A Tad Bit Annoyed

Ugh... There is just too much going on. Yesterday Master said I could skip my post because I felt just wiped out. And currently I am waiting on a phone call for a phone interview for a job, so I figured I would start my post since I'm anxious about it and this gives me something to do. They can call anywhere from 10 minutes from now to an hour from now. It feels like waiting for the cable guy to show up since they want you to set aside an "x" amount of time aside for whenever the hell they show up. So I'll be sitting on pins and needles until the phone rings. I'm really hoping they call sooner rather than later. I'm probably not going to be able to finish this post right now, which is fine. I would want to say how the phone interview went anyway rather than posting it and adding an update later.

Anyway, yesterday we went out to Grandpa's house. My dad said he could use some help and we were bored so sure why not. The odd thing is that we showed up first, so we hung out with my uncle for a while before my dad showed up.

My uncle told me about his visit with Grandpa that day and apparently it did not go well at all. Apparently the night before they had to take Grandpa to the hospital because his blood pressure dropped suddenly and the nursing home couldn't get it back up. The hospital stabilized him as best they could and then sent him back to the nursing home. Later that day my uncle went back and Grandpa had fallen two more times. Not due to blood pressure but because he keeps trying to walk around by himself. He was also hallucinating and went into the bathroom saying that he had to start the grill because he was having a family reunion. He went over to the sink and acted as if he was turning on the grill. Then he sat down on the toilet thinking it was a lawn chair. There were some other things too but I don't really want to go into them. He is down to 141lbs. Basically he is a skeleton with skin on him. My uncle also said that when Grandpa has his shirt off you can literally see the outline of the pacemaker/auto-defibrillator. That's horrible.

I was a tad bit annoyed only because my dad said he had needed our help but all we did was visit and my dad looked through some paperwork. That was it. I mean I enjoyed the visit but still... I also got a little annoyed because my dad had said he needed our help with the dining room table and a couple of other things but when we got there we noticed that they were already gone.

If you say you're going to need our help and you keep pushing it off but rather than telling us you need it done you just do it without us, that seems rude to me. It's not like we can afford all this gas money when I think I'm actually going to be helping you and nothing ends up happening. So next time I'm just going to tell my dad that I need some gas money to come down. Simple as that. It sucks but I have to do the same thing when I go down to help my mother. It's not exactly fair for me to ask her and not him. Not to mention that I have to try to keep gas in the car in case I get a last minute interview scheduled.

I was also a little annoyed that in regards to my grandfather going to the hospital my mom called to tell me about it after hearing it from my uncle rather than my dad doing so. When I got there to visit, my uncle told me about it but still... The visit was a last minute thing so it's not really like they knew I was definitely coming down and that they would just tell me when I got there. I think my dad has pretty much given up and is just basically not thinking it's important to update anyone unless Grandpa dies.

I'm doing my best to not cause waves. Everyone is upset enough and I don't want to add to it but at the same time I am annoyed about it. I didn't feel annoyed last night but this morning while I'm sitting here waiting for the phone to ring for the phone interview I did become annoyed. After all, I have nothing to do at this exact moment but to think.

And now I'm sitting here staring at the clock, willing my cell phone to ring. So I will continue this post at some point this afternoon/evening.

Well... it's later in the evening now so I might as well finish up the post.

The call finally came through literally five minutes before the "time slot" they had set aside was up. And it was rather anti-climatic. I've had phone interviews before and normally they are more in depth. This felt like the woman was reading off of a survey card. Very brief yes or no questions. When I attempted to explain a couple of things she seemed annoyed. At the end of the five minutes I was actually on the phone with her she told me that she would send the information along to the recruiter and I would hear from them either by phone or e-mail within the next two days. The way she worded it it sounded like it would be regardless of whether or not they wanted me to continue in their interview process. However, if my Thursday morning I haven't heard anything I'll assume it's not going to go anywhere. 

Nervous Energy

I know I haven't had anything interesting going on with my blog lately. It's just been normal fucking shit. And guess what? Today is no different.

I've had a lot of nervous energy and having a hard time sleeping. I've had to take a benadryl before I go to bed just so I can sleep. Master has been trying to make me laugh which I greatly appreciate. For the past few nights we'll curl up to go to bed and He'll start making small jokes and making me laugh. We'll banter back and forth for a while until eventually we both settle in and try to fall asleep. I already know that I'd be going out of my damn mind if I didn't have Him. He tries to make me smile and hasn't complained about my sudden bursts of nervous energy over the past few days. I'm sure it's annoying. Hell, it annoys me. But He hasn't complained or gotten short with me about it.

I got some good news today. I received an e-mail asking me to schedule a phone interview for a job I applied to a couple of days ago. I scheduled it for the earliest one they had which is Monday around noon. I'm hoping it leads to my getting the job. I've never been unemployed this long and it's sure in the hell not helping my nervous energy.

I had called my dad today to see if we could come down and visit but he was really upset. Apparently his long distance girlfriend was having some kind of last minute heart surgery today. That's all he knew. He had no further details and I know that was driving him insane. She is 10 hours away so it's not like he could just rush off either.

While I was talking to him he actually started crying. I am not exaggerated when I say I have only seen/heard my father cry a handful of times in the course of my 31 years. So hearing him cry really surprised me. He asked if he could call me back later. I of course said that wasn't a problem.

I didn't get a call back from him after a few hours so I just shot him a quick text. Apparently his girlfriend made it through okay but he didn't go into any details. He then asked if we wanted to stop by at Grandpa's house tomorrow to visit with him.

I sighed when I read that text. I already have plans to help out my mother tomorrow. And in addition to helping her we are also going to a cell phone place because my mom is switching companies and I am on their family plan. As a result I need to pick out a phone and also bring down my old one because, thankfully, they will be transferring the phone number with it. I say thankfully because that is the only phone number I have listed on my resume and all of the job applications I've tossed out. If that wasn't the case I wouldn't care.

