On The Look Out

Last night I had a nightmare. It was very short but still scary. I was pulled into the HR office and told that they no longer needed me.

*blinks*

I know it was just a nightmare but it still fucked with me. I don't think that all nightmares or dreams have a deeper meaning. I'm almost positive that dream came about because of all the drama at work due to the audits, meetings and random bullshit. But like I said, it bothered me.

Work went fine although it had these weird feel to it. Probably because of that damn nightmare. I hate it when that shit happens. I really, really do.

So tonight when I got home I went online and started searching for jobs again. So far I have only put out two applications. I'm trying to be as picky as possible. I don't want to just hop jobs in a rush. I want to be able to find a job closer to home or at least on a bus line with pay that is extremely close to if not more than what I currently make. I won't take a temp job or even a temp to hire job. I did that once and while it did work out in my favor, and I was hired on permanently, it still made me really nervous until I was actually hired. I can't be stupid about this. It's like a damn chess game but with a lot more at stake. I hate chess.

If I get an interview I have to make sure I really do want the job. I can't just blow all my personal time/vacation time on interviews that probably won't amount to much or for a job I'm not really all that interested in.

This also means that I'll have to ask more thorough questions if and when I'm called for an interview. Two of the most important ones that come to mind are how much the job pays and what kind of benefits the job offers. I can't really afford to go without insurance again. Mainly because I need to be able to get my bipolar medications. I would hate to think of what I would be like without them after about two years on them. I think it would be worse than before I started taking any medication at all.

I am hoping that if I do get called in for an interview for a job I'm interested in and I ask those questions that they don't answer with "We can discuss all that at the interview."

I've gotten that answer before. And it annoys the hell out of me. But, if the job sounds like something I actually want I would most likely go to the interview anyway, just in case it would work out. In those cases I feel it would be better to at least go and make sure rather than wondering later if I had passed up a really great opportunity.