Work It Out

I have never understood why people give up so easily on a relationship. I understand that some people just end up with the wrong people and it has to end. I'm talking more about people who have been together for quite some time and just don't want to put any effort into the relationship. Why did this pop into my head?

Well, yesterday I was at my Dad's. I came home from work and I literally walked in the door, said hi to Master, gave Him a hug, called my dad to make sure it was still okay to come down for a visit and once that was confirmed I headed right back out the door. I hadn't even bothered to take off my hat and jacket when I got home. Master didn't come with as He is still getting over His cold. It's still in that yo-yo phase. Last night He was on a down swing and had a migraine at the same time.

It is very rare that I visit my dad by myself. Master and my father get along like best friends when they are around one another. It's not like it's uncomfortable to be around my dad by myself, because it's not. It's just rare.

Well, while I was down there my dad started talking about his girlfriend and as a result started ragging on my mom a little bit. And really it was only because he was talking about his girlfriend. As I've mentioned before she knew my mom and dad when they were married. It was years and years ago, but still. And she rags on my mom because she had eyes for my father even back then. So I think it stems more from that than anything.

My mom and dad were together for 25 years. That is a long fucking time. I never had that "I want my mommy and daddy together!" I was 17 years old when they got a divorce and I figured that if they didn't want to be together that was that.

I didn't really know a lot about it at the time. I knew that my dad was with another woman immediately. He moved right in with her as soon as the divorce proceedings started. As I got older I found out that my dad had been cheating on my mother for over a year and a half. That's a long, long time. To me that was... fucked up. I mean if you don't want to be married to someone anymore you get a divorce or you try to work it out. Obviously, my dad had chosen divorce. But seriously, a year and a half? Waiting a year and a half to tell my mom that he wanted out is a long time.

I don't hold it against him. He did what he did and he's a grown man. Then he did it again. He was with that woman for a little over 10 years and then cheated on her before telling her it was over. It wasn't as long. From what I understand it was for few a months.

He was with that woman for a little under a year and then they broke up. He didn't cheat on her before hand. He just broke up with her. He was single for a while and now he's in the long distance relationship with his current girlfriend. But I honestly feel like my dad just doesn't try to work things out. When he is done, he's done.

Then there is my mother. She didn't want to divorce my father. She wanted to work things out. She wanted to stay together and go to counseling. But my dad wasn't having it. She wanted that even after finding out he had been cheating for a year and a half. But once she had let go she let go completely.

Now she is with her current husband and they have been married for about 13 years. I think they have been together for 15 years, or very close to that mark. Her current marriage has been through some really tough times. They have been through things that would have broken a lot of marriages but they worked it out. Mom wasn't giving up and she wanted her relationship to work and so it has. Her husband wanted to work it out too obviously and takes two to tango, but it's impressive what they have been able to get through. They did go to a form of marriage counseling. Not official marriage counseling but they went to a priest and had some sessions with him, which honestly seemed to have helped.

Then there is Master and I. We have been together for just shy of 11 years and married for damn near 7 of those. And we have been through a lot of shit that would have easily broken relationships. And I'm not trying to be dramatic. Master would tell you the same thing. But we love one another and we have worked past each and every one of those situations. 

Do I think that just because you love someone you should put up with things that break you or make you feel worthless or make you hate yourself? Hell no. Love isn't a band-aid you can throw on everything. However, I do think, outside of certain breaking points, you should work things out rather than cut and run and not trying anything at all.