Breaking News

So... today has been an eventful day. Master's nephew was born today. He is healthy and the mother is as well. We know his name now. Apparently they knew what his name was going to be for about a month now but they didn't want to tell anyone until after he was born. Why?

Not sure. They said we should come down to see them soon so we can see them and meet the new little one. I'm sure we'll figure something out.

Then there was some other news today. Not so great news at that. I actually just got off the phone with my mother. She had some blood work done a couple of days ago and we had been waiting on the results. Well, she got the results back today.

Apparently something in her body is not producing enough protein. They didn't really tell her much on that. They basically told her they weren't sure what and that she would have to come in for more blood work. The other results were that she has rheumatoid arthritis. I honestly do not know much about it. I know it's not good and that it is very painful. I'm almost a little afraid to look into it on the internet. You know how people tell you to never look on WebMD when you're sick because you will convince yourself that you're dying?

That's kind of why I'm afraid to look into the rheumatoid arthritis. The doctor did tell her that her fibromyalgia probably increased her risk for RA. And guess who else has fibromyalgia? That's right. This girl. Lucky me.

So my mom had called not only to tell me the results but also to let me know that I may, at some point, be at risk for it as well. Apparently it is more likely to affect women. So that also increases my chances.

I told Master and I've put that thought on the back burner. I'll keep it in mind basically. But I'm more worried about my mom. She is going to see a RA specialist and is going in for more blood work. So now it's just a waiting game yet and still.

Yep...

Well, today I'm back to the whole "I have no idea what the fuck to blog about because right now my life seems like nothing but going to work and then coming home and sitting on the couch unless I absolutely have to move."

And I'm honestly not complaining about that. I mean, it sucks putting in this overtime but aside from that, it's what I have to do right now. Oh well. As a result of that though I'm glad that Master is being lenient with me with basically everything aside from my bedtime. And even then He's been allowing me to stay up until 11:30pm. He has been letting me just chill on the couch, watch TV and be goofy with Him by doing light banter back and forth. He has also been allowing me to play mini games on my phone while we do it. I normally don't do that though.

But since there isn't a lot going on Master doesn't find it annoying that I'm playing games on my phone. Plus, He's been playing His video games while we talk so I'll whip out my phone and start playing games on there.  I think it's nice that we can do that and no one gets annoyed or offended by it. We can just sit there all relaxed and nerding out but still talk.

My damn sister-in-law got me started on Candy Crush. She did it on purpose. It's a fun game though! I really do like it. And Master even helped me out on one of the levels because I was stuck as hell and getting frustrated with it.

Speaking of my sister-in-law (...Is that the right term? She is my brother-in-law's wife...) is having their third child tomorrow. She isn't technically due until a few weeks from now. However, she was scheduled for a c-section on Monday. Well apparently the doctor thinks she might go into labor before then so he bumped the c-section up to tomorrow. They aren't telling anyone the baby's name until after he is born.

What The Fuck Brain?

Master brought something up yesterday that I thought rather odd. When He started off the conversation I thought I was in trouble. But nope. Thankfully. I wasn't panicking over possibly being in trouble because I had done something wrong. It was more a shocked, "What...?" I think I got that feeling because of the look on His face. Apparently, it wasn't His stern face I was seeing. He was confused about something.

Hm. Okay. Well we have two almost completely different sleep schedules during the work week. I normally have to go to bed between 11pm and 11:30pm. Sometimes He'll be nice and let me stay up until midnight. He, on the other hand, normally comes to bed between 2:30am and 3:30am. So it's literally only a few hours before my alarm goes off.

Anyway, apparently when He has been coming to bed to slip under the covers and cuddle up to me I start whimpering. I make these little scared noises I guess. No talking. Just whimpering. And I move across the bed until I'm basically up against the wall.

My side of the bed is pushed up against the wall. There is really no other way to fit our bed in the bedroom without it being right in front of the closet or near a heat register.

He'll whisper to me and tell me it's Him and that it's okay. After that He said either I relax and back into Him so my back is against His chest. Other times I'll stay right where I am and eventually stop whimpering.

I have absolutely no memory of any of this. I mean I must be in a damn deep sleep. That's part of what is confusing me. I'll wake up when I "sense" that the bathroom light is on or if the power goes out and the fan turns off.

But I don't wake up when all that is going on?

So, He asked me if I knew why that was happening. I admitted that I had no fucking idea. Especially since when I go to bed I wish He were right next to me. It's easier for me to sleep when He's next to me. So me doing all that makes no sense what so ever. I don't remember having any nightmares except for that one night a while back. And I didn't even remember what the hell the nightmare was about.

So... what the fuck brain?