But when Dad stated that he could probably use some help out there tomorrow too I responded and said I could be there between 4pm and 4:30pm. I'm hoping to be done at my mom's before 3pm but with having to help her break down after her rummage sale is done and then going to the cell phone store I have no idea. I'll be getting to her place around 11am to help her during the sale.

Originally Master was just going to stay home but now that my dad said he may need help tomorrow out at Grandpa's we are wondering if He should come with in case it involves lifting anything heavy. I responded to dad's text asking him that but I haven't heard anything back yet.

I just know that it would be a long day and the dog would be alone and not able to be taken out for an extended period of time since we'd leave her at 10am and who knows when we would be getting home. I don't know. I haven't heard back from him yet so I just sent him another text.

I also just received a message from Dad's girlfriend giving me her cell phone number so we could talk or text. I knew her when I was younger, back when my mom and dad were still married. When I got that message it honestly surprised me. I mean I've messaged back and forth with her on a social media site a couple of times but that's about it. And if we were to talk over the phone I wouldn't really know what to say. I would prefer text. *shrugs* I don't know why but I would feel more comfortable that way. I didn't respond to her yet. I don't know if she wants to get closer and stay in touch because she knows my father and I are close or what... It's just a little odd. Then again I may be reading too much into it. She was always nice to me. She may just wanna keep in contact because well... just because. Who knows.

Long story short tomorrow is going to be long as hell. Not really stressful... just long. It's not like I'm dreading it because I'm not. I just need to know whether or not Master should come with. The stuff with my mom was planned on Wednesday but this thing with dad is very obviously last minute. I know I don't have anything going on. After all, the only things I've really been doing that are important are tossing out job applications. And I've always told my dad, since Grandpa went into the hospital back in March, that if he needs anything he can count on me... So... yeah. I'm not going to turn him down just because my day will be longer. Plus, maybe having a longer day will burn some of this nervous energy off rather than sitting at home and just kind of dwelling on it.

Sudden Urge

Remember how the other day Master and I went out to my grandfather's house and took some of the things we wanted from the house before they sell it?

Well... apparently it affected me more than I originally thought. I mean yeah I was a little upset and emotionally confused but other than that nothing really seem to have changed. But then that night I went to bed when Master did. It was about 2am. I stayed in bed trying to fall asleep for what seemed like an eternity but I just couldn't drift off. I was comfortable but my mind just wouldn't shut the hell down. So finally at 4:30am I decided to get out of bed so I wouldn't continue to toss and turn. When I got out of bed Master woke up long enough to ask what was up. I explained that I couldn't sleep and that I would take the dog out before I came to bed.

I came out to the living room and went on the computer for a while. I didn't really do anything. I just web surfed. I did window shop for a couple of things that will need to be replaced when we move, like our bed and the computer desk. Why? Because it passed time. *shrugs*

Finally around 5:30am I decided to take the dog out. Once we got back in I still couldn't sleep. I continued to just surf the web for a little while but decided I should at least try to sleep. The only problem was that I still wasn't tired. Well actually, that's not true. I was very tired. I was tired when I originally went to bed. However, my mind was still spinning about absolutely nothing. I didn't want to go back to the bedroom and start tossing and turning and keeping Master up. So I decided to just try to crash on the couch. It still took me until 7:30am to fall asleep. I only know that because that's what time it was the last time I looked at the clock before finally passing out.

Master wasn't exactly happy that I slept on the couch. He prefers me in bed next to Him but I explained why and all that.

I also told Him that one thing that was running through my head while I was awake was that everything seemed to be speeding up. I think knowing that Grandpa's house will be sold by October 1st if not sooner kind of planted that thought in my head. So suddenly I wanted to start cleaning stuff out of the apartment so that when we move we have a little less to do. It's not like I can pack anything away because we have no idea when we are moving and so we need everything out yet.

But that doesn't mean I can't go through a couple of things and at least get rid of shit we won't be taking with us and have just not bothered throwing away.

As a result I tackled our bedroom closet. It was kind of a catch all. While I was doing that I was getting a little upset. I think what we had done the day before started catching up with me a bit. But I got a big hug from Master and I felt better and continued. There were two trash bags full of things that I was able to toss. Granted most of it were my old hand written journals that I kept before I started blogging. They were a requirement from Master just like this blog is. We had originally wanted to burn them but there is no where to do that so instead we just tossed them out. I also shoved all of my winter clothes into a trash bag and put that on the closet floor. It's not like I'm going to wear them and it makes no sense to put them in a box. Whenever I move I always just put my clothes in bags and move them that way. It's easier.

I actually felt better once that was done. Why? I have no idea.

Then today I went through the hallway closet. That also took two trash bags full of stuff out to the dumpster. Most of it was old computer keyboards and an old computer monitor. But there was other random shit that we had pretty much just shoved away in there as a just in case. But since we haven't used any of it in years I figured that we wouldn't need to drag it with us when we move just to throw it away later. We did have some empty boxes in the hallway closet that I kept because we'll need them when we move. Like for the DVD player and the Xbox 360.

I figure that the less we have to move the better. So I might as well start tossing shit now. There is only one closet left and that is in the 2nd bedroom where we have the bunnies set up. That is all Master's stuff and He said He would take care of it. So I just told Him that once He gets to it just let me know and I'll help.

So basically in the past two days I have tossed out four garbage bags worth of shit that has just been sitting in our closets for absolutely no reason what so ever for who knows how many years. Nothing like knowing you are going to move to make you do some major cleaning out of shit that you just haven't bothered cleaning out because there wasn't really a pressing reason to.

The rest of the apartment I think will be a lot easier. Aside from the 2nd bedroom closet and the basement storage unit that's really all we can go through right now. And Master basically wants to handle those two things. The only other place I can think of is the one drawer and two cabinets in the bathroom. I know that most of it are things we'll keep but I can at least get some shit out of there. Anything to make it easier when it's finally time to leave. I'd rather get it done now rather than having to worry about it on top of actually packing and putting things into a U-Haul.

I have no other explanation for this sudden urge to do all of this aside from this feeling I have that things are starting to speed up. Plus I have the time on my hands so why the hell not.

