Paracord

Today we finally got those paracord bracelets I won a little while ago. I ended up not having to e-mail them about it because they sent me a message saying that they apologized about the delay but they hadn't been able to send them out them due to personal reasons coming up but they would be in the mail the next day. I understood. I was excited when I checked the mail today and they were in there.

I quickly opened the package and was very happy! The only down side is that they got the color order reversed. Master's was black and gray and mine was black and purple. It was supposed to be the other way around but hey.. they were free and they are awesome. Master wasn't disappointed at all and neither was I. Good thing I don't like the color pink and had ordered that color. *laughs*

If I had actually ordered and paid for them I would have been a tad upset and said something to them. But I didn't. These were 100% free. I didn't even have to pay shipping. So I just sent them a quick message thanking them. Like I said, they are absolutely awesome and we both love them and we both pretty much love the same colors.

I'm actually really happy that I entered the contest because now we both want more of them. *smiles* I know they are supposed to be survival gear and all that, but I think they look awesome and so does Master. And since there is absolutely no metal in/on them I can wear them without having to worry about it. The clasp is durable plastic.

They make some with charms on them too, and the way they weave the charm into them the metal wouldn't even get close to touching my skin so I can even order those!

This may sound stupid but because of my metal allergy and how sensitive it actually is I have never really been able to wear a lot of jewelery and have always been a little jealous of people that could just switch it out whenever they wanted to. I've always had to pick one piece of jewelery and stick with it because I knew my skin won't react to it. It was even more difficult due to the fact that I hate gold.

But with these paracord bracelets I could buy quite a few and just switch out to another one depending on which one I wanted to wear that day.

I've never been the type of girl who was into a lot of jewelry. But when I find something I really like I enjoy having different ones so I can switch them out. And these paracord bracelets fit that perfectly. They aren't typical jewelry you'd see a woman wear, so it's right up my alley.

I look forward to buying more once we can afford it.

Hands On

Master and I fucked last night and it was amazing. I've always been one of those women that absolutely love the whole hands on approach. Pin me down, toss me like a rag doll, force me not to move... *purrs* I enjoy the mental aspect as well but last night is a good example of what I love about the hands on approach. At one point Master had me get on all fours and once He was inside of me He put one of His hands on my hip and His other hand on my neck. He had grabbed my neck in such a way that He had a grip on the front and back of my neck at the same time, while the palm of His hand cupped the side of my neck. His hands are huge and my neck... well... not so much. That's yet another reason why I absolutely love our size difference. He's 6ft4 and I'm 5ft1. I'm petite and He's a walking brick wall.

Today that moment of Him grabbing my neck continued to play on loop in my head. And one thing that it made me wonder is how long it's been since I've had my collar on. Oh how I miss it. So I just did a search on my blog and holy shit! The last day I had it on was January 3rd, 2012. I honestly didn't think it had been that long. Maybe because I can still remember how it felt on my neck. I still remember hooking my fingers under it when I was upset or just absently touching it for no reason what so ever.

I know I don't need it and that I'll never have another one again. The kind of metal I would need to guarantee that I wouldn't have an allergic reaction would be titanium and that is just too expensive. Especially since who knows if my next job will "allow" me to wear it. And I still have my cuff on. Thankfully I don't think any job will make it so I can't wear it. *shrugs*

Plus, now He has more access to my neck. *grins*

And on a completely unrelated topic...

Have you ever looked at your significant other and thought to yourself how physically attracted you are to them? I mean obviously I'm physically attracted to Him. Very much so. I always have been. But there are these moments that happen when I just look over at Him while we're talking and I think, "Holy hell He's hot."

That may sound odd since we've been together for a little over 11 years now. But the other day we were sitting outside on the patio and He had His feet kicked up on the table out there, leaning back in His chair. He had His shades on and His shoulder length hair was still somewhat wet from His shower. It was all brushed back and He was looking slightly off to the side while we were talking. And I just thought to myself how sexy He is.

Like I said I'm always physically attracted to Him but there are these moments that happen and it just smacks me in the face for a split second. I had another one a while back while we were in the car and He was driving. I looked at Him and He was driving with one arm, moving His head to the music. *sigh*

Ramblings

It seems like I'm doing a post for absolutely no reason at all more and more lately. Hell yesterday I did two, technically.

