Morning Wood

Master woke me up and we snuggled a little bit. I felt like I was going to doze off again because I was so comfortable. Master again told me to wake up. So I opened my eyes and started to move to go ahead and get out of bed as I thought that is what He wanted me to do. He put His hand in the middle of my chest and pushed me back down. I looked at Him, a little confused.

He said something along the lines of Him waking up with morning wood and it needing to be taken care of. I reached down and played with Him a little bit. After a little while He pulled away and gently flipped me onto my stomach.

When He first entered me it hurt. I had woken up a little moist but not dripping wet. He didn't care. He forced His cock inside of me until He was balls deep. I whimpered and sighed at the same time. I whimpered because it hurt and I sighed because it felt so damn good.

He fucked me and kept His upper body above mine as He did so, but pretty much remained balls deep other wise, only moving His hips slightly. Once I felt Him started to pull back more with each thrust I arched my hips up and made sure to keep the rest of my body as flat to the bed as possible. I tried to hold still at first but I did start to push back a little bit.

As I heard Him grunt and begin to moan I went back to staying still. After I did so He started slamming into me and each time and it became more difficult to hold that position but I somehow managed. I could feel that He was getting closer to cumming and it felt wonderful. I couldn't help but moan loudly. As soon as I did He pumped His cum into me.

I didn't cum the entire time. I know that anytime He has morning wood it's not about me. It's all about Him getting off. Well, then again when isn't it? It's only about me if He wants it to be. Other wise I'm not allowed to cum. I have to be given permission or ordered to get off unless He is eating me out or fucking me in the ass.

I feel more objectified when we're fucking because He has morning wood. I'm not sure why. It's really no different than any other time He uses me. Maybe it's  because we're fucking only because He woke up with morning wood and He wanted to relieve it. Not that I mind. Sometimes I only want to be His sex toy. Nothing more than something for Him to jerk off into. He has called me that many times. My pussy is just something He is using to masturbate with. *shivers* That is fucking hot if you ask me.

Being Creative

Last night I ended up taking a short nap on the couch to attempt to get rid of a headache. I had been dealing with it on and off all day and the advil wasn't really working. Sometimes a nap is all I need to finally get rid of it. It worked.

When I woke up I did my blog post and then took my shower. It had been a while since I had dressed up for Master and before my nap He had told me He wanted me to put on something "nice" for Him after my shower. So I did. It took me a little while to figure out what I wanted to wear. I didn't want to just toss on a simple outfit ya know? I wanted to be a little creative with it. It took me a while to dig through everything and try to figure it out. It was taking me so long that Master actually came back to the bedroom to see what the hell I was doing. Thankfully I hadn't put anything on yet because I wanted it to be a surprise. He startled me because the fan was on and I was so focused on finding something to wear. Once He saw that I was digging through my lingerie He went back to the living room.

I ended up putting on some knee highs that are pure black except on the back of them they have rips through them. The rips are supposed to be there though. It's not like I just found an old pair of ripped up knee highs. I don't normally wear knee highs. Master prefers thigh highs normally and honestly when I bought these I thought they were thigh highs. But they are still sexy.

Then I found what I can really only describe as a tube top. But it only, barely, covers my tits and they have a section in the front that has slits in it. I also found some of my sexy fingerless gloves. Once I had all that it seemed like something was missing. I found a mini skirt. It's just a normal black mini skirt with a zipper that goes diagonally down the front. So I put that on too. And of course, to top it all off, I put on my heels.

Master seemed extremely pleased by what I had done. He always loves it when I get creative. It may seem weird that I would choose a regular mini skirt as part of my lingerie outfit but it looked really good. I was laying on the couch and Master was on the computer chair for a while. When He has me dress up nine times out of ten we do not immediately go to the bedroom. Master likes to enjoy it for a while before fucking me.

I had my legs bent and crossed. As a result all Master had to do was barely move His head and He could see right up the skirt. He commented on how He always sees me walking around the apartment naked and it turns Him on but there was something about being able to look up my skirt that added something to it. I just smiled.

A hour probably went by before He ordered me to the bedroom. He got there first and was already naked and in bed. I walked in and asked if He wanted my heels on or off. Sometimes He wants me to keep them on. But this time He told me to take them off.

After I did I crawled into bed next to Him. As soon as I did He crushed me to Him and started to really bite down on my neck and slid His hand down to pull my skirt up a little bit so He could rub His hand on my ass and sometimes dip His fingers down. He then asked me if the tube top was velcro or hooks. It was hooks. He undid the hooks and yanked it off of me before forcing me onto my back so He could molest my tits with His mouth. As soon as I could dip my arm down I started playing with His already erect cock. There was already pre-cum slowly dripping out of the head of His dick. I used that to massage the head of His cock and just behind it. He growled and became more aggressive with His teeth.

