Frisky

I remembered something yesterday while Master and I were going through our mostly lazy day. I had forgotten how frisky Master gets after we have anal sex. Don't get me wrong, He loves coping feels and smacking me on the ass, etc. It's not like He doesn't do such things normally, but there is a definite upswing. It just becomes more apparent I guess. And apparently, now that I have realized how intense an orgasm can be during anal sex I stepped it up a notch as well.

For most of the day we were making small little comments, kind of like flirting but dirtier. He would slap me on the ass, I would grab His crotch, etc. At one point I was in the kitchen wearing one of His long sleeve jean shirts because I was chilled. I was standing at the counter grabbing something from one of the shelves. He came up behind me, grabbed my hips and rubbed His crotch against my ass. I giggled and pushed back.

Like I said, we can be like that normally but yesterday there was quite a bit more of it than usual.

He took me to the bedroom about mid afternoon. The sex was fucking amazing. We relaxed and joked around in the living room after that. As the night went on, after I had taken my medication, I started to wind down a bit. I was starting to get a little sleepy and was about to doze off on the couch. After all I had to get up to go to work in the morning, so I figured sleeping earlier than usual was okay.

Master had other plans. *smirks* He told me He was going to tuck me in. I protested a little bit until it finally dawned on me that He wasn't saying I had to go to bed right away. I know, I said I was tired and winding down but I wanted to stay by Him in the living room if I was going to sleep. So when He first said tuck me in I protested because I wanted to be by Him. But hey, fucking is better!

He was quite rough with me. My ass was of course still sore but in a way that it was more like a nice reminder rather than an "ow... ow....ow.." That lube works wonders!

After allowing me to cum several times He put me on my stomach and pinned my arms down while hooking His legs under mine so I literally couldn't move. This position means one thing and one thing only, I will not be getting off any longer. It may sound weird that we have a position like that, but we do.

He refers to this position as Him using me as a masturbation toy. As He was fucking me hard, deep and unforgiving He told me that He was going to use me to masturbate to the thought of one day fucking my ass (literally) while in that position. That made me both nervous and excited at the same time. Nervous because I have a feeling that is going to take some getting used to and I'm not sure how my body is going to react the first time and excited because I'm already in toy mode in that position so add anal to the mix and yeah, deep sub space to say the least. I become really, really submissive before, during and after anal sex. I'm not sure why. I have a feeling it has something to do with it being a completely different sort of intimacy and also it is a service I know He absolutely loves and desires. To me it is one of the most ultimate forms of submission. I sometimes wonder if He do views that in the same light I do. I've never really asked.

But as He's fucking me and growling such things in my ear I'm mentally getting off on it. (I would be literally getting off I was allowed to... but that as well is something that mentally gets me off..) As a result I start talking dirty to Him as well. It's not that I don't ever do that but it is somewhat of a rariety beyond the "Master" ... "Please Daddy"... "Oh my God!"

So I started telling Him how I loved the feeling of His thick cock stretching my tight asshole. I told Him how much I had enjoyed it. That threw Him over the edge and He came inside my pussy and laid on top of me for a little while.

I was then actually tucked in and told to go to bed.

Thoughts of this weekend and the different intensities of the sex we had ran through my head all day. It's a great thing to have running through your mind while you're stuck at work.

Training? What Training?

A while back I did a post about how we were going to start my anal training once again. I also mentioned that we had bought a new lube. Well, tonight while watching porn with Master I said that we should probably start on my training again. We have been doing some things, but not anything larger than a small anal toy. And even then it wasn't for long and not frequent at all. Part of that is because Master wants me to bring it up so I can be more relaxed about it. I've posted about how I get nervous about it. Of course this porn had a lot of anal sex in it, which is what kicked off that whole thought process. He agreed that yes, we should start my anal training again. So a little after we finished watching the porn we headed off to the bedroom.

Master started by getting me really worked up by sucking and licking my nipples. He then knelt up and fingered my pussy while I stroked His cock. He asked me if I wanted Him to eat me out and I of course said yes. That man knows how to use His mouth, let me tell ya.

As He was licking my clit and fingering my pussy I asked Him to finger my ass. He did and when I got off it felt amazing. It was a very intense orgasm.

He had me suck His cock for a while and when He pulled me up I knelt in front of Him and asked if we could try anal. I think this took Him by surprise as I had mentioned training and here I am asking for Him to try and shove His thick cock up my ass.

This isn't me gloating. Seriously, His cock is very thick.

He said we could try. I think I asked if He would be mad if we had to stop about three times. He said that we would try and if I couldn't no big deal. He bent me over and fucked my pussy for a little while first. That always seems to help.

Then He grabbed the Maximus lube, which is the new lube we bought. He lubed Himself up and applied some to me as well. I was on my knees, holding myself up with my hands and my back was arched. Initially it hurt. I won't lie. But it wasn't overly painful. It wasn't a get the hell away from me kind of pain.

I simply asked Him to apply more lube. He did and I played with my clit while He slowly worked His cock into me. I grabbed the lube bottle without saying a word, put some on my hand and reached back so I could rub some more on the underside of His cock. As soon as I did that I was able to relax a bit more.

I then slowly lowered my head and shoulders to the mattress, keeping my ass in the air as He continued to fuck it. I always seem to shake a little when He's fucking me in the ass. But I took a few deep breathes and stopped playing with my clit. If I always have to play with my clit in order to "stand" the sensation then the training isn't going to go anywhere. Yes, I know, Him fucking me in the ass isn't really training. But I still saw it as such.

Once I stopped playing with my clit I had to focus on staying relaxed. It didn't take long before I really started getting into it. The concentrating seemed to be helping a lot. And then, as if a light switch was flipped I really, really started to enjoy it. I was about to get off, and get off hard. I knew I needed permission to cum so I quickly squeaked out a "Please Master!" He told me I could cum and that's all it took. It was a very different and very fucking intense orgasm. The orgasm didn't stop it just seemed to roll into the next one.

As the second orgasm peaked I felt Master cumming as well. This only heightened all of the sensations that were already lighting up my nervous system.

