So when I got a gift card I decided why the hell not, I'll just order an anal toy. So I looked around and figured why just one anal toy? Maybe I can find a "kit" of some kind. And sure enough, I found one that I could afford.
It's three toys. They are all smaller but have a wide base, thankfully. I feel really uncomfortable when an anal toy doesn't have a wide base. I don't want it getting "lost", if you know what I mean.
It showed up yesterday. So when I got home I opened it up and they aren't tiny but they aren't all that big either. However, they are different shapes. They are all plugs, just... different angles I guess is that way to put it? I have not idea. It's kind of hard to describe.
I put them in the bedroom for when we decide to use them. I'm hoping to try them out soon. Maybe Master will pick out the one we use first. Normally He has me pick the anal toy, just because we're still working on things back there but I really want Him to this time. I haven't talked to Him about it yet as the thought literally just went through my mind while I was typing.
Part of this whole anal training thing that is annoying to me is not that fact that we are working on it but the fact that I used to be able to have anal sex at least once a month. I never got off from it but I did enjoy it. And if I didn't completely enjoy it as in get incredibly turned on I at least was able to "handle" it.
Master knows this, obviously, but He has never shown any annoyance or irritation regarding that fact. I think He's just glad that I want to be able to have anal sex more frequently and get off from it. He loves anal. I know this and I have apologized to Him in the past for not being able to do it as frequently as I know He would like, at least not yet. You know what His reaction is? "It's okay, it's worth the wait."
How awesome is He? Very. That's how awesome He is. *nods*
It means a lot to me that He is willing to take it slowly and listen to me and my body... even when I don't. His number once concern has always been for my health, whether it's physical or mental. So He is just trying to help me work past this mental block of mine as well as help me get my body to relax.
Even though He is a sadistic son of a bitch (and I say that with love) He doesn't want to hurt me like that. I know it's probably tempting.. *laughs* But He doesn't want to do that.
I am trying not to get frustrated with this whole process. I want to just enjoy what we are doing so that I won't be tense or get a sense of pressure, that I would be putting on myself. He isn't pressuring me at all. Not one tiny bit.
So I'll just take His thought process and run with it. Just enjoy what we are doing and eventually it'll pay off.
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