My medications work wonderfully, believe me. It's like I'm a new person. I'm so glad that I got the help I did. I just wish I would have done so sooner. However, there are things that sometimes "override" my medication. What do I mean by that? What I mean is that sometimes I get those old familiar feelings as I did before the medication. It has to be something big though. Or at least it has to seem big to me. They are few and far between but they do happen.
Today, it happened. Now keep in mind that I said it has to seem big to me.
Lately at my job we have been having audits and things of that nature from our clients. I can't go into all the details but apparently our clients are finding things they don't like. Never mind most of it is through their own design... clients can't be blamed you know. So for the past couple of months every now and then departments will have meetings to give that whole doom's day speech. We have to do better or else.
Now I've never been a fan of using fear to motivate. To me, it just makes people more jumpy or more nervous or they just don't give a fuck.
Today one of those meetings happened and it was heavy. Now, I'm not in fear that the place I work for is going under. Trust me, it's not. But they have to blame someone and so they turn to us, the employees. It can't be a supervisor's fault ya know.
I'm personally getting sick and tired of it. I'm doing my fucking job and I don't appreciate us all being lumped together. I also don't like how some of my coworkers pretty much laugh it off once the meetings are done.
But with the frequency of the audits and doom's day speeches it really is starting to piss me the hell off. Like I said, I know for a fact that the place I work for isn't going under. I can't explain why as that would give way too much away.
When I got home I explained my mood to Master. It wasn't a normal level of pissed off. This was one of those times where I was so pissed off I could feel it in every part of me. I felt hot because I was so pissed. It felt like my eyes were dark as hell and that my skin was too tight. It was that level of pissed off. It was bad.
He completely understood and seemed thankful that I went into it as soon as I got home. He stated that He doesn't like the ever increasing frequency either. He told me that if they do have to start cutting people He highly doubts, as do I, they aren't going to take the time to go through everyone's case loads and see who the actual fuck ups are. They'll pick out the people they know for sure are fucking up at face value. Then it'll go to seniority and how much certain people are making. You know, cutting corners and what not. Now, while I've only been there for about three years and am not one of the fuck ups... I don't like taking chances.
So Master and I agreed that I should start looking for a new job this weekend rather than waiting three weeks to start. It's basically just a little ahead of schedule. At least I was planning on it already and I'm only starting about a month prior to what I was originally going to.
Thankfully I calmed down about an hour after I got home. I'm still annoyed as hell but I'm not at the level of pissed off that I was.
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