Once He was done He knelt up and I continued to run my hand, playfully, along His shaft. He fingered me for a little while and asked me if I wanted to slide up. I said no. He chuckled and said, "So you just want to be fucked?"

"Yes please Master."

"I think that can be arranged."

As soon as those words passed His lips He grabbed my waist, flipped me over and then forced me to get on all fours. He hiked up my skirt so it was just around my hips before forcefully ramming His cock into me. I propped my upper body up with my hands and arched my back the best I could.

He grabbed my hips and hooked His fingers under the top of my skirt, using that to bounce me off His dick. I don't know why but it is a huge turn on to have a hiked up skirt while He is fucking me. I guess it just makes it seem more spontaneous and forceful. As if I had just been walking around in a skirt and He decided to flip it up and fuck me out of no where.

He then leaned over me more, propping Himself up on His fists, pounding me hard and fast. I arched my feet up a little bit so that each time He moved His balls would rub up against my knee highs, just to add a little more sensation for His pleasure.

He backed off a bit, as in He stopped leaning over me and went back to kneeling and holding my hips. He bounced me off of His cock and I started to buck back a little more each time. As I started to buck my hips more and more He stopped moving and just allowed me to do all of the work.

I felt His orgasm basically sneak up on Him and He grabbed my hips, leaned back further so that He was deeper inside me and I felt His cum shooting into me with each pulse of His cock. Once it was over He slapped my ass which was His way of telling me to move. I did. I moved forward just a tiny bit before bucking back again. He growled and smacked my ass again. I giggled and finally moved so He could get comfortable and lay down. I laid down next to Him with a hug smile on my face.

He commented on how quickies aren't always a bad thing. I said that they are never a bad thing. A quickie can sometimes be more intense actually. It all depends on mood I guess. I asked, "So Your orgasm kind of sneaked up on you didn't it?"

He laughed, "You were bucking back. I blame You." He heard me giggle and said, "You're proud of yourself aren't you?"

"Yes Master I am."

My Master has a lot of self control. He prides Himself on it actually. So, when I can move in such a way that His orgasm creeps up on Him I'm very happy with myself. Especially since it is very, very rare. And He knows that I'm proud of myself when that happens.

He had me clean Him off and then told me I could get undressed. We went back into the living room, thinking we would stay up longer. But as soon as we sat down and got comfortable in the living room we both realized, at the same time, how tired we were. So we just turned everything off and went to bed.

I love falling asleep next to Him. Because our sleep schedules during the work week I never get to fall asleep next to Him. He cuddles up to me when He comes to bed but I never get to just fall asleep in His arms except on Friday and Saturday. I treasure those nights.

Here We Are

I was pretty young when I met Master. I was freshly 20 years old. I never thought, prior to meeting Him, that I would ever end up submitting to someone. I had thoughts of kinky sex but figured that it would never happen. They were just thoughts that would remain unfulfilled.

There are things that I honestly feel would never happen in someones life, that is until they meet the right person and it is a natural reaction. I had self image issues when I first met Him. But even though I had those issues, along with going through mental and emotion abuse, I was still a strong willed person. Some how, some way, that had remained intact. And I think that is one thing that attracted Master to me. I know it was something that attracted me to Him. He was/is a very confident person. He carries and portrays Himself a certain way that just clicked something in my mind in the most pleasant way.

I was highly attracted to Him not only because of His looks but because of the way He carried and Himself. It was an immediate and surprising reaction. It was surprising because I had never met someone like Him. I was fascinated by Him. I was fascinated by the way I acted by simply being around Him.

At first it was almost purely sexual on both sides of the coin. Don't get me wrong, I really loved being around Him. We clicked in ways that I didn't even think was possible. And I'm not just saying that because I was young.

Although it didn't take long for us to have deep and strong feelings for one another. It was a very fast progression. And as soon as we started to delve into a romantic relationship the natural reactions in so far as the dynamic began to peek through.

It was so far away from where we are now. We have experimented with a lot of different things in the course of our relationship. Different kinks, different forms of etiquette.

Since I first met this Man I felt naturally submissive to Him. I have never, ever felt that way before and I know for a fact that I will never react to another person the way I do to Him. He makes me feel a way that only He can. He has my heart, mind, and soul. And He knows it. He doesn't abuse that. And He has told me in the past that I have Him just as much as He has me. We are mates and I mean that in every sense of the word.