Emotionally Confusing

I had called my father today because he had mentioned that he would need help with some things by the end of the month. Well, since this is the last full week of June I figured I would give him a ring and see what was up. Apparently he is pushing it off to the first week of July. That is one thing about my dad that can drive me crazy. He procrastinates. Especially if he's under a lot of stress, like he is right now.

Once I got that answer I asked if he would mind if Master and I came down to visit because we were bored. He said that would be great but to meet him out at Grandpa's house because he was going there to hang out with his brother, my uncle, who has been living out there since Grandpa has been in the rehabilitation center/nursing home in order to take care of Grandpa's dog.

Anyway...

Dad told me to call my uncle to make sure it was okay with him. I got a hold of him and he was fine with it. We got there around 3:30pm and rather than just a hang out and chill situation it turned into a mix of that as well as our looking around Grandpa's house to see if there was anything we wanted.

They are selling the house in order to help pay for Grandpa's care (it isn't cheap and the insurance is no longer covering any of it) and they have a buyer already lined up. So they have until October to get the entire house cleared out. They are hoping to get it all done sooner than October though so there is kind of a rush on that. All of the family members have to go through and take what they want. My dad and my uncle need to take their stuff. After that they will be having an estate sale and then finally once all of that is done and over with the house will be officially sold to the buyer that is already lined up.

So Master and I went through the things we wanted to look through. Well, actually I went through things and Master pretty much just shadowed me. I took a small box full of things. Some of it was books, some old German beer steins, a wooden picture from Germany, as well as a few collectables that reminded me of both my grandma and my grandpa. We also took one of the recliners and an end table. Well, actually the end table is still there because after we shoved the recliner in the car there wasn't any room left for the end table. But that will be the only other thing we'll be taking from the house.We'll just pick that up when we go back out there to help them get some of the bigger items they want out of the house.

My brother showed up towards the end of our visit. He actually showed up just as I was taking the small box out to the car. So as a I was walking to the car I asked him if he wanted to look through the box and see if he wanted any of what I was taking. I am just trying to be as fair as possible. He said it was okay and that he didn't need to look through it.

After my brother showed up we only stayed about another half hour. We had been there for about three hours by that point and it was hot in the house. My dad was also leaving. Once we got home and we got everything in the house (the bottom of the recliner is fucking heavy by the way) I sent a text to my brother apologizing for leaving so quickly and said that we should find a day to hang out together.

I'm pretty sure that after we left my brother went through and took some things or at least stated that he wanted them and would pick them up later. Then the only person left would be my mother. Once she goes through the rest that hasn't been "ear marked" would go up for sale and then the house will be sold.

Almost immediately after dinner I felt severely tired. Just absolutely drained. I'm sure some of it is from the heat at Grandpa's house and the fact that I had just finished eating. But I think another part is that going through the house and picking out items took more out of me emotionally than I thought it would.

It just feels incredibly odd knowing that Grandpa is still alive but we are basically clearing out his house and taking things we want. But I know that the house needs to be sold and so we need to take the things we want now. It was just surreal and emotionally confusing.

Not A Real Post

This is not a real post. My real post will be a little later on today. This is just my doing a random post because I am somewhat bored but don't want to do the real post yet because I want to save that for something to do later.

Sometimes I become basically obsessed with a TV show. And by obsessed I mean I kind of surround myself with it. Stupid huh? It all started with Doctor Who. Well, the newer series. Basically when the 10th Doctor (David Tennant) came to be is when I became obsessed with the show. I had my wallpaper set as it. I had my ringtone as the opening theme music and my message notification as the sonic screwdriver. I had it that way for a very long time.

Then once it got more into the 11th Doctor (Matt Smith) I still loved the show but I wasn't obsessed with it like I was when David Tennant was the Doctor. As a result I would randomly change the wallpaper, ringtone, and message notification sounds.

But I found that I really liked them to match.

Then Master found this show called Supernatural. Holy shit. I fucking love that show! That kicked off into the Supernatural obsession. Again... wallpaper, ringtone, and message notification. With the wallpaper though I couldn't really find one I liked so I just kind of picked one that I felt matched the feel I was going for. We haven't had any new episodes of that on Netflix in quite some time, which makes me sad. Again, I had those on my phone for a long time. I would say about six months or so.

However, I was getting somewhat bored with it. Not because I don't love the show but just because I was. *shrugs* It happens.

And that's when the 3rd season of Sherlock was released on Netflix. (When I am referring to Sherlock I am referring to the BBC TV show.) I loved that show since we first started watching it on Netflix. It just seemed to take forever for the 3rd season to hit. (The only down side to that show is that each season is only 3 episodes long.) But now that we have it and we watched it I realized that's what I wanted to do for my next obsession based theme. And so off I went. My ringtone is the theme song, my message notification is related to the show and my wallpaper is the wallpaper in Sherlock's apartment. I didn't want it with the smiley face on it though. I just felt that looked off.

I don't know why I latch onto things like that and suddenly allow it to take over my phone. I think it's partially because I love the shows so much. (It's a three way tie really.) I also think it's because I like everything on my phone to fit a theme and I hate having ringtones with lyrics or words in it. So naturally theme songs from certain TV shows fit that perfectly.

Better Than Expected

We went down to my mother-in-law's house today. We didn't have to be there until 5:30pm so most of the day was spent relaxing. But around 4pm I asked Master if it would be okay for me to put on some eyeliner since I would be somewhat dressing up today. He said that would be fine. I'm not sure why I wanted to, but I did. He just told me not to go overboard with it. By that He means that I should just put on regular eyeliner and not do the little wings off the side like I do sometimes.

I did that and it took me a little longer than I thought it would so I'm glad that I started doing it earlier than I was planning to. I don't normally wear make-up so when I do sometimes it takes me a little while.

Once that was done I went into the bedroom and put on the skirt that Master wanted me to wear. I also put on one of my new tank tops. It is very form fitting so I thought that would please Him. When I came out into the living room He said that I looked very nice. I asked Him if wearing sandals instead of heels was okay and He said that would be fine.

