do not consider myself emo. In fact I'd rather be labeled as a goth. A lot of people would say I'm rather morbid. A little sick in the head.

I enjoy walking in cemeteries. I think some mausoleums are beautiful and wish I could have one that nice when I pass.

I like creepy shit. I love ceramic pieces that are skeletons, skulls, graveyards, etc. In fact I have a crystal skull. It's small but it's so damn pretty. I absolutely love it. I wish I could afford to have a collection of them in varying sizes.

A lot of people would say I get this from my father. He has his whole house dedicated to that kind of stuff year round. It just gets worse at Halloween. *laughs* He has four coffins. Two of them he built himself, another is a local theater prop that they weren't using anymore and the last one? Yeah. A real coffin. It is one that a local funeral home had been using as a "renter". Basically when a body is to be cremated, nine times out of ten they use a renter coffin for the wake. He owns an antique embalming table. And I inherit these things when he passes. Yes, I will be keeping a few of them if I have the room to do so.

He owned a hearse (again, yes a real one) for many years and he actually let me drive it when I got my learner's permit. Eventually he just couldn't afford to keep up with the repairs it needed to stay in good working order. So he sold it. Now he is saving up for another one and I'm trying to help him with that because it's not an easy car to find for sale. Especially an older one. All of the ones I'm finding online that are even remotely in the area are all 1990 and higher. Hell, there was a 2001! And you're damn straight I'm going to ask to drive it as soon as he gets another one.

But anyway.... yeah. That's basically what I normally down play a lot. My Husband is literally the only one who knows how I exactly think and feel about such things. Yes, not even my father knows all of it. I even down play it a bit with him. Why? I don't know.

For instance I want a black and gray tattoo on my right forearm of a skull and a rose. I want a long stemmed rose that goes the length of my forearm with a skull peeking out from behind it. Why? Because I love the image and actually find it somewhat romantic as it reminds me of some of my favorite Edgar Alan Poe poems.

So what made me want to write this post suddenly? Well, oddly enough it's something Master did on a social network site. He posted this picture and typed out that it reminds Him of me:

It doesn't seem like much. Most people would just raise an eyebrow or maybe even chuckle a bit but would move on. But it made me think of how I am and who I am and how it really sucks that I have always down played that to the point that I don't even collect the things I mentioned above because I don't want to be seen as that girl. Never mind almost no one ever visits, but still... That's sad.

So fuck it. The next time I see something along those lines that I like and can afford I'm fucking buying it and displaying it on the computer desk.

And I'm getting that damn tattoo. Yes, I stopped myself from doing that for the exact same reason.