I asked Him to slowly pull out. We both got cleaned up and we were both shaky. I know His orgasm was as incredibly intense as mine were.

 We went into the living room and we were both still in a daze. As we were coming down from the amazing body buzz He said, "I am so fucking proud of you!"

That made me smile from one ear to the other. I had done it. Not only did I have His cock in my ass but I had my first ever anal only orgasm.

I've cum during anal sex before but it's only been when I'm playing with my clit enough to get off. But not this time. The only thing that triggered my orgasm was Him fucking me in the ass.

I told Him that the only reason I wanted to actually just go ahead and try it is because I felt so relaxed while He was fingering my ass. So I wanted to see if I could.

I'm still shaky as hell. Master and I agree though that the new lube helped a lot. It wasn't sticky and didn't seem to "wear off". It was great!

I know, some of you who have anal sex a lot are probably reading this like it's no big deal. But trust me, to me it is. Especially the anal only orgasm.

I'm also not as sore as I thought I would be. I mean, I'm sore as hell don't get me wrong, but it's not a "Dear God why the hell did I do that?!" kind of pain. I feel great actually. Finally, I was able to please Master in that way, which is something I haven't been able to do in quite some time. I want to keep working at it though so it can become something we do more frequently. Now that I felt how that kind of orgasm felt I'm hoping I can reach that again. I know Master won't mind trying. *smirks*

P.S. - I really hope this post makes sense. *laughs* I'm am really out of it right now.

Short List

There is a lot of shit going down right now. What kind of shit? Shit I won't talk about here. Master and I are fine. It's just... family related. Everyone is fine... it's just... annoying and stressful. I'll leave it at that.

It's times like these though where you find out how much you can actually rely on people. And I mean that in a good way. This situation is going to be ongoing. So I know that I'll be leaning on Master quite a bit. But thankfully He can handle that. He gets very protective and part of that protection is being able to hold both Himself and, if need be, He can hold me up.

Have you ever heard anyone say, "I wouldn't know what to do without you?" or "I'd go crazy without you?"

Yeah, those two sentences are very, very true when it comes to Master and I. We both know that when shit goes south we have the other one right there going through it with you, step by step. We have proven that time and time again.

This may sound horrible or it may sound good, I'm not sure which. But there are a total of four people, four very essential people, that keep me sane. Master is obviously one of them.

I know I'm being vague as hell and honestly I can't think of a lot I can actually write about regarding this particular subject.

So why bother posting about it?

Because in a very small way, it helped me get some of this off my chest. Also, just seeing those words: "four very essential people" is something that has been running through my head all day.

It doesn't sound like a lot of people. But when you sit down and try and think about who you know, without a shadow of doubt, that will be there when you need them and that they will know exactly how to help and can keep you going, that list shortens up rather quickly.

I consider myself lucky that my list is as long as it is. Some people have less and some don't have anyone like that at all.

Permanent Markings

One thing I've noticed about blogging every other day rather than blogging every day is that I have time to kind of think about my posts. I mean, obviously I have time every day. But when it was an every day occurrence it was just mainly day to day stuff or things that happened on the weekends that my mind seems to focus on. But lately I've had some deeper thoughts and I'm trying to focus more on Master and I rather than focusing on the other shit. I prefer it this way. As I've said I can post every day if I want to. But I am required to write every other day. I've also noticed that my posts seem to be longer as well. I think it's because I have more time to brain storm and I don't feel like, "Ugh. What the hell do I write about tonight?!"

The reason why that thought ran through my head is because yesterday and today I had my last post swimming around in my brain on and off. I was saying how symbols of my submission to Him are important. I had also rambled on about the fact that I miss Him being able to yank me around by my collar.

I have markings that I cannot take off. I was saying how my wedding ring will never be off my finger. Well, aside from the small stuff like putting lotion on my hands or things of that nature. You know, normal shit.

The markings I am talking about are related to body modification. There are two tattoos that I have that directly relate to Master. I don't have His name or initials tattooed on me. We had toyed with the idea of having His initials done in a stylized way. I already know the design I want. It's kind of looks like a brand. I know where I would put it too. I don't have a lot of room left but I need to do keep it so I can cover it with short sleeves. As a result I think on the back of my neck would be perfect. I have thick hair and I hardly wear my hair up. And when I do, it's not at work. So my hair would keep it covered. My hair is finally getting longer. It's just past the tips of my shoulder blades, which is damn near the middle of my back.

Little side jump: Master doesn't want me cutting my hair short again. He likes it but He prefers my hair long. I don't know if I had already mentioned that or not. But if not, now I have.

Like I said, my hair would cover the back of the neck tattoo. Master seems to like the idea for a little while and then goes back to not being sure. It's not like He thinks it's a horrible idea or doesn't like the idea of me having His initials, it's simply because He's not sure if He'd like the look of it. He does like the design and the placement makes sense to Him though. He's just see-sawing with the idea. Until He's sure I'm obviously not going to start saving up for it though. That just wouldn't make sense and I would get excited about it only for Him to possibly change His mind. That would suck.

The funny thing is, if I got His initials done it would be my thirteenth tattoo. That honestly just struck me and I found it amusing.

However, as I've said, I do have two tattoos directly related to Him. One is an abstract broken circle design with a sigil inside. He has the same one, but with a different sigil on the inside of it. It looks similar enough though that you can tell they are connected. The other one is the word slave spelled out in Enochian as an arm wrap directly above the tattoo I described above. Both of these were designed by Him.

Then of course there are the other tattoos He designed for me. They don't have anything to do with a tattoo that matches His or that directly relates to my submission. He designed a wolf which is on my shoulder and a thigh wrap on my left leg.

And last but not least is the scar He gave me before any of His tattoo designs touched my skin. He wanted a way to mark me and mark me He did. He took a knife and did a quick swipe along the left side of my chest, going upward, just above my breast. It's hard to explain. But basically the cut went a little deeper than expected. It wasn't dangerous. It was just a little deeper and wider than expected. It turned out beautifully though. That was done about, oh, eight or seven and a half years ago. Yes, it was rather early on in our relationship. It was within the first year to a year and a half into our relationship.