Once I slipped my sandals on we headed out the door.

We didn't do a lot when we go there. There was a couple of conversations regarding my grandfather and the house my dad wants us to take over, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. She was actually pretty polite about it and the questions she asked didn't come off as snarky or anything. I think all the questions Master answered for her via e-mail helped a lot though. I think if that hadn't happened today would have been more like an interrogation than a visit.

I remember at one point Master and I had to go downstairs to get some soda. His mother and her husband stayed upstairs in the kitchen. As I was walked back up the stairs, which are blocked by a half wall, Master lifted up my skirt and held it there for a little while as I continued to walk. He also grabbed my ass in a playful way. But as we got to the top of the stairs I started playfully shooing His hands away. *laughs*

Dinner was good and Master seemed very pleased with how I looked today. I'm glad that I looked nice for Him. It was a lot cooler out today than I thought it was going to be and my mother-in-law had her A/C on full blast so I was a bit chilled but it wasn't too uncomfortable.

We got home later than we intended. As soon as we got home I had to change and then take the dog out. There was no way I was taking the dog outside while wearing a short skirt and sandals.

Now we are just enjoying the rest of our evening. So basically as a wrap up, today went a lot better than I thought it would.

Fog

My head has been in a fog all day. And as a result I am doing my 06/19/14 post late... *sigh* I hate it when I do that. I really do. I mean it's technically not late as long as it is done before I go to bed, but that's not the point. It annoys me. And honestly it didn't even click in my head until after Master was talking about writing something. The word "writing" hit my ear and suddenly I remembered that a post was due today. I was literally just sitting there watching an older episode of Sherlock and then suddenly that hit me so I had to turn it off and come do my post. Those episodes are an hour and a half long and since it is already almost 1am it didn't make any sense to finish the episode and then do my post after the fact. Also, I don't think Master would have been too pleased had I asked if I could wait until the episode was done.

Like I said my mind is in a fog so hopefully the post makes sense.

On Master's birthday I got a little mad at my jaw. It may sound stupid to get angry at a part of your own body, but I did. I wanted to blow Him. We were watching something on TV and He was lounging around naked, just like I was. I knelt in front of Him and took His cock into my mouth. It didn't take long for my jaw to start to ache a little bit but I figured it was the angle. As a result I asked Master if He wanted to go to the bedroom.

Once we got back there He sat up on the bed, got comfortable, and then I sprawled out in between His legs which is normally the easiest position for my jaw. I did my best. When the jaw felt too bad I would pull back and lick before trying to continue. I was getting frustrated. Thankfully Master wasn't. He understands. At one point I had to stop. I wasn't going to be able to finish that way. He didn't get mad or anything, He simply told me to get on all fours.

It was great but afterward I apologized because I really did want to blow Him to completion. He told me not to worry about it. As long as He was pleased I guess it didn't really matter, but it is always annoying when my jaw doesn't want to cooperate with me.

Next topic....

A couple of days ago my mom and I had gone clothes shopping. I needed some new tank tops and was hoping to get a couple of skirts. Thankfully I was able to find some. The tank tops aren't anything special but I wanted to find a couple of skirts that I thought would please Master. They are a little above the mid thigh length. I finally showed them to Him tonight. He seemed pleased. In fact He told me to wear one in particular on Saturday.

We are going to His mother's house for dinner. She wants us to come over to celebrate Master's birthday that just passed. Like I said in the last post we already know we're going to be grilled some more about this whole moving business. Never mind we have no idea when it is going to happen.

Anyway...

The reason why Master wants me to wear the skirt is two fold. The first reason is because He likes the look of it on me. The second reason is because He knows it'll annoy the hell out of His mother. She doesn't really like me. She says she does and puts on the act but we both know that she likes certain things about me but others.. not so much. She doesn't like how much I swear, that I'm not a "lady", that I have a very what she would call "blue collar" attitude. Basically she doesn't like the fact that I'm not more like her. One big thing she has a problem with are all of my tattoos and my body. She always tells me I'm too skinny and that I look unhealthy. She tells me that I need more "meat on my bones".

The way she talks about it you would think I was a walking skeleton with skin clinging to me. That is not the case.

So when I dress up a little bit and you can see my figure a bit more than my usual t-shirt and jeans it annoys her. You can see it in her eyes. Master says that she says things like that because she is jealous. That may sound so very stupid but she cuts down on me for it so much and in such a way that if any other woman was doing it the first thought that would pop into your head is snarky jealousy.

Now granted, she is my mother-in-law but that doesn't make it any less apparent. And I honestly don't think it's age related. I'm 30 years younger than she is. But I do not believe that age is the issue at hand. I think it's just that I dare to wear such things. How horrible of me! I'm not dressing inappropriately. I don't have my ass or tits hanging out or anything. It's just not lady like. Her term of lady like is basically having on an ankle length skirt/dress or slacks.

And sometimes Master just likes to piss His mother off.

101 Questions

Today is Master's birthday. We couldn't do very much at all due to finances. But He doesn't really care about His birthdays, just like I don't care about mine. I still feel a little bad about it though. So I did something small that I could pull off. It isn't much but I got Him a six pack of Jack Daniels Black Jack. Also, that paracord bracelet I had ordered for Him that didn't fit is being remade and should have been shipped either yesterday or today. Hopefully it'll be here sooner rather than later. I asked them how they would like me to send the one that doesn't fit back to them and they said not to worry about it and to just keep it. That was really nice of them. So now I figure that I'll see if my dad or my brother want it. *shrugs* If they don't I have no idea what I'll do with it. It's way too big for me.

In other news....

My father and my uncle are currently fighting. My grandfather is supposed to have a nerve test done tomorrow. My father is 100% for it and my uncle is 100% against it. I'm not chiming in on it. He's not my father therefore I have no say in any of it. I will say that I am against it. But... Nothing I can do about it. Apparently my uncle went over there today and continued to try and talk my father out of it. I don't know the outcome of that discussion. The only reason I know about it at all is because my uncle called my mother to vent and he told her that he was going to see my dad about it today. So... yeah. No clue.