Anyway, my brother came up to visit today and we did end up going to see Godzilla. It was slow moving honestly. And there was hardly any screen time for the Big G, unfortunately. I mean I didn't hate the movie or anything. But I was disappointed. From all of the hype, it was not what I was expecting at all. I'm not saying I regret going. After all, if nothing else, I got to go out and have some fun with my Husband and my brother. My brother stayed long enough to have dinner afterward, which was cool. He had to go home shortly there after because he has to work in the morning, which I totally understood.

In regards to my mother's husband, he is back at home. They are pretty sure it was a really bad case of heat stroke. They are sure that it wasn't a heart attack or a stroke but they still want him to go to a cardiologist. That is basically because he hasn't been taking his blood pressure medication the way he was supposed to for over a year. He had a stress test and all that and did okay. But they just want to know what's going on so he'll be going to a few doctor appointments in a rather short period of time. He's not too happy about but my mom basically told him tough shit. She called me at 8:30pm and asked me what I thought she should do in regards to him working on Thursday. The doctor told her that he shouldn't be left alone for the next 48 hours and that he should take it as easy as possible. His job isn't really physical at all but I told Mom that if I were her I would make him stay home. After all she has all of the ER and discharge paperwork so if his job really wants to be a dick about it she has something to prove that this happened. He may not like it but sometimes ya just have to put your foot down. And I'm not saying that simply because she is in a "vanilla" relationship. I have pulled shit like that on Master in the past when He's been really ill. The dynamic goes out the window when it comes to His health.

I also discovered that the Contact Kitten page wasn't working. Apparently when I had to redo the code on the blog I forgot to put that particular string of code back in. *sigh*I fixed that and thankfully it was easy to do. I hate it when I miss something like that. So, if anyone has tried sending me a message I'm sorry but I didn't get it. But it's fixed now!

We haven't received those paracord bracelets I had won last week yet. I won them last Tuesday and they said they would be in the mail the next day. So it's officially been one week since they said they would be mailed. I know that there was no mail on Monday due to the holiday so I'm hoping they'll be here tomorrow. I know they were free, but still.. I figure if they aren't here by Thursday I'll message the place to bring it to their attention. I was hoping they would have been here by now, but hey.. shit happens and like I said they were free so I can't really bitch too much. I was flipping through their website and Master found one that He really wants. It wasn't eligible to pick from when I won them so I figure we'll order that one for Him after I get a job. And then I'm going to buy myself a Furrybone figurine. Obviously neither of those things will happen until I have some time under my belt at the new job.

Master had commented on how I've been cranky and somewhat pissy most of the night. He told me that He understands that I'm on the rag but still...

So I thought it would be best to hop online while He's playing His video game and blast some music into my ear buds while I'm typing this out. I'm not sure why I'm pissy. I'm sore but that's pretty much it. There isn't anything going on. I'm not mad at anyone. I'm not pissed off about anything in particular. So I figure it's probably a mix of hormones and being sore. *shrugs* It's no excuse of course, but that's why I'm blasting some music. That normally helps when there is really no rhyme or reason to it. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that I'm bipolar. It's not one of those "I'm going to rip someone's head off" type pissed off for no reason moments.

I do have to say that the music is helping and I actually feeling a lot calmer right now. I don't know what it is but sometimes that's all I really need.

Can't Sleep

I think taking that two hour nap was a bad idea. Now I can't fucking sleep. Master and I went to bed at 3:30am and He told me that if I couldn't sleep I could go online for a while. Well, I stayed in bed for a little over a hour and finally decided that I wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon so I might as well go online for a bit so Master can get some rest. There is no need to keep Him up by my tossing and turning. I had taken the two hour nap because I wasn't feeling well. It helped and I'm feeling much better now, however I can't sleep. It is currently a little after 5am and nope. I'm yawning but I'm unable to crash just yet. This sucks. I don't want to be tired all day or end up taking another long nap and then not be able to sleep tomorrow night. *sigh*

My mother had called me earlier today. She was crying as soon as I answered the phone. My immediate thought was that Grandpa had passed away. But that wasn't the case. Mom's husband was being rushed to the hospital.