So, while He can't drag me around by them, they are there permanently. Well, at the very least they aren't coming off without expensive and painful tattoo removal. I just don't see that happening.

I Belong To Him

Back in January Master and I had to retire my collar. It is now towards the end of April. I have gotten more used to it. Part of the reason, I feel, is because I can still wear my cuff. Thankfully my skin has not reacted to it at all. I think in part it is because the cuff is not as old as the collar and secondly the screw never really touches my skin. On my collar I always positioned it so that the screw was to one side. That side is the one that eventually caused my nickel allergy to act up. Well, that's where it was the worst anyway. The other side had a small reaction as well.

But there are times where I am very aware that it's not there any longer. I mean obviously I don't feel it anymore and I can touch all of my neck. I don't really react to that part anymore. I can touch my neck and not feel a twinge of sadness.

But yesterday was a good example of it sometimes becoming very apparent that I no longer can wear my collar.

Master and I were in the bedroom and He had just finished fucking me. I had been allowed to get off several times and He wanted me to finish Him with my mouth. So He knelt up and grabbed my neck to get me to move. He used to just grab my collar and pull me by it. Right then I felt that twinge for a few seconds. I didn't get upset or anything it was just that brief moment and I snapped out of it quickly and sucked His cock just the way He likes it and was rewarded by His cum being shot down my throat.

Trust me, the man has very big hands. He has absolutely no problem grabbing me by the neck and making me do what He wants me to do. He is still manhandling me and basically not giving me any other option but to do what He wants me to do.

He can grab my neck, He can grab my hair, He can do anything He wants and/or needs to do to physically make me obey, even if I am not resisting and He just feels like doing so.

But He used to grab my collar a lot. He found it very amusing that He could just grab my collar and force me head up or down, back and forth.

I think He misses it sometimes too.

But a collar does not make me submissive to Him. My cuff doesn't do that either. It's just what I am and what I do. That doesn't mean I can't miss it though. Having some kind of fabric collar/choker has crossed my mind. But then I would run into the problems of how it attaches. For example, if it has metal or then what is the metal made of. Why fabric? Well, Master and I thought that a new metal collar would be too "out of place" when I'm looking for a new job or get into another office enviroment. So would a leather one, which I also used to wear before the metal one became my permanent collar. I think in part, that is why I felt so sad when it had to come off. I couldn't wear it on my days off or when I came home even. I had built it up in my mind that I would always be able to wear it at some point. Maybe not every day, but sometimes.

A fabric one would just basically be something I would wear to make me feel better and would still be a symbol. The other problem with a fabric one is that He wouldn't be able to yank me around with it. And again with the leather the problem would be how it would fasten. Most are metal. I hate having a nickel allergy.

Do I need a symbol? No. I am His no matter what I am or am not wearing. One day the cuff may have to come off as well.

But there is one symbol that will never be off permanently. My wedding ring. That is really the only thing I need to wear to show that I am His. I don't need to kinky symbols. I don't need something that He can use to tug me around. The ring is everything. It is a sign that I belong to Him in more ways than one.

My Body Hates Me

Today was really bad pain wise. I have no idea why it flared up so badly today. Maybe it has to do with the weather. Maybe it has to do with stress. Maybe my body just does not like me at all today.

Whatever the reason it hit right around noon. This made the afternoon seem to drag on forever. There I am, popping Tylenol and Ibuprofen to try and feel better while still busting my tail to keep up with my work flow. It wasn't going that well. I still got a lot done but when I got in the car and was heading home it all kind of hit me at once. I think it has to do with the fact that I wasn't moving anymore. I was just sitting there. I couldn't really stretch in ways that would help either. It was all in my shoulders and lower back. Well, when you're sitting in the back seat of a small car, even at my height, you can't really stretch all that much.

So for the 45 minute drive home I basically just kept adjusting how I was sitting. I would alleviate some of the pain in my lower back but then my shoulders would hurt worse than before and the other way around.

When I walked in the door Master immediately asked me what was wrong. I knew I probably looked like hell. When I'm in that kind of pain I look pale and tired as hell and I tend to wince when I'm walking.

I got comfortable by getting undressed and putting on one of His jean shirts. When I'm in a lot of pain or not feeling well I love wearing one of His shirts. I don't know why but it makes me feel better. I'm weird that way. Maybe it's a security/comfort thing. You know how when you're a little kid you have that one blanket or stuffed animal that always helped when you weren't feeling well or were scared?

Well, when I was a little kid it was a blanket. Now? It's Master's shirts. I have one of His jean button down shirts and three t-shirts. Two Alice Cooper shirts and one Disturbed shirt.

After dinner He had me lay on the floor and gave me a long back massage. It helped a lot.

Since I haven't gone to a doctor specifically for my fibromyalgia in about ten years I don't have any prescription strength pain killers and no muscle relaxers at all. I've thought about going to a doctor again for it. I hate the thought because they always just want to shove me full of pills and trigger point injections. Yes, those pills are really handy when it's really bad but back when I went they wanted me to take them all the time. Every day, twice a day. And trigger point injections hurt like a son of a bitch, let me tell you.

I've done trigger point injections, ultrasound massages, a chiropractor, physical therapy, traction, and acupuncture. The works basically. Nothing really helped long term. It was all immediate relief that would last for a little while and then hit me full force again.

But it seems that it's just getting worse as I get older. I'm only 29 now. I hate to think of what it will be like when I'm 40 or 50 or 60, etc. Maybe I can find a doctor that won't just want to pump me full of drugs and just give them to me for when I need them.

I'm only playing with the idea currently. And since I'm currently trying to find new employment I'm not sure how wise it would be to start looking for a doctor now rather than waiting to see what my new insurance would cover.

Foot In The Door

It seems that this whole not freaking out at work thing is working. I've been calm at work and still knocking it out just fine. In fact, I'm more caught up than I thought I would be.