Another tiny bit of news it that Master told His mother about the fact that we'll be taking over my dad's place once he moves out of state. He told her now so we're not dealing with 101 questions right as it's happening. She is like that. So, we're getting 101 questions now. He told her via e-mail and they have been messaging back and forth ever since. One question after another after another. And Master has had an answer for all of them. She seems to think that we haven't thought about any of it. We have.

Believe me we have. We gotten a low down on the appliances, how new they are, etc. and so on. We've talked about the bills and how much those are on average. And every time Master answers her she gets more snippy about it, as if she wasn't expecting us to have thought it from.

For instance she brought up the heating bill. Master explained that we had already discussed this with my father and also stated that the home has a fireplace in it so that will cut down on the heating bill in the winter. Reasonable answer. She came back with, "Where are you going to get the wood from?"

When Master read that aloud I laughed and said, "Trees."

That got Him laughing as well. I mean seriously, what kind of question is that?

Rather than being a complete smart ass about it Master simply told her that we can buy it at grocery stores, gas stations, and also my mother. My mother has a fireplace that she uses all the time in the winter so she stocks up on wood. So we could easily just chip in on the bill for the wood that they buy and get some of that.

Another thing she had brought up about the fireplace that I found amusing is the fact that she said, "Well as long as it isn't an electric fireplace..." That one actually made me pause. She owns and uses an electric fireplace.

Master and I have come to the conclusion that she is basically trying to scare us off of it for some reason. Master thinks that it is due to jealousy as our rent/bills would be lower than where we are now and it is bigger than where she lives. She lives in a very small two bedroom and two bathroom condo that she spent more than $200k on. My dad's place is a great size, has three bedrooms, and two bathrooms. The kitchen is massive and has an island. Her kitchen is so tiny that it feels cramped to me and I'm small.

Who knows... Hell, we don't even know when this will be happening and she's acting like we're moving tomorrow. We'll be seeing her on Saturday and Master and I both think that we'll be bombarded with more questions. In fact I have a feeling that she'll be asking me the exact same questions she asked Master just to see if she gets the same answers. It should prove to be interesting.

Expanding The Search

Well, I'm still looking for a job. Hooray. I did look into a couple of work at home opportunities but they weren't something I was comfortable doing in so far as relying on it for steady and full time income.

Yesterday we went down to see my dad and he told us that after my grandfather has passed he plans on moving down south to be with his girlfriend and wants us to take over his house. That is his exact plan. Now, when it will be implemented I do not know as it all depends on when Grandpa passes away and how long the whole legal process that happens after the fact takes. We have always loved the place my dad lives at. Always. And it's in a great area.

As a result of that conversation yesterday I am starting to look for jobs in the state just south of us. Where we would be living once we move in there is literally a hop, skip, and a jump to the border. So it would make sense. For now, it would really suck but I'm thinking long term. Even before my dad brought all that up yesterday Master and I were planning on moving south of where we are anyway.

Why I didn't look into the next state before I don't know. Maybe because I didn't really know how close to the border we would be. But now? Hell yeah I'm going to apply for jobs there.

Master and I were sitting outside for a while today and I discussed it with Him and He agreed that it would be a good idea. Once I got back inside I called my mom since she drives all over the place for her job to ask her how far away certain cities were from where she is. She gave me a rough estimate and basically told me not to go past such and such a city. Awesome. I thanked her for the information and applied to a job down there.

Another reason why I decided to start applying in that area is because I get a lot more job notifications for those areas than I do around here. I think that expanding my job search down there will help my possibility of finding a job sooner rather than later.

Hopefully expanding the job search pays off quickly.

Going For Walks

This post will probably show up as late since I'm starting it just before midnight. This is supposed to be my 06/13/14 post. I was sitting there watching TV with Master when suddenly my blog ran through my mind and I wasn't sure if a post was due on the 13th of the 14th. I looked and it was in fact due for the 13th. My days are running together. I've also been sleeping more during the day. I think it's stress and emotions. I took a nap for no reason yesterday and another unnecessary nap today. I wasn't even tired. I just drifted off for some reason. I hate that. I'm chalking it up to stress and high emotions. *shrugs* Not sure what else it could be.

I wanted to do a post about our pup today. Why? Because today something amazing happened! Okay, maybe it's not amazing but it's still pretty awesome. *laughs*

About two days ago we took him into the vet clinic to get his rabies shot and to test for heart worms. Thankfully he only needs to get his rabies shot once every three years. He is always such a sweet but hyper mutt and going to the vet clinic is no different. Our vet really likes him and treats him very well. As usual the shot and the blood test went smoothly. The results came back that he was heart worm free so we could proceed with giving him his monthly dose of heart worm prevention pills.

Like I said our dog can be very hyper. He's a good dog but when it comes to talking him for walks he pulls like there is no tomorrow. We had purchased a training collar, other wise known as a choke chain, and his pulling went down a little bit but not much. (To clarify I do not mean the pinch collar. I hate those and refuse to use them. However, the "choke chain" is something all of Master's dogs have had and He feels they are more reliable, as far as not breaking, rather than a typical collar. Our dog still wears a typical collar which his tags are attached to.)

As a result, Master had to take him out to the car while I paid the bill so he wouldn't be trying to drag Master all over the office. Our dog is almost as tall as me when he's standing on his hind legs and weighs about 67lbs. He is very strong.

As I was paying the bill and waiting for the receptionist to give me the new rabies tag and certificate the vet himself was standing there finishing up our dog's paperwork. The receptionist and I were joking around a bit about how our dog is so happy and hyper all the time. That's when the vet popped in and suggested a head collar. He said that our mutt should be a lot easier to handle during walks and better behaved when we take him to the vet or to a store.

Aside from pulling our dog is very well behaved. But he's 5 years old and has always pulled. Always.

After we got home from the vet visit I talked to Master about it a little bit and He told me to look into it. I did some research on it and found that the best place to go would be to Petco.