Apparently he was taking a shower and suddenly Mom heard some banging coming from the bathroom. She rushed in and her husband was laying in the tub. All the banging came from him falling in the tub and knocking all of the shampoo bottles and body wash bottles that were in there. He had passed out. So Mom quickly turned off the water and tried to wake him up. He remained passed out so she rushed and called 911. While she was on the phone her husband woke up and asked who she was on the phone with, as if nothing had happened.

She explained that he had fallen in the tub and had passed out. He said he didn't need to go to the hospital and Mom basically told him that yes he did and he was going whether he liked it or not.

Once the ambulance showed up and he was on his way out to the hospital Mom called me to let me know what was going on and that she was getting in the car to go to the hospital. She had called me first because she may want me to come down since she didn't know how long she would be there with him. I asked if she just wanted me to head down right then and there. She said no and that she would  give me updates later.

A couple of hours later she called me again. They weren't sure what had happened. They said that he may have had a small heart attack or a mild stroke. They were going to run a bunch of tests and admitted him to the hospital. She told me that she may need me to come down and stay the night at her house to hold the fort down and take care of the animals because she may stay at the hospital over night. I told her that wasn't a problem at all and to just let me know one way or the other. I tried to keep her as calm as possible.

She got off the phone with me and I waited for the phone to ring again. A another couple of hours go by and she said that she was at home. The doctors had told her that it would probably be best if she didn't stay the night but that it was up to her. Eventually she decided that she wouldn't stay the night at the hospital for two reasons. First, because the doctors had advised against it and second because they were only going to give her a recliner to sleep in rather than a bed. Well, my mom can't sleep like that as she has a lot of back and joint pain. She has fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis.

Regardless of the fact that she was going to be home all night I again asked if she wanted me to come down and spend the night, figuring she may like the company. But she said she would rather be alone. I understood and told her to just call if she needed anything.

I haven't heard from her since then. She said she would give me an update in the morning at some point. I hope that he gets to go home soon. I'm thinking that once all the tests are ran they will most likely discharge him since he has really sucky insurance and as a result they won't keep him any longer than they have to. I think the only reason they kept him overnight is because he has a family history that involves both heart attacks and strokes.

I feel really bad for my mom. I can't imagine what she is going through right now.

The only thing is that my brother is coming up tomorrow and we are supposed to go to the movies to see Godzilla. I'm hoping that we can still proceed with that and that we don't get a phone call in the middle of it. That may sound a little harsh but in my mind that also basically means that everything is okay. If anything, depending on the update I get from Mom, I'll just suggest that we take two cars to the movie theater because then I can just leave and allow Master and my brother to finish watching the movie without having to worry about a ride home. After all there isn't anything they'll be able to do.

Damn You Uterus!

This post is absolutely pointless and I'm just making it for the sake of making it. Also, it's a TMI (Too Much Info) post. You have been warned. If you are a guy, you will most likely just want to skip it entirely. It's gross female stuff.

And with that said... Here we go...

I'm on the rag right now. It started yesterday and I'm really glad I caught it when I did. Master and I were sitting outside and I was wearing very light gray fabric pants. I was literally just walking back outside onto our little patio area from grabbing a soda but when I stood up I felt wet down there. Not a lot. Just a little bit. But I wanted to play it safe as I basically didn't know what color it was going to be.

It turns out it was a good idea I checked because sure enough it was bright red. *sigh*

My period has been kind of all over the place time wise for a few months now. This time it was a week later than what would be my "normal" schedule. And the odd thing about it is that two days ago I had actually been complaining to my mother about how much my period is pissing me off. It could be at any point in a two to three week time frame after the last one ended. I also told her that it hasn't been making sense in so far as how long it lasts.

Since I first started having my period at ten or eleven years old (I can't remember which at this exact moment) it has been three days. Well, technically four days. But the first day was just super, super light. Basically spotting. Then the following three days you would think it was a murder scene. Done. End of story.

Now? Pft.