On my lunch break I called that head hunter as I hadn't heard from him since his last e-mail last Wednesday. I waited because I didn't want to seem pushy. I was fully expecting to get his voice mail. Surprisingly he answered. I told him that I was just following up. And it was a good thing I did. He hadn't submitted my resume to that job he told me about because he had thought the interviews were over shortly after he had spoken to me. He just found out that interviews are actually being held late this week and early next week. So he said he would go ahead and submit my resume to them today.

This is the first head hunter I've ever dealt with, so I have no idea how this works. One thing I know for sure is that it's completely up to the company in question as to whether or not I get an interview. I figure if I don't hear anything by next week Wednesday then the company isn't interested in me.

Master says I should probably still reach out to the head hunter to see if they have anything else available. I just don't want to seem pushy or anything like that. Like I said, I've never dealt with this before. Hell, I've only dealt with a temp company once and that was to get my foot in the door at the place that eventually hired me after my 90 days with the temp place. Other than that it's always been me applying directly and it goes from there.

So I figure I'll keep tossing my resume out there and see what happens. I'm not going to totally rely on the head hunter, obviously.

Honestly I haven't been doing that very much lately. I don't think I've tossed my resume out in about two weeks. I need to get back at that. Maybe I'll do that tonight. I'll take a peek at the job websites and see what's out there. Hopefully I'll come across something that I can apply for.

If I get an interview for the job the head hunter is applying me for, great! If not, I'm not going to cry over it. I really do want the job, don't get me wrong. Why? Well, I know I can do it and I know the pay is really damn good. Significantly more than I'm currently making. Yeah, it'll suck and I'll be slightly bummed if nothing comes of it but what are you gonna do?

Nothing but keep trying to get my foot in the door somewhere.

My job doesn't suck or anything. Although at this point I do feel a bit underpaid simply because of how much the job has changed. It's a hell of a lot more difficult than it was even six months ago. But ya know, you don't get paid more just because the job gets more difficult. You go in, you do your job and you collect your paycheck and shut up.

Don't Freak Out

Not a lot going on. I'm still busy as hell at work. Nothing new there. I walked into work this morning and I saw the work that was waiting for me. I kind of surprised myself in regards to my reaction. Last week and the week before that and so on I would stress myself the hell out. I wouldn't know where to begin and I'd just be so worn out mentally by the time I got home that I was basically a bump on a log. No fun for Master and no fun for me. When I'm at home I'd rather be able to carry a conversation or at the very least joke around.

But today as I started at my computer and the paperwork on my desk I decided that I wasn't going to freak out about it anymore.

It's not that I won't still bust my tail. Trust me I did plenty of that today. But I just decided that I wasn't going to freak out about it or let it stress me to the point that I basically want to do nothing but sleep once I'm home.

Plus freaking out doesn't make me any more productive. I'm just as productive, if not more so, when I just keep myself calm and take it as it comes. I actually think I was able to get more work done today because of it. I didn't feel overwhelmed even though there was so much to do. I just calmly did my work. I felt more focused that way as well.

I think the great sex last night helped though. I was in a great mood last night when I went to bed and I woke up in a good mood. I was tired as hell because I didn't sleep well, but I was still in a good mood.

As the work day went by I did start to feel a little tense mentally. But then I took a deep breath and felt better because of it.

Hopefully I can keep this outlook on my work. I'm not giving up, I'm not just saying fuck it. I'm just not freaking out about it. I have a tendency of doing that. If things are busy at work I tend to just get worried about getting it all done and what if I don't and how bad is it going to be tomorrow, etc and so on. But I was pleased with how much I got done and the fact that I kept calm the entire day. Like I said though, hopefully I can keep doing that.

Weekend For Family

Yesterday Master and I went out to lunch with His father and two youngest sisters. We went up by them since they normally come down to us. We still met at a restaurant and just sat and talked while we ate. His two youngest sisters are 14 and 10. Apparently His dad decided he just really liked making children... He has five. Master is the oldest.

When we first met His two youngest sisters they were both a little shy. Master and His father had a falling out a long time ago. And they started talking again about three years ago. At that time Master didn't even know He had these two other siblings. So it was something everyone had to get used to. But yesterday while Master was talking with His dad His two little sisters showed me that they are really warming up to me. They told me what they are going to be doing over the summer and what their interests are. The 14 year old is going to state for her choir competitions. The 10 year old is doing great in her soccer tournaments. They are both very intelligent and very active kids. But wow. Someone put a quarter in both those girls. *smiles* I barely got a word in but it made me smile that they felt that comfortable with me. Especially the 14 year old. She's really a shy kid. I know she does all these competitions, etc. but one on one she is a really shy girl.

It was a great time and everyone enjoyed themselves.

Today I went down to visit my mother and brother. Master was going to come with as well but when He got up this morning He wasn't feeling well at all. So I went by myself.

We talked and had a good time. My mom wanted to run to the store. But now that she has a car again she wanted to take her car rather than me driving. So I got to ride in her car for the first time. It's a really nice car. It's huge. Well, actually it's a mid-size car. But when you're used to a PT Cruiser, when you get in a mid-size car you feel like you're in a boat of a car.

She seemed really proud of it. She had gone without a car for two years because her last one died and she couldn't afford to replace it at the time. She had been relying on my brother and his car during that time since he lives there. She saved up the past two years and bought her current car and she absolutely loves it. It made me smile. Mom shared some distant family drama about one of my first cousins. That particular cousin is a bitch and a drama queen to boot. So mom shared that info and we both griped about her for a little bit.

When I left there I went to the pet store. Our dog needed a new leash. Now that he is larger than he was when we bought his leash about a year ago we decided it would probably be a good idea to get a new one. I wanted something really durable. The problem was that when I got to the pet store I couldn't really find anything that wasn't a tie out that had the weight limit on it. So I started to get a little discouraged. I kept looking though. Finally I found a regular 6ft leash that had a weight posted on it. It said for dogs up to 90lbs. Well, our dog is probably between 75 to 80lbs so it was perfect. I bought that, some rabbit litter and some treats for the dog.

The leash had a price tag of $25 on it. It was more than I though I was going to spend on a leash but since it had a weight listed on it and I felt safer with that I didn't mind paying a little extra. The cool thing was that when I got up to the counter I found out that all three things were on sale due to the store perks card! Yay!

