Yes, I have. When I didn't know that I was bipolar my service to Him was very.... fucked up when I would get into certain moods. I could be docile and wanting to please and happy to do so for a week straight and then out of no where I would want to throw it all away and say fuck it. I'm not saying it was every other week that this happened. But there did seem to be some kind of fucked up schedule to it. Master told me that He used to be able to do a countdown and sure as shit within "x" amount of time I'd be telling Him I didn't want to do this anymore. I couldn't do it anymore. It has to stop. He would take my collar off and I'd be bawling and begging to have it back while apologizing over and over again. It used to make me feel like I was absolutely bonkers. I had no idea why I was doing any of that. No fucking clue.
And if I was on a down swing leading into depression I just didn't want to move. I didn't seem to care about anything but just... being. And even then there were times I just wanted to curl up under the covers with the lights off.
Honestly I'm not sure how the man put up with all that. And each time He'd allow me to go back to being His slave. Sometimes He'd have me wait it out, earn it back. Other times I could have my collar back right away.
I think that's one reason that I still twinge when I touch my neck and the collar isn't there anymore. I feel a moment of panic, although those are getting less frequent. But I just have to remind myself that I'm not under punishment. Those are not the terms in which the collar was taken off. It was taken off because of my metal allergy.
Thankfully now that I'm medicated and have been for quite some time now none of that has happened. Oh, I know I'm not the shining example of a slave 24/7. But I have never once asked to be released from service.
So there is the bipolar side.
Illness, in regards to having a cold or the flu or something, yes it does effect my service. It's not because I don't want to serve Him. It's just in some of the ways I serve Him, He basically won't allow it. Because I hardly ever get sick it seems like when I do I'm down for the count. Holy hell. My body just wants to shut down and sleep until I'm feeling better. That's not possible, but that's what it wants to do.
When I'm sick Master basically has me rest and relax as much as possible. He'll bring me things and I'll protest a little bit because it should be the other way around but He tells me to shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down and start feeling better. *laughs*
Stress can effect my service. Mainly because stress normally causes my fibromyalgia to kick into high gear. And sometimes it can also leave me brain dead when I finally decide I don't want to focus on it for a little while. That's mainly just when the stress is really bad and has been going on for an extended period of time. But again, Master is understanding and tells me to rest as much as I can.
My PMS actually has gotten a lot better since I've been medicated. Until I hit about 25, aside from cramps, I didn't have a lot of PMS moments. I might be a little crabby but that would be about it. Then 25 hit and holy hell did that change. I'd be pissed off and ready to verbally go off on anyone or I'd be depressed to the point of not giving a fuck about anything.
But as I said, since I've been on the right medications and the correct dosages of said medications my PMS is basically back to how it was before I hit 25.
So yes, things do effect my service to Him. But honestly, I don't see how they couldn't effect it. If it didn't, would I be a robot? Like some kind of weird kinky yes man? Ugh. He would hate that.
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