Two months ago it lasted six fucking days. Six. It has never been that long. Ever. And it was one of those things where it went day by day during that six day time frame in regards to how heavy it was. One day would be super heavy and then the next there would be almost nothing at all and then bam! Heavy again.

Last month it lasted three days... Now I'm not really complaining about that part but it's just really weird. And even then two of the three days weren't all that bad. The third day was only very light spotting.

This is the second day for this one and my lower back is killing me. I've been tired all day and actually just woke up from a two hour nap. Damn you uterus!

Back to me complaining to my mother about it. She told me that I might be in the early stages of menopause. I looked at her like she was crazy. I'm only 31 years old. I know that she had gone into menopause super early. In fact she was 26 years old but that was because she had to have a full hysterectomy. As a result I figured that I wouldn't have to worry about it until my late 40's early 50's.

Apparently women in my family, at least on my mother's side, hit menopause earlier than most women.

I looked online for the signs of premature menopause and the only one I am experiencing is the fact that my periods are irregular and are lighter or heavier than normal at times. Aside from that I haven't had any other symptoms. I have not skipped a period at all. Trust me if I had I would have freaked right the hell out. I had my tubes fried about nine years ago and I know that tubal pregnancy is a highly unlikely scenario but is still possible. So if I were to miss my period that is honestly the first thing I would think and would be rushing to a doctor. Also, this has only been going on for two months. This one isn't over yet so I don't know if that is following the "pattern" of the past two.

Also, my mother is a hypochondriac to a degree. So I am kind of taking it with a grain of salt. Don't get me wrong I'll keep an eye on it but since I am not experiencing anything outside of somewhat irregular periods I'm not really worried, it's just annoying as hell.

Highly Disappointed

Okay.. so I went from only being somewhat disappointed to being highly disappointed. Now, after the last blog post in regards to "Story of O" Master had told me that I need to keep in mind that this story is from 1958 and as a result things that seem rather dull and boring to me were rather exciting back then. People were shocked by a hell of a lot less than they are now.

So, the next time I picked up the book I kept that in mind. I literally just finished reading it about 15 minutes ago. I did not like the book at all. And it's not just because I wasn't "shocked" or "thrilled" by it. I don't think I've ever been shocked by a book. Thrilled? Yes.

As I continued to read the book I realized that the whole thing about Stephen King writing forever and a day about the wallpaper came to mind because the surroundings of the room were more and more lengthy as the book went on. I do not give a flying fuck what color the wood holding the mirror was. I don't. I really don't. Not one tiny bit. And yet, there you are describing the hell out of it. Does it add to the story? No. So what the hell are you taking such time to detail that shit rather than leaving it to the reader's imagination and moving on with the more juicy and/or important details? Ugh!

*HUGE Spoiler Alert*

And what really pissed me off about it is I got to the end of the book and O had just gotten done being put on display at a party and then taken out to be fucked by two guys repeatedly. At first I thought, "Well that was a weak ending."

Then I turn the page and it says... And I quote:

"In a final chapter, which has been suppressed, O returned to Roissy, where she was abandoned by Sir Stephen.

There exists a second ending to the story of O, according to which O, seeing that Sir Stephen was about to leave her, said she would prefer to die. Sir Stephen gave her his consent."

Are you fucking kidding me?! It's a short enough story to begin with. (199 pages) and then the entire final chapter isn't even there? What the hell?! And an alternate ending? Um... with a book it has one ending. That's it. End of story. Literally.

This isn't like it's the first printing. This is the ninth printing of the book.

Why would it be suppressed in the first place? If the book was finally allowed to be published again why is that final chapter still not allowed? I honestly did look on the web and can't seem to find a solid answer. It did mention that the alternate ending was removed by the author herself. Whether that is true or not I have no idea since I can't even find out why the original ending isn't in the book.

So, final wrap up...

Rene and O's relationship is basically non-existent. Rene went and fell in love with some model friend of O. O goes to a woman's house and gets her outer labia pierced and is then branded with Sir Stephen's initials. Sir Stephen and O are now in love and she doesn't even give a fuck that Rene doesn't love her anymore even though a few chapters earlier she was worried to death that he didn't.