The rabbit litter was $23 and rang up as $20. The dog treats were $8 and rang up as $5. The leash was marked as $25 and rang up as $10! Rock on!

When I took the pup out this afternoon I did notice that the leash felt stronger. I don't really know how to describe it. It just felt different, in a good way.

Tomorrow I don't know if we're going to run errands or not. But Master did say we might go to Dunkin Doughnuts to get coffee and a doughnut for like a brunch type thing. That will be nice.

500,000

Well, I've been blogging for about five years now. Some where around there. I know that I started either right before or right after we got married. I know that the dates on the blog don't add up but that's because when I moved the blog the file size was too large to transfer it all. So I had to cut some of it off. I decided cutting off the older stuff was smarter, obviously. It sucks that I was only able to transfer from 2009 forward though. Oh well, I'm glad I moved the blog.

Well, yesterday, at some point, my blog counter (which is carried over from my original blog site) hit 500,000 visitors! Half a million! That's so fucking awesome! I know some of you have been reading me for a very, very long time. And I appreciate that you keep coming back. I really do. I'm glad that you enjoy reading about my weird life and crazy ramblings. *grins*

I also know that some of you are newer to reading my blog. And I appreciate you all stopping by as well!

There is a change coming though. It's not bad. It's not horrible or anything like that.

Master and I have been talking. My asking to be able to skip posts has been rising lately. Partly due to me being worn out and partly due to the fact that I don't know what to write about. But since the rule was that I had to post every night I did my best to do so. As a result, some of my posts were really fucking short because I just couldn't think of anything.

So, Master has authorized me to post every other day rather than every single day. So I'm not going anywhere, I just won't be posting every day. I'll be posting every other day. Now, of course, if I have something to say or I just feel like blogging I can do as many posts as I want. It's not like I'm restricted to just posting every other day. It's just I have the option of only posting every other day. But whether I post every day or not, I still hope you guys will continue to come by and visit.

Trying Not To Get My Hopes Up

I am currently trying not to get my hopes up. Why? Well, it started this afternoon when Master called me. I had just gotten off my lunch break. He started off by saying that He was hoping to catch me before my lunch break. Well, I took my lunch at 11:30am and He called at noon. So, that part didn't work out that well. When He said that though it sparked my curiosity. It turns out that there was a voice mail on the home phone when He got back from running some errands. A head hunter agency (not a temp agency) had called to speak with me regarding a job opening one of their clients have. And it's a very, very well known head hunting company in this area.

That was the reason He wanted to catch me before I went on lunch. He was hoping I could use my lunch break to call this person back as the voice mail had hinted that it was a damn good job.

So the fact that I had already taken a lunch sucked. I don't get 15 minute breaks. So, I thought about it for a moment and then decided to call him on my work phone. I was really nervous about doing it but I wanted to hop on this as soon as possible in case it leads somewhere. Plus, I figured if anyone heard me I would just say that I'm looking for a second job.

I didn't get him on the first call though. I left him a voice mail and then waited about an hour and called again. Thankfully the second time I was able to get a hold of him. I was grateful that he understood the fact that I am at my job, on their phone. So he understood why I couldn't go into great detail with my answers at that time. But the job he described sounded wonderful.

He told me that he would send me an e-mail (my personal e-mail) with a further description of the job and asked that I get back to him as soon as possible to let him know if I was interested or not. It was the "as soon as possible" part that made me even more interested.

Since this was a little after 1pm I figured that the e-mail would be there when I got home. When it wasn't I worried that maybe he had copied it off my resume incorrectly. I didn't want to seem pushy but I decided to call him anyway.

He was actually glad that I had called him. He hadn't sent the e-mail just yet, as he was literally in the process of doing so when I called him. I apologized for that and he said that he was glad that I called as I could now speak more freely.

He seemed incredibly pleased with my answers and said he would send the e-mail as soon as I got off the phone with him and asked me to please respond as soon as possible. He stressed that their client actually prefers obtaining people from my current employer due to experience, etc. My current employer is also extremely well known in it's category.

So, I got the e-mail and the job sounds great! The pay? Yeah, more than I'm making now. And the drive is only 11 miles from our home rather than the 25.9 miles that my current job is. So I responded to the e-mail to let him know that I'm interested.

I'm excited about it, I won't lie. But I am keeping in mind that this isn't even an interview yet. He has to present my information to their client and then it's up to the client from there. But like I said, I'm excited. Being excited and not getting my hopes up is difficult. But I don't want to set myself up for disappointment anymore than I have to. Ya know? Regardless, at this point I'm feeling confident. After all, they came to me. I hadn't even applied with their head hunting company. They had come across my resume on one of the job posting websites and decided to contact me. To me, that's already a step in the right direction. So, I'm going to hope while trying to keep myself in check at the same time. I have a feeling this is going to drive me nuts until I know for sure.

Spread Out

The past four days I have felt really spread out. I don't feel all here and haven't since Thursday night. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Master commented on it though. He says even on the really rough days I feel all here and centered. I think that has to do with the fact that I've had to be that way just to get through the work day and I have a hard time letting that go once I get home. But the past four days I've just been mellow as hell and sleeping a lot. I'm not on a downward spiral or anything. I'm just catching my breath. I think this is my way of recharging myself right now.

It does suck that I've been sleeping so much though. Don't get me wrong Master and I have had a lot of time together. But because I've been so spread out and tired we haven't had sex really. He used me once by waking me up before He went to sleep and that's it. Like I said I've just felt really spacey and then when I crash I crash hard.

Today Master's back isn't the greatest but maybe in a little while we can correct the fact that we've only had sex once in four days.

Then again we haven't been having a lot of sex in general because I've been so wiped out and sore due to work. This isn't like us at all. Normally we have sex quite often. So this month or so with not a lot of sex going on is really, really odd. Thankfully it isn't affecting us outside of the bedroom. Neither are of us are blaming it on the other. We both know why. It's because my job is kicking my ass and I've been spread so thin for so long that my body isn't catching up very well at all.