Anyway, today we decided that since he just had his rabies shot booster done we could take him to the store and look for a head collar. The most talked about one one the internet was the Halti head collar. As a result that is what I looked for first. I found it but Master pointed out the Gentle Leader head collar. It stuck out more because rather than just a size, it came with a weight recommendation. Since he is a bigger dog we feel better whenever we see a weight recommendation on the package. We also didn't have to try it on the mutt since it was fully adjustable. Awesome.

We went home and I was a little surprised at the instruction booklet that came with it. At first I was thinking that this was going to be way too complicated just because of how many steps were listed. But once I read through them all it was actually pretty simple once I got it fitted properly. From now on putting it on him will be easier.

As soon as we were sure that it was on and sized correctly we took him for a walk. Of course at first all our dog wanted to do was wipe his face with his paws to try and get it off. It didn't hurt him or anything, he just didn't like the way it felt. It allows his mouth to open and close all the way. It isn't a muzzle. But once we got on with the walk it was amazing how well behaved he was. Rather than trying to pull ahead he walked at our sides.

It has been a long time since I've actually been able to walk our dog. He weighs about half as much as I do and he's muscular. I could take him out to use the bathroom and take him in and out of the car with no problem but during an actual walk I wasn't able to comfortably control him.

But this time once our dog got a little more use to the head collar I was able to take the leash and walk him with absolutely no problem. It was awesome! I am very glad that we took the vet's advice!

Now, to get our dog use to the head collar, Master wants it put on every time we take him outside. There is the hope that we won't have to put it on him after quite some time (Master said about a year) of having it on but I have a feeling that once the dog knows it's not on he'll go right back to pulling. Only time will tell. For right now it was worth every penny and we've only had it one day.

I'm only raving about it because it was so nice to be able to walk our dog myself rather than just walking beside Master while He held the leash.

Nothing But Bad News

Today just hasn't been a day for good news.

I got an e-mail today in regards to the 911 job I had applied to back in March. I had taken another one of their tests last week and I honestly thought I had done really well. Apparently it wasn't good enough. The e-mail informed me that I basically did not have a high enough score to move on with the hiring process. I was honestly very upset. I mean I applied to this job back in March and I had taken two tests for it. I rocked out on the data entry test and then I moved on to the mock call center test I took. Granted it wasn't just a mock call center test but still. I honestly thought I did well. I really wanted that job. It pays really well and it was in the area we are looking to move to. It would have been perfect. I cried a little bit when I got the e-mail. But Master told me I have done really well but others did better and since they are only looking to fill five positions I was cut from the process. I wasn't told what my score was. Obviously I've been applying to other jobs this entire time but it was still a pretty big let down.

I did get a lead on a job from a friend of ours that we haven't talked to in a long time because he moved out of state. He works for a company and he is a remote customer service rep, meaning he works from home. He had just found out that they were hiring so he told me about it and gave me the link to apply. I did so immediately. It would be nice to work from home. And at least I already know it's legit since our friend works for them and has for some time now. Maybe it'll go somewhere.

The other bad news is that I got an update on my grandfather today. Getting updates isn't a bad thing but the information I got this time is bad. He is constantly talking about how he's going to float up and see his wife. He is so beyond ready to go. His body just isn't letting the ghost go.

He is getting more combative. They have had to drug him several times, with my father's permission, to calm him down. Other wise they risked him hurting himself or others. It was basically either that or restraining him. They were also worried that if they restrained him he would harm himself. As a result drugging him was the safest option.

He isn't recognizing most people now. And if he does it's only for a very brief moment. And for the past two days people have shown up to visit and he has refused to see them. He is also cussing everyone out and screaming at them. Apparently he is refusing all of his medication and the nurses can't give him his insulin because he isn't eating.

According to the doctor his being combative is pretty normal given that his brain isn't getting all of the blood and oxygen it is supposed to get.

All of us are just wishing that he wasn't suffering anymore. We all feel horrible for saying it only because we know that would mean he would be gone. But... I don't know. We don't want him to suffer. It's killing us to see him go through all of this and not be able to do anything to help him. His DNR prohibits basically anything we could do. And honestly we are all extremely surprised he has made it this far. His soul wants to go but his body is keeping him trapped here.

A Very Long Time

The other night Master did something that He doesn't in a long time. I had just gotten off from Him eating me out and He was kneeling up on the bed. He had grabbed my neck and maneuvered me so that I was laying in between His legs with His cock right in front of my mouth.

He gathered up my hair so that it wouldn't fall into my face. At first He allowed me to pick the pace and decide how far down my head went. I had to work saliva around in my mouth as I was still out of breath and my mouth was dry. As a result it took me a little while to be able to get my mouth more than half way down His shaft comfortably.

He leaned back a little and I believe He was looking down, watching. I couldn't tell as I wasn't looking up but it was just one of those feelings. You know, like someone is watching you. I could be wrong.

I would slow down and then pick up the pace every now and then. He would growl and moan. I slowly pulled my head back until His cock was fully out of my mouth so that I could work my tongue around the head of it before quickly and rather suddenly taking it back into my mouth causing Him to grip my hair even tighter.

Eventually though He rather suddenly put His free hand, the hand that wasn't holding my hair, on top of my head. He wasn't forceful about it. He was only putting a small amount of pressure so that I wouldn't pull my head up. I wasn't sure what He wanted me to do so I just stayed still. My mouth was about half way down the length of His cock. I applied a little bit of pressure with my tongue and He moaned.

I'm glad I stayed still. I think that is what He wanted as shortly there after He started fucking my mouth. It was slow long strokes. Every time I felt Him pushing forward I relaxed my throat as much as possible so that I wouldn't gag. I can normally control my gag reflex pretty well, but no one is perfect. This time I didn't have an issue at all.

He only used His hips though. He didn't push down on my head although He kept His hand there. I knew that if it was absolutely necessary that I could just tap on His leg and He would allow me to lift my head. I only do that if I am gagging or I can't breathe. I'm glad that I didn't have those problems this time.

