So around 2am or so I asked Master if we could just sit and talk for a while. So He turned off the TV and He sat in His recliner. I sat on the corner of the couch, facing Him.
Ever since I became unemployed I've still kind of been stuck in how the dynamic was working when I was working a lot of hours, has I had been for the last 4 months that I was working. Master had taken it very light on me. I was in a lot of pain due to my fibromyalgia and was pushing my body pretty far. So during the work week when I was home He allowed me to pretty much relax as much as possible. And on the weekends I was crashing out on the couch during the day as my body was attempting to catch up on it's sleep. Plus a fuck ton of stress makes my body shut down. It was kind of a double whammy.
However, that's not the case anymore. And I was still stuck in that same mind frame. I think He was kind of too. But we were both still adjusting to my being home constantly. It's been a month and one week now.
So the issue of my still being stuck in that laid back slave mode was becoming more and more apparent. It was really starting to grate on Him. And I needed to snap out of it. The conversation was extremely calm. Neither of us got pissed off or hurt. We kept our tones in a normal conversation pattern.
We didn't want it turning into any kind of fight or either of us thinking it was just the other person's fault. It was my fault and His. Neither of us were innocent in this. I had stayed in that mind frame and He had kept the leash slack. The stress of my being unemployed I think kept it going as it was/is a huge adjustment for both of us.
Since we started living together I have either been employed or going to college. I was never just at home 24/7. I had actually signed up for college about a month prior to my moving in with Him. It wasn't planned that way, it's just how things happened to line up.
Like I said... huge huge huge adjustment.
Due to circumstances outside of our control the dynamic had slipped to the back burner and we had both become rather lax about it. But now that I'm home there is really no need for that to be how things work anymore.
The stress levels are still high. Especially due to extremely recent family issues on my side of the family. (Recent as in the news hit today.) I don't want to go into it as I don't want to take away from the fact that the conversation we had was extremely needed and, I feel, very productive.
I think we both feel a lot better after having had that conversation. We bother had things we wanted/needed to bring up and honestly some of it matched up perfectly with what the other had brought it, it was just the other side of the coin. He was coming at the top from the Master point of view and I commented on the exact the same topic from the slave point of view.
It was just kind of interesting how we had both wanted to bring up the exact same topics but hadn't in the past due to other things coming up that at the time were more important. Don't get me wrong, our marriage, our dynamic, is highly important. But the things that continuously popped up had to do with things that needed our immediate attention.
Life gets in the way sometimes and we forget to take that time to reconnect and broach the subjects because we are so focused on the other immediate concerns. It's no one's fault. It really isn't. It happens to everyone, with or without a dynamic in place.
It has happened to us in the past and we just have to put it back on the rails, where it is supposed to be. It's not always easy to keep this running on the rails smooth as butter. Every now and then one of the wheels slip and the whole momentum slows down to a crawl. We just have to get this bitch back up to speed. We will. I know we will. Why? Because we've done it before.
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