I know for sure that tomorrow is going to suck. Hell it's probably going to really suck for quite some time yet. But I need to find a way of allowing myself to relax enough so I don't feel the need to just crash and burn every night and miss out on things I enjoy doing with Master, such as fucking.

I know He's not mad at me and I know He understands, so at least that much.

Neighbors

Not a lot has been going on this weekend. It's mainly random stuff that we just feel like doing at the moment. Today we decided to go sit on the porch with the dog again for a while.

When we were out there Master went to check the mail and as He was walking back one of our neighbors started talking to him as he is constantly seeing our dog and saying how handsome he is. Well he introduced himself, his wife, and some other people. I stayed on the porch with the dog. Even though he is tethered to a metal post I don't like leaving him unattended. Granted Master could look over the bushes and see us but I'm still not comfortable with it.

Master and I don't really go out of our way to get to know our neighbors. We're friendly. We say hi and things of that nature but we don't introduce ourselves or invite people over or anything like that.

Well, while Master was talking with this guy, Mike, he told Master that he sees us all the time and would like it if we came over for a barbeque or some beer or just sit around their fire pit for a while and talk. I've never been one to really want to mingle with neighbors. It's not anything against them, it's just I've never really gone out of my way to do it. In fact, I never go out of my way to mingle.

But since this guy offered and his wife agreed that they would love to have us over, there is no harm in going over every now and then to see if we would enjoy it. He said that he would stop by and let us know in advance when that sort of thing is going to happen so we can decide whether or not we want to go over. They are literally kiddy corner from our apartment.

I hear them all the time sitting out there with their little fire going and talking. They don't get obnoxious or anything like that. They honestly seem like really nice people.

So like I said, it may be interesting to just go over at least once. The only thing I've always been wary about in such situations is that lets say we do go over there and then decide we don't really want to do it again and say, "Um, yeah... we didn't have a good time sorry." It just seems rude to me. And then you still see them every day. Maybe that's why I don't mingle with neighbors regularly. But since they seem so nice maybe it'll just be an occasional thing that we do. I don't think they'd be offended if we said no thank you ever now and then.

I may seem like a bitch and Master may seem like an asshole but we can be very polite people, believe it or not. *laughs* 

The other thing is that these particular neighbors have other neighbors over all the time. In fact we are one of the few tenants in this apartment complex that don't get together with other neighbors. We've always pretty much kept to ourselves.

I'm actually hoping that when we do go over there we have a good time. It'll give us an excuse to get out of the apartment without having to go far at all. Yes, we'd be 30 seconds from our apartment but it's still getting out of the apartment and going to talk to other people for a while. Aside from our families we only really have two friends. One lives in Florida now and we don't hear from him a lot. The other lives about 25 minutes away but he's always wrapped up in his own stuff and is currently planning his wedding. That is the wedding Master will be one of the best men in. I have a feeling we won't hear from him too much until it gets a lot closer. The wedding is in November, so we have a ways to go yet on that one.

Who knows, maybe hanging out with these neighbors will turn out to be fun and a good thing. They are about 15 to 20 years older than us, but that doesn't mean we couldn't have a good time. And I also don't think we'd have a hard time striking up a conversation based on that age gap. They actually seem rather happy go lucky. Although I hope they don't get offended if I turn down the beer. I've never liked beer for one and the other thing is that I can't really drink a lot of alcohol with the meds I'm on. I've always been a light weight and my meds make me into more of one. I'll have one small Jack and Coke and be tipsy as hell.

We'll have to see how it goes.

Bath Time

We had been meaning to give our dog a bath for some time now. It was really nice out when we started thinking about doing it. But then it got cold again and then it was bouncing back and forth. Ugh.

We have always given our dogs baths at home. It's just cheaper and easier for us. We did that with our last pup and we have been doing it with our current one. Finally it was nice out enough. Now some of you may wonder why we were waiting for it to be nice out. Well, after we give the dog a bath we take him outside so he can sun bathe and we can brush him out without making a complete mess out of the apartment. Plus the extra fur can be used by birds to make a nest.

Our dog had baths all last spring, summer and fall and he didn't really mind them. He wasn't exactly happy about it but he would tolerate it just fine. But today for some reason he really didn't want to go in the tub. Master had to literally pick him up and put him in there. I then shut the door behind us so he couldn't run out. Once he was in the tub he was fine. Master is the one who washes the dog. I hand him the shampoo and large measuring cup (used to rinse) when He needs it. I also help make sure that he doesn't bolt out of the bathroom when it's done and start running around the apartment like a crazy wet dog. He gets really hyper after a bath.

So we made it through the bath and got him outside. After we brushed him we just sat on the little slab of concrete that is our porch and let him run around a little on his leash and lay in the grass.

As we were sitting there we were talking and decided that he is just too big to get baths at home now. Our last pup was, at his largest, 65lbs. Our current one is only three years old and he's on his way to 80lbs. The funny thing is he's not fat at all. Not even a little bit. He's all muscle. He's a very lean, tall and long dog.

Now when you consider the different between almost 80lbs and 65lbs it doesn't sound like a lot. But it really is. It's not that he misbehaves or anything like that. He doesn't. But since Master had to lift him and everything and he doesn't have much room to move around.

So the next time we are going to take him to a professional groomer. We don't want all the bells and whistles. We just want a bath and an ear cleaning. We don't want his nails touched. He has all black nails except for one on his rear paw. The quick in each nail is really long. He was a stray before we adopted him. We don't want to risk anything. Yes, I know they can stop the bleeding with a gel. But honestly he doesn't ever needs his nails trimmed. Believe it or not he trims his own nails. He will literally lay on the couch and start chewing on his nails until they are where he wants them. This includes his back paws. He just pulls them up to his face, pins them down with his front paws and commences his beauty treatment. The rest is taken care of when we take him for walks due to the concrete.

I called a local place that has pet grooming and they aren't expensive at all. We are, however, very particular. We only want oatmeal shampoo used. We don't want any "scenting". We just want him to get a bath, have his ears cleaned and dried. After that, we'll happily take him home.