He has also told me that while He has always had an Alpha male mentality, and kinky thoughts, He never thought that He would be a Master. Just as I never thought I would ever be a slave.

This was very new to both of us. There have been ups and downs. We were learning together and pieced it all together ourselves. We stumbled sometimes but we found our way back.

I honestly think that we both react to one another in this way on a very natural and primal level. It's not just about the kink. It's not just about the sex. You could take the kink and sex out of it and we would still fall into the routine that we have. He would still lead and I would still follow.

I love that about us. And it sometimes, I feel, it causes jealousy in others. I know for a fact a couple of His friends have felt that way. One was only because he wanted his wife to basically be less of a bitch. The other is our friend BC. He has kink tenancies and wants to be a Dominant. Which you would find hilarious, if you ever met the man. He has always been jealous of it. He has tried to convince his now wife to try it and she basically shoots it down before he can fully get the words out of his mouth. He has complained about such things to Master and asks how He convinced me to go along with it.

And that's the thing. He never tried to convince me or trick me into anything. As a I said it's very natural for us. He didn't drag me kicking and screaming. In the beginning we didn't even have to talk about it. As it grew we did talk about it simply because we noticed the way we were reacting to one another and to see how we could fan that flame. We both wanted it to get stronger.

And so here we are. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Evolution

I just kind of want to veg out mentally. So, I'm just going to kind of ramble and if you can keep up, awesome. If not, I totally understand. I don't really have much to say in regards to real life. And I don't want to. So there.

I remember when I was a little girl I thought it would be awesome to have a diary. I wonder if every little girl goes through that. Never mind you don't really have a lot to write about at 9 years old, but that didn't stop me from wanting one. And I got one for my birthday. I think it was more just wanting to have something that I could put my oh so important little girl thoughts in, rather than actually sitting down and writing in it. I don't remember writing in it very much at all. It was a simple little hard cover diary that was smaller than a pocket sized soft cover book. It didn't have a lock or anything. I did write in it, kind of. I did more doodling than actual writing. As I got a little older, probably closer to 12 years old I wanted one that locked. Because my little brother had opened the one I had without a lock! How dare he look at my doodling.

So I got one of those. It was another hard cover diary. It was white with flowers all over it. It had this little clasp on it where you would put this tiny as hell key in it to unlock it. It didn't really do anything. I mean, you could easily pry the damn thing open.

After a while I decided I was too old for a diary. I didn't keep one during my teen years. Which is kind of weird. All of my teen friends had one. I no longer felt the need to have one. After all, I had only ever doodled in the ones I had in the past. Why bother?

Then I met Master. About 6 months into our relationship He wanted me to start keeping a diary. We saw each other twice a week and He would read it when He came down to visit. It all started with how I was feeling, what I was thinking, etc. about our dynamic. It was in it's baby stage back then. It took a long time to get it where it is now.

I kept those hand written diaries for a long, long time. I wrote in a hard cover diary for four years. Of course, it didn't take long for them to fill up. So I would store that one away and get a new one. And so on and so forth.

It was very shortly after we got married that Master allowed me to keep a blog rather than writing in a hand written diary. Well, I take that back. For a few months He had me do both. I don't remember why. He had a valid reason though. I just can't remember what the fuck it was.

Eventually it just became the blog itself and the hand written diary stopped all together. After all, it's a hell of a lot easier and quicker to type than it is to write things out by hand. The odd thing is that I still have every single hand written diary I wrote while we were together before the blogging started. Four years worth of diaries. They are just chilling in our bedroom closet. I haven't gone back and read them in a long time. I never really felt the need to.

Every now and then we'll talk about how I should just get rid of them. Toss them out. It hasn't happened yet. It might when we move. I have no idea.

My blog though.. holy hell has it gone through some changes. It started on Blogger and I coded the whole thing myself. I thought it was the shit at the time. But I remember how it looked and I shudder at the memory of it. It was horrible. But hey, I was just starting out.

Then I heard all these whispers about Word Press. So I jumped ship. I was there for quite some time. I did different themes and templates. It went through more face lifts than I can even remember. I even paid them to allow me to change it up to the way I wanted. You couldn't just upload a theme and tweak it for free. I thought it was worth it at the time though.

Suddenly their rules changed and they were not to my liking at all. I can't put my finger on exactly which rules they were but they did directly effect my blog. I was pissed because I had been paying them to basically upgrade my otherwise free blog and now I had to deal with their bullshit rules? Fuck you very much!

