Skipped Spring

Well, summer weather has officially hit. It seems that we are skipping spring almost every year now. There was snow falling from the sky two or three weeks ago and today it was 87° outside today. What the fuck weather?! It really sucks when we seem to skip spring and fall. Fall is by far my favorite season.

If I could live somewhere where it was permanent fall, I would be very happy. Spring is my second favorite. It's like fall, but in reverse.

Since we have clients in the office all this week I have to dress nice. And the only sucky part of having to dress nice for work is the fact that when clients are there, they prefer that employees cover up their ink. They have no problem with your ink showing any other time, but when clients are there they want it covered up if possible. This means that I have to wear at least elbow length shirts. I don't mind, really. I love my ink and I don't regret getting any of them.

But when it's 87° outside and the office hasn't turned on the air conditioning yet it kind of sucks not being able to wear short sleeve shirts.I might as well get use to it though. I know once I find another job my ink will have to be covered every work day.

I really hope I find a new job soon though. I'm tired of all the wear and tear on the car. Not to mention the drive in general. And after that nice expensive car repair from last week, I am even more aware of how much wear and tear happens to the car every day. She's running really good now though. So at least that much.

Power Saving Mode

I fucking hate Mondays. Especially Mondays where I just got off an extended, unintentional, break from work. It seems that a lot happened those three days I was gone though.

Two of the coworkers in my department were fired. Both of them were fired on the same day, a half hour apart. Basically they called one girl in, told her, and then stood by her desk while she packed up her things. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing. Not only are you trying to keep your emotions under wraps, but now the place you've worked at for years wants to make sure you leave the premises without doing anything stupid so they stand there and hover over you while you pack up your personal belongings. I understand why they do it. Disgruntled employees and all that. But still, it has to be highly embarrassing.

And I guess as soon as she was out the door and the HR lady got back into her office she called the second girl in. She must have known what was coming if she just saw another woman get fired and then HR calls her into the office immediately after.

And you know the shit thing of it is? When an employer is going to fire you it isn't some split second decision. They know ahead of time. At our job you have to turn in your desk key and your key fob for the doors when you quit or are fired. Plus, they want you to get your stuff out. So I understand needing the person to be there when you fire them. It's not as easy as a phone call. But, rather than telling them the afternoon before, they waited until 9:30am the next morning. So now, not only are they unemployed but they just wasted a shit ton of gas (they both live over 45 minutes away) to come into work only to be fired and sent out the door after only an hour and a half of being clocked in.

I would have been livid. I wouldn't have been able to do anything about it, obviously, but I still would have been livid. Gas isn't fucking cheap and now you're telling me that I wasted how much of it for you to tell me that I will no longer be receiving a paycheck? Well fuck you too.

So, now I'm catching up on my work and since we are now down two people I'm working on some of their stuff too.

Needless to say it's been a very hectic day. I'm sore, I'm tired, and my brain is pretty much shut down to only necessary functions right now. It's on power saving mode. Tomorrow isn't going to be any better. And the passenger in my carpool kinda ticked me off. When I told him that I'll be heading out early again tomorrow to get to work about a half hour to forty-five minutes early he sounded annoyed about it. Oh fucking well. If I need to do overtime during the week by clocking in early I'm going to do it, whether you want to catch a ride with me or not. I'm sure in the hell not going to work on Saturday if I could have just as easily just gotten to work early every day all week. That just doesn't make sense. It's a waste of gas.

I understand he is slow on his work flow, but I'm not. And I'm the one driving. I use to be dropped off at work four fucking hours early just so I could get a ride to work from our friend BC. I started at noon and he started at 8am. So don't fucking gripe at me because you have to go to work a half hour early.

Yeah. I'm in a mood.

Dream Cars

I love cars. Older cars mainly. Don't get me wrong, I love our PT Cruiser. I really do. But one of the things that drew me to that car is the fact that it reminds me of some older cars as far as the body style goes.

My love of cars I have to blame/thank my father for. He took me to more car shows when I was growing up than I can remember. He's been doing that since I was about two years old. He's taken me with when he has bought cars. He helped me out when I went to look at my first car. That was another car I loved.