Then the 15 year old sister of the model that Rene is now in love with is in love with O and wants to be like her. So they make plans to send the 15 year old off to Roissy with O. They never get to that part because, like I said, they ended the story with O being used by Sir Stephen and a guy named Commander after a party where she is literally just sat down and told to position herself a certain way so people can look at her and sometimes touch her.

The fact that the ending isn't there at all pisses me off. And then realizing that the ending was going to have Sir Stephen leave O anyway makes me look back and go, "Then why the fuck did you bother branding the bitch?"

But then again, that part can be very true. Even now. How many new found relationships with a dynamic in place immediately permanently mark the submissive (whether it be by branding or a tattoo) and then in two months they hate each other? Just from reading FetLife and blogs I stumbled across on the web it seems to be pretty damn frequent.

Granted I have permanent marks from Master that show His ownership of me. One is a scar He gave me and the other two are tattoos. But they weren't put there until after we had a couple of years under our belt. Does that mean we can't leave one another? Of course not. But at least there was a good length of time from the beginning of our relationship to the times where the scar was made and the tattoos were applied.

*sigh* I've gotten a little off point here.

Basically, I just read a book that had no ending and that pisses me off. It feels like I was left hanging. And granted I wasn't really enjoying the book to begin with but I had hung in there only to be presented with a page basically telling me yes, actually, there are two endings but we aren't going to give you either. Tough shit.

Tears

Last night Master and I had been not so much flirting with one another as much as just sneaking a quick touch or grab here and there. Oh, and Him occasionally smacking me on my ass. But really, that is how we flirt. We don't really do it verbally very often. It's all physical and with general body language. Like I said, we were doing that on and off all last night.

Eventually we did go to bed. He grabbed me and pulled me to Him, brushed my hair out of the way and then chewed on my neck for a while. I reached down to stroke Him for a little while before He stopped and told me to use my mouth. At the angle I was at and the fact that my jaw was a little tight I did the absolute best I could. He seemed to enjoy it a lot.

When I stopped I asked Him how He wanted me and rather than telling me He simply tossed me like a rag doll onto my back and I immediately opened my legs. He entered me and since I was already rather wet there wasn't much resistance. Did that stop Him from being a bit rough about it? Of course not. Why would it?

He held me close and fucked me hard. It was a nice mix and blended really well to the point that I couldn't really tell where the feeling of being held close in a very loving way began and the feeling of being fucked roughly ended.

After He allowed me to cum several times He knelt up and pulled my legs up so that they were bent at the knees and were up by my shoulders while my feet were resting against His chest. He got very, very deep. He bounced me off His cock while I was in that position and I don't know what triggered it but I started crying.

It wasn't full on sobbing. A few tears ran down my face and I sniffled a little bit here and there. It wasn't from pain. But just to make sure He eased up a little bit, He didn't stop though, and asked if I was okay. I nodded my head.

He leaned down, putting my pressure on my legs, and softly kissed my face. He told me that I hadn't been "raped" roughly in a long time. It's obviously not actually my being raped since I'm consenting. Basically it's how He refers to a particular position. I lay on my stomach, He hooks His feet under my legs so that they are widely spread apart and He grabs each of my wrists to pin me to the bed. I'm not allowed to cum and I better hold as still as fucking possible.

As He was describing to me that He was going to do this to me as well as put a pillow under my hips to prop them up so He could get even deeper He was pausing long enough to kiss my face very softly. That made more tears stream down my face. Please understand that these tears are not from pain or fear. They are simply from being overwhelmed by emotions. Particularly love and my devotion to Him.

Right before He pulled out so He could reposition me He kissed my lips. Once I was in position He did everything He promised He would. I wasn't crying anymore. I was too busy trying my best not to get off. However as soon as He was done, pulled out, and laid down next to me the tears flowed again but this time I was crying to the point that I had to catch my breath. He laid His chest across my back, covering my upper body with His. He rested His head against mine until I stopped. Again He asked if I was okay.

I assured Him that I was. He knew why I had been crying since the first time He asked if I was okay. After eleven years He knows that sometimes this just happens. It comes out of no where and there is really no rhyme or reason to it.