Once he was dry enough we all went back into the apartment and he got treats for being such a good boy. He's been tired since then though. Lots of fresh air and excitement will do that.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

Master and I watch a lot of paranormal/paranatural TV shows. I mean a lot. We watched Ghost Hunters. Hate that show. Oh man those people are idiots. The main ones we watch are Destination Truth, Ghost Hunters International (mainly for the places they go) and my personal favorite, Ghost Adventures.

Why do we watch them? Because we find it interesting and we want to see where they go, what they find and what they do. Some of them are idiots and are way too dismissive in my eyes. Others seem to kind of know what they are doing most of the time. I think the reason why I like Ghost Adventures so much is because they places they go are interesting, they actually come up with really good evidence that you basically can't explain away and there are only three people, no camera crews at all and they are literally locked into the place they are investigating.

Master and I have talked about how cool it would be if we could have our own paranormal and/or paranatural TV show. We'd get to go to really interesting places and hopefully see some really interesting things.

Hell when we watch those kind of shows we're running our own little conversation in the background. Normally about "Yeah that's bullshit." or "What the hell drugs are they on?" or "They have no idea what they are doing." You know, small stuff like that. But then when the episode is done we'll have a small conversation about what we thought of it, how cool it would be to go to some of the places and do our own thing.

We're not running around and doing said things. Doing it here would be rather boring anyway. Not to mention we can't afford some of the "toys" they use on TV. But how cool would that be?! Pretty fucking awesome if you ask me. Hell, maybe we'd have our dog on as a special guest star. *grins*

Before I Crash

I figured I should get my blog post knocked out before my eyes get even more strained than they already are.

Today was another early day at work. I've been putting in a lot of 10 to 11.5 hour days at work lately. It's finally catching up with me. I've been sleeping okay but it hasn't been enough apparently. It wasn't really a problem until today. Today I started to feel my body letting me know that it's had enough for a while. I actually got a little worried for a while there. It wasn't anything serious. I felt fine for the first hour or two of work but then my eyes started to hurt as they are more strained than they usually are. I felt weak. That's the only way I can really describe it. I felt weak and shaky. I got dizzy a couple of times. And I know it wasn't due to my blood sugar. (I'm hypoglycemic.) A woman in my department had brought in muffins for everyone today. And they were huge muffins. I had one chocolate chip on and two blueberry ones. But it didn't seem to matter. The shaky feeling didn't really fully go away until about 2pm. I was thankful for that though since I had to drive home. Driving home when I feel weak and shaky is not a good idea.

When I got home I started to relax and I'm starting to realize how worn out I am. I'm sure I look like hell, although I don't think Master would agree. But to me, I look pale and I have dark bags under my eyes. I just feel like shit basically.

I know I only work in an office but I've been bouncing between different sleep schedules depending on what time I'm actually getting up for the past month and some nights I'm only getting four hours of full sleep before the alarm goes off. I'm glad I have tomorrow off and Monday off. It'll give me time to mend myself both physically and mentally. I feel sore and tired, thank you very much medical conditions, and mentally I just feel like I'm stretched to the limit. So yeah, I need the break. I know I'm not much for conversations when I'm at home and I know that I'm not really all that reactive either. It sucks because when I'm home I want to interact with Master as much as possible. But lately I've just been brain dead by the time I walk in the door.

Thankfully He is understanding and does what He can to help me relax.

This extended weekend is just what I need right now. I know I've had some longer weekends lately, and it's been nice but these past two weeks have kicked my tail hard.

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget that Master and I aren't your "traditional" married couple. And for once, I'm not referring to our dynamic.

I was the driver of the carpool today since the normal driver is out of town until next Tuesday. So, I picked up the guy who is in our carpool and we went to work. On the way there we didn't talk much. But then on the way home someone had apparently put a quarter in him right before he clocked out. He just kept going on and on about whatever. Eventually we came to the topic of "Have you seen any good movies lately?" That then turned into my rant about that horrible, horrible movie I posted about last night. He looked at me and said, "I've never really gotten into Hellraiser. I didn't think they were scary at all."

I told him that I don't find them scary so much as I find them interesting and entertaining. He claims to be a horror movie guy. He has said that over and over again especially around Halloween. But he's never really said what kind of horror movies.

So I decided to go through the list.

Pinhead? No.
Freddy? No.
Jason? No.
Michael? No.
Pumpkin Head? Kind of. 

So I was sitting there thinking to myself how can you be a huge horror movie fan if you don't at least like any of those series?  So I asked what kind of horror movies he does like. His answer? Paranormal Activity. Um, first off, I hate handy cam movies. Secondly, that is not a "type" of horror movie. That is trinity of movies.

He said he likes to keep his mind open about movies. Well, that's all well and good but I don't really see how that works. You named three movies in a horror type setting. But... you're a huge horror movie fan. Right.

So then the topic changed to video games. I told him that Master and I have been playing Soul Calibur 5. He looked at me like I had slapped his mother. "You mean you play too?!"

Um. Yes. Yes, I do.

He then proceeded to tell me that his wife literally gives him a time limit on his video games. He gets two hours a day, including weekends, and then he has to turn it off. Apparently she is your mother, not your wife. For a moment I thought maybe they were in some kind of weird dynamic but no. He just bitched and bitched about it because then he has to go spend time with her.

Sometimes I forget that not a lot of married couples will sit down and trash talk while kicking each others asses in a video game and pause to high five each other before the next match starts. I forget that not a lot of married couples will sit and watch porn just to make fun of it. I forget that not a lot of married couples just want to hang out with one another. We are the only couple I know, married or not, that are actually best friends and not just saying that because they are together. They want time apart and they want a lot of it. Us? We prefer time together. We don't like being apart. We've been together for nine years and we're still that way. I don't think it'll change as time continues to pass.

It just all seems so normal to me, much like our dynamic, because that's just the way we are and we've been doing it all so long that it doesn't even make me bat an eyelash. Then you talk to other couples, or at least one person within that couple, and you realize that you really are kind of the odd ones out.

But I like being odd. So being odd with Master suites me just fine.

There Can Only Be One!

Aside from work today has been a pretty good day. Master and I have been relaxing all evening watching Netflix and playing Soul Calibur 5.