I greatly enjoyed it. Every time His balls touched my chin I moaned a little. He wasn't just fucking my mouth, He was going balls deep into it. I was beginning to think He was going to continue to do that until He came but that wasn't the case. After a little while He pulled my head up and quickly put me on all fours. He fucked me roughly to the point where we were both panting after we were done.

Like I said, it has been a very long time since He has done that. I'm glad He did. I had missed it.

Never

This... well... it's a very odd subject. And some people may think I'm an absolutely horrible person for posting it. That's up to you. Either way I'm being honest about it.

I heard a song in the car today that I hadn't heard before. It's by Bobaflex which isn't really a band I care for. But the song was called "I'm Glad You're Dead". I know that sounds like a horrible song title but ya know what.. there is truth to it in certain situations. Obviously when my grandfather passes the lyrics to the song will not apply to him. But ya know what? It does apply in certain other situations.

I had a cousin that when I found out he had died I was actually happy about it. He was a creep. And by creep I mean it in every sense of the word. When I was younger he had actually tried groping me. By younger I mean I was barely 12 years old. He had died from an accidental overdose and the first thought it my head was, "Serves him right."

There is a saying that you should never speak ill of the dead and honestly that saying pisses me off. Just because you have passed away does not automatically make you a saint. It doesn't clean your slate. If you were a horrible person in life when you die it doesn't mean that suddenly no one can speak bad about you. The fact that you are no longer breathing.

There is another person who I was happy to hear about their passing. It was a whore of a woman that continuously bounced between dating my uncle and a cousin of mine. One family get together she would show up with my uncle and then the next she would show up with my cousin. (Not the cousin I was referring to earlier.) Whoever had more money at the time is the one she went with. And after my cousin moved out of state she just continued to date my uncle. Then after my grandmother passed away she basically stayed with him until his inheritance money ran out. When she died I was again happy about it.

I've said such things to people in the past and some people agree while others look like I took a brick and smacked them in the face with it. Not because they knew these people but because they are dead and I shouldn't talk about them like that.

When I die I don't expect to be thought of as a saint because I'm not. But I'm also not a horrible person. There will people who miss me and I'm sure there will be people who won't care. *shrugs* It's just how things go.

As I've said I never understood and cannot stand that whole "Never speak ill of the dead" saying. Sorry. I'm not going to follow that little "rule". Someone explained to me that the saying exists because they aren't here to defend themselves. I laughed when they told me that, more so because this particular person is one who talks about everyone behind their backs. So, it's okay to do it while they are breathing but not after the fact? I don't think so.

Testing

Last night I tried really hard to go to sleep at a half way decent time. But since being unemployed I've actually been going to bed between 3am and 4am. As a result it was a bit difficult. I went to bed at about 2:30am and I took a benadryl to help make me drowsy, which thankfully helped.

I got up at 7:20am this morning. I had that 911 mock call center test today at 9am. I left extremely early because I didn't know how much construction was going on and where exactly it would be. Wisconsin has two seasons. Winter and Construction. I got there a good 45 minutes early but it took a little while to find parking. The shitty thing was that all the street parking available was either for 30 minutes or 1 hour. According to the e-mail in regards to the test it could take up to 2 1/2 hours. Fuck. So I had to go to a parking structure and pay for it. The last thing I needed was to be at the public safety building for a job test and get a parking ticket. The public safety building is basically the cop shop which is directly across the street from the jail and directly behind the court house.

I was the only one dressed nice. All of the other people there were in jeans. I realize that it is only a test and not an actual interview but at the same time I'd rather dress nice for it since it is for a job.

They started the testing a half hour late because they were having computer issues. They had originally said they weren't even sure whether or not they would be able to do the testing today due to the computer issues but that if we were willing to stick around they would see if they could get it working. Well, hell. I drove almost a hour to get down here so hell yeah I'm sticking around.

It was a relief that they were still able to do it.

Before the test started they said that they had originally started out with 275 applicants and that they were now down to 50. After this test it will obviously be less than that. They are looking to fill five positions. Hopefully I'll pass this test and get through the other two steps and get one of those five positions.

The part that sucked is that they couldn't answer any questions we might have in regards to the test itself. Thankfully I had studied the information they provided via e-mail. But even then there were three sections of the test that weren't mentioned in the e-mail at all. I think I did well.

They said that they don't give the results right away and that if we don't receive an e-mail within a week to feel free to contact the HR person. I have her e-mail so if I don't hear anything by next week Thursday I'll shoot her an e-mail politely asking for an update.

I was really tired by the time I got home so after I did more job searches and applied to a few more jobs I ended up taking a nap. When I woke up we took the mutt for a walk. Now later on tonight after the animals are taken care of I'll be doing laundry. I don't mind doing laundry but I hate the fact that the dryer doesn't get everything dry unless you send it through two to three cycles. I'm sure it does that just so you pump more quarters into it.

Honest With Myself

I just want to add a quick disclaimer here... This post has nothing at all to do with something Master has done and/or said to make me feel this way. This is all me.

There, with that being said, I can continue with the post. I use to be very tone. I didn't have a six pack or anything but I was very tone. The most tone I'd been since meeting Master was when I was stripping. Trust me, that's one hell of a work out. It makes me wish that I could afford to take a pole dancing work out classes, but I can't. It's not exactly cheap. I've looked into it in the past. Hell I even considered just taking belly dancing classes. Not so much to learn how to belly dance but just for a work out. Again, too expensive although cheaper than the pole dancing classes. Even when I was working full time it was out of reach, so you can imagine how out of reach it is now.

Since I hadn't been able to afford it I use to just work out at home a bit. Nothing big. But I stopped at some point. I don't really remember when I stopped or why. I just did. I was never really as tone as I was when I was stripping but it was better than nothing.

Like I said I'm not sure why I stopped. Now, I'm not saying that I'm fat or anything along those lines. I wouldn't say I've "let myself go", but I'm also not toned. Granted Master is constantly commenting on how tiny I am. Not in a bad way.

