I've been busy as fuck as my job. As a result I have been very sore and very tired by the time I get home from work. I'm tired to the point that the only slave like things I'm even remotely doing is asking if He wants something to drink while I'm on my way to the kitchen and asking if I may use the bathroom. Oh, and doing my blog every other night. *sigh* And I know that this up coming week is going to be more of the same. I've been approved for doing 10 hours of overtime this upcoming week. And yes, I plan on actually doing that. I know it's necessary and yes I hate it. I don't hate it just for the fact that I'm at work that much, although that is part of it.
I also hate it because I come home to eat and sleep. That's pretty much it. I'm only awake for about 4 hours after I get home. That's if I'm lucky. The other night I was home for 3 hours before I crashed out on the couch. I hate it. Part of that is because I'm so wiped out mentally and my fibromyalgia is kicking my tail.
I want to spend more time with Him. I want to be a better wife/slave than what I'm able to be when I'm that sore and tired.
As a result my mind wandered to simpler times. Those were when I was in college. I wasn't working at the time. All I was doing was going to college, doing homework, and that was it. It left quite a bit of time for the good fiance then good wife as well as a good slave. We got married about a year into my going to college.
I was originally going for web design. I did eventually realize that isn't want I wanted to do. So I had looked into switching my major.
Before I could I had to "drop out". We hit a really rough patch financially speaking and I knew that I couldn't hold a full time job and go to college as well. I know that a lot of people can, and do, but I decided that I couldn't. So off to the working world I went and I never went back to college.
It was simpler because I had more time. I had more time to serve Him the way He wants to be served. I wasn't as worn out and I wasn't as stressed out. Also, I was rocking out the whole college thing. I was getting awesome grades. And Master would comment on how hot I looked laying down mainly naked, if not fully nude, while pouring over my college books. He was also always so proud of me. That is a wonderful feeling. It's not that He isn't proud of me anymore, but it felt different back then. It felt like I was actually accomplishing something and earning Him being proud of me. I don't feel that I do that when I'm working.
But each time I switched jobs to make better money and to have a more stable job the more I became stressed and tired. And that started to cut into what I wanted to be doing more and more.
I have wished, many times, that I could be a stay at home slave. It's not that I don't want to contribute to this marriage financially. It's not that I want to be a pampered slave girl. The appeal to me is that I could serve Him at any point during the day, whether it be sexually or something else. That would be my main focus rather than work having to be my main focus and my submission being forced to the back burner.
I know it will never happen. That doesn't mean I can't dream about it.
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