Master and I had a discussion about it last night. Unfortunately we can't really do much about it at this point in time but it felt good, for both of us, to at least talk about it and make sure that we're on the same page still. He also wanted to let me know that it is not me and that it is not anything I am doing wrong. It's simply the situation we are currently in. Also, He knows that I prefer that structure and He wanted to make sure that I was still doing okay. It may sound odd, or maybe it doesn't, but it does seem to help me manage my bipolar disorder. But I am still okay. I think it's because I know that it isn't because I'm trying to get away with murder and it is also not because He is allowing me to run free.
Last night He fucked me really hard. He was going to allow me to cum but I wanted to be used. It made me feel more docile. He made sure to twist me into a pretzel a few times before pinning me down, forcing my legs where He wanted them, and then fucking me hard to the point where I actually started having cramps.
Afterward we curled up and fell asleep.
We don't smoke inside anymore. We now smoke cigarettes outside. But it has been rather chilly today so instead of standing outside we went out into the garage. It isn't heated and it doesn't have electricity but it acts as a wind block. While we were out there Master very suddenly bent me over to the point where I had to lean on the riding lawn mower of all things. He then lifted up my hoodie, pulled down my sweat pants until they were around my ankles, and started fingering me. My legs and ass were immediately cold and His fingers, while still warmish, felt freezing when they entered me.
When He was done He told me to pull up my pants and smacked my ass. After I did that we started walking back to the house. He stopped me and wiped His fingers across my neck.
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