She was a silver 1988 Oldsmobile Toronado. I would still have that car today if I had the money to fix her at the time. But I didn't. So she had to go to the car graveyard. She just had too many problems and I was only 18 or 19 when she died on me. I simply didn't have that money.

Part of what sparked this in my mind is the fact that my dad is buying a hearse in a couple of weeks. I begged him to let me drive her when he gets her back here. He looked hesitant, only because she's going to be his new toy.

He let me drive his last hearse when I still had my learner's permit, so I know he'll let me drive the new one. Even if it takes him a while to agree to it. I shall win!

The other part is because Master and I found a car dealership type show. It's called South Beach Classics. It has so many beautiful cars on it. Master and I keep pointing out the ones we would love to own. They are cherry, plain and simple. If I could afford to own a cherry older car I would go out and buy one tomorrow. 

Like I said I love our PT, but my dream is to one day own an older car. How old? Late 70's at it's youngest. I love Monte Carlo, Roadrunner, GTO, Impala... almost any American made muscle car. I would love a jacked up, cherry, muscle car. Master says I would kill myself in it. I'd be fine! Honest!

Master loves Corvettes. I don't mind them but if I could get a classic muscle car like the ones I listed above, I'd be much happier.

Nothing At All

Went down to visit my dad today. I was right about the whole car thing. But, as I thought, I wasn't bitter about it. I'm happy for him. He has the whole trip planned and is leaving in about two weeks.

We stayed later than we intended to so the rest of the night has felt somewhat rushed. Not that it's a big deal or anything along those lines. I mean it's Saturday after all. I'm not looking forward to this upcoming week at all. Work is going to be hell. I'm going to be tired as fuck all week. Oh yes, it's going to be such fun. And I also know that I will be having to go to work earlier than usual to do it. Hopefully the passenger in the carpool doesn't bitch about it too much.

I don't know why but I don't really have anything to say tonight. Actually, I don't feel like I have a lot to say in general lately. That is, of course, unless it's a stressful situation that I need to vent about. And obviously there has been enough of those going on, unfortunately.

I don't know. I'm just kind of here tonight. I think I'm finally coming down from all of the anxiety. I wish I didn't get so worked up about shit, but there really isn't anything I can do about it. Especially since I feel that I've been doing pretty fucking well. Still sucks.

There just hasn't been a lot going on in my head lately aside from trying to make sure everything is taken care of, financially. I think it's heightened lately for two reasons. One, because I'm looking for a new job. Secondly, the whole car thing.. which is making me more anxious about finding a new job. So really, that's all that's been on my mind and I get sick of posting about it.

Deep Breath

The past two days have been absolutely hectic and stressful. I had been debating about whether or not I should go into work today. I had already told my supervisor and the carpool person that I wouldn't be, just to be on the safe side.

But since the car was done sooner than I thought it would be, I did have the option. But with all the stress and the fact that it was only going to be a four hour work day, not the mention the fact that I was exhausted and not feeling well from the anxiety I decided to stay home. Master agreed with my decision, which was the final nail in the coffin on staying home today.

I'm glad I did. I slept a lot. A lot more than I thought I would actually. When I get extremely stressed out I burn a lot of energy because I can't really calm down easily. It's not as bad as it was before I was on medication, but medicine is not a cure, so of course it's not going to work perfectly like that. Especially in situation like that.

I didn't get up until 8am, and that was only because the dog woke me up to take him outside. I stayed up for a little bit after that as I was not feeling well and then crashed on the couch for another two hours. I took another nap around 2pm, which was probably about a hour and a half long. The second nap was one of those things where Master and I were watching TV and I was comfortable. The next thing I know I'm waking up and wondering why it's so late.

Master had allowed me to sleep because He knows I need it.

My dad called me today. Apparently he decided to buy a hearse he found online and will be going out of state to pick it up in a couple of weeks. I'm happy for him. I really am, but it was one of those things where we just got slammed with a financial pinch that is crucial to my still being able to go to work and so there was really no way of putting it off... and my dad tells me he just bought a car that is not a day to day car. It's his money, I understand it was just... I don't know... bad timing I guess? I know that probably sounds bitter but it is what it is.