So back to Blogger! And here it is. I don't really know how long it has been back here on Blogger but it feels like a long time. Again, it has gone through facelifts. I couldn't settle on a template to save my life for the longest time.

Eventually I settled on the one I have now. It's the same template but it was blue for a long time. All of a sudden I felt the need to change it up again. But I couldn't find a theme that I loved as much as I do this one. So, a tiny facelift rather than an overhaul. I just took the blue and made it purple. And now that it's purple I actually like it more. Funny how just changing the color of links can make you happy.

Hopefully I can keep the nerd in me quiet for a long time now. I love how it looks. And I'm going to keep it that way for as long as I can. Hell, maybe this is how it will look from now on. Who knows. (Yes, I know I've said that before. But this purple is really, really grooving with me. More than I thought it would actually.)

Do I think I'll ever stop blogging? Well, not unless Master tells me to stop. It's not my choice, it's His. I know that I have to get back to topic. The blog is supposed to be a slave blog and yet, lately, I've been posting about everything but slave like things.

Note to self: Start blogging about what this damn blog is supposed to be about! Ya dumb bitch.

So... I make a promise to post about slave like things. Other topics may come now and again but I seriously need to get back in touch with that mind set. I think it will help relieve some of the stress I've had. Or at the very least help me get my focus off of the stress and onto something else for a while. Even if it is only for as long as it takes me to type out a blog post.

There you have it. The evolution of my diaries.

Coming Up

For some reason I was thinking about our anniversary today. Odd. It's not until March and there was really nothing that triggered it. *shrugs*

We'll be hitting 11 years together and 7 years of marriage. Like I said I have no fucking clue as to why this ran through my head. The past few anniversaries we really haven't been able to do much. Finances and all that.

We don't really want to do much. Well, I take that back. We would love to go back to Sybaris, which is where we went for our honeymoon. But that isn't going to be in the cards this upcoming year either. It could be if we went for like one night, but that doesn't make much sense. It's about a 45 minute drive one way. And it would actually be kind of depressing. For our honeymoon we went for three nights. And it was absolutely wonderful.

Only going there for one night, while it would be fun, would also be somewhat anticlimactic.

That's the funny thing though. My birthday is only three weeks before our anniversary. But I don't really care about my birthday. After all it's not like I can do anything different just because I'm going to turn 31. I appreciate the birthday wishes and I do like at least going out to dinner for it. But our anniversary is much, much more important to me.

I don't want much. A night of going out would suit me just fine. This upcoming year our anniversary will land on a Friday, which is nice. I'll still have to work but at least it isn't in the middle of the week. I'm sure we'll think of something. Maybe we'll finally go down to the restaurant where we had our first date. Every year we say we will but then decide against it because it's not in town. This upcoming year though I don't care. I'll set money aside and we'll go damnit.

Pent Up

As I've commented on lately our sex life is great it's just not as frequent as it normally is. There are reasons. It's not like we don't find one another as attractive as we once did. I know that's not the case. It's just been one thing after another after another. And as a result our sex life has suffered a bit. *shrugs* It happens.

Last night was another break in our infrequent dry spells. Now keep in mind I'm referring to a week or a little over as a dry spell. *laughs* I do that because we are normally fucking more frequently than that. Last night though Master ordered me to the bedroom. It was already past my bedtime because He had allowed me to stay up. I was actually a little worried that since He had allowed me to stay up on a Sunday night that He would just send me off to bed. Thankfully that was not the case.

He joined me in bed shortly after I got comfortable. The first thing He did was pull me to Him and sink His teeth into my neck. It's amazing how much of a turn on that is for both of us. Especially when He bites down so hard at times.

He hovered over me and had one hand on the back of my neck while He continued to chew on my neck. He pulled me down further under Him so I was almost laying completely sideways on the bed. He crushed me to Him and altered between biting down almost as hard as He could and then just running my skin through His teeth.

He would stop and just run the tip of His nose along my neck while breathing heavy. Each hot breath just turned me on. Then He caught me off guard but biting down again.

He them dipped His head down and started molesting my tits with His teeth and tongue. I reached down and did my best to play with His cock. The angle we were both at didn't make it easy but I tried anyway. I just wanted to touch it, to play with it, to run my fingers along it before getting a good grip for a moment to only go back to being playful with my touch.

Once He had His fill of biting me He told me to slide up. After I was in position He got comfortable between my legs. I love it when He eats me out. He's just so damn good at it. There is something to say for being together for over a decade. You learn the other's body so damn well.