But it's mainly my stomach. I don't know why but I've always had issue with my stomach. I've never been fat but I've never really been satisfied with how it looks. There have been times lately, that during sex if I'm bent in such a way I will, for just a very brief moment, think of how it feels and worry that it doesn't look attractive in that position. As I said it is nothing that Master has said or done. He has never made me feel unattractive in any way shape or form.

And this is seriously the first time I've been this honest with myself about it. Yes, I've noticed it at moments but I've never really done anything about it. I hate myself for that. Finally yesterday while I was reading a book on the couch I had my legs up on the couch, with my knees bent, and was resting the book on my legs. And once I reached a slow point in the book I again had the realization that I didn't like how my stomach felt. Not looked. Felt. So I quickly put the book down and told Master that I was going into the bedroom to work out a little bit. He looked at me somewhat oddly. I told Him that it would be easier to do in the bedroom because I could shut the door and the dog wouldn't bother me.

Which is true. It's a pain in the ass to try and do that when the dog wants to bother you or lay next to you because you're on the floor. But I also feel a little embarrassed when I'm working out. As if I'm not attractive while doing so. I think that stems from the fact that I am doing it because I don't always feel that attractive.

I guess I still have some form of self image issues. Not as bad as they were when I first met Him. And they my own issue. It's something I put on myself and not something or someone that is making me feel that way.

I went into the bedroom, closed the door, and did leg lifts, crunches, squats, side leg lifts, and that bicycle movement with my legs. It didn't take me long as I have to admit I couldn't do that many reps of any of them, which actually made me feel worse. I feel as if I've let myself get too far out of shape.

This morning my ribs were a bit sore. I'm pretty sure that is from the crunches. I also felt a little burn in my thighs. But this actually made me feel a little better. It means that I actually did something. I wouldn't be sore if I hadn't actually worked out, which means that I had done better than I originally thought I did. At least that's how I'm seeing it.

I also know that as I get older it won't be as easy to get back into shape, so I need to start now and just do upkeep as I get to where I want to be.

Before I worked out yesterday Master and I had ventured out to run and errand and even though we were only doing one quick stop and would be home in no time flat I still wanted to try and feel attractive and look nice for Him. It wasn't much. All I did was put on a dress and some wedge sandals that I recently got. I do want to get more dresses and some more tank tops and at least a couple of pair of fabric shorts but I need money to do that.

Not that long ago He did mention that I'm not wearing my lingerie very frequently. I know He wants me to correct that. I wonder if maybe part of the reason I had been subconsciously avoiding it is due to the fact that I realized how unhappy I am with my stomach. 

Wow. I'm being more honest with myself than I realized. It didn't really all hit me until I started typing out this post. And I also know that I had been ignoring all of this about myself and it didn't really realize it until yesterday while I was reading, as I described above.

So I'm making promise to myself that I'll continue to work out at home. It may not be much but it's better than nothing. I know I won't see instant results but at least I'll know that I'm trying. And eventually I'll get to the point where I'll be able to do more reps of each thing and feel better about it. I do know that I would like to continue doing it all in the bedroom with the door shut. I don't think Master will take issue with that.

Headaches & Positive Thoughts

I've been popping Tylenol like fucking candy for the past three or four days now. If it's not something with my back, it's something with my shoulders, if it's not either of those it's my damn head. Currently, it's my head. The weather has been up and down. The pressure is making my head pound. It was cool enough that we didn't even really need a fan on for most of last week and then finally last night we took the fan out of the bedroom and put it out here, which worked fine. But tonight? Tonight we had to actually turn the air conditioner on. I didn't think we'd have to do that for a while. But I don't need Master or our dog getting sick from being overheated. And when I'm feeling hot I know damn well He and the dog are roasting. We all feel a lot better after turning it on. In fact I'm a bit chilled but Master and the dog are very comfortable and that's all that matters.

Ever since we got the paracord bracelets and I realized how comfortable they are and how inexpensive they actually are, I've decided that we are going to give them out as holiday presents this year. At least to most people. I know that a few people in our families won't want them. But hey, then again they have paracord key chains too.. So ya know what? That's what people are getting. Paracord.

Every year we pretty much get all of the adults the same thing. This past year it was tins with candy in them and the year before that it was coffee mugs. It's just really easy to do and makes the whole process a lot less stressful. Master was making fun of me about it because it's only June and here I am talking about holiday presents. *laughs*

*shrugs* At least it's a plan. And I honestly don't know why the hell it popped into my head.

Onto a completely unrelated topic...

I'm going to have to figure out when I'll need to refill my prescription. I'm getting them through the manufacturer right now since I am unemployed and don't have insurance. They sent me a three month supply and I'm eligible for six months worth. I'll have to call them and find out how that process works. I don't know how long it takes them to send it out and I sure in the hell can't run out before I get the next order in. They'll have to send it to my shrink's office so it'll be a two step procedure. They ship it to them and then my shrink lets me know they receive it. After that I have to haul my tail in there to pick them up. I have plenty of time right now, but I just want to make sure I stay on top of it. I'll give them a call sometime tomorrow to see what happens from here.

I also have that test on Thursday for the 911 position I had applied to back in March. This will be the second test. I passed the first one, which was a data entry test. This one is a mock call center test. I know that there are at least three more steps after this one, should I pass it, and I'm really hoping it picks up soon and that I get the job. I need a job as soon as possible and unfortunately I just haven't landed one yet. I'm hoping this pans out... I am also hoping it pans out soon. Everyone I know is wishing me luck and telling me that I'll do great and to not stress myself out. The most common advice I've received is to just relax and focus. Damn good advice if you ask me.

I'm still applying like crazy to other places, trust me. I don't really know why I'm not getting calls back. I have a 100% steady job history. This is the first time I've been unemployed except for when I was going to college.

But there are also how many other people applying to the exact same jobs? There are a lot of people looking for work and every employer has a shit ton of resumes and applications to sift through and can pick and choose from there.

Something has to give. I'm not panicking yet, which actually is pretty fucking amazing given how my mind works. I'm trying to stay as positive as possible or I'll be a jumbled mess curled up in the fetus position in a dark corner.