We will be going down there tomorrow to visit with him. I know he's going to be going on and on about the hearse. And like I said I'm happy for him and I honestly can't wait to see it. It's not like I'm mad at him or anything like that... I don't know. I guess it's just a little hard when you are going through a struggle like we are at this exact moment and so much stress and anxiety that it makes you ill, and you hear about someone buying a luxury item.

I'll be over this feeling by tomorrow. I know I will. I drove the car a little bit today while doing errands and I had a smile on my face. She drives so much better.

The other bad side about the car doing that on a Wednesday is the fact that I literally just got done with a planned five day break and now I had another one that was unintentional. I'm burning through my time off but it had to be done. And like I said, I could have gone in today but with how I was physically reacting to the situation I didn't feel up to it and Master agreed that it would be a good idea for me to stay home.

Now I'll have to save as much time off as I can for job interviews for jobs that are closer to home, which will hopefully happen soon.

Back At Home

Well today went a lot better than yesterday, although not entirely smoothly. I, of course, couldn't go to work today due to the car still being in the shop.

I called as soon as they opened and confirmed what the guesstimate was. They wanted the down payment before they could start on it. I took a stab in the dark and asked if I could make that payment over the phone so that I wouldn't have to scramble to find a ride that early in the morning and so I wouldn't have to sit down there until it was done. Much to my surprise she said that would be fine. Rock on. So she told me that she would call me later on in the morning to give me an update. And right around 10am she called to tell me that it was in fact what they thought it was so the price she had quoted me yesterday would in fact be the cost. It is still a pretty penny but it could have been so much worse.

I gave my verbal authorization over the phone for them to move forward with the repair. It was done around 2pm and she called me again to tell me that the work was all finished. I had her run the complete payment over the phone as well just so I knew it was taken care of while I tried to find a ride out there.

As soon as I got off the phone with the shop I called my neighbor who had picked me up yesterday. Surprisingly enough she was home and able to take me there. I was so happy! And the drive home in my car was so much smoother and went very well.

When I got home I got a text message from a family member who is a mechanic. He asked me how long it had been since I had a full transmission flush. I told him I honestly had no idea. So he told me to get one done as soon as possible.

Since I had that padding left over I called my normal shop and quoted me a price I could afford. So I asked when I could come in and they said if I left immediately they could sneak me in. So off I went again. I stayed down there while they worked on it. It took about an hour and a half. Then I was finally able to go home and stay there for the night.

I have to say that I am sore as hell from sitting in mechanic shops the past two days. The chairs, regardless of which shop, are not comfortable at all. Master worked on my back last night which made it feel a lot better but now that I spent another hour and a half in an uncomfortable chair, it's not feeling too hot. Plus stress makes me muscles tense up and when you have fibromyalgia, it really fucking sucks.

But the important thing is that it's all done and taken care of. Hopefully the car will behave herself for a nice long time.

Mother. Fucker.

Today started as any other work day would. I got up when the alarm went off. I got ready for the day and then got dressed. I left Master His usual morning note of how my mood is and then I took the dog out. Once I got the dog back inside I sent a text message to the passenger in my carpool to let him know that I was leaving so that he would be ready by the time I pulled up to his house.

After that? Things went south fast. And I mean fast. I got the in the car and started her up. No problem. I'm driving over to his place, which is literally five minutes away, and the car seems to be riding rough. Not just a little rough, but rough. And then out of no where the check engine light comes on with a loud beep and I'm staring down at it like what the fuck?!

Thankfully I wasn't far from his house so I pulled up, parked, and turned the car off. He gets in the car and says something I can't believe... "Wow. Your car is quiet."

I think I stared at him blankly for a good five seconds before I told him that the car was off. He of course asked me why and I told him what had happened. He asked me if he thought we could still make it to work. I said most likely not, no. It wasn't just the check engine light had come on. It's how the car was acting right before it went off.

So, he asked me if we could at least try. I said I would go a very short distance to see whether or not I felt comfortable. It took me less than four blocks to say no. I'm not going in today. I apologized to him and he said he understood, it's car troubles, etc. and so on. What floored me though was that while I was very carefully driving him back to his house he is on the phone with someone else to find a ride and in less than five minutes had found one.