After I came I was extremely sensitive. He chuckled and tormented me a little bit before telling my to bend over. He fucked me hard and deep. He didn't ever go slow or gentle. It was delicious. He allowed me to cum several times, talking dirty to me the entire time. I wanted to talk dirty back but I could barely catch my breath. I rotated my hips and bucked back, which He greatly enjoyed.

After He filled me He collapsed over me and said, "I guess we were both pent up." *laughs* So I commented back that we shouldn't wait that long again. I know it doesn't sound like a lot of time. A little over a  week. But for us it is.

I was wired afterward. But I knew I had to go to bed. It was a little past 1am but this point and I had to get up at 6am. There was no way He was going to allow me to stay up later.

So I took a benadryl to make sure I would sleep. I went to bed with a huge smile on my face.

Comfort & Support

I had my medication upped not that long ago because I was having issues with being "only" on 225 milligrams. So I was upped to 300 milligrams. And since then I have been feeling great. No episodes of horrible thoughts. No sudden mood swings that make absolutely no sense. I'm back to normal. Well, as normal as I get anyway.

It has been a little over a month since the medication has been increased and it did take a little while for it to balance me out fully. It is one of those medications that has to build up in your system to work, so when I had to increase the dosage that take a little while to fully kick in. Which makes sense since it does have to build up. Thankfully because the drug had already been in my system for years the base was already there, so it didn't take long at all to catch up.

During the time before I realized the lower dosage wasn't working anymore, I told my Husband and my mother about the thoughts I was having. And of course they were concerned and worried. Master watched me like a hawk and my mom was constantly checking in to make sure things were okay and she did call Master while I was at work to make sure that I was telling her the complete truth rather than just telling Master and not her. She's over protective, but hey.. she's my mom. She loves me and she worries about me. So of course she is over protective, as is Master. I'm not mad or upset about it. I understand why they are.

I also know that I am very, very lucky to have them in my life and for them to care about me that much. My brother was also extremely worried and would check in.

Since that has happened, if I seem overly upset the words, "Do you need to up your medication again? upset me a little when it is first asked. I understand why those words are spoken.. I know it was extremely scary for the people I love while I was going through that shit right before my medication was upped. I understand the concern.

But sometimes those words make me feel crazy. As if I can't be very upset without people thinking my medication isn't working. I know that isn't the truth. I know they don't think I am actually crazy. They are just concerned and protective. I am open and honest with my feelings and I was when things started to happen and my medication actually did have to be upped.

I think it's mainly due to the fact that it hasn't been long since the medication was upped. Hell, it was only two months ago for crying out loud.

And no, it's not just Master who says that. My mother does too. And it's not like it's frequent.

It happened on Friday with Master because I had felt like I was going to cry all day and finally did shortly after I got home. The problem is I can't really talk when I'm crying. It's like my throat closes up and when I do try to talk I end up breathing in short bursts because I'm trying to talk. Of course my throat isn't actually closing, it's just how I feel when I cry.

So He asked me that question. At the time I couldn't speak so I just shook my head. When I finally calmed down enough to talk I explained that it's just the work bullshit and my being scared that I'll lose my job before I am able to find a new one. Yes, that feeling mainly happens at work because that is where all those feelings are coming from and I refuse to breakdown at work so it all comes tumbling out when I'm at home.

I was also worried about things that were going to happen yesterday, meaning Saturday. (Things went just fine by the way and it's not something I'm willing to talk about on the blog.) So it was a mixed range of emotions coming from two places in my mind at once.

It also didn't help that I am on the rag so I'm a little emotional anyway. It was a fucked up perfect storm going on in my damn gray matter.

I also don't think it helps that I haven't really broken down sobbing since my medication was upped. I'm sure that is a huge part of where that question came from.

Do not get me wrong. I do not actually get mad when people ask me that question. I deeply appreciate the concern and love that the question is coming from. And after I am done feeling a little crazy just from the fact that people feel the need to ask me that question, that feeling goes away and is replaced with my love for those people when they ask the question. And the comfort of that support overwhelms me in a wonderful way.

I also know that I don't always realize that I am acting certain ways until someone points out the fact that I am not being myself. So they get concerned and the question is because of that. They want to make sure that I know I am in fact acting in certain ways and want to make sure that I know why I am upset rather than just not having a valid reason.

I am not crazy. They don't think I'm crazy. They just know I need to make sure I know what is going on and that I am being completely honest about my feelings rather than leaving them in the dark, which I have been known for doing in the past before my medication fully kicked in. And I'm not talking about when it was upped, as I said I was an open book with that. I am referring to when I was first put on the medication and before it got to the dosage I needed at the time.