My Father

I know I've posted about him in the past and yes I realize that I've not always talked fondly of him.

When I got home from work Master and I immediately headed out to go grocery shopping. I wanted to go with in case I found something I wanted but hadn't thought to write down on the list. When we got home there was a voice mail on the house phone. I figured that it was some kind of telemarketer because if someone doesn't catch us on the house phone normally they call my cell. Not to mention that hardly anyone ever calls on a work day in the evening. So I flipped through the caller id. It was my dad.

So I listened to the message. Of course, being my father, he didn't say what the call was about he simply asked me to call him back. So we got settled and I got comfortable on the couch and called him back. It's always weird calling my dad. He hardly talks on the phone and when he does it's a pretty short conversation. It's not because he's mad at me or anything, he's just not a fan of talking on the phone. (Master is the same way.) So for him to call in the first place took me by surprise.

Well he did want to call to catch up and all that. I guess he thought I was mad at him because I hadn't called or stopped by since Christmas. I found that kind of odd, that he would think I was mad at him, because there have been long intervals between us talking before and it didn't mean anything more than one or both of us were busy and just not doing much of anything besides taking care of things at home. I assured him that I wasn't mad at him.

He chit chatted for a little while and I could tell that he was dancing around something. Well, it turns out that he was. And I can understand why he wasn't sure how to say it. My father hurt his back pretty badly 6 years ago. At that time they told him he may be facing back surgery. My father, rather than doing that, has been going to a chiropractor and until recently that was working just fine.

But in January apparently he had to take three weeks off work because he couldn't move well at all. Now, he is only working three hours a day, five days a week. He has a 5lbs lift restriction. He works at a car parts store. There isn't much he can do without lifting more than 5lbs and with only three hours a day to do it. He's applying for medical leave but is worried that he'll just be fired instead.

He has seen his doctor and since my dad can no longer walk or lay down without being in a lot of pain they have told him that he needs to get this surgery done. They want to fuse two of his vertebrae together. He is scared out of his mind. He even verbally admitted to being scared. If you knew my father you would know how huge that is and how scared he really must be to even admit it. He said that he's not only afraid of going under the knife but he's scared that something horrible will happen and he'll become paralyzed. I know I'd be thinking the same damn thing. After it is your spine for crying out loud.

He's scared and I think he's feeling pretty lonely because my brother and I don't visit a lot. I think it has hit him pretty hard and he wants me around a bit more. I promised him that I would come down to visit him soon. I know his girlfriend will probably be there, and I fucking hate her, but in a way I think that my father feels that he needs to see me. Maybe it's because we can just joke around and what not or maybe it's because I'm his daughter. Maybe it's both. Either way I could tell that he wants to see me soon. So I'll plan that out. I was surprised in a way that he didn't call me when he was off work for three weeks to let me know what was going on but I think that's part of what hit him is that I wasn't calling to check in on him. To make sure he's doing okay. He's only 50 and his life is catching up with him pretty fast lately.

I did make him promise to keep me updated. I told him I want to know when the surgery is. I do plan on going down there for that.

After I got off the phone with my dad I cried a little bit. I love my dad. I really do. He pisses me off. He does shit I do not agree with at all, but I know he loves me and wants me around. So I'll pay him a visit soon and make sure to check in with him to see what's up.

Master got me to calm down. I'm still upset but as Master said there isn't anything I can do but check in with him and visit. Aside from that there is nothing I can do.