Ramblings

I had a really, really difficult time falling asleep last night. I think I finally passed out a little after 1am. My alarm went off at 5:15am. At least I got some sleep.

The weather was rather fucked up on my way to work. I took the dog out and it was pouring. I step out about 15 minutes later to head off to work and there was no rain what so ever. Weird. Then on the way to work it would be fine and then out of nowhere the rain would pour down so hard that I couldn't see a damn thing more than a few feet in front of me. I'm really glad I know how to fucking drive and also glad that other people were smart enough to have their headlights on.

I put in a 10 hour day, excluding my short as hell lunch break. The time dragged for most of it but I did get quite a bit done. It does look like I'll be having to do that the rest of this week though. So, I'll be sending a text to the passenger in my carpool to let him know that unless he wants to get to work before 6:30am on Thursday and Friday, then he might want to find another ride. I'm glad it's a four day work week.

Since I got out of work I feel like the bags under my eyes are huge. I know I look exhausted, but oddly enough I'm not. In fact I'm fully awake right now. I'm moving slow and spaced the hell out but I'm awake. Master was already kind enough to work on my back after dinner, so that is feeling better already. But I'm still moving slow. Like I said I'm spaced out and as a result I feel like I'm moving in slow motion.

On the way home from work I heard a song on the radio that just stuck in my fucking head. It's another In This Moment song. I don't really like the band itself. Honestly. But I did love their song "Blood".

But this one is odd. (Yes, Master I know that "Blood" was odd as hell to You. It is to me too, but this one is even more out there.)

When it first started playing on the radio I was sitting there going, "What the fuck....?"

But then it got to the chorus and that is what is stuck in my head. I hate it when you only really love part of the song. But oh well. I've already played it three times while I've been posting it. What's it called? It's called "Whore".

The chorus is just running through my head over and over again. Which, I'm sure you've already assumed, is why I've played it three fucking times. The bad thing is that it seems to just be cementing it even more. So now apparently I like two of their songs. Hm.

Well, it's no different than Korn. Master hates that band. A lot. I don't really care for them either but I like a handful of their songs.

Told you I would ramble.

It's Over Already?

Well, it's back to work tomorrow. It's only a four day work week but it's still going to be a long one as I need to put in enough overtime to get caught up, according to my supervisor. Well, getting caught up sounds great.. until you realize that you are caught up and then look ahead to the next day only to realize that you'll be behind again because there is simply too much to do that day.

So, I'll do my very best. I'm not going to live at the office for fucks sake. Normally, I'd be freaking out about it. Why? Because that's just how I am. I get all tensed up over shit I cannot control. It stresses me the fuck out. But I'm not doing that. Not today.

The four day weekend was nice. Most of it anyway. On Friday it felt great because I thought to myself that these four days would drag slowly along. And Friday did. It really did.

Saturday hits and that goes all sorts of fucked up and as a result the day feels at least a little wasted. I mean, I'm still glad we went down to see my family. But on the same token it felt almost ruined because of all the bullshit that happened.

Yesterday was was okay even though it felt like we were just waiting most of the day for my dad to call. We had skipped going to his place on Saturday so he had said we could come down yesterday. As a result, I told him to call so we could head down. So, Master and I didn't really want to start a movie or try and really do anything else because we figured that the moment we did we'd have to drop it to go see my dad. We had fun while we were down there though and the night was a really good time.

Today. Well, I slept in later than I wanted to. The day seems to be flying by. In addition to it flying by I ended up passing out on the couch for an hour and a half. I didn't even feel tired, so I don't know why that happened. That will also make it harder for me to go to sleep when I need to. Hopefully Master won't make me go to bed right on time.

It didn't really help that I had been really hoping that we'd be able to sit outside or take the dog for a walk at least once on this four day weekend of mine, but the weather decided that wasn't going to happen. I don't know why, but I feel a little disappointed with this mini break. Don't get me wrong, I had fun and we fucked and as usual the sex was amazing. I really, really enjoyed the extra time with Master.

But there is still this small level of disappointment. It's like nothing went the way it was really supposed to and Master and I spent most of it just trying to figure out something to do because there really wasn't anything to do.There was a lot of, "So.. what do you want to do?" .... "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

Oh well. At least I got to see some members of my family and Master and I got to spend a lot of extra time together.

A Little Sad

We went down to see my dad today. And it was a good time, but it also made me a bit sad. At first, it was fun because he finally got to show us his new hearse. It is beautiful.  I sat down in the front seat after he had shown us the back of the car. I love it.