Speaking of watching Netflix we watched a really, really fucked up movie. Master and I are huge Hellraiser fans. We have seen every single movie more times than I can count. Then a few years ago there were rumors flying around that another Hellraiser movie was coming out. Only, get this, Doug Bradley isn't Pinhead! There is only one Pinhead damnit! And that is Doug fucking Bradley!

It was... so bad. So, so bad. The original was made in 1987 and the effects in that movie were better than the effects in this one!

The story was horrible and ripped bits and pieces of the plot throughout several Hellraiser movies. That made no fucking sense at all. The acting? Yeah, that was worse than the effects, which I didn't think was even possible.

If any of you are Nightmare on Elm Street fans and saw the remake, yeah, you remember that piece of shit? Well, this is worse. Like ten times worse. And for me that's saying something as I love Freddy. I love Pinhead more though.

Spoiler alert.. kind of... I just have to get this off my chest.

*deep breath*

Chatter is not a chick! You could have at least kept the damn genders the same fuckers! And by the way, Pinhead does not have a mini-me!


*exhale*

I feel a little better now. It's always so sad to see movie series you love get turned into a fucked up mess like that. Thankfully, it's not my Pinhead. (Kind of like how Doctor Who fans have their Doctor. By the way, my Doctor is David Tennant.) My Pinhead is Doug Bradley and Doug Bradley wasn't in this movie. Which means this movie doesn't count. At all.

When the movie was over Master said, "And is there anyone else in this room that thinks that was a fan film?" I immediately raised my hand. It was like someone trying to pay tribute to a movie series they love but ended up creating this foul movie that should never have even entered anyone's mind let alone hit DVD.

The Smallest Things

You know how after you've spent quite a few years with someone you kind of take advantage of the little things, and then out of no where they slap you in the face and you remember why you love that one little thing about the other person so much? Yeah, I had one of those experiences today.

I decided to get out of work a couple of hours early. I'm not totally caught up but I was having one of those days where I just wanted to get the hell out of there. Plus, Wednesday and Thursday I can come and go as I please since I'll be taking the car to work anyway.

That's not the point obviously, just an explanation as to how this one small thing slapped me in the face as I explained above.

Master came to pick me up. We have to hop on the interstate to get from my job to home. Well we don't have to but it cuts the drive time significantly.

So we're getting onto the interstate and we have some kick ass Disturbed cranked up and we're just driving along. Master normally drives when we're both in the car. It's very rare that I drive. So I'm sitting there in the passenger seat and I'm grooving to the tunes when I just happen to look over at Master. He has one hand on the steering wheel with His arm relaxed as He's maneuvering the car. He's got His head moving to the music and He's softly singing along. He had His sunglasses on, a Disturbed t-shirt and a pair of jeans with His boots on. He just looked so damn hot.

I don't know why but I love the way He drives. The way He's so relaxed yet confident. The way He bops His head and moves His left foot in time with the music.

After that one small thing just hit me out of no where I couldn't stop glancing at Him and smiling to myself. When we're just cruising along I just find it a turn on to watch Him drive. I know, I'm weird.

I even made sure to comment on it when we got home. He just smiled at me. I was waiting for the "You're a sick bitch" comment that He loves using. But ya see, I'm His sick bitch so that's alright. He didn't use it this time much to my amazement. But He had that knowing smile slapped on His face which made me laugh.

So we walked up the path to our apartment and I always walk behind Him unless there is some odd reason where I have to walk in front of Him. He held my hand for a little while and when He let go and I slid into my designated stop I couldn't help it, I just had to take a quick grab at His ass. (He's got a great ass.) He turned His head, smirked and shooed my hand away.

I love that even though we've been together for damn near a decade we can still experience those little moments. I also love that we still hold hands.

Cock Block

Last night I stayed up until about 1:30am. Normally I'm at least up until 3am or so, but for whatever reason I crashed on the couch. Right before I curled up on the couch I gave Master a hug and kiss because I had a feeling I was going to crash. I smiled and said, "It's not like You can't wake me later."

This was of course referencing to sex. Well, after falling asleep on the couch I have no memory of anything. I don't even remember Him waking me to go to the bedroom. But this morning Master woke me up by curling up to me in such a way that His chest was pressed against my back. I slowly started to wake up and scooted back and arched my hips so that my ass rubbed up against His cock. I could feel Him getting harder. As I continued to stretch and move against Him, He bit and nipped at my shoulders and the back of my neck.

When He graves His teeth against the back of my neck, right where the neck meets the rest of the spine I get instant shivers going on. It is one of the weirdest sensations, but also a big turn on for some reason.

He rolled me onto my stomach and fucked me roughly, not allowing me to cum. He eventually pinned me down by placing His hands on the back of my shoulders. It love it when He does that! You would think that since I am a small little thing and He is a walking brick wall that it would hurt like hell for Him to do that, but honestly it doesn't hurt at all. He knows how to shift His weight just right where it won't hurt me, just pin me down but still keep His balance. We've had years of practice after all. *winks*

After He was done He commented that it figured I woke up pressing my ass against His cock. I looked at Him a little weird. He then proceeded to explain.

Apparently last night when He brought me into the bedroom after waking me while I was on the couch He climbed into bed with me and tried to wake me to have sex. I have absolutely no memory of this. And apparently I was wriggling around whenever He tried to reposition me so He could enter me. Again, no memory of that.

Normally when He wakes me up by fucking me it's rather easy for Him to maneuver me just right. I guess last night my sleeping self was not having it. My damn REM state turned into a cock block basically.

When He told me all of this I joked that I could easily see myself waking up tied to the headboard with His dick inside me. That way I would have no choice but to turn the way He wants me. He looked at me and said, "That just might happen." *shivers*

But at least I got fucked this morning! I have a feeling we'll end up in the bedroom again tonight but for most of the afternoon we've been taking turns playing video games and just talking. It's been a very relaxing and wonderful weekend. I know we didn't do a lot but what we have been doing has been exactly what I needed. A little fun, some sex, a little shit talking and just a generally good time.