Back when a different person was doing all the driving for the carpool there were of course times when she would at the last minute say no, she isn't going in. Well, it would almost always happen to be when I could either not take the car or did not have access to the car. So I would call him and ask him to let me know if he finds a way to work because I had no way of getting out there. He would say sure and then the next day I would find out that he just so happened to get a ride out there and back and just didn't tell me about it. That would piss me off. I took him on in my tiny carpool just because of the price of gas and it helps me with the gas costs. Other wise I would just go out there and back by myself. Aside from money, there is no joy in me taking him to and from work. He's not an asshole but shit like that just floors me and pisses me off.

Anyway, I again very carefully drive the car home and park her. I get back into the apartment and look up what time my mechanic opens. He didn't open until 8am, so I had to wait with knots in my stomach. I call as soon as the clock turns to 8am and the soonest they could get me in was noon. Fuck. But, I was lucky they could squeeze me in at all, so I was disappointed, anxious, and thankful all at the same time.

Master woke up about an hour after I got off the phone. He is on an almost entirely different schedule as me, so He wakes up later obviously. I didn't see the sense in waking Him up right away because there was nothing to do right then and there.

I tell Him everything and He gets knots in His stomach as well. Nothing but this sense of anxiety and dread all rolled into one. Finally it came time for me to leave and take the car to the mechanic. Master stayed home as we didn't both have to be there and I know more about cars than He does. So He prefers that I handle it. Makes sense and I agree with it.

I get down there and my car is throwing three codes. All of them involving my transmission. Oh joy. They referred me to a transmission specialist that they highly recommended. I was nervous enough driving the car from home to the mechanic's shop and now I have to drive her further? *sigh* So I do. I didn't speed up at all. I was slow as fuck actually.

Finally I get there and she couldn't fit me in until 2pm. Again, thankful that she could fit me in at all but I got there at 1pm so I still wouldn't know what was what for a while yet. I call Master to update Him and then I played the waiting game.

The verdict comes back. There was rather high minimum amount for what needs to be done. And to find out if one of the problems is what they think it is they have to take apart the transmission to get to it. So they needed a down payment on it right then and there. I did not have the money that kind of money right then and there. I asked if it would be safe for me to drive the car home and come back once I had scraped the money together. She said that unfortunately that would be very risky. I could blow the whole damn transmission. Fuck! I am so glad I didn't push to go to work. I would have been stranded on the interstate or stuck in the parking lot at work. I don't even want to think about how much that tow truck ride would have cost.

I asked if I could keep the car there overnight. She said yes and that there would be no charge for it. Well thank fuck for that. Now my only problem was finding a way home. We only have that one car so Master couldn't come get me. I called our friend at least three times. He didn't answer. So I called his wife about three times as well. No answer. I call one of our neighbors that is a friend three times and no answer. Finally our friend's wife called me back and asked what was up. I told her and unfortunately because her job is so new she couldn't leave early and her husband was at work and couldn't be reached. I had no cash for a bus and no ATM near by. I called a taxi service and the prices they wanted were astronomical. I have never used a taxi in my life and now I see why. Based on that cost alone I figured that would be my last ditch effort. I was sitting there, slightly frantic, trying to think of who else I could call. And then, suddenly, my phone rang and it was our neighbor. She had turned off her cell phone and had forgotten to turn it back on.

She was more than happy to come pick me up. Master met her in the parking lot for the apartment complex and they picked me up. Yay! Master had already explained what was going on so I didn't have to go through all that. She did tell me that if I needed a ride at all for the next couple of days to just let her know because she had nothing going on. She is so sweet.

I got home around 5pm. It has been a long and hellish day.

After a lot of talking and brain storming we have the amount of money it should cost to fix the car. So tomorrow I'm going to call the shop and ask if they can take the down payment over the phone with the card. Hopefully they say yes because then I don't have to sit there the whole time and they can start on it as soon as possible. If not, well then I guess I'm just going to have to ask my neighbor to get me out there as soon as she could and then sit there until it's all done. Either way I'm nervous about it and hoping that the amount they quoted me for what they think is wrong is correct. I have some cushion but still... Fingers crossed.