A Beautiful Lie

I was talking to my mother the other day when she was telling me that her husband had gone to visit Grandpa. Apparently what he had told her was that Grandpa remembered him. Well, he hasn't recognized anyone for quite some time. And if he does it's for only a few minutes. So my mother asked him some clarifying questions. The result of said questioning came out to be the fact that he was lying. Grandpa talked to him but didn't say his name at all. He had no clue who the hell he was he simply knew that someone was there and they held a conversation. Guess what? That conversation had nothing to do with anyone in the family. And when he left Grandpa said something along the lines of "Say hi to the gang for me." Again, her husband took that as he remembered everyone. No. That's not it at all. He lives anywhere in time for the past 65 years of his 74. And most of it is not anywhere near the present time. So again my mother had asked him if Grandpa mentioned anyone in particular. He said no. My mother and I both got ticked off at that. You can't say he remembers people when he is just simply interacting with you and you can't assume he remembers the people in the here and now when he has been living in the past pretty much permanently now. And by the past I mean before my mother met my father and so obviously before my brother and I were born.

Giving us false hope is not appreciated. I told my mother that he can't do that and it pisses me the hell off. She agreed with me. I guess at some point she had a talk with him about it because the next time I talked to her she told me that he understood and that he was sorry he upset all of us.

Well, I'm sorry. But I'd rather hear the horrible truth rather than a beautiful lie. I know he didn't mean to but he can't fuck with my emotions like that. He had "good intentions" but that's not a good excuse at all. And lately it doesn't take much to piss me off. I have apologized to my Husband quite a bit lately. I've told Him that I know I'm being short with Him but it's not because of Him. It's just everything else.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm constantly trying to figure out shit that I have no control of at all. And so is Master. Neither of us have been handling this all too well in the past few days. I mean we haven't been handling it well for a long time but it's just getting worse. Neither of us are sleeping really. For the past few days I'm having a hard time sleeping all night through. Most of it is that half in and out shit. But then all day long I'm tired and spacey as hell. Today is a good example.

My mother also told me that my uncle (my father's brother) told her that they are definitely moving the rest of my uncle's and my dad's shit out of Grandpa's house this upcoming week but they don't know what day yet because they don't know my Uncle's work schedule. Okay, that makes sense.

But then my Uncle continued to say that it'll be another two weeks minimum after that before they have the estate sale. To me that is just fucking stupid. To me, if you have everything out of the house that you want then you would be able to and should have the estate sale ASAP. That way it's done and over with. Why the hell would you want to prolong it? I mean if it's about paperwork then just take all that with you. It's not like you have to do it out at Grandpa's house.

I was also told that I could always contact my dad and see if I could kind of move him along. I'm sorry, but I'm not chasing that anymore. Why? Because I've tried to in the past and all I get is the whole "I know. We'll do it in two weeks." Then the two weeks come up and he pushes it off. My uncle is no better. In the beginning it all seemed like it was my dad but now I can see that some of it is my uncle as well.

So right now I'm just waiting on two phone calls. One telling me exactly when they need help moving shit and the other telling me when the hell the sale is so I can be out there. The only other call to wait on, as horrible as it sounds, is the one telling me that my grandfather has passed away.