Putting Myself Last

I constantly put myself last on my priority list. I'm obviously not talking about my health. (Master would drag me kicking and screaming to a doctor if He thought otherwise.)

I'm talking about spending money basically.

When it comes to buying myself things I don't really need, or if I do need it I can't really convince myself to spend more than absolutely necessary. I'm frugal/cheap anyway, so that doesn't help things. *laughs*

The list of priorities, in my mind, goes as follows:

1. Bills and necessities (food, my medication, etc.)
2. Master
3. The animals
4. Me

Yes, I put myself lower on the list than our animals.

After all the bills and necessities are taken care of and no one actually needs anything I start to see if Master wants anything. Sometimes it's a video game, sometimes it's a book... you know something along those lines. Something He just wants but can do without.

After that comes the dog. In fact the other day we were at the pet store picking up treats for the pup and I passed that instant pet ID tag machiene. Our dog already has a dog tag with all of the information on it. It's blue in the shape of a bone. But, he has a black and white collar, a black and white harness and a black leash. He's a white and black dog, so I think it matches him rather well. We chose the blue dog tag because it was larger and the only non-girly colored one. He's a boy! He is not going to wear a girly looking dog tag!

So anyway, as we're passing this machiene I notice that they have a black dog ID tag in the shape of a bone. A black one! I wanted to get it for him so it would match the rest of his attire but Master said no. No new ID tag today for the pup. I pouted a little bit but obviously it didn't change Master's mind.  He told me that I can get the new black ID tag when the dog needs a new collar.

After all that and we still have some spending money I almost hardly ever look for anything I want. Not need... want. This doesn't include work wear or regular clothing. There is one thing that I have no hesitation on if we have enough spending money and that's getting ink, whether it be a new one or a touch up. I of course ask Master first and He has never once denied it if He knows we can afford it. Like I said, it's the one thing I have absolutely no problem with. It's on my skin and it's not going anywhere after all. Plus I'm obsessed with body modification along the lines of tattoos and piercings. So that helps.

But here is a really good example of my not wanting to spend a lot of money on myself. Within the next few months I am going to need new sneakers. No big deal right? It's clothing after all. The problem is that normally I'll just buy a regular pair of sneakers.

But then I found out that you can literally design your own Converse shoes. When I found that out I was really excited. Design my own shoe and they are high top Converse? Hell yes I want a pair! So I went onto the Converse website and starting playing with the design portion. I made some really kick ass high tops. I showed it to Master and He also thinks they are bad ass. Of course, silly me, was designing away before I looked at the price tag. $75. Now, that really isn't a lot of money for customized name brand shoes. It really, really isn't.

But ya see, when I buy sneakers I'm normally not willing to go over $30. And $30 is pushing it. Keep in mind that's only for my sneakers. Master prefers steel toe boots and of course those cost a bit more but that doesn't bother me in any way, shape or form.

But Master saw how much I liked my personalized sneakers. I was going to just tell myself, "Oh well, at least it was fun to design a shoe." Master could see that though cross through my mind and He squashed it before I could say it outloud.

"Do you like them?"

"Yes Master, I really do... but they.."

"Do you like them?"

"Yes.. but..."

"Then you're going to buy them."

"But Master.."

"I said, you are going to buy them."

That was the end of that conversation. I can't buy them right now as there isn't room in the budget for a $75 pair of sneakers. And as I said I don't really need them right away. But Master says that I will buy them and that's the end of it. Yes, He literally ordered me to spend $75 on sneakers.

Why? Because I never, ever spend that much money on myself on one item. Never. And sometimes it drives Him nuts. I seem to always explain that I don't really need the item I want and that hey.. I could buy something for Him instead! Or maybe another toy for the dog.. or.. Yeah, it pretty much goes like that. As I said it drives Him nuts sometimes. So when He knows I truly do love something that I found but is a little pricy in my eyes He doesn't take no for an answer.