The rest of the visit went great. But, then there was the thing that made me kind of sad. Well, he has been "dating" that woman I mentioned a while back. The one that was a family friend years ago. They haven't seen each other in a very long time but they have been talking to each other over the phone a lot apparently and have agreed that they are, in fact, in a relationship. She is coming up to visit soon. Within the next couple of months I guess.

That doesn't make me sad though. What makes me sad is that apparently it's getting so serious that they have already decided that unless she wants to move up here, which it doesn't sound like she does, then he'll be moving six hours away to go live with her. The only thing that will prevent this is if they break up between now and then. Which honestly, I don't see happening. He's almost 52 years old and I think he is just ready to settle down and stay settled. And he knows this woman very well and he said they had a connection back when I was a kid but they didn't act on it because they were both married at the time.

I know, a lot of people move away and six hours isn't that much. And I understand this. I really do. And yes, I want my father to be happy. Of course I do. Just as I want my mother to be happy.

It was one thing when I moved 45 minutes away. It's still easy to just go down and visit or for him to come up here to see us. But six hours? That's not exactly a, "Hey there isn't much going on and we have the time... why not just pop on over and see my dad for a while?"

Or him calling me and asking if he can come up, out of nowhere.

I'm so used to just being able to go visit. Just like I am with my mom and my brother.

I'm being selfish and unreasonable and I know this. I also do not give a damn.

If/When it comes to pass I'll be emotional. But I'm not going to be mad at him or anything like that. My dad and I are very close... so I guess that is what is making me sad. He is my dad and my friend and I don't want him to move away. I think another factor is that I know I can't really afford to go and see him when he'll be six hours away and I also know he won't really be able to afford to come up to see us either. A 45 minute drive is one thing. Six hours? Yeah. That's a big difference.

Who knows. Maybe it won't come to pass and I'm a little sad over absolutely nothing. It's been known to happen. Or maybe it will and this is my preemptive strike so that I don't get so upset when it does. As Master would say, "There is no use worrying about it now babe."

And He is right. I know He is right. But still.

Plan? What Plan?

Today did not go as planned. It didn't go as planned one little bit. We had plans to go down for my nephew's birthday and then go visit my dad. Well, my brother lives above our mom's right now. So we went down and sat inside her living room. The birthday party was going to be there since his portion of the house is not that big and it wasn't warm enough outside to have it outside.

When Master and I got there I saw my brother's car but I didn't see him. My nephews ran downstairs and came to say hi. I gave my youngest nephew his birthday present. Apparently my brother was upstairs. Well, what the fuck? The part was supposed to start at 12:30pm and it was now almost 1pm. My nephews both ran back upstairs.

Next thing I know they run back down the stairs to say that they are going to Burger King. Um.... what?

So I go upstairs and his snobby ass bitch of a girlfriend is up there and so is her sister. As usual, I get the dirty looks they always toss my way. I ignore it and ask what my brother what is going on. "Oh, well my girlfriend thought it would be a better idea to go to Burger King for the birthday party."

Well, how nice for her. Nice last minute change after we show up. Needless to say it did not go over well. Burger King is literally right across the street, but I was already pissed off. I'll get into why in a moment. And since they decided to have it in the play room it was loud as fuck. As I said I was already ticked. And my nephews were running around in the maze thing. So I didn't even get to interact with them. My brother pretty much just sat there with his girlfriend and didn't say much. I think I stayed a whopping 15 minutes.

Oh yes, I know. I'm a horrible aunt. But seriously? I was getting a migraine, it wasn't even a party and I didn't get to see my nephews and I didn't want to just sit there and stare at my brother and his girlfriend. So I called my nephews down and said goodbye. I told my brother that the birthday boy's present was on Mom's kitchen counter and that he had already opened it.

Okay, so now to delve more into why I was pissed off. First, you tell people where the party is going to be and they are already there. You aren't even downstairs yet and are hiding up in your apartment. Then, you send my nephews down to tell us all that the party is moving over to Burger King. That was quite a shock to everyone, including my mother.

You see, my mother had already bought a cake, cupcakes and some other birthday stuff. She had cleaned her house top to bottom people she knew that a group of people were coming over. She had made sure that everything was set up had already ordered pizza to be sent. She did everything according to plan. This is what my brother had said he wanted.

But.. instead.. his girlfriend brings a cake and "hints" that the party would be better at Burger King. And he goes along with it. I had told him before he left to go over there that he needs to talk to Mom. I mean after all, she had bought a cake and other goodies and had ordered pizza. His response? Well, I'm sure someone will eat your cake and we can just eat the pizza later."

How fucking rude is that?

And then we ended up not going to my dad's afterward because he had said he wasn't up to it today. I understood, completely. I honestly did. But it was just another thing that was like, "Um.. okay? Guess that plan is out the window too."